


Susan the Gentle

by Elinoic



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Original Character(s), Susan Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 90,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27144670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elinoic/pseuds/Elinoic
Summary: What happened to Susan after the events of the Chronicles of Narnia?Susan is living the busy life in Manhattan when she gets word that her family has died in a train crash back in England.  Everyone in her family is dead.  She returns to England to put her family's affairs in order, but when she arrives, she finds that her aunt and uncle have sold everything and Susan is left homeless and stranded in England.Before dying, Peter, Edmund, and Lucy had been frustrated with Susan for forgetting Narnia, but for Susan, she had to forget.  During her last visit to Narnia, Aslan had told her she could never return.  He told her it was time to grow up and live her life, so that was what she had tried to do.Now, Aslan comes to her in a dream and tells her that her reward for obeying him was to live.  But how can living be a reward when her entire family is dead?
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	1. A life in New York City

Susan woke up crying. She rubbed at her eyes, trying to remember the dream, but it wouldn’t come to her. A flash of a forest or a flash of a green sea. Sometimes it was a horse, but she could never remember more. This happened nearly every night and she would wake each morning, in tears. Sad tears. Tears of longing, but for what? She could not say.  
The forest? She had visited many forests before. The sea? She had been to the sea side often when she lived in England. They made the trip to the sea side most summers, before the war. A horse? She was a skilled rider. She didn’t ride often, but she knew how, and it was always enjoyable.

She used to tell her siblings about her dreams and they just laughed and told her they weren’t dreams, but memories, of Narnia. Susan remembered the many stories she and her siblings had created about Narnia. It had been during the war, and they had been sent away to the old professor’s house. They were scared and worried about their mum, home alone in London, during all the raids, and their father, off fighting. They were alone in a strange house, filled with strange artifacts, dozens of rooms, a housekeeper who wasn’t fond of children, and the old professor, who didn’t come out of his study often. Lucy had been scared and Edmund too, although he didn’t admit it. If truth be told, Susan had been scared, too. To fill their days and help them through the very dark nights, they had created a world filled with mythical creatures and had amazing adventures.  
It was childish, yes, but in those days, it had saved them. It helped them through the long time they lived in the professor’s manor. It had helped them, when they were finally allowed to return to London and see the massive damage that had been done to their neighborhood by the German bombs. It had helped them when they returned to their schools, where the teachers were horrible and strict. 

Susan heard a shout from down the hall, and she groaned. She was not ready to be awake to face the day. A moment later, there was a sharp rapping at her door.

“Susan? Susan! Time to wake up.” Mrs. Williams, the boarding house mistress was insistent that everyone wake at 7:00 sharp, no matter what was going on for the day.

Susan stood and gathered a few toiletries. She opened the door, and went to the end of the hall, where the bathroom was. She took her place at the end of the line, behind two fellow boarders, both looking half asleep, yawning and rubbing at their eyes.

“Morning Tess,” Susan said.

“Hi Sue,” Tess said, her southern accent was thicker in the early mornings. Susan almost didn’t understand Tess before her cup of morning coffee. She looked up to Susan. “You been crying again?”

“No,” Susan said, not wanting to admit the truth. For a while, she had claimed it was just homesickness, but after all these months, she couldn’t use that excuse anymore. “Just didn’t sleep well.”

Tess just nodded her head, yawned, and muttered, “Finally,” when the bathroom door opened. Karen walked out, and the girl in front of Tess, whose name was Peggy walked in. They moved up a step and Beverly, the last girl on this floor stepped up behind Susan. They exchanged quiet good mornings.

Susan hoped they wouldn’t take too long in the bathroom. She really needed to use the toilet. Mrs. Williams called up the stairs. “Hurry girls, breakfast is in fifteen!”  
Tess pounded on the bathroom door. “Come on!”

“Hold your horses,” came Peggy’s voice from the other side of the door. “I just got in.”

Five girls trying to use the same bathroom first thing in the morning was not easy. They had figured out a bathing schedule, so everyone could get time enough for a bath, but in the morning, it was get in line and wait. Susan sighed. A few minutes later, Peggy was out, and Tess was in.

Susan was in desperate need now. She needed to distract herself and so thought about her letter she had gotten yesterday from Lucy. She missed her little sister, but Lucy wasn’t quite so little anymore. The very first signs of womanhood were starting to show. Susan gave what advice she could through a letter. Lucy’s was starting to notice boys too and was trying her hand at flirting, which had made Susan laugh. She remembered doing the same thing at Lucy’s age.

The bathroom door opened, and Susan rushed in. She threw her bag into the sink and used the toilet with a sigh of relief. Before scooting out, so Beverly could get in, Susan brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the looking glass. She desperately needed some lipstick, but would wait to apply that after breakfast. She plucked at an eyebrow hair that was attempting to escape its fellows, and she left the tiny, poorly lit bathroom. 

Beverly gave her a hasty thanks as she rushed in. Susan went back to her room. It was small. Large enough for a bed, a small wardrobe and a single chair. The wardrobe was small, but tall. Susan could hang her dresses in there. At the bottom, were three drawers. The top one held her stockings and makeup. The middle had her undergarments, and the last one held a few treasures from home. She pulled out the dress she wanted to wear for the day and laid it on the bed. She got out her stockings, under clothes, and her mirror. She laid these things out on the bed, closed the wardrobe, and started to dress.

When she was dressed, she sat on the small chair, held up the mirror and started to fix her hair. She removed the curling rags that she had tied into her hair the night before and then started to brush through the messy curls that the rags had created. With a little cream, Susan had her hair done. There was another sharp rap at the door. “Come on Sue!” Tess’s voice called out, “Don’t want to miss breakfast.”

Susan quickly put her things away and slipped her shoes on. She met Beverly on the stairs, and they went down together. The other girls were already seated, and Mrs. Williams was setting down the last plate of food.

“Glad you girls decided to join us,” Mrs. Williams said. They sat down and Mrs. Williams said a quick grace over the food. It was the same each morning. “Lord, we thank thee that we woke this morning. We thank thee for the food we have. We thank thee for thy bounty, amen.”

Susan hardly noticed it anymore. She wasn’t very religious. Their mother had taken them to services when they were small, but during the war, things had been so dangerous, she had stopped, and they never got back to it. Susan didn’t mind Mrs. Williams prayers. Whether God existed or not, Susan wasn’t too sure, but it was a nice idea that someone all omnipotent and powerful was watching over them. Of course, if that was true, why had there been a war in the first place?

Back when she and her siblings had lived with the professor, their make-believe land, Narnia, had a god-type person, a great golden lion named Aslan. He had watched over them and Narnia. She shook her head as the plate of bacon passed under her nose. That was a long time ago and all made up. She took a piece of bacon and passed the plate.  
Her own plate was soon covered with eggs, bacon, a heavy bread, the Americans called a biscuit, topped with honey, and a bowl of oats with cream. 

“Well, Bev, how was your date last night?” Karen asked.

Beverly blushed a bit, but she smiled. “Johnny is so sweet. We went to the club and danced all night. I was exhausted, but it was so fun. There is a great new song from the Andrews Sisters that’s just so fun to dance too and they played a new Bing Crosby that it just to die for.”

Susan smiled. She enjoyed a lot of the American music and tried to go to the movies as often as she could. Judy Garland and Fred Astaire were favorites. She loved the musicals. The westerns were more fun than she expected them to be, and she loved any movie with Clark Gable in it. He was so handsome. 

“Did he kiss you?” Karen laughed as she bit into her toast.

“Karen.” Mrs. Williams’ voice was sharp. “That is not your business and not at all polite for the breakfast table.”

“Yes, Mrs. Williams,” Karen said, but then smiled at Beverly, who innocently smiled back.

“Have you found a job yet, Peggy?” Susan asked, deciding the change the subject.

“I’ve got an interview today,” she smiled. “I’m going to the Thompson Law Firm. They need a secretary.”

“Good luck,” Susan said. 

The five girls that lived with Mrs. Williams in her boarding home, were all about the same age. Susan was the youngest, and the only one from England, but she liked being with the older girls. She had a job as a secretary with a bank that her father had done business with. She had come to America with her mother and father soon after he returned from the war. Peter had been sent back to the old professor to study, and Edmund and Lucy had gone to their aunt and uncle’s house. Susan had been invited to travel with her parents to America. She loved it. The society was wonderful, and the boys admired her. She was quite pretty, she knew that. And she knew how to flirt and giggle so that they boys swarmed around her. She liked their attentions. When her parents went back to England, Susan stayed in America. Mrs. Williams, also a transplant from England after the first World War, was an old family friend. She agreed to lease a room to Susan, for very little.

She had been here, on her own for about four months now. She loved it, although she missed England and her brothers and sister. It was nice to be around Mrs. Williams, who knew exactly what Susan was going through. 

Susan finished her biscuit and eggs and was working on her oats as the other girls talked. Beverly was the oldest of the five girls in Mrs. Williams’s home. She was the girl next door who was just waiting for her boyfriend, Johnny, to ask her to marry him. She had a job, but she planned to give it up after they were married so she could take care of his home and have a baby.

Karen had been with Mrs. Williams the longest. She was trying to get to Hollywood to become a movie actress, but for now, she waited tables at a diner in between every audition she could find in New York City. She was a good singer and a better dancer. She kept getting bit parts in theatrical shows, which through disappointed eyes she claimed would help her once she earned enough money to get to Hollywood.

Tess was from Texas. Susan had seen movies about Texas and Tess said that some of Texas looks like the movies, but not all of it. Her family were store owners, but she didn’t want to just marry the farmer boy down the road and help in the family store. She wanted to own her own shop and become a business woman. She was about as friendly as they came, and very beautiful. The boys loved Tess and were always asking her out. 

The last was Peggy, newly arrived from Ohio. Susan had to look up on a map where Ohio was. Peggy was supposed to be starting school, but she didn’t have the money to live on campus, so she rented her small room from. Mrs. Williams. She was quiet and studious, and when she was home, she was in her room doing her readings. Susan really hadn’t gotten to know her yet.

Mrs. Williams was from England, like Susan. She had married an American soldier back in 1918 and have moved to America. Susan didn’t know much about Mrs. Williams’ life, but only knew that she had kept boarders in her home for about ten years, after Mr. Williams had died. 

Susan was happily full when she finished her meal. She thanked Mrs. Williams, said goodbye to her housemates and ran back upstairs to finish getting ready for her job. She pulled out her mirror again to apply her rouge and lipstick.

There was a crack in the corner of the mirror. That hadn’t been there earlier. Susan looked at the crack. It was small, but it ran across a third of the mirror.  
“How did that happen?” she quietly asked herself. When she had put it back into the wardrobe after fixing her hair, but before going to breakfast, there was no crack at all. Now there was. That was seven years of bad luck, if one was superstitious, but she didn’t think she was. She applied her make up and put the mirror back into the wardrobe, closed it and left.

It was stuffy outside. Susan took a deep breath, but it felt like she was breathing in fog, like a wet night in London near the Thames. The day was bright and sunny, but the air was heavy, like a storm was coming. She walked down the street to her work. Everything looked normal, but at the same time, something was off. She just couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Susan shrugged it off and continued on her way. Her bank wasn’t much better inside. There was no sun beating on her, but there was no breeze either. The two electric fans in her office area were plugged in and working hard. It helped to sit in their path, but her desk wasn’t quite in their path. She went to one of the fans and turned it slightly towards her desk. Then, she went back and started working. Her boss had left her some letters to type and some other documents that he needed to have three copies of.  
“Morning Susan,” Patsy, the other secretary in this office said as she walked in. She took off her hat and gloves.

“Morning,” Susan replied. “Watch out, there’s a stack of papers to do.”

Patsy groaned, but she was really very good at her job. She was the fastest typist in the bank. She was a young widow with a child. Her husband had died in France. His naval station had been bombed, just like Susan had seen in London, but he was one of the unfortunate ones who happened to be right where the bomb dropped, leaving Patsy with a one year old. The little boy was three now and stayed with Patsy’s mother so Patsy could work. 

“Did you go see the movie last night?” Patsy asked as she sat down.

“I did,” Susan grinned. “it was wonderful. Clark Gable is so handsome.”

“Yes he is,” Patsy agreed. “Harry asked me to go see it with him on Friday night.”

“Really?” Susan asked, excited for her co-worker’s new beau. “Are you going?”

“If mom will watch Paulie, then yes. I think she will. Mom wants to see me married again.”

“Do you want to be married again?” Susan asked quietly.

Patsy was quiet for a moment, “Yes, I do. I miss Walter with all my heart, but I don’t want to be alone forever and Harry’s so nice. He’s got a good job, a home, and he’s a true gentleman.”

“He sounds wonderful,” Susan smiled.

They started working on their typing and the humming fans and clackity clack of the typewriters were the only sound to be heard for nearly an hour. That was when the bosses arrived and started giving orders. 

“Coffee, now!” Mr. Shore called out.

Patsy hopped up and ran to the kettle that she had already heated. Susan watched as her boss stomped into his office and slammed the door.

Next in was Mr. Worthington. He was frowning. “Incompetent people,” he muttered. “Laziness that’s what’s wrong with the world these days. People are too lazy to do their jobs properly.”

Susan got up and followed him into his office, a pad of paper and pencil in her hand, ready to take whatever orders he gave.

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir,” she said, not having any clue what he was talking about.

“Not a single newspaper anywhere!” he pounded his fist. “How am I to know about the stocks and markets without the newspaper?”

“Would you like for me to go and see if I can purchase one?”

“No,” he sighed and sat down. “Just pick up one when you go for lunches today. Are those copies ready yet?” he barked.

“Nearly, sir,” she said. “I’m on the final one now.”

“I want the final one in thirty minutes,” he said.

She nodded and then wrote down the list of things he needed her to do. Patsy walked in holding a cup of hot coffee in her hand as Susan walked out. It was back to work, and Susan started in on her list. Patsy came out a moment later, closing the door behind her. 

“No newspapers,” she said. “No wonder they are in such a mood.”

Susan nodded. That was what had been so different on her walk to work today. The news boys, calling out the latest news and selling their papers had been nowhere to be seen.

As the morning drug on, the lunch orders came to her. It was one of her duties to take all the orders and the money and walk to the neighborhood deli. She didn’t mind the job that got her out of the bank each day, although Patsy said that it wasn’t a woman’s job to fetch all the men their food. Susan collected the orders and the money. Most of the men ordered the same thing every day. They were very predictable. 

At 11:45, Susan made her way out of the bank with the orders and money for the sandwiches in her handbag. The stuffy day hadn’t gotten much better, but she was glad to be out of the building anyway. Cars drove up and down the street, honking at one another when one got in the way. Susan’s family had never owned a car. There was no need in London. Everything they needed was within a few blocks of their home, and if you needed to go further, or to another part of the grand city, there were trains and carriages. Here, she had no use for cars either. She walked everywhere. New York City was similar to London in that way. Everything she needed was close by.

One of the highlights of the day was seeing an old dark green Model T car, with “Laundry” painted on the side in gold letters, drive past her as she walked to the sandwich shop. When she saw it, she would wave and the driver, who was a young, handsome man, would honk the horn at her. Auugah! She hoped one day, she might meet the handsome driver, but he was on deliveries and she had her own duties that she was out for. 

It did not come down the street at about the time it did. Susan was sure she had left at the same time. She looked at the large clock on the corner of the street. Eleven fifty-seven. She looked down the street again. She was on time. The car was not. She stood there for a moment, slightly flustered by the change in her routine, but she continued on, crossed the street and went into the deli.

The counter-boy sighed when he saw her. “I’m sorry miss, our iceman didn’t arrive this morning, so our meats went bad. This heat is something else.”

Susan was very surprised. “What? No sandwiches today?”

He shook his head. “’Fraid not. Don’t really know what’s going on today. I suppose it’s the heat, but there’s been a lot of strange stuff today. The newspaper didn’t even make it out.”

“I know, my bosses were in a terrible mood because of it, but how is that possible?”

He shrugged. “The newsboys told me the machines broke and they couldn’t get it all printed out.”

“What an odd day,” she said. “Do you know the green Model T that passes here about this time each day?”

The boy nodded. “Yeah, he delivers next door.”

“He didn’t pass me today and he always passes me. Did he come early?” she asked.

“Not that I know of,” he said. “I’m sorry about the sandwiches. You can try Moe’s at the next block over.”

Susan nodded. “Thank you,” she said. She left and considered the oddness of the day. Not only had she had somehow managed to break her mirror, but it seemed the entire city was having bad luck. She walked to the next block and found Moe’s. He could do the meat orders, but not the tuna orders and Susan wondered if getting more pastrami sandwiches would make the ones who wanted tuna happy. If she returned empty handed, they would be mad, but if she spent their money and got them a sandwich they didn’t want, they would be mad.

After a moment, she decided to get corned beef sandwiches on rye for the people who had wanted tuna. No matter what, there would be some unhappy people. With two large paper bags in her hands, she returned to the office.

“Finally!” Mr. Worthington said. He was portly and slicked his black hair back with a lot of hair oil. He trotted up to her as she was pulling the sandwiches out of the bags. The rest of the office was gathering around, complaining about her tardiness.

“What took you so long?”

“These aren’t from Artie’s deli!”

“What did you go to Moe’s for?”

Susan held up her hands. “I will tell you, if you give me half a moment. Artie’s icebox didn’t get ice. It got hot and all the meat spoiled. It was Moe’s or nothing.”

“Where’s my tuna?” Mr. Shore asked.

“No tuna,” she sighed. “All he had was corned beef.”

There was a lot of grumbling and Susan heard one of the junior executives complain about everything going wrong that day. No newspaper, no ice, no tuna, no Artie’s sandwiches, and for Susan, no Model T with the handsome driver.

The afternoon went slower than the morning and tempers didn’t improve among the staff. When the clock finally struck five, Susan sighed in relief. She was ready to get out of there. She walked out and saw that the sunny day had turned dark and cloudy. Maybe there would be rain and relief from the heat. She didn’t have an umbrella with her and hoped she could get home before the rain started, but she didn’t mind if it drizzled on her. She was from England, after all. Drizzly weather was quite normal.

She started home and made it halfway before a flash of light, followed quickly by a loud clap of thunder. The sound made her jump and she let out a very childish sounding squeak of surprise. The streets were quickly clearing of pedestrians, except for those who had their umbrellas. A few, like her, had nothing and were now dashing down the sidewalk. Susan joined them, but she was still two blocks from Mrs. Williams home when the heavens opened, and rain started to pour down. She was soaked to the skin by the time she made it home. 

“Oh my dear, don’t you dare go upstairs in all those wet things,” Mrs. Williams said as Susan walked into the house. “Get in the kitchen now.”

Susan obeyed. Mrs. Williams had her clothes line strung up across the kitchen. Some other clothes were already hanging there. It looked like Beverly and Tess had gotten caught up in the rain as well, judging by the dresses and stockings that were hanging there. 

Susan kicked off her shoes and gently pulled at her stockings. She hung them up and started to unbutton her dress. She stepped out of her dress, leaving only her shift and underclothes on. Mrs. Williams took the dress and handed Susan a blanket, which she quickly wrapped around her shoulders.

“Sit down, dear, and I’ll fix you some tea before you catch your death of cold.”

Once again, Susan obeyed. Keeping the blanket wrapped around her, she sat at the table. Mrs. Williams had a hot kettle of tea already waiting. She poured some for Susan and sat with her. The two English women sipped at their hot drinks, listening to the sound of the storm outside.

“It’s been an ominous day,” Mrs. Williams said. “There were so many bad signs all day long. I wonder what’s going on?”

“What happened around here?” Susan asked, curious now.

“Well, no newspaper to start,” Mrs. Williams said. “That was odd enough, although they say a machine broke. I suppose that’s to be expected once in a while in those big factories with printers. But the ice truck was very late and the nice old ice man told me many cars wouldn’t start today. Hardly anyone has horse and carriage as a backup, in case automobiles break, so most people didn’t get their deliveries.”

“That’s odd,” Susan said. “I saw plenty of cars out and about today when I was walking.”

“It seems it was delivery automobiles today. The postman told me that a few of the local trains weren’t running properly today either.”

“My goodness,” Susan exclaimed. “What do you think is going on?”

They heard the door open again and Karen and Peggy came in, even more soaking wet than Susan had been. A moment later, they were in the kitchen, removing their clothes and being wrapped up in blankets before being presented with a cup of hot tea.

There was talk about the storm, the weather, and the odd things of the day. 

“There was a priest, standing in front of his church, just before the storm hit,” Peggy told them, after Beverly and Tess came down to join them in the kitchen. “He was crying out for people to come in and repent. He said it was the judgement of God.”

Karen just waved her hand. “That’s all ridiculous. It’s a storm. Storms happen all the time.”

“But what if they are right?” Tess asked, her Texas accent thick and full of worry. 

“Let’s pray together,” Mrs. Williams suggested. She was a good God-fearing Christian who attended services every Sunday. Karen sighed, but the rest of the girls quickly nodded their heads, grabbing each other by the hand until they were all holding hands. Susan was in between Mrs. Williams and Peggy.

“Lord,” Mrs. Williams said, and hesitated a bit. How did one go about speaking to God about such a day? “We are your children and we have seen the odd signs of this day. If you wish to take our souls today to declare your judgement, we ask for your love and forgiveness. Protect thy children during this storm.”

Peggy sniffed next to Susan and let out a sudden sneeze. There was a chorus of “God bless you’s” from everyone else in the room, and then a fit of laughter from all, even Mrs. Williams.

“Lord, we are thankful for humor to help us through these times.”

There was a flash of lightning so bright, Susan saw it through her closed eyes. Immediately, a deafening clap of thunder followed, and nearly simultaneously, the six women of the room let out screams. Eyes flew open and they saw they were in a dark room. The power was out. They gathered more closely together, squeezing each other’s hands as they huddled. Another flash and another loud clap followed. 

“Lord, protect us,” Mrs. Williams pleaded. 

“Please, Lord,” Tess joined in and soon, all the other girls had as well. 

Susan, however, was silent. “Aslan,” she called out in her mind. There was a roar and Susan nearly turned to look for the lion she was sure was in the house, but then realized it was the howling wind as rain poured in torrents. She let out a shaking breath. “Aslan,” she whispered, but was met with nothing more than a chorus of ‘amens’ from the girls. Mrs. Williams had ended her prayer.

They stepped back, but still remained slightly huddled. Susan looked into the faces of her housemates. 

“Are you alright?” Beverly asked.

Susan nodded, sniffed, and wiped at her face. It was wet with tears again.

“You’re not afraid of the storm, are you?” Tess asked. “It’s nothing to worry about, truly.”

Susan gave her half a smile. “It’s not that, I promise.” She backed up a few steps. “I’m going to go change into something dry,” she said. “I’ll be back down in a while.”

“Let me fetch you a candle, dear,” Mrs. Williams said, but Susan shook her head.

“Thank you, but I don’t need one. I can find my way.” She turned and left. Another flash of lightning showed her the stairs for a moment. She started to climb, made it to the top and followed the wall. One door, two doors, three. She opened hers and stepped inside. The room was dark, but the light coming through her window from the lightning flashing nearly constantly, provided her with enough light to undress, find her night gown, change and brush out her hair. She sighed. She would have to re-curl it. She pulled out the rags and started to roll her hair again into the rag strips. She tied them off and worked on the next lock of hair until she was done. She put a snood over her hair and tied it up.

Her mind could think of nothing but the great lion. Why had she thought of the make-believe lion from her childhood play? She supposed that the storm reminded her a lot of the war and the nights they sat in the dark underground shelter, with nothing but a single candle for light, for hours and hours when they were being bombed. Then there were those nights at the professor’s manor. It was so dark there, without the street lamps they were used to in London. Aslan had been a comfort to them, like an accessible God, who came to them, spoke with them, and gave them bravery and comfort.

Susan sighed, sneezed once, and heard someone say, “God bless you.” These walls were paper thin, which Susan had learned her first night when Beverly and Karen had talked about kissing boys, not realizing that Susan could hear every word through the walls.

She was tired and instead of going back downstairs, Susan climbed into bed. She watched the lightning through the window and listened to the thunder and rain. She closed her eyes and woke again when she heard the click of her door. She looked around, but there was no one there. Probably Mrs. Williams checking in on her. Susan noticed the rain still fell, although not as heavily, and the sound of thunder seemed very far away.

The storm was over, and they had all survived.


	2. Susan's beau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan meets the handsome driver of the Model T and is asked out on a date.

It took three days before power was restored at Mrs. Williams’ home, although other parts of the city had power the next day. The newspapers were running, and the paperboys called out news of the storm. Ice trucks and trains were running on time. Everything was back to normal and soon, the storm was forgotten.

Susan was back at the bank the following day. She did her work, went out for the sandwiches at 11:45 and waved at the Model T driver.

The next day, Susan actually met the driver. He was parked alongside the street when Susan turned the corner. She looked back at the clock and saw that she was right on time. The driver hopped out and went to her.

“You’re early,” she smiled at him.

“One of my usual deliveries didn’t have anything today, so it put me ahead a few minutes,” he shrugged. “I was hoping to meet you.”

Susan smiled shyly at him.

“I see you every day and it’s the best part of my day,” he went on.

“I look forward to seeing you as well,” she said. “My name is Susan Pevensie.”

“I’m Ben,” he said. “Benjamin Carter. You’re not from New York,” he smiled. “Your talk is like the English people I make a delivery to each day.”

She nodded. “I am from England.”

“I’m from New York,” he said.

Susan laughed. “I can tell. It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Carter.”

“You too Miss Pevensie. Listen, I’ve got to run, but can I take you out for dinner tonight?” he asked.

She nodded. “I’d like that.”

“I finish my last delivery at six,” he said. “Where can I pick you up?”

“I live on 23rd Street, near the corner with Philips Drugs Store.”

“I know where that is,” he smiled. “Want to meet me in front of the drug store at 6:30?”

Susan grinned. “Sounds great.”

He backed up and went to the crank on the front of his car. “I wish they would let me drive something more modern. Other companies make fun of us, but the customers love it.” Susan laughed. She loved it too. He cranked it around until the engine came to life. Then he ran and hopped in. “See you tonight Miss Pevensie!”

“Goodbye, Mr. Carter,” she waved and he took off. She watched him and he honked the horn just before turning the corner. Auugah! She noticed the clock on the street again and hurried along to Artie’s deli. He had half of the sandwiches made already.

“You’re late today, doll,” Artie smiled. Sometimes he was there and sometimes it was another young man, Artie’s son, Bill.

“Oh, yes,” she blushed and pulled the crumpled paper from her purse. She flattened it out and handed it to Artie.

“Did he ask you out?” Artie asked.

She looked up at him, but he had his back to her as he was preparing a sandwich.

“I beg your pardon?” she asked, not sure if she heard him correctly.

“Ben, there,” Artie turned and pointed a long knife to the window. “Did he finally ask you out?”

“You know him?” she asked.

Artie laughed. “Since he was a boy. He’s my son.”

“You’re son?” Susan asked in shock. “But I thought Bill was your son.”

“He is,” Artie said, chopping at something with his knife. “Bill’s the oldest of my sons, but Ben there’s next. He didn’t want to work in the shop here, so he’s driving clean linens in that ancient car around town.”

Susan blushed. She was shocked to learn that she could have known the identity of the handsome driver for a long time if she had known it was the son of the deli owner she visited nearly every day.

“So, did he ask you out?” Artie asked for a third time.

“Yes,” Susan stammered. “He did.”

“Finally.” Artie turned back around with two bags in his hands. He handed them down to her, rang up the charges and Susan handed him the coins she had been given.  
“Which sandwich is yours?” Artie asked, dropping the coins in the till. 

“None of them. I don’t get a sandwich.”

“Why not? Don’t like my sandwiches?”

Susan’s eyes flew open. “It’s not that, really. I just don’t make enough to buy a sandwich each day. I usually bring some soup from home in a mug. But I know that the men at the bank love your sandwiches. That day of the storm, when your food had spoiled, I had to go to Moe’s and everyone was really upset. They like yours best.”

“Of course they do,” Artie said, puffing out his chest. “Mine are so much better than Moe’s.”

Susan chuckled. “Well, I had better be off. The men will be quite upset with me for being late again.”

“Wait,” Artie said. He worked quickly, but Susan was looking at the ticking clock on the wall. She should have been back by now. They will all be upset with her. Again. Artie turned back around with another small wax-paper package. “For you.”

“Oh, I don’t have any money with me,” she said, backing up. 

Artie put the sandwich in a small paper sack and held it out to her. “It’s on the house today. Take it and tell me what you think tomorrow. It’s a new sandwich I’ve developed.”  
“Thank you,” she took the bag. “I’d better run. Goodbye!”

“Enjoy your date tonight, and if Ben treats you anything less than a gentleman should, you tell me about it tomorrow and I’ll straighten him out.”  
Susan flushed, but smiled. “Thank you.”

She ran out the door and down the sidewalk back towards the bank. Yellow taxis were lined up, honking at each other. Susan didn’t find out why. She turned towards the bank and crossed the street. She ran up the two flights of stairs and placed the bags down. She was still panting when the men all came out of their offices, complaining about her lateness. 

“If you don’t start getting this job done in a timely manner,” Mr. Worthington said, "then we will find a boy to do the errand."

“I’ll be more punctual sir, I promise,” Susan said. She took her bag to her desk and opened it. She unwrapped the wax paper and saw in between two slices of rye bread was what looked like chicken and then a red goo on top of it.

“What’s that?” Patsy asked. “Did you decide to get a sandwich too?”

“No, Artie said this was a new creation and he wanted me to try it. It looks,” she looked at it again, “odd. Want to split it?”

Patsy looked at the sandwich for a moment. “Sure. Why not? It will be a change for me. I’m so tired of my thermos of stew.”

Susan cut the sandwich in half and gave part of it to Patsy. They held it to their mouths at the same time, nodded at each other, and bit into their sandwiches at the same time. Flavor exploded in Susan’s mouth. She moaned.

“It’s delicious,” she said, her mouth still full.

Patsy was nodding and eagerly chewing. “Mmm, it’s turkey, cranberry, and walnuts, I think.”

Susan took another bit and savored the flavor. “I think you’re right.”

“Oh, it is,” Patsy hummed.

The half sandwich they each had was quickly devoured. “That was wonderful,” Susan said, licking cranberry juice off her fingers.

“I want another tomorrow,” Patsy laughed, and Susan agreed.

“Guess what?” Susan whispered as they sat back at their desk. They had very little time to eat their lunches. 

“What?” Patsy asked, leaning towards Susan.

“I’ve got a date tonight. With Artie’s son!”

Patsy grinned. “Oh my goodness! I didn’t know you liked him.”

“Well, I only just met him today, although I’ve seen him nearly every day for the last four months.”

“How did you just meet him today? Isn’t he at the deli when you go there? I know he was when I used to make the sandwich run.”

Susan shook her head. “No, not Bill. Artie said he has two sons. Bill’s the oldest. The one I’m going to meet tonight is Ben.”

“I don’t know him,” Patsy said, “but I’m excited for you. You’ll have to tell me all about it tomorrow.”

“I will,” Susan promised.

That evening, Susan went home as quickly as she could. She got into the bathroom before anyone else and she took a bath, giving her hair a good wash. She dressed in a cute blue dress, her stockings, healed black leather lace shoes. She wouldn’t be able to curl her hair, so she brushed it and pulled it back, and cut it in a matching snood with a large bow. She applied her makeup, ignoring the crack in the mirror, and finished with bright red lipstick.  
She went out at a quarter after six. 

“Miss Susie Pevensie!” Tess cried out. Three doors flew open and looked at Susan in the hall. “You look amazing! Where in the world are you going?”

“I’ve got a date, alright?” she said.

“With who? Tell us?” she asked.

“His name is Ben and if I don’t leave now, I won’t make it in time,” she said.

“You’ll have to tell us everything when you get back,” Karen grinned.

Susan nodded, turned and ran down the stairs and out the door. She went down the steps to the street and turned towards the drug store. She wasn’t sure if she was early, late, or on time, because Ben was already there waiting.

“Hello,” he greeted. “Wow, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she smiled at him. “Sorry, am I late? My roommates didn’t want me to leave until they knew who I was meeting.”

“You’re not late,” he promised. “Have you eaten?”

“Not since lunch,” she said.

“Me neither. Let’s go and eat.” They walked along together. “How long have you been in America?”

“About five months, but this was my second trip. I came a few years ago with my parents.”

“That must have been during the war,” he said.

She nodded. “It was nearing the end of the war, but yes,” she said.

“Are your parents here?” he asked.

“No, they’re in England with my siblings. I asked if I could return here and work and maybe go to school,” she said, “and they agreed, because they know Mrs. Williams, the woman who runs the house where I live.”

“Jeepers, that’s really great that you got to come out here alone. Do you miss home?”

She nodded. “I do. But I love being here, too. What about you? I made the connection between you and your father today.”

“He told me,” Ben said as they walked. They crossed a street, dodging a few taxis as they did. “There’s not much more to me. I was born on that street, grew up on that street, and worked in the deli with my father until about a year ago. I wanted to do something new. I know driving a Model T filled with laundry isn’t exactly high business, but I’m saving my money. I want to go to school. I’m the first in my family to graduate from high school. My older brother quit before he could graduate and joined the army. If I go to a university, I’ll be the first person in my family to do that too.”

She smiled. “That would be great.”

“I want to travel more than three miles away from my home,” he said with a longing sigh. “I envy you and getting to travel like you have.”

“Well, it’s not quite so unusual in England. I mean, London’s a lot like Manhattan. You can find everything you need in a couple of blocks, but in the summer, we would try and spend a week at the sea side, and we went away to boarding school, and we were shipped off to the country during the war.”

“You have travelled a lot,” Ben’s eyes were wide. They reached a cafeteria and Ben opened the door. “I thought we’d do something besides deli sandwiches.”

Susan laughed. “Sounds good.” They went to a table and sat down. Ben picked up the menu and handed it to Susan before he picked up a second. Soon a waitress came to them to take their orders. Susan ordered creamy chicken and almonds while Ben went for a chicken pot pie.

“Do you hear from your family often?” Ben asked as they settled at the table to wait for their food.

“I hear from my mum and sister, but not my brothers so much. In fact, I got a letter from my sister just today.”

“How many kids are there in your family?” Ben asked. 

“Four. Two boys, two girls. I’m the second oldest and the oldest girl.”

“I’ve only got the one older brother.” Ben said.

She asked him about his job and he asked her about hers. They ate their food and talked. Susan enjoyed his company so much. He reminded her of Peter in many ways, easy to talk to and full of stories. But Ben’s stories were funny, not silly or about make-believe worlds. His brown eyes twinkled when he laughed.

After dinner, they started to walk back and arrived at Philips Drug Store. The lights were shining in windows, lighting up the sidewalk around the building. 

“Want to stop and share a soda?” he asked.

Susan nodded. “That would be fun.”

They walked into the drug store. Several other couples were sitting at the counter, laughing and talking while sodas in tall glasses sat in front of them. They took two seats on the end while the soda jerk came over to them. “What can I get you?”

“One chocolate soda, please,” Ben smiled.

“And two straws?” the soda jerk asked with a wink. He went off to fix the soda while Susan looked around. “You know, I’ve passed this place twice a day for four months, but it’s the first time that I’ve been inside.

“I’ve never been here either, but it’s nice. Do you live far from here?”

She shook her head as the soda was placed before them. It was foaming and a cherry sat on top. “No,” she answered. “Just down the street.”

They each took a straw and sipped. It was delicious. Susan had only had a soda once before this, and it was just as good as she remembered. She smiled when she noticed Ben was watching her. They both laughed.

“Will you be going away to school in the fall?” Ben asked.

“Maybe,” Susan answered. “Mum and Dad want me to return to England to go to finishing school.”

“Do you want to go?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Yes and no. I like it here and I like my housemates. I love Manhattan, except when it gets really hot. But, I miss my family and I miss London.”

“I’ll probably miss New York, if I get to leave to go to school.”

“You’ll get to go,” she said with confidence. “And yes, I’m sure you’ll miss New York when you do.”

He nodded and they finished their soda. Ben gave her the cherry. She closed her eyes and savored the juicy sweet candied fruit. It was getting late now, and Susan needed to be home. 

“I’ll walk you home,” Ben said. He held out his elbow and she took it. They walked slowly together the half block to her home. He walked her up the stairs and they stopped. 

“Would you like to go see a movie together this Saturday?”

“Yes, I’d like that,” Susan said. 

Ben took her hand and kissed it. “I’ll come by at three, will that be alright?”

She nodded. “Perfect. I’ll see you Saturday.”

He let go of her hand and she let herself into Mrs. Williams home. She closed the door with a final goodnight. With a sigh, she leaned against the door for a moment and then peeked out the window. She could see Ben walking back in the direction of the drug store. She smiled and closed the curtain.

“Well?” 

Susan spun around. All four of her housemates were standing there, dressed in their night gown and robes, each with rag curlers in her hair. Susan laughed.

“Tell us everything,” Tess grinned. “Are you completely in love now?”

“No,” Susan laughed again. “I’m not in love, but I had a wonderful time.”

“Come to the kitchen, I want to hear it all,” Beverly said, taking Susan by the hand. They each sat down with a cup of tea and listened as Susan retold the night. It wasn’t anything really exciting, dinner at the cafeteria, a soda, lots of talking and laughter.

“Did he try to kiss you?” Karen asked.

Susan shook her head. “Mrs. Williams would scold you for asking me that.”

“Mrs. Williams isn’t in here right now and I want to know,” Karen said.

“He did not,” Susan said. “He was a perfect gentleman.” The other girls groaned good naturedly. “But,” she said, grinning at them all, “he did kiss my hand.”

They let out a cheer and asked when they were going out again and if Susan would invite all of them to her wedding.

“Wedding?” she laughed, “It’s much too early to think about those things.”

“It’s never too early,” Beverly said.

They laughed, finished their tea and cleaned up their dishes, or Mrs. Williams would have their hides in the morning.

Susan went up the stairs and down the hall to her room. She said good night to the others and closed her door. She undressed, put her clothes away, turned out the light and got into bed. She sighed and rolled over, smiling happily. She liked Ben. He was nice and good looking, but she was probably going to be going back to England and he was possibly going off to a university. It wouldn’t be good to get too attached.

Still, she would enjoy herself for a while. Who knows? Anything could happen.


	3. A Letter Trimmed in Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter trimmed with black tape arrives for Susan. A letter like that meant only one thing - someone has died.

Saturday arrived with a drizzle of rain. The girls helped Mrs. Williams clean the house, as was their routine on Saturday mornings. Karen left mid-morning to go to an audition and then to work at her diner when she was done. The rest of the girls spend the afternoon doing various activities or working on projects.

Susan wrote a letter to her sister and another to her mum. She wanted to write her brothers and her father, but she wouldn’t have the money to send five overseas letters. She set them aside. She would take them to the post office on Monday morning. At three o’clock, on the nose, there was a knock at the door, but Susan was there, ready to go and she slipped out the door before her housemates could grab Ben and interrogate him.

“Susan,” he smiled. “That was fast.”

“Trust me, you don’t want my housemates to get to you. They are planning out wedding,” Susan said with a laugh, but Ben stopped at the bottom of the steps.

“Our wedding?”

She spun around, “I didn’t mean. Well, we go on one date and now they are teasing me. That’s all. I’ve not said anything to them to give them ideas.”

He shrugged. “Oh well, we’ll keep that in mind for the future. It might be something we want to pursue.”

Susan blushed. “Perhaps so.” 

“There’s a new musical that looks like fun. Do you enjoy the musicals?” he asked.

“Oh yes,” she said, hooking her arm around his offered elbow. 

They walked to the closest theater, and he paid for their tickets. He offered to buy her a snack, but she declined and they sat close together in the dark of the theater.

“May I hold your hand?” he whispered as the opening credits started and Bing Crosby’s voice started to croon out a song.

She smiled and nodded. “Yes.”

He took her hand in his and rested it in her lap. She leaned close and rested her head on his shoulder. He gave her hand a squeeze. She stayed like that until the movie began, then she sat up, but they still held hands.

Susan loved the movie. It was funny and romantic. It made her feel so happy.

Twice a week, she and Ben would go out together. She continued to pick up sandwiches from Artie’s each day, and she always saw Ben in his Model T. Aaugah! He honked at her and she would wave. She was so happy. She got another letter from Lucy. It was eight weeks old. The usual time on a letter five five to six weeks, so this one had taken a long time to get to her. Susan hated how long it took to get letters back and forth to each other. Susan wrote Lucy every week and Lucy used to write every weeks, but there had been nothing for several weeks now. Susan was starting to worry a bit. She had been waiting for Lucy’s letter about getting ready for school and maybe even a reply to the letter Susan had sent out after her first date with Ben. But there was nothing.

The fall weather was starting to show itself. Susan was relieved. She loved fall and it was so pretty in New York. She was tired of the heat and ready for cool days again where she could wear cute sweaters. She had expected to hear from her parents, though. She thought for sure they would have insisted she return home to go to school, but there had not been a word. Susan even asked Mrs. Williams if she had heard from Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie, but she had not either. 

Susan decided she would continue to work this fall until she heard otherwise. Ben, to her joy and sorrow, had been accepted to a university in Connecticut. He would soon be leaving, and Susan knew she would miss him terribly. 

Their goodbye was tearful and she was kissed for the first time. He left the following morning and Susan felt quite depressed. She wouldn’t see him on her daily trips to Artie’s. He promised to write, but she knew how that went. He would meet some pretty sorority girl and forget all about Susan. Karen had told her she had seen it happen many times. She was nearly ready to go to California. Her last audition had gone well, and she had actually gotten a speaking role in a stage production. She said she was ready for Hollywood now.

For many weeks, Susan’s dreams had not made her cry. She had woken with a smile and she appreciated having slept so much better, but the first night after Ben left to go to Connecticut, she had dreamt of forests and riding horses again. She had dreamt of a huge lion. He had approached her, and she didn’t fear him, but at the same time, she did.  
“Be brave,” the lion said. It was the first time it had spoken to her. When she woke, she didn’t remember the dream or even the words. All she did know was her pillow was very wet from her tears and she wondered what was going on?

Susan’s mind felt very unfocused today. She went to work and was glad to have a project to work on, although she found herself drifting off into a daydream more than once. She went to Artie’s at lunch and turned down a free sandwich, although she appreciated hearing that Ben had written them and he was doing well at school. Artie was incredibly proud of him. Back at the bank, she ate her thermos of stew while sitting at the desk. She had little to say. Even Patsy asked if she was feeling alright. Susan told her that she was fine, but just feeling out of sorts. She returned home completely worn out, even though she hadn’t done anything different that day. 

When she walked in, Mrs. Williams was there in the front room, waiting for her. “Susan.”

“Good evening,” she said and notice Mrs. William’s frowning face. “Is everything alright?”

“The mail came. There is a letter for you.”

That was no reason to be upset. She was happy to hear she had a letter. “Finally.”

“Susan, it’s not what you think. Please, come to the kitchen and sit down.”

Confused and nervous now, Susan followed Mrs. Williams into the kitchen. A letter lay on the table. Its edges had been covered in black tape. A black edge envelope only meant one thing. Someone had died.

Ms. Susan Pevensie was written in black ink. With shaking hands, Susan picked up the letter. Mrs. Williams guided her to sit down and she did without thought. Who could it be? Her father? Had he succumbed to some illness he had picked up while fighting in the war? Had something happened to Peter at the university? Or Edmund, or Lucy? She couldn’t bear it if something had happened to Lucy.

The letter was from her aunt, which Susan thought very odd and only contributed to her nervousness.

“Dearest Susan,  
It is with the heaviest heart I pick up my pen to write you, but there is no one else to do this. I’m sorry to inform you that your family has been killed. They were all involved in the same train crash, which included my Eustace.”

Susan gasped and read the sentences again. Her family had been killed? Who did Aunt Alberta mean? Which member of her family?

“Your siblings and my Eustace, and his friend, Jill Pole, were on their way to London. Their train took the final curve much too fast. It crashed into the platform, where your parents were waiting. None of them survived the crash.”

Susan felt like she was choking. She couldn’t breathe. Everyone was dead. She tried to take in a breath, but just managed to choke. Everyone. Her vision went blurry and she saw blackness creeping around her vision, closing in, threatening to block out all light.

She suddenly gasped. Her lungs filled with air again and her vision exploded with light as the blackness immediately disappeared. It was too much. Everyone was dead, her brain told her again. Now, instead of choking and not breathing, her breaths came harsh and fast. Too much. Too much! Everyone was dead. Her hands gripped something to keep her from tipping over, but it didn’t stop her. Everyone was dead. 

Hands grabbed her and pushed her back into a seated position. She wasn’t falling over anymore, but it was still too fast, too much, she felt light. 

“Susan! Susan!” a voice called to her.

She moved her eyes to see a face in front of hers. She was so scared. Everyone was dead. Suddenly, she was pressed against a warm body. She gripped it hard and started to cry. She sobbed and sobbed into the body. Everyone was dead.


	4. Is it all a dream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her family is dead. It can't be true. Susan wonders if somehow Aslan is punishing her.

Susan walked. She looked around, but there was nothing but a bright gray. Nothing at all and she wondered if perhaps she was blind. There was nothing to see, nothing for her eyes to focus on. She panicked. Looking down at her bare feet, she saw nothing. What was she walking on? Was she dead? Was this death? She stood still and covered her eyes. 

The black nothing of her closed eyes was more preferable than the gray nothing she saw when her eyes were open.

“Why do you hide your eyes?” a deep voice rumbled.

Susan knew the voice, but she couldn’t remember why. Her eyes flew open, but there was nothing. She spun around, looked up and down, but it was the same before. Nothing.

“I can’t stand the nothingness,” she answered, closing her eyes again.

“You might miss something.”

“There is nothing to miss. There is nothing there.”

“You can’t know that nothing will ever happen.”

“It hurts to open my eyes. I cannot keep them open, waiting, in case something might happen. It would drive me insane,” she said.

“So you choose the dark nothing of closed eyes?”

“Yes,” she answered. “When my eyes are closed, I am in control. And I can create pictures to see, but I cannot do that when my eyes are open.”

“Do you trust me, Susan?”

She did. She didn’t know why, but she trusted the voice. “Yes.”

“Open your eyes.”

With a shaking breath, Susan opened her eyes. At first, there was nothing but the gray nothingness. It hurt her. It made her head pound. But then, there was a wisp of movement. She watched it, her eyes focusing on it. It swirled and moved and she turned in place to follow the little white wisp. It started to form into a shape. It was a circle, then for a moment, it was like an eye, peeking at her, then the eye closed, but the wisp continued to change shape, growing larger and larger. It formed a shape, like an animal, although Susan wasn’t sure what animal, but it continued to grow and change and it was suddenly a little cat, then a larger cat, like a tiger, but it didn’t stop growing until it formed a lion. The wisp held its shape.

“Aslan?”

“Yes, child.”

She wanted to reach out and hug him, as she did long ago. Or, had she? Wasn’t it all make believe?

“Do you really believe that?” the lion asked.

“Do I believe what?” she asked in surprise. Had he just read her mind, or had she spoken that question out loud?

“That it was all make believe,” he answered.

“If I try and remember it any other way, it hurts,” Susan sighed. “I had to forget.” She closed her eyes again and saw the beautiful Narnia in her mind. It was the most beautiful and painful sight Susan had ever seen. It was like being shown home, but with a glass wall keeping her from getting there. “Why do you show me this?” she asked, her voice pitiful.

“I don’t,” he said. “It’s you who is remembering.”

“I want to go back. Will you send me?” she asked.

“No, my child.”

“Then why come to me at all? You kicked me out of Narnia. You told me you would never allow me back in. You sent me back to live and to grow up. The first time we were there, yes, it was our own stupid fault that we came back, but a year later, you brought up back to Narnia. We did what you wanted, and then you sent us home. We had no choice! I didn’t want to go. Peter didn’t want to go, but you sent us away and told us we could never return. You did the same thing to Lucy and Edmund a year later. You didn’t want us anymore.”

There, she said it. The darkest deepest fear she had never been brave enough to voice.

“You didn’t want us anymore,” she sighed. “It hurt so much. I knew the only way I could deal with that loss and not go insane was to forget. I had to convince myself that it was all make-believe. I threw myself in my studies, then to the trips I got to talk with my parents. I was being forced to grow up, all over again. The others were alright with the memory. They missed Narnia, but they were alright with never returning. Just to talk about it with each other was comforting to them, but not to me. Your rejection hurt me to the core.” She was crying again

“Dear one,” Aslan said. “I didn’t reject you.”

“You sent me away and told me I could not return,” Susan tearfully reiterated.

“But I didn’t reject you.”

She let out a sob. He was right. He was always right. “But you didn’t want us, either. You sent us away.”

“I asked you to seek for me in your own home.”

“I did try,” she said, “but I never found you. I didn’t even know where to look.”

“I am not that hard to find. You must try again,” the great lion said.

“Won’t you just turn me away, like you did the last time?”

Aslan made no answer, but sat down before her and stared at her.

“What happened to my family?” she finally asked after a very long time of silence.

“Just what you read in the letter. There was a train accident,” he said.

“Did you make it happen so you could take them away from me and mock me?”

“Susan,” Aslan’s voice was a harsh, low roar.

She fell to the ground, well, what would have been a ground if there were anything beneath her. “I’m sorry Aslan, I’m so sorry. Just sent me home and forget about me. I don’t deserve anything.”

She felt his breath on her face. “Susan,” he whispered in her ear. “You deserve everything.”

When Susan opened her eyes again, she was in her room. The light was out, but the door was slightly ajar, so a bit of light from the hall streamed in. She looked around. She was alone. She rolled over and started to cry.

Everyone was dead and Aslan had left her again.

After crying for a long time, she sat up. Her head ached and her face was hot, swollen, and sticky with tears and snot. She rubbed at her eyes and saw, in the small beam of light from the hall, that her letter was folded neatly on the small table next to her bed. She ignored the letter, but she couldn’t ignore nature. She had to get up and go to the toilet.  
Susan went to the door and slowly opened it. There were no sounds to be heard, which was very unusual. From downstairs, she heard the grandfather clock chiming. Bong! Bong! Ten times it chimed. She sighed. There was a long night ahead of her. She tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked dreadful. Her eyes had dark circles around them, like she had gotten into a fight. Her face was puffy and splotchy. Her eyes were red and makeup stains were streaked down her cheeks. She turned on the sink’s tap and washed her face with the cool water. It felt good on her hot skin. 

She looked a bit better when she was done and decided to go downstairs for some tea. She just hoped no one would be awake. She tiptoed down the hall again, avoiding the squeaky floor boards as best as she could, and made her way down the stairs. Most of the lights were out, but the kitchen light was on. She almost turned around and went back up stairs, but Mrs. Williams came out of the kitchen.

“Susan, want some tea?”

Susan appreciate her fellow Englishman’s gentle accent. It was familiar, not foreign, like her American roommates, and especially Tess and her Texan accent. And Mrs. Williams knew how to make a proper cup of tea, something that Americans couldn’t seem to figure out.

“Yes, please,” Susan said, going into the kitchen and sitting down.

Tea was placed in front of her a few moments later.

“I know this is a perfectly silly question, but how are you feeling?”

“Terrible.”

“I’m sure, dear. How’s your head? Do you have a headache?” Mrs. Williams asked.

Susan nodded and sipped at the tea. Mrs. Williams placed two Aspirin in front of her, which Susan swallowed with a sip of tea.

“You look like you could use a cool rag for your face.”

Again, Susan nodded. “Yes.”

A few moments later, Mrs. Williams placed a rag on the table. Susan picked it up and buried her face in it. The coolness of it felt nice on her fevered face.  
“Are you going to take your aunt up on her offer?”

Susan looked up from her cloth, confusion furrowed across her brow. “What offer?”

“Her offer, in the letter,” Mrs. Williams said, pushing a plate of biscuits at Susan. “Did you not read the entire letter?”

“I don’t know if I did,” Susan said. “Things kind of went blurry.”

Mrs. Williams nodded. “Susan, I’m sorry I read your letter, but I needed to know what happened.”

“It’s alright,” Susan sighed. “I’m glad I don’t have to explain it to you.”

“Or the other girls,” Mrs. Williams blushed. “They know as well.”

Susan nodded. “Thank you.” She placed the rag on her neck and drank her tea.

“Well, whatever you decide to do, I will help you,” Mrs. Williams, patted her arm. Susan nodded again. “I’m off to bed, dear. Just turn out the lights when you are done.”

“I will,” Susan sighed. She was so thankful that Mrs. Williams didn’t press her to talk about what had happened. She finished her tea, and refilled her cup. She sat at the table, dabbing the cold cloth on her face. Then, all of the sudden, she started to cry again. She would never see her handsome brothers again or hear sweet Lucy telling a story. She would never get another hug from her mother, or a kiss on the forehead from her father. 

She cried into her cool rag and soon, it was nearly as warm as her own face. Nothing made sense. Everyone was dead. She had no one to go to, besides Mrs. Williams. Her family was all gone, except for an aunt and uncle she didn’t know well. Ben was off at university. A letter to him would take weeks. She didn’t want to tell anyone at work because she didn’t want to have to explain over and over what happened to her.

Oh goodness, she was going to have to go to work. But how could she? How could she face anyone? She thought about Artie and thought that if she was going to talk to anyone about what happened, she would want him. And she didn’t know why. He wasn’t anything like her family, but he was a father, and the idea of talking to a friend, who was also a dad, well, it seemed comforting.

Her mind wouldn’t stop. Lucy was dead. Peter was dead. Edmund was dead. Mum was dead. Dad was dead. Lucy was dead. Over and over again it ran in her head. She wanted to be dead too.

She woke up at the table when the milk man put the bottles of milk on the doorstep. Her head jerked up and was filled with pain. Her head hurt and her neck hurt. Her wrist hurt and she figured she must have slept on it funny at the table. The light in the kitchen was still on and she could see the very faintest of gray light coming from outside. 

She got up and put her cold tea into the sink. She re-wet the rag with cool water, turned off the kitchen light and went back to her room. Thankfully, her housemates all still seemed to be asleep. She climbed back into bed and placed the wet rag on her forehead.


	5. Return or Stay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan must decide whether she will remain in America or return to England and try to find closure.

Susan woke up with a start. She jumped out of bed and regretted it immediately. Her head pounded. She grabbed it and swayed for a moment. She was so late for work.  
She grabbed her things and was about to dash to the bathroom when she saw a note on the floor that had been slid under the door. She picked it up, the movement making her head throb.

“Susan, I sent Karen to the bank with a note to explain that you would not be in today. Come to breakfast, when you are ready.”

Mrs. Williams’ handwriting was flawless and Susan found great relief in the note. Her boss would not be happy, but there was nothing she was going to do about it today. She would return tomorrow to see if she even still had a job. She put the note down next to the black trimmed letter on her bedside table. She moved as if she were underwater. Her body felt sluggish, despite the amount of sleep she had recently gotten. But, none of the sleep had been deep, peaceful refreshing sleep.

She didn’t know what to do. She had cried so much and she really didn’t want to start again. Her head pounded too much. She could go to breakfast, but food didn’t sound good right now. Tea, however, did sound good.

She went to the bathroom, washed her face and neck and examined her blood shot eyes, dark circles, and splotchy face. She sighed and returned to her room where she dressed and brushed her hair. She grabbed the letter and went down to the kitchen.

Mrs. Williams must have heard her coming because a hot cup of tea was placed in front of her the moment she sat down at the table.

“Thank you,” she said, sitting down and adding some milk to her tea.

“You poor thing,” Mrs. Williams sighed, looking at her face. “Perhaps a bit of ice around your eyes will help.”

“I look like I got punched in the face,” Susan agreed. “Thank you for sending the note to the bank. I’m not sure I’ll still have a job tomorrow, but I can’t bring myself to care much.”

“Well, it’s not going to matter if you return to England,” Mrs. Williams said.

The idea of returning to England hadn’t even crossed Susan’s mind. Of course she should return. But then, there was no one to return to. There was nowhere to go.

“You need to finish reading that letter,” Mrs. Williams said. “You’ve got a lot to decide upon in the next day or two. If you are returning to England, there’s a ship that leaves in three days. You’ve still got time to get a ticket.”

Susan nodded. “I need to go back, but I don’t know if I can.”

The older woman nodded. “Susan, I’ll not pretend to know what you’re going through, but I do know a bit. When my husband died, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was here, in New York City, so far from home. I didn’t have the money to return to England and when I married Mr. Williams, my parents were so upset, they told me not to bother them again, because they would not help me. They had wanted me to marry the son of my father’s boss. Well, I didn’t like him. He wasn’t very good looking, for starters, but he was so dull. All he knew was business and going to the gentlemen’s club to play cards. Then, I met Freddy Williams. He was so handsome, his accent was so exotic, and he had the most wonderful smile. I had never seen anyone smile as much as he. We talked and laughed.” Mrs. Williams had a sweet smile on her face. Then she looked at Susan, and seemed to remember what she was talking about in the first place. She cleared her throat. “Anyway, I married Freddy and came to America. So, when he died, I was alone. It’s hard and it’s scary. I cried many, many times. But one day, I found myself smiling. And then one day, I didn’t cry. And it takes time, but the crushing weight that you feel now won’t always feel so heavy.”

Susan was crying again now. “I feel that. I’m being crushed. I can’t breathe sometimes because it’s so heavy.”

Mrs. Williams nodded. “I promise, one day, it won’t be so heavy. Just remember that and keep moving towards that day. I’m sorry dear, why don’t you read the rest of the letter.”  
Susan shoved it towards Mrs. Williams. “I can’t read it again. Please, what does it say?”

Mrs. Williams took the letter and opened it. “I’m sure that by the time you get this letter, five or more weeks will have passed, so, I will see to the funeral arrangements, but I expect to be repaid for your family’s portion.”

Susan huffed. “The nerve of her.”

“It’s not an unreasonable request,” Mrs. Williams said, “although it was very tacky of her to put that in this letter.”

Susan nodded. “Exactly. But then, Aunt Alberta isn’t the most tactful woman. She’s not really bad, just, less than tactful.”

Mrs. Williams nodded in understanding and continued. “You may stay with us when you return to England. I don’t know what will happen to your home. Your father’s will is in the hands of an attorney and will be read in three days’ time.”

“Wait, let me see it. What’s the date on this letter?” Susan asked suddenly. 

Mrs. Williams handed her the letter.

Susan looked at the date and remembered. “That was the day of the strange storm. Remember? When the newspaper machines broke, and cars ran down. The air was so hot and stuffy and then there was the huge storm that shut down our power.”

“You’re right,” Mrs. Williams said, her eyes wide. “Oh, my. It’s almost like God was letting us know that something terrible was happening back in England.”

Or Aslan, Susan thought. “Yes,” she agreed. She was quiet for a moment, remembering the day. “It’s so strange that they’ve been dead for all these weeks and I didn’t know. I was going along with my life, like usual. I went out with Ben on fun dates and I went to the movies. I had late night chats with Tess and Bev. All these things and my family has been dead for all that time.”

“It’s a mercy in some ways,” Mrs. Williams sighed. “Would you have been able to date Ben or enjoy time with the other girls if you had known?”

Susan shook her head. “I doubt it.”

“Then enjoy the time you had and don’t regret it, because now that you know, life will not be quite the same as it was before.”

“I got a letter from Lucy about three weeks ago. She must have written me not long before she died.”

“Be thankful for each and every letter. They are sweet, precious memories and reminders of your family’s love for you.”

“I just can’t believe that no one is left, besides my aunt and uncle, and I was never very close to them,” Susan said. She hadn’t liked them at all, in fact. They were snobbish and had strange ideas about how children should behave. Her own son, Eustace, was such a brat. Susan hated being around him and had felt terrible when Edmund and Lucy had been sent off to live with their aunt and uncle for a while. But, oddly, enough, they all became good friends. Lucy had gone on and on in one letter about how much Eustace had changed. It seems he had been allowed to go to Narnia, and Susan knew, deep in her heart, how much a trip to Narnia could change a person.

“Your aunt has invited you to stay with her,” Mrs. Williams said, bringing Susan back from her thoughts.

“That’s really very decent of her, but I don’t know if I can stay with them.”

“At least start there with them,” the older woman advised. “Would you like me to look into getting you passage on the boat?”

Susan shook her head. “No. I want to fly.”

“Fly? Don’t you know how expensive that will be?”

“I can’t spend two weeks on a slow boat back to England. I couldn’t endure that at all.”

Mrs. Williams nodded. “Yes, after Freddy died, I thought about the same thing. It was one of the reasons I stayed.”

“Besides, I’d rather just go and get this over with. I need to know what happened to the house and all my family’s belongings. I need to know if any money was left to me. From there,” she sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll either remain there and find a job, or return to New York and find a job.”

“You can use my phone,” Mrs. Williams said. 

Some of the other girls used Mrs. William’s phone on a regular basis. Karen used it for her agent to call her if any auditions came up. Bev’s beau had the number and called her on occasions, usually to set up a date. Susan had never used the telephone there. She had no need to, until now. With the operator’s help, Susan was put through to the airport.

“Hello, when is your next flight to London?” She took down the information. The next flight was in four days. It was going to be expensive, but Susan had enough, if not much left for when she arrived back in England, but she hoped Aunt Alberta would help her for the first little while.

Her name was taken down, and she promised to be there half an hour before flight time to purchase her ticket, and get her bags labeled.

“I suppose I’ll have to go and quit my job tomorrow,” she sighed. “And I’ll say good bye to Artie.”

“We’re going to miss you, honey,” Tess said, coming in. Susan had not yet faced her housemates since getting the news.

Susan looked at Tess and Beverly. She started to cry. “I’m going to miss you too.” She ran to them and hugged them. They had become such dear friends and now, with all her family dead, she had no one but friends left in this world.

They held her and all cried. Peggy came home soon and joined in. Mrs. Williams had tea for them all. 

“We’re so sorry to hear about your family,” Tess said. “It’s the worst thing I’ve heard in a long time.”

“Thanks,” Susan sighed. “It still doesn’t seem real.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” Beverly said. “But when it really hits, remember how strong you are. It’s going to be hard, but you’ll get through it.”

Susan appreciated how Beverly did not, nor anyone else, tell her it was going to be alright, because Susan knew it would never be alright. Never. Peter, Edmund, and Lucy, more than her, had deserved to live long happy lives. They should have had families. Susan had wanted little nieces and nephews to dote upon. But now, there wouldn’t any babies and the ghosts of nieces and nephews unborn wailed loudly in her head.

“Susan?” Mrs. Williams was in her face again. “Deep breaths dear. Come on, deep breaths.”

Susan inhaled sharply, her lungs burning as air entered them again. She cried until the crying in her head had passed. Her housemates stayed with her through the evening. 

Sometimes, they cried. Mostly they talked, and Susan appreciated hearing about their normal days. Karen had a new audition, since the show she had been in ended. Tess and Peggy talked about their jobs, and Bev talked about an upcoming date with her beau Johnny. Susan hoped she and Johnny would be married soon.  
The normal evening was very much what Susan needed. She still cried herself to sleep that night, but she didn’t feel quite so heart broken.


	6. One breath at a time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan is trying to take things one moment at a time. It doesn't seems real, and yet, the news still feels like it is crushing her.

Susan walked into the bank the following morning. Her co-worker, Patsy, ran to her.

“Susan, dear,” she looked at Susan in the face. “Are you alright?”

Susan had taken a long hard look in her mirror that morning, trying to put on her rouge and lipstick as normal, but there were still dark circles around her eyes, where tiny blood vessels had burst from the intensity of her crying. Her face was still slightly splotchy. She sighed. She supposed her makeup hadn’t done as much for her as she had hoped.

“Not really,” Susan answered, honestly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Susan sighed. Not really, but Patsy had lost her own husband. She understood death. “There was a death in the family.” She couldn’t bring herself to say there had been many deaths.

“My dear, I’m so sorry,” Patsy frowned. “Someone close to you?”

“My sister, in England,” Susan said. “I guess it happened several weeks ago, but I’m only getting the news now.”

Patsy nodded in understanding. “Yes, it was four weeks after my Walter died before I found out.”

“How do you survive?” Susan asked, nearly ready to cry again, which was the last thing she wanted to do before having to confront her boss.

“Somedays, you barely do,” Patsy said, pulling her into a hug. “But family and friends help.”

Family. Susan sniffed. She stepped back. “Thank you. My friends had already been a big help.”

“Does Ben know?” Patsy asked.

Susan shook her head. “No. I haven’t written him yet.”

The clock in the room chimed. It was time to work. Susan sat down at her desk and started getting her typewriter ready.

“You should write him,” Patsy said, doing the same thing at her desk.

“I know, but I’m going to see Artie today, I hope, when I do the sandwich run.”

Patsy nodded. They got to work, typing away at letters that had been left on their desks.

“Are you going to go back to England?” Patsy asked, as they typed.

“Yes,” Susan answered, typing quickly. She and Patsy were skilled enough to type and speak basic conversations at the same time. 

“Will you come back?”

“I don’t know,” Susan said, her typing slowing slightly. “It depends.”

“On what?”

“I don’t know.”

When her boss arrived, he called her into his office. She took her pad of paper for taking a letter, but she would have to break the news to him about her employment.

“Miss Pevensie,” he said, his voice deep. “I received the message from your Boarding House owner. She said there was some death in your family.”

“Yes sir,” Susan said.

“My deepest condolences to you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“What are your plans?” he asked, leaning back.

“I must return to England,” she said. “I leave in three days. I’m afraid that tomorrow must be my last day.”

He put his fingers to his lips in a thoughtful way. “I will be sorry to see you go, but I understand.”

“Thank you,” she said. “May I do the lunch run to the deli today?”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because, I’ve become friends with Artie. I’d like the chance to say goodbye.”

He nodded. “Very well. Leave a forwarding address with me before you leave. I’ll give you your final wages tomorrow.”

“Thank you, sir. I have greatly enjoyed my employment with you. My father thought highly of you and I understand why.”

“If you return to New York,” he said, picking up the newspaper and flicking it open, “you will have a job here.” The paper was in his face now and she knew she was dismissed to return to her work. 

“Thank you, sir,” she stood and left. She wiped a tear away. It was going to be harder to leave than she thought.

Susan did her work in the morning, and at the usual time, she left the office with the order and the money and went to the deli. She missed seeing Ben in his Model T each day. Artie, thankfully, was at the counter.

“Susan,” he smiled to see her. “I missed you yesterday, is all well?”

She couldn’t help but smile fondly at the man. At one point, deep in her imagination, she had entertained the thought that he could become her father-in-law, if she married Ben. But now that she was returning to England, there was a chance she would never see him or Ben again. The idea brought tears to her eyes.

Artie scooted around the counter and came to her. “Now, now, dear girl,” he said. “What has happened? Have you and Ben had a spat?”

“No,” she smiled. “Our letters have been very nice. I miss him.”

“Then what, dear?”

“I just got two days ago, my family has died in an accident in England.”

“What?” he said in shock. “Who in your family? Your mother? A sibling?”

“No, my family. My entire family.”

Artie stared at her, shock and disbelief in his eyes. “Susan, my poor child, I’m so sorry.” He hugged her again and she leaned into him, crying once more. Artie smelled of beef and bread. His manner was much like her own kind father, who she would never have a hug from again, and her heart broke once more.

“What are you going to do? Do you need a place to stay? The missus’ and I would be happy to have you stay in our home.”

She looked up to Artie in surprise. “You would?”

“Absolutely. Do you need a place?”

Susan shook her head. “No, but your kindness means a lot to me. I might take you up on it one day.”

“Well, no matter whatever happens with Ben, you’ll have a place to stay in New York.”

“Thank you,” she said, throwing her arms around him again and let herself be held for a few moments longer. “I’ll be leaving for England in three days.”

“What about Ben?”

“I’m going to write him tonight. I wish I could call, but it’s long distance and I can’t ask that of Mrs. Williams. If you talk to him soon, would you tell him?”

“Of course, darlin’” he said. “Where’s your order for the day. I’ll get started on it while we talk.”

She pulled out the list and handed it to him. “I’m going to miss seeing you each day,” she said. “And my job, and my housemates.”

“Will you come back?” he asked, cutting thick slices of rye.

“I don’t know. It depends on the financial situation back at home. I don’t know what has been left to me, if anything. I’m using all of my savings for my plane ticket, so I won’t have anything once I get there.”

“Who will you be staying with?” he asked.

“My aunt and uncle,” she answered. “They live in Cambridge.”

“I’ve got no idea where that is,” he said, “but it sounds posh.”

She smiled. “Not as much as you might think. It’s just part of London, a big city, like Manhattan.”

“Do you have an address so Ben can send you letters?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, sitting at the counter and watched him work. “I’ll include it in my letter I write to him tonight. I’ll give him my family address, although I don’t know if that is still ours. And I’ll give him the address for my aunt and uncle.”

“Good. If you can, bring me the address tomorrow. You’ll be doing the sandwich run tomorrow?” Artie asked, slapping pastrami on the pieces of rye bread. His voice cracked slightly with emotion.

“I hope so, but even if I don’t, I’ll bring it to you before I go,” she promised.

He nodded and focused on his work. He wrapped each sandwich in wax paper and then sliced two more pieces of rye. Out of a container, he scooped two spoonful's of a whitish mixture with little chucks of red mixed in. Susan’s mouth watered. It was Artie’s famous turkey and cranberry on rye, her favorite. He wrapped it and held it up for a moment.   
“For you. I know how much you like it.”

“It’s my favorite,” she smiled, feeling like she was going to cry again. “Thank you.”

He nodded and placed it in the bag. She passed him the money and they promised to see each other tomorrow, then Susan was headed back to the bank. She pulled out her sandwich before she passed out the others to the executives and clerks who had bought one of Artie’s specials.

Her sandwich was delicious. She savored each bite, knowing it could be the last time she ever got to have one.


	7. Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan must say goodbye to all her friends in New York. She's unsure if it is the right thing to do, but Ben promises to be there when she returns. A promise from Ben helps Susan to realize what she wants for the future.

Susan wrote Ben that night. She explained everything and included the two addresses where she could most likely be reached. She wrote the addresses on several sheets of paper. She would leave one with Mrs. Williams so her and the housemates could write her, if they wanted. She would leave one with her boss and the other with Artie.

The following morning was her final day. She got to do the sandwich run one last time, giving Artie the addresses and one more hug. When she returned to the bank, there was an iced cake and her boss, Patsy, and some of the others, were there. 

“We wanted to say goodbye and wish you safe journey,” her boss said, with unexpected kindness. He had never been mean to her, but he was a strict banker and a tough employer. Then, Susan remembered that he had once mentioned losing a brother in his youth. 

The next day was for packing and cleaning. Susan washed everything and packed it into her trunk. Her housemates spent as much time with her as they could and Susan was thankful for their company, because soon, she would be completely alone.

“What time do you leave in the morning?” Peggy asked as she and Tess sat on Susan’s bed.

“At nine. The plane leaves at ten,” Susan answered.

“It’s just not going to be the same without you, honey,” Tess said. “We’ll miss ya so much.”

“I’m going to miss you too, but I’m leaving my address. I expect you to write me.”

“Of course, we will,” Tess said.

Peggy nodded. “We promise, but you have to write us back.”

“I will,” Susan promised. “And I want to know as soon as Bev’s beau proposes to her.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll hear us shouting in excitement all the way in London,” Tess grinned.

Susan laughed. She was putting her extra pair of shoes into the trunk when Karen came rushing up the stairs. “Susan, there’s someone at the door to see you.”

Susan’s brow furrowed. “Who is it?”

“I’m not telling,” she grinned. “You just have to come and see.”

Susan followed Karen down the stairs and there, before her, stood Ben.

“Ben!” she cried out and ran to him. She threw her arms around him and he held her tight. 

“Susan,” he laughed as she squeezed him. 

She pulled away after she realized she had held him far too long for respectability. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you before you leave tomorrow. I was hoping I could escort you to the airport.”

“I’d like that,” she said.

Mrs. Williams came out of the kitchen. “We were going to have a farewell dinner here tonight,” she said.

Ben nodded. “I understand, what time can I pick you up tomorrow?” he asked Susan.

“Now wait a moment,” Mrs. Williams said. “Would you please join us for dinner, then you can take her out afterwards?”

Ben’s face lit up and he gave the biggest smile to the matron of the house. “I’d like that, thank you.”

Susan led Ben into the parlor, and they sat together. “How did you get here so quickly?” she asked.

“Dad called me two evenings ago and told me about you. I knew I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye,” he answered.

“But your school,” she said.

“I spoke with my professors. I got special permission.”

“That you’ll have to make up later?” she asked.

He shrugged. “It’s worth it to be here with you. Susan, I know you need to go, but I don’t want you to go.”

For the first time, Susan didn’t want to leave either. What was she going home for? The funerals would have already taken place. Maybe her childhood home was already sold to another family? What was she going back to do? She could just forget about all of that and start a new life here, with Ben. She really didn’t have to go back.

Susan nearly said that she would stay. She opened her mouth, but her voice caught. She had to go home. She had to see her family’s final resting place. “I know, but I have to go.”

He nodded. “I understand. I just worry you may never come back.”

“That is a possibility. I’ll just have to see. I need to get my family’s affairs in order.”

He took her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. She stared at his handsome face, trying to memorize each part of it. The way his eyes looked, the shape of his nose, the way his face lit up when he smiled. The way his eyebrows angled down, so he always looked a bit angry, until he smiled.

“You’ll write to me?” he asked.

“Of course,” she said. “I promise. Will you write me back?”

“Yes,” he answered. “I wish I had a special present to give you, but there wasn’t time for that.”

She shook her head. “Just seeing you again is gift enough for me.” She leaned in, wanting so much to kiss him and she might have if Beverly’s voice hadn’t called to her from the hall. 

“Dinner time!”

The couple sprang back and sighed. Susan stood. “Come on, you’re going to love Mrs. Williams’ cooking.”

They had a lively dinner. There was laughter and stories. It was more like a party, than a farewell. Tomorrow would be hard, so for today, they had fun. After dinner, Ben and Susan walked to the pharmacy on the corner and stopped in for a soda, to share. They sat close and held hands. The dark cloud that hung over their date was ignored, but not forgotten. 

Conversation was a mixture of light and fun, and there was a lot of talk about Susan’s family, the death and cause of death. There was talk of the future, and a few times, Susan thought that Ben might ask her to marry him, but he never did. It was just as well. She had no idea what she would say if he did. She wanted to be with him, but she needed to go back to London. She couldn’t do both. Not now.

When it was too late to be out, he walked her home. 

“I’ll be here at nine, alright?” he asked. 

She nodded. “I’ll be ready.”

They stood in the shadow of the door way and he pulled her close to him and kissed her deeply. She kissed back and held him tight. Why did she have to go away? She wanted this moment to last forever.

They kissed as long as they could, but Ben finally pulled away. “I’ve got to go,” he said. His breath was coming hard. 

She nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

He lightly kissed her cheek and then waited as she opened the door and slipped inside. Most of the lights were off. Beverly was sitting in the parlor, with a book. She smiled to see Susan.

“I was worried you weren’t going to come back to us.”

Susan blushed. “I almost didn’t. I wanted to stay out there forever.”

“Did he treat you right?” she asked, and Susan nodded.

“He’s always very good to me,” she answered. 

“Did he ask you to stay?”

She shook her head. “No. He didn’t. But he said he didn’t want me to go. I just don’t know why he wants me to stay. So we can be friends?”

“Susan,” Beverly sighed. “I can promise you, he wants you to stay and be with him. He would marry you in a heartbeat.”

“Honestly,” Susan’s face red. “If he really wanted that, why didn’t he ask?”

“Because you’re going away and he loves you enough for him to let go so you can concentrate on your family affairs.”

“What do I do, Bev?”

Beverly moved to sit next to Susan. She put an arm around her shoulders. “You go to England and sort out what you need to sort out. Write to Ben. Keep in touch with him. If you love him and want a future with him, you need to discuss that with him so you can plan on returning to New York.”

“I’m going to miss you,” Susan said.

“I’m going to miss you too. I had wanted you to come to my wedding.”

“I would have loved to have gone to it.”

Susan was up early the next morning. Her stomach was in knots with anticipation, making it hard to sleep. Plus, she hadn’t finished her packing with Ben’s surprise visit. She bathed, dressed, did her hair, and started back at packing before her housemates woke. With Tess’ help, they moved Susan’s trunk downstairs to the front door.

Mrs. Williams had a delicious breakfast waiting for them and they all ate together. Breakfast was quiet and subdued. 

“I’ve never felt so sad about having a boarder leave before,” Mrs. Williams said. “Many girls have come and gone over the years, but never had I had such a lovely group. We will all miss you, Susan, dear.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever known a neater group of girls,” Susan said. “I’ll miss each of you. Please, write to me.”

They promised they would. The girls headed out the door for their different jobs. Karen was going on another audition and Susan wished her luck. Mrs. Williams went over everything she could think of, making sure Susan had everything packed, had her money, her passport, her gloves, and purse.

Susan was ready. Everything was ready. At five til nine, there was a knock at the door. Ben stood there, looking very handsome. They smiled to see each other. Ben thrust out his hand, holding a paper bag.

“From dad,” he said.

Susan opened the bag and saw her turkey and cranberry on rye sandwich. She grinned.

“He said that plane food probably isn’t very good, and he wanted to make sure you had one decent meal,” Ben said, his face a little red with embarrassment.

“How very kind of him,” Mrs. Williams said.

Susan nodded. “It’s my favorite sandwich. I’ll have it for lunch this afternoon.”

With Ben’s help, they loaded the trunk into an old, but well cared for car. Ben explained it was borrowed from a family friend. Susan knew Ben’s family didn’t have a car, or a need for one. Everything they needed was just in a few blocks of walking, or on a train ride.

Susan turned to Mrs. Williams. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“It was my pleasure to have you hear, Susan. If you return to New York, I’ll have a room for you,” the older woman said. She was smiling, but there were tears in her eyes. 

“Thank you,” Susan said, hugging her. Mrs. Williams was probably the closest thing she had left to a mother. 

“Take care and good luck with everything.”

Susan nodded, hugged her once more, and said goodbye. Ben held the car door open for her and helped her in. Then he jogged around to the driver’s side. Susan rolled down the window and leaned out to say goodbye as they drove away. Memories of being on a train, saying good bye to her mother, as she and her brothers and sister pulled away from London in a train, washed over her. She let out a little cry as the car turned the corner. She sat back in the car, rolled up the window, and pulled a handkerchief from her purse.  
She dabbed at her eyes and looked to Ben. He gave her a kind smile. They drove in silence for a few moments.

“Susan, I,” he started and hesitated. “I don’t know how to say this. You’re a strong, independent girl and I love you for that. I want you to be free to choose your future and do what is the best thing for you to do.”

Susan took in a deep breath. Was he telling her that he didn’t want her? “Thank you,” she squeaked. 

“But if you want to come back to New York,” he said, a bit of hope in his voice, “then I would love to, well, if you wanted, that is,” he took in a deep breath, “then I would be honored if you would consider a life with me.”

Susan grinned. “I would like that.”

Ben smiled at her and briefly looked her in the eyes before turning his back to the road. “But you don’t have to. I mean, if you’ve got to stay in England, then I understand. Don’t feel like you have to get back, if you need to, oh, I don’t know, stay in your family’s home for five years or something.”

“What?” she chuckled.

“Well, if you’ve got to stay in the family home for five years in order to obtain your inheritance, or something like that.”

Susan rested a hand on Ben’s arm. “You’ve seen far too many movies.”

He laughed and she joined him. “Maybe so. But really, I don’t want to tie you down or make you feel like you can’t decide what’s the best think for you to do, if you feel like you have to return here as soon as you can.”

“I understand,” she said, “and I’m thankful, but I can’t imagine anything in England right now that would keep me there. Not when I know I’ve got a family to come back to in New York.”

Ben blushed, but nodded his head vigorously. “You do, you do. My father thinks the world of you and he’d love to call you daughter, in one way or another. Gosh, Susan, I feel like I’m talking stupid right now.”

“You’re not,” she squeezed his arm. “It’s so sweet and I am so thankful for you and your family.”

“We are happy to call you family,” he said. They were pulling into the airport now. 

Susan wiped at her eyes with her handkerchief again. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“You’re going to be alright,” he said. “I know it’s going to be terrible, but you’ll be alright, because you’re strong.”

“I don’t feel strong.”

“You’re as strong as a lion,” he said, pulling in front of the airport’s entrance.

The phrase jarred her. She looked at him in alarm, but he was too focused on getting the car pulled around. He stopped and pulled the break. “Ready?” he asked.

Her eyes softened. “Yes,” she hiccupped. 

He hopped out and ran to the other side of the car. He opened the door and she got out. He opened the boot, and the pulled out her trunk. An airport porter put it on a trolley. 

“Where to miss?” he asked.

“I need to purchase a plane ticket, to London,” she told him. 

“Right you are, miss. I’ll take it there.” He pushed the trolley into the airport and disappeared.

Susan sighed and turned back to Ben. He had a small smile.

“Don’t forget to tip him,” Ben said.

“I won’t,” she smiled back. “Do I need to tip my driver too?”

“Yes,” he said in all seriousness. “I only accept payments in kisses.”

She blushed and kissed him. It was chaste, but deep and full of desperation. How would she endure England when she knew this was in America waiting for her? They finally broke apart. 

“I’ve got to go buy my ticket,” she said. “Good bye, Ben, and thank you. For everything.”

“Bye Susan,” he said with a sad smile. “Take care.”

They hugged and let go. Susan turned and walked away. She looked back as she passed into the airport. Ben was standing there, waving goodbye.


	8. Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan is leaving America and flying back to England. She meets Gordon, a medical student at Cambridge.

Despite the tears in her eyes, she had to admit, she was very excited about riding in an airplane. She had never flown before. Peter and Edmund would have been envious. She smiled and settled in her seat. A man sat next to her a few minutes later. He nodded at her, sat down, and said nothing more. 

She looked around the interior of the plane. It was metal, white, and had large, although somewhat uncomfortable chairs. She hoped she would be able to get to sleep. The person at the ticket counter had told her the flight would take many hours and it would be the next day, in England, before they arrived. 

A few more people got on the plane. There was a man in a sharp business suit, and a young woman, who looked like she wasn’t that much older than Susan. Perhaps on her way to university? Susan couldn’t tell.

A woman in a starched blue uniform and hat appeared before them. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she said in a New York accent, “Welcome aboard. The plane door has been closed and we will be leaving very soon. Please place all your belongings under your seat until we are in the air. We will be serving drinks and food later. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I am Charlotte and this is Frida. We are your stewardesses for the journey. Your captain today is Captain Matthew Young and co-pilot John Jennings. Please put your seatbelts on. We will be leaving the gate shortly." 

Susan was already wearing her seat belt, but she heard the clicks of others putting theirs on. Charlotte and Frida disappeared and a few moments later, the plane moved with a jerk. Susan gasped and looked out the tiny portal of a window. The plane was moving, and she watched the airport disappear from her view. The rolled down a long road and turned around. There was a pause. Susan took in a deep breath and waited. A moment later, the plane was moving again, but going faster and faster. She looked out the window. She had never moved this fast before, except on a train, but this was pressing her back into her chair. Faster and faster. She was nearly panting with the anticipation as she watched the land passing in a blur. 

Then all of a sudden, her stomach dropped. She felt like she suddenly weighed twice her size while being lifted into the air at the same time. It felt like it did in the elevators of some of the tall buildings in New York. She looked out the window again and already, the ground was far below them. It looked like they were three stories high, then four, then oh, the ground was very far away now. She could see cars parked nearby. They were like small toys and the people next to them were tiny. She looked to see if she could see Ben’s car or Ben, looking up at her, but he had been driving a black car, and from the top, all of the cars looked black. The plane turned and now her window was facing the sky. There was nothing else she could see but the bright blue early fall sky. 

“Incredible, isn’t it?” the man next to her said in an English accent. “It’s my fourth flight and I still can’t get over it.”

She looked at him. He looked older than Ben, but not too much older. Maybe mid-twenties, she guessed. “I’m sorry, I took up the whole window.” 

“It’s alright. Like I said, I’ve flown before and I could tell that you have not.”

She shook her head. “No, I haven’t.”

“What do you think of the take off?” he asked.

“It’s very exciting, like riding in a huge elevator.”

He laughed. “I hadn’t thought of it like that, but your right. My name is Gordon Coppinger,” he said.

“I’m Susan Pevensie,” she replied, reaching out to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to meet a fellow Englishman,” he said. “Do you live here in New York?”

“Well, I have been,” she said, hesitating a little. She didn’t know quite where she lived anymore. “But I’m returning to England for a while.”

“To stay?” he asked. 

“I’m not quite sure,” she said, feeling a little emotional. She turned and looked out the window, but she wasn’t sure what she was looking at. White wisps kept passing her window.

“Is that smoke from the plane?” she suddenly asked in alarm.

Gordon Coppinger leaned over and looked, “No,” he said, with a smile. “Those are clouds.”

“Clouds?” she asked and looked out again. What is the dark below us?”

“Probably the Atlantic Ocean.”

Her eyes were large, staring at the dark waters below her. “It’s kind of scary and exciting at the same time.”

“Good adventures often are. Where in London are you going?” he asked.

“Finchley,” she answered. “At least, that’s where I’m starting.”

“What’s in Finchley?” he asked. 

Susan looked at him. He had dark hair and what looked like a faint scar across his forehead. His smile was very friendly, although slightly pulled on one side. “The family home,” she said, unsure what else to call it.

“But it’s not your home?” he asked, noticing her choice of words.

“I don’t know. It was once, but I’m not sure if it is anymore.” Susan looked back out the window and dabbed at her eyes again with the handkerchief.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She put on a brave smile and turned back to him. “It’s alright. It’s certainly not your fault. What about you? Where are you going in London?”

“Well, Wembly to start with before moving on to Cambridge. I’m attending school there.”

“Aren’t you a little late for this term?” she asked, thinking how Ben started school weeks ago.

“Sort of. I’m working with a professor on some research. I’ve been in America all summer, working. This is the first flight back since completing my research.”

“What kind of research?” she asked.

“Medical. Some American doctors have developed some new techniques for treating burns and perhaps even a vaccine against influenza. I went to study.”

“Sounds awful, although I am glad better ways of treating such things are being discovered,” Susan said, not liking the idea of burns at all.

To her surprise, he nodded. “Yes, it is awful. It is making me rethink my choice of study.” He bit down on his lip and chewed it for a moment. “I will turn in my research and thing speak with my professors about making a change of sorts.”

“You were studying to be a medical doctor?” she asked.

He nodded again. “Yes, but after being in the trenches, I don’t think I can do this.”

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. She had heard so many stories and seen even more blank, terrible expressions of men who had been in France during the war. Their stories were so awful, and yet, somewhere, deep in her heart, she knew what it was like. She closed her eyes as memories came, unbidden. She stood on a rocky ledge, a bow in her hand and a quiver full of arrows. She made shot after shot. She remembered standing in the middle of a battle field. Her brothers were there, as well as another boy, who was familiar, but she couldn’t recall his name now. She watched as friends around her were hacked down by sword and axe. She shuddered and brought the handkerchief to her face again.  
Why now? Why did she have to remember Narnia right now? Why did she have to remember the battles she had seen and the memorials she had presided over as queen? No wonder she had chosen to block Narnia from her mind, if all there had been were battles and death.

A hand rested on her shoulder. “Miss Pevensie?”

She wiped at her face and looked into the kind eyes of Gordon Coppinger. “Forgive me,” she said.

“You were there too?” he asked. “In France?”

She shook her head. “No, but I’ve seen battle elsewhere,” she said. 

“I didn’t mean to bring back bad memories,” he said to her. “War affects us physically, some worse than others.” He touched at the scars on his face. “I was lucky. My best mate lost an arm. But those can heal quickly enough. It’s the wounds in our head and our hearts, they never really heal.”

“Yes,” she nodded. Memories were terrible. 

The stewardess chose this time to come down the aisle of the plane. “Would you like some waters?”

They both nodded and were passed a glass of cool water. The stewardess looked at Susan’s tear streaked face and red eyes. “Would you like to move to another seat, miss?” she asked, giving side glances at Gordon.

Susan shook her head. “No, no, not at all. Forgive me, I’m well.”

“If you’re sure,” she said. “Then I’ll be back soon to collect your glasses.”

Susan sipped at her drink for a while. She felt terrible. “I’m sorry Mr. Coppinger, I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I’m afraid it’s been a rough week.”

“I’m sorry to have upset you by bringing distressing topics.”

She shook her head. “You’ve done nothing wrong. I would still like to talk with you. If you aren’t going to continue with medical school, what will you do?”

“That’s what I need to talk to my professors about,” he chuckled. 

“You mentioned Wembly, why are you going there first?” 

“It’s where my parents live. I’ll stay with them for a night before going on to Cambridge.”

“I’ll be going to Cambridge too,” Susan said. “My aunt and uncle are there, and I’ll probably spend some time there.”

“Would you like to ride with me?” Gordon asked. 

“I can stop in Finchley.”

Susan nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”

The stewardess returned to pick up their glasses. Susan and Gordon’s conversation fell into a lull, which was fine with Susan. She was tired. She hadn’t slept well last night and the excitement of the morning, not to mention all the emotional ups and downs she had experienced over the last few days, had left her feeling exhausted. She pulled off her sweater and rolled it into a ball. She wedged the sweater between her head and neck and the side of the plane. It took a few minutes of shifting before she found a somewhat comfortable position.

She leaned into her makeshift pillow, took in a deep breath, and relaxed, closing her eyes and then listened to the humming of the plane. She fell into a light sleep.

When she woke, she was pleased that several hours had passed, but she knew she needed to try and sleep again later. They still had a long way to go. Susan put her sweater back on and sat up, stretching her legs as best as she could.

She peaked over at Gordon, who was also asleep, his head lulling to one side, and a book in his hands. She looked out the window. The day was still bright as the clouds flew past her. She couldn’t see the ocean below them and she wondered how high in the air the must be. Her stomach growled and she wondered if she could eat her sandwich. She got her bag from under the chair and opened it. The brown paper bag was a bit crumpled, but she pulled it out and opened it up. The sandwich was still well protected in its wax paper. She opened it and pulled out half of the sandwich.

It was delicious. She would have to experiment and see if she could find some way to replicate it in her own kitchen. The problem was, she wasn’t sure if she would have her own kitchen again anytime soon. She never had to cook with Mrs. Williams. Not that the houseowner would ever let her or any of the girls into the kitchen to cook anything more than hot water for tea.

“That smells delicious,” Gordon said, sitting up.

Susan jumped slightly in startled embarrassment. “Oh, I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t,” he said. “What is that, if I might ask?”

Susan looked at the quarter of the sandwich that she still held in her hand. “My favorite sandwich from Artie’s Deli. I worked at a bank and made the lunch run every day for the directors. This is shredded turkey, some kind of sauce, walnuts, and dried cranberries on rye bread.” She held out what was left of the sandwich to Gordon. “Would you like to try?”

“I would hate to eat your sandwich.”

She ripped off a corner of the sandwich, making sure he got plenty of the chicken mixture in between the thick rye and handed it to him. “Try it.”

He took the corner and popped it into his mouth. His eyes grew wide and he hummed happily. “Oh, that’s good.”

She pulled off another corner and held it out to him. He laughed and shook his head. “That’s kind of you to share, but I won’t take any more of your food.”

“I didn’t know if it would be alright to eat it on the plane,” she said, looking around to see if the stewardesses were watching her. 

“It’s fine,” he said, “but I believe they will be serving us a meal in a few hours.”

She finished her food and tucked the rest back into her bag. Then, she pulled out a book. When she opened it, the infamous letter, trimmed in black, was tucked into it.

“I’m so sorry,” Gordon said, pointing to the letter. “Is that why you’re returning to England?”

Susan nodded and pushed the envelope deeper into the book so she couldn’t see it anymore. “Yes.”

He didn’t ask anything more, which Susan was thankful for. She opened her book to the page that she was reading, but she couldn’t read for a while. She closed her eyes and took in a few deep breaths. After several minutes, she relaxed, opened her eyes and started to read. She read for a while and dozed off a few times before the stewardess came around again with dinner. Dinner was meatloaf, potatoes, and carrots. There was a piece of cake for dessert. Susan was impressed. It was quite decent. 

She and Gordon chatted amiably after dinner about schools, favorite places in London, and what they thought of America. As the plane cabin grew dark with the approaching night, the stewardesses turned on some dim lights. They came around with small pillows and light weight blankets. Susan was happy to try and get some sleep again without having to use her cardigan as a make-shift pillow.

She tucked it at her neck and leaned against the window again. The blanket was pulled up to her chin and she watched the darkness outside of the plane. Once in a while, a pale cloud lit up by the plane or the moon would swoosh by, but mostly, it was inky blackness.

“How do the pilots know which way they are going in this darkness?” she asked sleepily.

“They have a compass, as well as other instruments to help guide them. As long as they keep the plane pointed the right direction on the compass, they will make it to London.”

“And if they don’t?” she asked with a small, bur slightly nervous smile.

“Then we end up in Scotland,” he said, and Susan laughed.

“Night Gordon.”

“Good night, Susan.”


	9. Never able to go home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan finds that you can go home, but it is not the same home as the one you left.

Susan didn’t sleep as well as she had hoped on the plane, but the hours of darkness didn’t last very long as they approached the English coast. It was morning there and Susan was thankful to finally see a coastline again. She hoped it was the British coastline and that the pilots didn’t accidentally get them turned around, so they were arriving in Greenland, Scotland, or back in America.

The stewardess had passed around coffee and water and was now collecting the empty cups. When Susan asked, she said they were almost there. As the plane got lower, it was easy to see they were indeed in England, or at least, Brittan. There were huge fields of green, divided by long rows of white, which she assumed were stone walls, and dotted throughout all the fields were puffs of white – sheep.

Despite the reason for bringing Susan home, she couldn’t deny the fact that she had missed England and she was glad to be returning. As they reached the towns surrounding London, there was less field and more buildings. Then, there were nothing but buildings. She could see cars, even tiny people. There were streams, ponds, and the occasional park. Closer and closer the world grew as the plane descended. Finally, there were almost level with the ground and then a hard jolt nearly made Susan cry out in surprise. The wheels of the plane touched the ground and a roaring filled Susan’s ears as the brakes were applied to slow down the plane.

She looked over at Gordon, who was grinning.

“What did you think?” he asked.

“It was very surprising,” she said. 

He laughed. “It’s good to be on solid land again.”

She nodded and they watched out of the window together as the plane pulled up around closer to a larger building. Finally, the plane stopped, and the stewardess told them they were free to gather their belongings. Susan stood and stretched. Her body ached from being in only one position for so long. 

She realized she really needed to visit the toilet too. She gathered her things. Gordon turned to her.

“Write down your address in Finchley so I can pick you up tomorrow. Do you have a phone number?” he asked.

Susan wasn’t sure what to do. She wrote her family’s home address, but she wasn’t sure if it was still theirs or if it was empty, rented, or sold. “I’m not sure the phone is still connected,” she admitted. “Will you give me your phone number, in case I need to call you with any changes in my plans?”

He nodded and wrote down a number. “If you need to, tell the operator to charge the call to us.”

She thanked him. She wasn’t sure what she had for money anymore. She could go to a bank and exchange the American dollars into British pounds, but there wasn’t going to be a lot of that left. Her plane ticket had cost her nearly everything she had saved. And, she was going to need to call her Aunt Alberta at some point as well.

Fresh air entered the plane when the door was opened. They slowly made their way out the door and down the steps that had been rolled up to the plane’s door. Susan took a deep breath once she was on solid ground again. This was London air.

It filled her nostrils and lungs again. It was so different from New York, which was such a younger city. There were cars everywhere and the sounds of new buildings going up. Here, it was salt and soot. The sunlight was different here too. There was mist and smoke from coal chimneys, producing a filter of thick atmosphere that the sun penetrated in a whitish gray way. There was no way to really describe the sun and the air, except to just call it London. 

They went to where their bags and trunks were being brought. Susan really hadn’t thought about this. How in the world was she going to get her trunk to Finchley? The only thing she could do was to go by cab, but that was expensive. But, even without a trunk, she would still need a cab. Finchley was just too far away to walk.

Gordon put her trunk on a small trolley and pushed it into the airport. “Where too?” he asked.

“I suppose I need to go somewhere where I can get a cab.”

He nodded. “I wish Finchley was on the way to Wembly. I would just take you there myself.”

They reached the entrance to the airport and he pushed the trolley next to her. “I see my ride is already waiting,” he said. “Call me, if you can, about tomorrow, but if I don’t hear from you, I’ll be at the address you gave me at ten o’clock. Alright?”

She reached out her hand to shake his. “Thank you, Gordon. It was nice to sit with you on the ride over. I’ll be ready at ten, but I’ll try and call.”

He shook her hand before pulling it to his lips and kissing it. “Bye Susan. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” she said as he turned and left. He waved to someone, and a man in a very nice suit waved back. The man helped to load Gordon’s belongings into the car, then he held open the door while Gordon got into the back. The man slowly trotted around to the driver’s seat, got in and quickly pulled away.

Susan was surprised by this. That man in the suite had to be a butler or some sort, or a chauffeur. He certainly wasn’t family, or they might have greeted each other more enthusiastically. Was Gordon Coppinger that well off?

She went to the cab line. The man there waved at a cab, who pulled up right next to Susan. “Here miss,” he said in a thick accent that was almost hard to understand after being in America for half a year.

They helped her with her trunk and she got in. “Where to miss?”

“Finchley,” she said, handing the man a slip of paper with the address. 

He pulled away and they started on the journey. 

“Did ya enjoy your flight, miss?” he asked as he pulled onto the main road.

“Yes. I had never been on a plane before. I enjoyed the plane taking off.”

“Aye,” he said, nodding his head. “I’ve flown in planes meself. Course, it were a different kind of plane. Bomber plane, it was. I saw way too much of the continent during the war.”

“I imagine so.”

“It’s not something I’d want to do again, but I’d have to agree with you, taking off and landing are always a thrill.”

They fell into silence as he drove on. Susan watched the buildings and people go by as he drove. A quarter of an hour later, Susan was in very familiar territory. She saw her first primary school, and the shop that her mother liked to visit for dresses and cloth. The thought of her mother, shopping for a new hat nearly brought Susan to tears. She pushed at her eyes and forced herself to look back to the streets. The cabbie made his final turn that brought Susan right to her childhood home. He parked the car and opened the boot of the cab while Susan climbed out, staring at the building in front of her. She half expected to be able to rush in and hear music on the radio, playing Glenn Miller tunes, a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, and her family sitting about, reading newspapers or the boys playing with some tin soldiers. Susan felt the trunk being sat on the ground next to her, reminding her of the reality of here and now.

She paid her cab fare, which left her with a significant less amount of money. She pulled her trunk to the bottom of the steps that led to the house. She went up the familiar steps, noticing the chip in one of them from a heavy piece of wood that Peter had tried to carry and dropped back when he and Susan were not yet old enough for school. She missed Peter.

The woman who opened the door when Susan knocked was completely unfamiliar, but she smiled kindly at her.

“Hello,” Susan said, stammering, unsure what to say now. “I, um, grew up in this house and I was just returning to London and,” she took in a deep breath. “I didn’t know the house had been moved out of.”

“Oh dear,” the woman said. “Your family moved and didn’t tell you?”

“Not quite, but did you buy the home?”

“Yes dear, we just moved in about a week ago. Heavens, the house is still full of crates,” the woman said, throwing an arm back in the direction of the house.

“I see,” Susan said. How could her aunt and uncle sell the house without waiting to hear from her? “Well, I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

The woman looked beyond her and saw the trunk. “Do you need a place to stay, dear? The house isn’t quite unpacked, but I’m sure we can shift a few things for the night.”

“I hate to interfere. Wait, does the shelter in the backyard still have a cot?” Susan asked.

“It does, although it’s quite dusty and dark in there.”

“May I sleep there for the night? I promise to be out first thing in the morning,” Susan asked.

“Dear me, but you don’t want to do that, it’s very dirty.”

“I’ll be alright,” Susan said. “My brothers, sister, and I used to campout in there. Sometimes, during the raids, we spent nights in there with our mother. I’ll be fine.”

“Well, if that’s what you wish, you’re welcome to stay the night. What will you do tomorrow?” she asked, rubbing at her bare arms in the chilly air.

“I have a ride to Cambridge in the morning,” Susan said.

The woman nodded. “Well, if you’re sure, then you are welcomed to the shelter. I can at least get you a blanket and pillow.”

“That’s most kind of you,” Susan said. “I’ll just get my trunk.”

“I’ll get Matty to help you,” the woman said. She turned back to the house. “Matty? Matty, come and help this girl, please.”

A little boy, about ten, showed up at the door. He ran down the steps to Susan and the trunk. “I’ll help,” he said. “I’m strong. I carried my boxes to my room.”

“You look quite strong. Can you help me get this trunk to the door?” she asked.

He nodded and together, they carried the trunk up the half dozen stairs and into the house. Susan asked to just leave the trunk there for the night. She didn’t need much out of it for one night. The woman agreed and formally introduced themselves.

“I’m Mrs. Lorna Patterson, and this is Matty. Little Mary is in there.”

Susan looked into the sitting room and waved at the little girl, who, sitting with dark hair, a simple dress, and playing with a doll, looked just like Lucy had at that age. She missed Lucy so much.

She turned back to the woman. “I’m Susan Pevensie.”

The woman gasped. “Pevensie? But that’s the family who all died in the crash! How did you survive?”

“I’ve been in America for the last six months.”

“This was the Pevensie house, wasn’t it?” she still stood there, eyes wide.

Susan could only nod. “It was.”

“And they sold it without you knowing?”

She nodded again. “It seems they did.”

“Oh dear,” she said, shaking her head. “Oh dear, oh dear. We just let it and now we’ve moved in. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

Susan rested a hand on the woman’s arm. “Don’t be distressed about it,” she said. “This home needs a family in it. My brothers, sister and I were very happy growing up here. I know that Matty and Mary will be happy too.”

“Don’t forget Baby Georgie,” Matty piped up. “He’s a baby,” he said, looking at Susan.

She smiled. “And Baby Georgie. This is a good house. You will like living here.”

“My dear, are you sure?”

“I promise. Now, Matty, can you show me to the shelter in the back?”

Matty nodded, his hair bouncing around his head. “I can!”

“I can too!” Mary yelled and stood up.

“Dears, you don’t need to bother Miss Pevensie, besides, I’m not sure I want you in the shelter,” Mrs. Patterson said.

“Aw mum, We’ve not gotten to see it yet. It might have pirate treasure in it. Have you looked?”

“Pirate treasure?” Mrs. Patterson tsked. “No indeed.”

“If you will allow me, I will show them the shelter,” Susan said.

Mrs. Patterson looked them over and nodded. “Very well. Perhaps once they see what a dusty, dirty place it is, they won’t be so curious about it.”

Susan nodded and she went out the back door. It was so strange to be somewhere so familiar as home, but it wasn’t home anymore. She pulled open the shelter door. It squeaked terribly. “You’ll have to get some oil on those hinges so the pirates don’t know you’re coming,” she said to Matty, who nodded with complete agreement. Mary’s eyes were wide with excitement.

She stepped down into the shelter. It was dark and dirty, just like Mrs. Peterson said. Susan got on the floor and crawled to a corner. She reached out and felt one of the boards that made up the shelter walls. Scratched into the board were four sets of initials. P.P., S.P., E.P., L.P. “You’ll need to add your initials here too,” she said, her voice choking a bit. They had carved their initials when the shelter was first put into place, before they were sent to live with Professor Kirke in the country. Back when the shelter was a place to play games. Before Narnia.

Matty and Mary got down on the ground and looked at the board. “Is there any treasure?” he asked. They explored the small space and Susan pulled out all the blankets from the cots that were in there. She took them outside to give them a good shake. Dust flew up in huge clouds. Mattie went into the house and came back with a broom. They swept up the steps and the floor and cots. After an hour, they had the shelter in pretty good condition. Mattie and Mary played in the shelter while Susan sat on the grass in the autumn sun. She supposed she needed to call her aunt and uncle and tell them she would be arriving in the morning.

The last week had gone by so fast, and yet, at a snails pace. It had only been six days since she had gotten the letter about her family’s death. Or was it seven days? She had lost track of time somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean.

“Matty,” she called to the boy. “I need to go make a phone call. I’ll go out the back gate, but make sure it’s alright with your mum for you to play in the shelter without me out here.”

He groaned and marched off. A few moments later, he came back out and called to Mary. “Mum says we have to go in.” They marched back in like it was a death sentence. Susan took her purse and left through the gate. It was still stiff on its hinges. It always had been. She walked to the corner and found a public phone booth.

She lifted the speaker and cranked the ringer three times. She hadn’t used a phone like this in years. 

“Operator,” the voice on the other line said.

“Hello, I’d like to make a collect call to CAM 5934.”

“Name please?”

“Susan Pevensie.”

“Please wait while I connect you.”

Susan listened as the phone clicked a few times, then, there was a ring, then two rings, then three rings, and then the phone was picked up. “CAM 5934,” a female’s voice said. “Hello.”

Before Susan could say anything, the operator spoke. “I have a collect call from Susan Pevensie. Will you accept the charges?”

“Susan? Is she calling from America, because if she is, I cannot accept,” Aunt Alberta’s voice said, rather harshly.

“It is from London,” the operator replied.

“Oh, really? Alright, I’ll accept.”

The operator spoke once more, “Go ahead please.” There was a clicking sound and the phone was all Susan’s.

“Aunt Alberta?”

“Good gracious, Susan, what in the world are you doing in London?”

“I got your letter, about a week ago. I had to come out.”

“But why didn’t you send word ahead of time?”

Susan shrugged at the phone. “A letter wouldn’t have gotten to you as quickly. I came in on an airplane yesterday.”

“Gracious child. Where are you staying in London?”

“At the old house,” Susan answered, and she was somewhat pleased to hear Alberta sputtering on the other end.

“The house? The house you say? But it’s not, well, I what I mean to say is that it’s-“

“Been sold?” Susan asked. “Yes, I found out just an hour ago. However, the family is quite nice and letting me stay for the night. I’ve got a ride to Cambridge tomorrow, so I’ll be arriving at your home by lunch time.”

Alberta on the other end stuttered a bit. “You might have given us some warning that you were coming.”

“Would you like me to send you a telegram right now?” Susan cheekily asked. 

“Don’t be ridiculous girl.”

“Since you sold my home without my knowledge, I expect you to put me up for a while,” Susan said. She never would have spoken to her aunt like this in the past, but she was mad now and feeling quite petty about it. Besides what would they do? Say no? She was sure if she had to, she could find an old friend to stay with, start a job and work until she could decide what she wanted to do with her life.

“I will see you tomorrow then,” Alberta said and with a click, the line was dead. Susan hung up. She pulled out the number from Gordon and picked up the phone, but she realized all her coins were American. She didn’t have a way to call him, without doing collect again. And while she didn’t feel bad about doing that to her aunt, she didn’t want to do it to Gordon.

Susan stepped out of the phone booth and looked down the street. The bank that her parents had used was on the corner. She wondered if their bank accounts were still there. She walked in and went to one of the clerks.

“Yes?” he sneered through thick glasses.

“I was wondering if you can do an exchange from American coins?”

“Not my job,” he said. “Over there,” he pointed at another desk. 

Susan moved. “Do you do exchanges for American money?”

“Why?”

“I’ve just arrived from America and I need to trade in my coins so I can make a phone call at the public booth.”

“Do you have an account here?” he asked.

“No sir,” she answered, “but my parents used to.”

“I can’t help you.”

“I just need to exchange enough coins to make a phone call.”

“It’s a minimum of five pounds.”

Susan sighed. She didn’t have that much left and she told him so.

“Then I can’t help you.”

“Can I borrow enough to make one phone call?” she pleaded. “This is a bank. Can’t I borrow money.”

“Not ten p you can’t,” he said.

Susan turned around and stormed out. Well, Gordon had said he would come for her. She was just going to have to trust him. Her stomach rumbled. There was a grocer close by, but without the right kind of money, there was no way he would part with an apple or a loaf of bread. She remembered she still had the rest of Artie’s sandwich. She started back towards home. Or, what had been her home once. 

“Why did I come back?” she said to herself. “I should have stayed in New York. At least I had a job and a place to stay. Here,” she looked around at the familiar street, “I’m completely alone.”

She turned, on a whim, and went down another street to the local church. The heavy wooden doors were closed, but she gave one a tug and found it swung open easily. It was dimly lit, inside, and smelled of incense and wax. Off in the distance, she could hear people talking. 

Before the war, her parents had brought Susan and her siblings here each Sunday, but after the war, they hardly went, except for Christmas.

Once Susan had arrived in America, she never went. It had reminded her too much of a memory she could never recall and made her feel sad, so she had stopped.   
She walked up to the side door and gave a knock. 

“One moment,” a voice called out and when it opened, it was a wizened old man staring at her with bright blue eyes. “How can I help you, my child?”

“Hello, my name is Susan. Did you know the Pevensie family?” 

He nodded slowly. “I did. Such a nice family. So tragic what happened to them.”

“Do you happen to know where they are buried?” Susan didn’t even know what had happened to her family or if her parents had made any kind of pre-arrangements for their bodies when they passed away.

He nodded again, “They are here, my child, in the church yard. Come in, my dear, and talk with me,” he said, turning and walking back to his desk.

She followed him in and took the seat he pointed too. He sat behind his desk and leaned forward, his eyes focused on her. 

“You are the surviving child, are you not?” he asked.

“I am,” she said. “How did you know?”

“I remember you from long ago,” he said. “You and all your siblings were baptized here.”

“I only remember Lucy’s baptism,” Susan said. “I was too young for Edmund’s and of course, I wasn't born yet for Peter's.”

He nodded. “Your parents were good people. I was very sad to hear about their deaths. I’m sure God has received them into his arms, but it was too soon, if you ask me. They should have had years ahead of them.”

Susan could only nod in agreement.

“It cannot be easy for you to have survived.”

“I wasn’t there,” she said. “I probably should have been, but I wasn’t.”

“For you, survival is something you must do every day, isn’t it? My brother was killed in France in 1916. He was my closest friend. I didn’t understand how I could survive when he was dead. Even now, all these years later, it still hurts, but finding God has helped me.”

“I don’t think God will want to help me,” Susan said, feeling very uncomfortable.

He only shrugged. “There is a saying, God moves in mysterious ways. Have you heard that?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“Believe it. He moves differently for all. For some, he works like a mouse, quiet and quickly. For others, He roars like a lion.”

Susan’s head snapped up.

The old man chuckled. “Yes, mysterious ways. Now, would you like to see where your family is laid?”

Susan could only nod. Tears prickled at her eyes. 

He stood from his chair, gripping the desk until he was steady. He shuffled to another door, collected a cane and opened it. “Follow me. I’ll show you.”

Susan followed the ancient looking priest out the door and down a small hall. He opened the next door and they were outside in a small garden. “You should see this in the early summer,” he said. “When everything is in bloom, it’s quite beautiful. Not that it isn’t pretty now. I love autumn and how nature prepares itself for winter.”

He led her further away from the church and into a newer area. A gleaming new stone was there.

The Pevensie Family

All her family was there. Her parents, her brothers, her sister. All sharing a common death date. She stared at it. It was really real. This would be the closest to her family she could ever be again.

“I feel like I was kicked out of the family,” she said. It wasn’t at all what she expected to say when facing her family’s grave.

“My child,” the old man started, and then stopped. “Yes, I could see why you would feel that way.”

Even if she died right now, her death date would be different. Never was she to be with them again.

“Is there only one heaven?” she asked. “I mean, my sister was one of the kindest people I ever knew. She had a strong faith. She didn’t live long enough to make many of the mistakes that adults make. But I struggle with my faith. I am still living and still making mistakes. Does that mean I will never be with her in heaven?”

The old man shuffled to a nearby bench and sat down. He chucked and had a faraway look in his clear eyes. “I don’t claim to understand all the mechanics of heaven. Will we have wings and a harp? Many people ask me that. I don’t quite know. We who live a long life will make mistakes and offend God at some point or other. But God knows what’s in your heart.”

She nodded and looked back to her family. “I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as Lucy.”

“Now, now, don’t short change yourself.”

The five o’clock bells started to ring. Susan about jumped out of her skin. The old man stood up. You’re welcome to stay as long as you wish, but I hope you’ll forgive me if I retreat back inside.”

“Thank you,” she said and watched as he closed the heavy wooden door behind him. Susan looked at the grave markings for a long time. She started to cry and she cried and cried. She fell in front of her parents names and sobbed. It was so cruel. How could he take them all away and leave her here to survive?

She cried until she nearly fell asleep on their grave. Finally, she stood up and with one last touch of her hand to each marker, she left to return back to the old home and back yard shelter.


	10. Aslan's Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aslan visits Susan in a dream. Could it be true that he left her alive, when the rest of her family died, as a reward? How was life without her family or without Aslan a reward? Susan leaves Finchley and goes to her Aunt and Uncle's house.

Susan ate the rest of her sandwich, and then made up the cot with the blankets Mrs. Patterson had loaned her. She left the shelter doors open and stared at the night sky above her. She contemplated closing them, but it had been a long time since she had slept under the stars. Also, she was too exhausted to get up and close the door.  
Instead, she fell into a jet-lag induced sleep.

When Susan opened her eyes, she found herself standing in the backyard of her childhood home. She turned to look at the shelter, but it wasn’t there. The yard looked like the way it did in the years before the war; before the shelter was dug. It was twilight and the air was crisp, but pleasant. 

She turned back to the house. Light was spilling from the house and she could hear the sounds of laughter. She went to the window and saw her family inside. Mum, Dad, Peter, Edmund, and Lucy were sitting around the table, holding cards in their hands and laughing as the cards were placed face up in some game Susan wasn’t familiar with. 

“Hello!” she cried out, but no one turned to her. She ran to the door, but it was locked. She went back to the window and knocked on it. “Hello! Mum! Dad!” No one answered or even looked in her direction. They went on playing, seemingly oblivious to the fact that their eldest daughter was yelling at them from the window.

A huge animal walked in front of the window and sat down with its back towards Susan, blocking her view of the family.

“Aslan, please! Let me in.”

There was no reaction from him either. Susan knocked at the window and then ran to the others, but they were pitch black and sealed tightly shut. “Mum?” she whimpered as she tried the window with the lion filling the space. Then the light went out, just as dark as the rest of the house.

Susan sat down and cried. She was well and truly kicked out of the family and Aslan cared nothing for her. The old father at the church had been wrong. Either she did not have a true heart or Aslan didn’t care for such things anymore.

“What did I do wrong?” she spoke out loud.

“You did nothing wrong,” the deep, familiar voice of Aslan said.

“So why am I being separated from them?” she asked and opened her eyes to see the huge lion now sitting in front of her.

“You were not in the same place as them. You did not believe in Narnia anymore, so you were not in on their plans to return to Narnia,” Aslan said.

“It’s not that I didn’t believe, but I had to tell myself it wasn’t real or else my desire to return would have torn me apart. Peter knew we weren’t supposed to return, but he was trying to get back. Wasn’t he disobeying you?”

“Not completely. He was trying to help get your cousin back because Eustace had not been told he could not return.”

“Are they with you then?” she asked sadly. “Do you see them? Are they happy?”

Aslan licked her face. “Dear child.” He sounded sad, which surprised her. “I do see them. They are happy.”

Susan was relieved at least to hear that part. “I’m glad they are happy. I wish I were with them.”

“You have another path, my daughter. One that will make you happier than they can ever imagine,” he said.

“That is not possible,” she scoffed. “They are Narnia, living as kings and queen, with our parents and with you. I don’t think there is anything more wonderful than that.”

Aslan sat down before her and watched her. Susan squirmed, feeling very uncomfortable under his intense gaze. She felt like a small child who had done something wrong.

“What did I do wrong that didn’t allow me that happiness? I did exactly what you told me. I returned home and grew up. Knowing I could never return hurt so much that I had to forget, but I never truly forgot, did I? How can you forget Narnia? How can you forget growing up as a queen? Only to be thrust into the harsh world as a child? It hurt so much, Aslan.”

“I know, dear one. The greatest joy is found through sorrow and hardships.”

“I cannot believe that I will ever feel joy again. I am alone.”

“You will not be alone forever. Soon, you will know that,” he said.

“Why?” Susan sank to the ground. “Why didn’t you take me when you took the rest? Why did you leave me to suffer alone?”

Aslan sank down to rest on his belly with his great paws stretched out before her. His giant head was at her level. “Susan, you were obedient in what I asked of you, that is true, and if you trust me, you will be greatly rewarded for obeying me. There is nothing that I do without a purpose.” 

“You mean, there’s a purpose for my still being alive?”

“There is, dear one,” he answered.

“Well, what it is?” she asked, needing to know what it was she was to do.

“That is for you to learn.”

Susan’s hope deflated. “How will I know it when I’ve learned it?”

“You will know it after you have learned it.”

Susan thought she would cry again. How in the world was that supposed to work? “I don’t know if I can go on like that. Wondering with each choice if I’m making the right one?”

“Believe in yourself, Susan. Trust that true heart of yours and follow it. When the time is right, you will see your family again and spend the rest of forever with them and me.”

Susan hiccupped. “Promise, Alsan?”

He smiled at her. Well, as best as a lion could do for a smile. “Do your part and I will do mine. Brave heart now, Susan.” He breathed in her face.

She closed her eyes and smiled at the warm breath that filled her with bravery and hope. At that moment, she felt like she could face anything. The next moment, however, she opened her eyes to find herself looking into the dark sky above her. A few drops of rain landed on her face. Quickly, she hopped up off the cot and went to the shelter doors. She pulled them closed, keeping one of the doors propped open just enough for fresh air and a bit of light. The rain drops that came in landed on the shelter steps, but not on her bed. 

She climbed back into bed and remembered her conversation with Aslan. He had told her she had a purpose for still being alive. Her punishment wasn’t to live. Her reward was to live. She closed her eyes and was quickly lulled back to sleep by the constant patter of rain on her door.

Morning came with light pouring in on her face. She groaned and covered her face with her blanket.

“Miss Susan?” a young voice called out. “Miss Susan, are you awake?”

“Yes,” she said, pulling the blanket off her face and squinting at the little boy who stood at the top of the shelter steps. Water dripped onto her blankets from the open door.

“Mum wants to know if you want some breakfast,” he said.

She sat up. “Yes, thank you.”

“I’ll go tell her!” he ran off, leaving the shelter doors wide open.

Susan groaned. It felt like she had only slept for ten minutes. What had she dreamt about? It wouldn’t come back to her, but at the moment, she didn’t care. She needed to visit the toilet right away and she hoped that Mrs. Patterson would allow her a washrag to try and clean herself up a bit. Had it really only been yesterday morning since she had left New York? Maybe it had only been a half a day, or two days. She wasn’t entirely sure how much time had passed since she had said goodbye to Ben.

She smiled, thinking of Ben. They had kissed and it had been so good. She missed him and wanted to go back to him. He had even offered her a proposal, if she wanted it when her business here was done. With everything going on and plane ride, and talking with Gordon, finding her childhood home had been sold, seeing her parents graves, and everything in between, she really hadn’t taken the time to think about the things Ben had said before they parted. 

He would marry her, if she went back. Her heart swelled. She would write him today and beg for postage from her aunt. She had almost no money left, so she wasn’t sure how she would get back to America, but she was determined.

With that, Susan got up and slipped her shoes on. She folded the blankets and took everything she had borrowed out of the shelter and to the back door. Matty was watching her from the window, so as she approached the back door, he was there to open it. She walked in, still slightly disorientated by the familiarity of her home with the unfamiliar furniture and people in it.

“Can I use your toilet?” she asked Matty. He nodded and she set her blankets down before hurrying to the toilet. After taking care of business, she looked at herself in the mirror and was completely horrified. Her hair was a disaster and her face was streaked with dried tears and smothered makeup. Quickly, she raked her fingers through her hair and used some water on her hands from the sink to try and smooth it out. With some soap, she washed her hands and then scrubbed her face. She got off the makeup and tear streaks, but she looked even more worn out than before.

Without a proper bath, there wasn’t much she could do, but she was horrified to think that Gordon would be seeing her like this in just a few hours. Still, there was nothing more she could do. She walked back out and went to the kitchen.

Mrs. Patterson was there, balancing a baby on one hip while stirring a pot of something with her free hand.

“May I help?” Susan asked.

“Yes, please,” the young mother said. “If you would stir this while I get Georgie in his chair.”

Susan took her place and Mrs. Patterson went to the rickety looking baby high chair. The baby was placed inside, and the tray was lowered. Mrs. Patterson put a rattle on the try and the baby picked it up with a squeal. He banged it on the tray a few times before stuffing it into his mouth. Mrs. Patterson sighed and stretched her back.

“He was up all night long. He’s getting teeth.”

Susan continued stirring the hot oats as Mrs. Patterson came back over. “Sorry, dear. Good morning. How did you sleep? Were you alright out there? I worried so much when I heard rain.”

“I slept very well.” It was sort of true. “And when the rain started, I just closed the door most of the way. It was fine.”

“Are you leaving today?” she asked. She took a carafe out of the small refrigerator and started to pour orange juice into glasses.

“Yes, my ride will be here at ten. Thank you so much for your hospitality. I know it was very unexpected with me turning up like this out of the blue.”

“Well, you have been no trouble at all. The shelter is clean, thanks to you, and the children had a wonderful time playing in it. I’m just sorry that you didn’t know your home had been sold.”

Susan looked apologetically sad. “I had a feeling that it might happen. I had just hoped it hadn’t happened yet.”

“Well, after breakfast, you’re welcome to use the washroom and wash up before you leave.”

“Thank you,” Susan said in relief.

Breakfast was more entertaining than Susan could remember having since she had sat in this very room with her siblings when they were much younger. Matty and Mary talked and talked. They told her all about their play games and their school

Susan thought the children were very sweet. Even little Georgie was fun to watch as Mrs. Patterson tried to feed him mushy oats. Most of it ended up on his chin.

The bath was heavenly, and Susan was glad to get clean. She felt a hundred times better and she was able to pull her hair back into something simple, but stylish. She reapplied some make up and felt she was ready to face the world now.

With Matty as a guide, Susan got to walk through the house one final time. She spent a long moment in her old room. She could see a scratch in the wallpaper that she had made by accident long ago, when she was about six years old. She didn’t even remember how it happened. But this was Mary’s room now and finally, Susan said goodbye to it.

Tears threatened to fall, but she forced them back. There was no way she was ruining her makeup now. Not when she was about to greet Gordon and see her aunt and uncle in a few more hours. Susan said thank you to Mrs. Patterson, and good bye to the children. The told her she was welcomed back anytime, and she thanked them for that. She never did see Mr. Patterson, but she didn’t think about that until much later in the day. She briefly wondered if Mr. Patterson was even alive.

A car rolled up in front of the house at ten o’clock on the nose. Susan’s trunk was loaded into the boot of the car. Gordon admired the trunk’s new additions. Matty had found a broken pair of roller skates in the trash near the park a few weeks back, or so he claimed. Each skate had a broken wheel and he had taken them, hoping to fix them, but when he saw Susan’s heavy trunk, he took the wheels off the stakes and screwed them into Susan’s truck. It could roll now and Susan was, at first, shocked that he affixed the wheels to her trunk, but then she praised him for making her life so much simpler.

Matty beamed at his handiwork and Susan’s praise.

“Ready to go?” Gordon asked, holding the door open to her.

Susan looked at the house one last time, said a silent goodbye, and got in. It was time to move on.

“Is that a new family in your home?” he asked. “Or are they relatives?”

“New family,” she sighed. “It seems my aunt and uncle sold my parent’s home without informing me.”

“You can probably take them to court over that.”

Susan shrugged. “Maybe, but I haven’t seen the will, if my father and mother even had one.”

“Yes, I guess you will need to find out what that said first,” Gordon agreed. He turned the corner and headed for the main street that would lead them out of this part of London, headed northeast to Cambridge.

“How about you, did you have a nice evening with your family?” Susan asked, wanting to change the talk away from her.

“I did. Father was interested to hear about my research and studies. Mum is upset that I’m not going to be a doctor anymore. She just doesn’t understand what I want to do instead it still being a doctor, I just won’t see patients. To her, if you’re not in a white coat and working in a hospital, you’re not a proper doctor.”

Susan nodded. “I’ve seen that before. I worked in a bank. Not everyone in a bank is a banker and some people who work there seem to have a hard time understanding that. The junior clerk is not the same thing as a true banker, but they try and order people around as if they owned the bank.”

Gordon laughed. “I’m sure that happens everywhere.”

The drive to Cambridge was very nice. Susan hadn’t traveled there by car before, always the train. Conversation with Gordon was light and comfortable. They talked about school, New York, and current affairs. There was still so much to recover from after the war. Susan’s neighborhood hadn’t suffered too greatly, but remnants of the war were evident everywhere you looked.

“Where in Cambridge does your family live?” he asked as the approached the boarders of the university town. “It’s north of the university, I believe. Chesterton Road and not far from St. Andrews Chesterton.”

“I know the area,” he said, making a turn onto another major road. 

“We always came in on the underground,” she said. “And my aunt would pick us up.”

He nodded. “We’ll get you there. You still have my phone number, correct?”

“Yes, and I meant to call you yesterday, but all my money is American and the bank refused to make an exchange because they have a minimum amount and I didn’t have that.”

“They should have helped you,” he frowned.

“I tried,” she sighed. “I’m hoping my aunt can lend me a few pounds until I can find a way to start making my own money, or, if my family left me any, collect it.”

“What will you do?” he asked.

Her plan was to return to America and hope that Ben still wanted to marry her. She had her letter to him tucked neatly in her bag. “There’s nothing for me here. I might return to America. I had friends in New York, and a good job. I’m sure I could get it back if I were to return.”

“Well, if you need me while you’re here, please call me.”

As they drove along Chesterton Road, Susan pulled out her aunt’s address and read it to Gordon. After a few wrong turns, they managed to find the street and then the house.

“Would you like me to wait for you?” he asked as they pulled up.

“No, you don’t have too. They’re expecting me.”

“Where’s the phone number I gave you?” he asked.

Susan pulled the paper out of her bag and handed it to Gordon. He wrote down a second number and gave it back.

“This is the number at the university, if you need to reach me. Ask for research lab and my name. If I’m not there, they’ll take a message and I’ll call you the first chance I get. And now that I know where you are staying, I can get to you easily, if you need me.”

“Thank you, Gordon. It’s nice to have a friend here,” She smiled, her heart warming at the comforting knowledge that if things got too terrible with her aunt and uncle, she wouldn’t be alone. She slipped the paper back into her bag. 

Gordon shut off the car and went to her door. He opened it for her and helped her out. She went to the boot and helped him to get her trunk out. He laughed at the way it rolled now.

“Thank you,” she said again. “I can’t tell you how much your kindness has meant to me.”

He took her hand and kissed it. “May I call on you sometime? Perhaps we can go to dinner?”

She nodded. “I’d like that, thank you.”

He tipped his hat at her and went back to his car. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait?”

The door behind Susan opened and Aunt Alberta poked her head out.

“Are you coming in or are you staying on the pavement all day?” she called out.

Susan smiled at Gordon and waved. “I’m sure.”

He nodded, got into his car and pulled away. Susan turned to her aunt. She never realized how much Aunt Alberta looked like her mother, until now. But Aunt Alberta had plumped up a bit more and seemed to have more gray hairs than she remembered her mother having.

“Hello, Aunt Alberta,” she said, rolling her trunk to the door. She lifted it up the few steps and Alberta moved out of the doorframe so Susan could come in.  
There was a cold, obligatory kiss on the cheek between the ladies and then they stepped back to look over each other.

“I’m sorry about Eustace,” Susan said. She hadn’t seen him since he was about ten. He had been such a brat, but Edmund and Lucy assured her in several letters that Eustace had improved greatly. “It was such a terrible loss.”

“It was the influence of your siblings. I don’t know what they were doing, but it was their fault he was on that train.”

“I’m sure Peter didn’t force Eustace into anything,” Susan said, trying not to get angry at her aunt’s cruel, grief-stricken words. 

“But if it weren’t for them, Eustace would still be alive.” Alberta started to cry, although, in Susan’s mind, it sounded a bit forced. It had been more than seven weeks for Alberta since Eustace’s death. It wasn’t long, but it was six weeks longer than Susan had known. Everything was still very raw to her.

“I’m sorry, Alberta.” She said softly.

Alberta wiped her face with a handkerchief. “Come on back. We’ll get your trunk up to a room later.”

“Your Uncle’s at work,” she announced as they sat down to tea and sandwiches.

Susan nodded. She had no idea what to say now. How could she politely ask about her parents’ wills, the money from the house sale, and if there was anything left to her. Having decided she wanted to return to America, she was eager to get going.

“I wish I had known you were coming. How long ago did you get my letter?” Alberta asked.

“About a week ago,” Susan said. “I’m not sure what day it is anymore. I came by plane and the hours I lost and gained have me a bit confused.”

“I expected you to come by boat.”

“I couldn’t do that many weeks alone on a boat,” she sighed. “I suppose you were hoping for that so you wouldn’t have to tell me about the house?”

Alberta’s eyes flashed angrily. “We had no choice.”

“To sell my home?”

“Money was owed on it and we weren’t going to pay for it. The only thing we could do was sell the place and pay off the money owed.”

Susan sighed. “I understand, but I wish I had known about it. Did Dad or Mum leave a will?”

“Your father did. It’s not something I wish to discuss at this time,” Alberta said, getting up.

“But I need to know,” Susan said in surprise. Just what had happened to everything that had belonged to her family?

“All you seem to care about is money,” Alberta snapped.

“Not at all, but I am completely out of money. I spent everything I had just to return to England.”

“Foolish thing to do,” Alberta said.

“What happened to the furniture and all of our belongings?” Susan asked. “The new family had all their own furniture.”

“I don’t wish to discuss these things without your Uncle here. Take your trunk to the room at the top. It’s a white room, bed, picture on the wall.” Alberta turned to the sink and started to wash dishes.

Susan made a childish face at Alberta’s back and then she went back to the hall. With some effort, she managed to get her trunk up the stairs. She opened it and pulled out a picture frame from its depths. Her family was smiling at her. The picture had been taken soon after her dad had returned home from the war. Everyone looked so young in it. The picture had to been three years old, at least. Lucy was so small and her face was still round with youth. Edmund, was grinning. His thin face was all smiles and in his hands, he held a cricket bat. Peter looked very grown up, although still young. His eyes showed an age that his body didn’t. 

Narnia had changed all of them so much. Alsan’s conversation from her dream the night before came back to her. He had rewarded her obedience with life.   
It seemed an odd reward, to live when everyone else had died, but he was right. Her siblings would never fall in love. They would never have a child of their own or live in their own home. Peter had never had a job. Edmund and Lucy had never travelled out of England, besides Narnia. Susan had done so much already.

She had been gifted life and she would live. She was determined to make her family proud. If she ever got to see them again, she wanted to be able to tell them about a life well lived. First things first, however, was to find out what had happened to her parents’ estate. She really didn’t even want any money. Just enough to get her back to America. That was all she wanted. She could live with Mrs. Williams, get a job, and start earning money of her own. She might marry, but she would still work for a while to help make ends meet while they were in their early years of marriage.

All she needed to do was get the money to get back. 

She was also curious to know where her family’s belongings were. There were a few mementos she would love to have, if she could find them. Some of those belonging had been hers, no one else’s, like her diaries. She was still very much alive and wanted her own things back, thank you very much.

It was not going to be a pleasant conversation with her aunt and uncle, but it was one that needed to happen. She had nothing to lose, almost literally. Her life was in this trunk at her feet. She didn’t want to unpack anything, in case she had to leave quickly. But she did have a letter to mail. She went back down stairs and found her aunt sitting at the kitchen table, writing furiously on a piece of paper.

“Pardon me, Aunt Alberta,” she said.

Alberta’s head snapped up to look at Susan.

“I thought I told you to go to your room,” she said.

Susan blinked. Had Lucy and Edmund put up with this for half a year? The very idea of spending that long here was enough to fill her with dread.

“I’m not your child and I am not a child,” Susan answered.

“You’re staying here, you abide by my rules.”

“You invited me to your home. I’m a guest.” Susan wondered how this woman could be elder sister to Susan’s own mother. They were nothing alike, other than the shape of their face and the color of their hair.

“Then do not disturb me when you can obviously see that I’m working on something,” Alberta snapped.

“My apologies,” Susan said, sighing internally. “I have a letter that needs to be mailed, but I don’t have any money. All of my money is American dollars and coins and the bank won’t exchange it. I was wondering if I might borrow a few pounds from you so I can post my letter?”

“You dare to ask me for money?”

“You sold my home without telling me and have kept the money. If I had my own place to stay, I would have happily stayed there, but you have forced me into a homeless state. All I’m asking is for the money to post a letter to New York.”

Alberta slammed her hands down on the table. She went to her handbag and pulled out two pounds. “I want the change back.”

Susan took it with thanks and left. She was shaking mad internally, but years of being a queen had meant she knew how to remain composed. She walked out the door and looked back and forth, unsure which was the way to the nearest postmaster’s office.

She spied a couple walking down the street together. The man was pushing a pram. She crossed the street and approached them.

“Pardon me, I’m new in the area. Could you tell me to the way to the nearest postmaster’s office?”

The woman smiled and nodded, but the man didn’t look at her. She took a quick glance and saw a face filled with scars. Poor man. The war had done the same to so many young, handsome men.

The woman noticed Susan’s glance and her face darkened somewhat. Susan just look at her and smiled. “It’s a lovely afternoon for a walk. Is the postmaster’s office close by? I would love to have a jolly walk myself.”

The woman nodded. “It’s not far. About two blocks down this road, then turn right towards Chesterton Road. Once you get to Chesterton, turn left and it’s a few buildings down. You won’t miss it.”

“Thank you,” Susan said, nodding at her, then him. “I appreciate your help.” She turned and left, hearing whispering going on between the couple behind her. She continued on, going two blocks and turning right. It wasn’t long before she reached the main street. She turned again and found the post, just like the woman had said. She went in and got into the line, which moved far too slowly. But Susan wasn’t in a hurry. She didn’t need to get back to her aunt and uncle’s house right away, so she could take her time.

She mailed her letter, got her change, and slowly walked back, looking around at the streets as she did. Cambridge was pretty. She hoped maybe a chance to walk around the college a bit before going back. She had hoped to go to school at one point, but her current situation would never allow it.

Back at her aunt and uncle’s house, she heard her Uncle Harold’s voice. 

“We don’t have to give her anything,” he said.

“But if we do, she’ll leave us alone,” Alberta said.

Harold growled. “If it weren’t for her family, Eustace would still be alive.”

“Susan wasn’t part of it,” Alberta said. Susan was surprised to hear her aunt sticking up for her.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s her family.”

“Don’t forget my sister died,” Alberta said. “It’s my family too.”

Harold sat down and sighed. “I just don’t think she should get anything. We were left to see the dead were buried. We were left to take care of a home and the money that was due on it.”

Susan was angry, without much thought, she marched in. “And had you sent your letter to me by air mail, instead of boat, I would have been here a week after their deaths and not seven weeks.”

They were both surprised that she had come in on them like this. Alberta even had some decency to look ashamed.

“If I had been here, I would have dealt with it all, but I think you just wanted whatever money you could get out of it.”

“How dare you, child!” Harold roared, standing up again. He slapped her face and instinctively, Susan reached for an arrow from her quiver, but it wasn’t there. This wasn’t Narnia. She stumbled back against the wall.

Alberta ran to her husband and grabbed his hand. “Don’t you dare do that again!”

Harold growled at Susan, but Susan stood up again. Her face stung horribly, but she ignored it. “Do not lay a hand on me again,” she said. “You will regret it if you do.”

“You threaten me?”

“I warn you,” Susan said. “You didn’t even give me a warning before you struck. I am much fairer in that respect.”

“Susan,” Alberta’s voice was full of warning. “Don’t antagonize him.”

“I heard what you both were saying. You have the money from my family’s estate. I demand to see my father’s will and I demand to know what it is you did with my own personal belongings that were in that house. If you sold them, then I can call you out for stealing, because I am very much alive, and you took what was rightfully mine.”

Harold moved again, but Alberta’s grip on his arm reminded him not to make a move. 

Susan was shaking with anger and defiance. “I believe my father’s attorney was Mr. Nigel Smith. I will be contacting him tomorrow about the will and what legal grounds I have to stand on against you.”

“Everything was sold,” Alberta said quickly.

For the first time, Susan’s vibrato faltered. “Everything? Mother’s clothes? Her jewelry? Peter’s books? Edmund’s trains? Lucy’s books and dolls?”

“Yes,” Alberta said.

“And my things? I had diaries and pictures,” Susan said, tears returning now. 

“I’m sorry, we didn’t expect you would return,” Alberta said, sounding slightly remorseful.

“Or you hoped I wouldn’t return,” she sighed. “Listen, I don’t want all the money. I want enough to get back to America and start a new life. One hundred pounds.”

“A hundred!” Harold cried out.

“How much did you get from the house sale? How much did you get from selling my personal belongings?” Susan asked. 

“We had to pay for your parents’ burials!” he cried out.

“Thank you for taking care of them. I saw their graves in Finchley. But some of that money is still mine. One hundred pounds and I will leave tomorrow and never bother you again. Although, it’s sad. We are all we have left of this family.” A hundred pounds wasn’t going to get her back to New York on a plane, but she would be able to get a ticket on an ocean liner and be back in New York in a week or two. The problem would be getting to Southampton at a time that there was a boat leaving for New York.

This was not going to be an easy process.

“Fine,” Harold finally said. “One night in this house, one hundred pounds and you leave tomorrow.”

Susan’s gut clenched. “Fine,” she agreed. She went back up to her room, closed the door, and cried for a long while. Her cheek smarted where Harold had slapped her. Tomorrow, she would be homeless. She needed a plan.


	11. Visit in Cambridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan leaves her Aunt and Uncle's house. Now she is truly homeless, but as she waits for her friend, Gordon, to meet with her, Susan is reminded that her situation could be a lot worse. Many soldiers of the recent war have life a hard harder off.

Susan was hungry. Her aunt and uncle did not invite her to join them at dinner. When she went down at breakfast, Harold had already left. There was an envelope on the table.  
“There’s your money,” Alberta said, but otherwise ignoring Susan.

Susan opened the envelope and counted the money. All one hundred pounds were there. She poured herself some tea and took a piece of toast from the plate on the table. She put a bit of jam on it and quickly ate. It wasn’t filling, but it was something. After a cup of tea, Susan stood. 

“Thank you for the slice of toast. I’ll go up and get my trunk.”

Alberta ignored her.

When Harold had been around, Alberta had been almost decent towards her. She had stopped Harold from slapping her again, and was the one who finally seemed to convince Harold that giving Susan the money was the best thing to do. But now, without Harold here, she completely ignored Susan, which Susan figured it was Alberta’s way of letting Susan do whatever she needed to do while in their home.

In the bathroom, Susan examined the bruise on her face. It wasn’t bad. Nothing that a little makeup couldn’t mostly hide. She applied her lipstick, repacked her trunk, and sat on the bed for a moment, trying to collect herself.

She was going to leave the house, roll her trunk to the nearest phone booth and call Gordon. In all the commotion from after she had returned from the post office, she had forgotten to give Alberta the change from her postage, which meant she had a few coins. Enough to make a local call with, and she would call her new friend.

From there, she only had a vague plan. It depended on what Gordon would have to say. She needed a place to live and a job. One hundred pounds might or might not get her back to America on an ocean liner. The problem was she needed money to get passage to Southampton, and then to buy a ticket on the ocean liner, and once back in New York, she would need money to get back to Mrs. Williams. Money to pay for her room and board. She sighed. Money, money, money.

Susan rubbed her hands over her eyes and sighed. It was time to go. She opened her eyes and caught a glimpse of something. It looked like a piece of paper sticking out of the floor board. She got down on the floor and crawled to the floor board. She put her fingers in the cracks and pulled and found, to her surprise, that it came up quite easily. There were papers in there. Susan pulled them out and found they were in Lucy’s handwriting. 

This must have been the room she stayed in when she was living here that one summer. There were papers, writings, a letter, some sketches, and a book. Susan didn’t spent time looking at them all. She quickly stacked the papers together, folded them around the book and stuffed the precious packet into her trunk. She searched the cubby hole once more, but she had emptied it. Susan looked around for anymore, but her search didn’t turn anything up.

She snuck down the stairs to her cousin’s room. Susan remembered from Edmund’s letter that he had been forced to share a room with Eustace when they stayed there. Eustace’s room was perfectly clean and left in, most likely, the same condition in which Eustace had left it. Susan looked around for anything left of Edmund.

She got down on the ground and started to pull at floor boards. She finally found one that was loose and came up. Inside were more treasures, but from what she could see, they were all in Eustace’s hand. But upon closer inspection, they were about his adventures in Narnia. Alberta knew nothing of these and would probably burn them if she knew. Susan folded the papers up and stuffed them into a pocket. One last glace into the cubby hole found a single small photograph. Eustace, Edmund, and Lucy, smiling together. Susan tucked it in her pocket with the rest, replaced the floor board and left.

Back in her room, Susan make sure everything was packed away, then she locked her trunk and started hauling it downstairs. She didn’t try to hit the wall as she came down the stairs, but she wasn’t terribly careful either. The trunk bumped a few times and once, she nearly dropped it.

“What are you doing, child?” Alberta screamed at her.

“Trying to get my trunk down three flights of stairs without help,” Susan said, righting the trunk on the floor. “Well, I’m off. I’m sorry our family bonds are ending here, like this. You are my only living relative and it’s sad that I don’t even have that anymore.”

Susan grabbed the handle on the trunk and rolled it across the floor. She opened the door, hoping ever so slightly that Alberta would want to make amends, but she said nothing as Susan went out the door and down the front steps. She did look at the door before walking off and she saw Alberta there, tears flowing, but otherwise unmoving. Susan nodded and walked off.

She went around the corner and to the phone booth she had seen on her way to the post office yesterday. She squeezed her trunk inside with her and put in one of the few coins she had. She called the lab number that Gordon had given her.

“Hello?” a girl’s voice answered.

“Hello, I’m looking for Gordon Coppinger,” Susan told her.

“Sorry, he’s in class right now. If you give me a number, I can have him call you back.”

Susan hadn’t thought of this. She had nowhere to live. Nowhere to go. No way to get anywhere, and no phone number he could reach her at. “Um, I’m without a phone right now. Could you give him a message?”

“Sure,” the girl said. 

“Tell him it’s Susan Pevensie. Have him meet me at the, oh, I don't know what it is called, the big park next to Chesterton Road.”

"The park or the gardens?" the girl asked.

"I don't know. I haven't been there yet," Susan said. "Is there somewhere there he would know?"

"There's a fountain," the girl offered.

"Yes, alright, have him meet me at the fountain," Susan said, hoping she could find it once she got there.

“Sure, what time?” the girl asked.

“Anytime today, I’ll just go and wait.”

“Are you sure?” the girl asked. “Why don’t you come to the campus?”

“I don’t know where the campus is and I don’t have any way to get there, except to walk,” Susan said. 

“Alright,” she said, “I’ll tell him.”

“Thanks,” Susan said. She hung up and sighed. She went to the crosswalk, waited for the light, and pulled her trunk across the street.

Knowing she had a long day of waiting ahead of her, she decided to take a walk around the park. She pulled her trunk on its roller skate wheels and got several odd looks, but most people just ignored her. The autumn leaves were slowly falling from the trees and looking up, Susan could see a lot of blue sky in between the branches. The air was cool and crisp, but if one stayed in the sun, it was a perfectly warm and pleasant temperature. 

As long as Susan walked, and simply enjoyed the beauty around her, her mind did not wander. She concentrated on the trees, the colors, the sounds of birds, honking of motor cars on the street, and the scratching of her trunk wheels. It was a noisy silence that was beautiful.

After circling the park, Susan sat at a bench in a patch of sunlight, near a burbling fountain. She listened to the water for a little while as it came out of the fountain and trickled its way down the four tiers of stonework. Once she was settled, with her feet resting on her trunk, her mind was free to wander.

No home. No job. No one she knew. Nowhere to go. 

“I need to talk to Mum and Dad’s attorney,” she said to herself. “I want to know what was in the will. Even if I was never left anything, I want to know.” She took in a deep breath. She didn’t have the money to make the long-distance phone call. Well, she did, but she didn’t want to start spending her one hundred pounds just yet. If she could get back to Finchley, maybe she could go see the attorney, and she could live in the old shelter in her former backyard. Of course, with winter approaching, the shelter would not be an ideal place.

Maybe she could just find a way to get to Southampton, buy a ticket on the ocean liner, and be back in New York by next week. She might not have anything left, but she had friends there. Mrs. Williams would take her in, and Artie was there. Ben would be much closer to her. She smiled. Ben. She missed him. He might even marry her, which would give her a family again. But even if he didn’t, she knew more people there than in England.

She was torn. Go to Finchley and see the attorney or just give it all up and go back to New York. Her stomach growled. “Oh, what I wouldn’t do for one of Artie’s sandwiches right now,” she nearly spoke out loud to a bird that was hopping about in front of her.

“Morning miss,” a shaggy looking man sat on the bench next to her. He smelled terrible, like he had not bathed in months and his clothes had been dipped in alcohol.   
Susan was immediately uncomfortable. She nodded her head, but said nothing.

“You enjoying the fine morning, too?” he asked.

Susan nodded.

“Do you happen to have a copper you could give me? I need a coffee.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Come on, lass, anything? It’s been hard for me, since the war. I can’t find work, gots no home, only food is what I beg for.”

Susan looked at him and saw he was quite young. Older than many of the soldiers she had seen, like Gordon, but she was sure he couldn’t yet be thirty. One of his eyes was cloudy, but the other was a clear green. 

“Yeah, me eye’s no good anymore. It scares people, although, after the war, there’s a lot of men worse looking than me, but they do alright.”

She nodded. “Yes, I’ve seen that. What did you do before the war?”

“Worked at a news agent’s shop,” he said. “They won’t have me back.”

“And you’ve looked elsewhere?”

“Course, but it’s been hard to ask, looking the way I do. What little money I might manage to beg off won’t get me a room for a night, or a decent meal, but it will buy a bit of drink, so I buys drink, and I try to forget the things I seen.”

“I’ve known a few people who had said similar things,” she said sadly.

“It’s real, girl,” he said, stiffening. His voice was full of desperation. “Most of us would rather sell our souls if it meant forgetting the things we’ve seen. A few of us have sold our souls, but we still remember.”

“I don’t quite know what to say.”

“You can never know, lass, what it’s like.”

She shook her head. “I’ve seen war. I’ve been of the field and buried friends.”

“You were a VAD?” he asked with hope in his eyes.

There was no way she could explain Narnia to him. Since her family died, her memories of Narina had grown stronger. There was the good, like dining with her friends, the beavers, and Mr. Tumnus at Cair Paravel, but there was also the bad, which included war.

“Something like that,” she said. “Anyway, I’ve seen war. I know its horrors.”

“A kindred soul. Please, lass, give me a few coins. Help me forget for a few hours.”

She shook her head. “I’ll not help you in your drinking. I’ve seen alcohol ruin more lives than war.”

His eye flared with anger. “You’re just like all the others.”

“I’m not,” she said. “I want to help. Let me think.” She went silent and focused on the fountain. She heard the stranger moving on the bench next to her and she expected him to get up and leave, but he didn’t. He sat there.

“We need to find a way to get you clean and in clean clothes. A haircut,” she looked at his hair.

He snorted. “S’not going to matter, not with me eye.”

“If you look like a gentleman, they won’t care about the eye so much,” she said. “What kind of work do you want to do?”

“Always wanted to be a train engineer.”

She nodded. “Well, maybe you can start with taking tickets, or sweeping.”

“I can do more than that,” he said, offended.

“You’re not in a position to negotiate. Take whatever job you can, earn your money, honestly, and work your way up. You look young enough to have time to work your way up.”

“They’ll not like me for me eye,” he scowled.

“Can you see from it?” she asked.

“Not well. Its burry, makes it hard for me to see.”

“What about a patch?” she asked,” when you’re working? It would help the other eye focus more. You don’t have to wear it all the time, unless you like it better.”

“Well, that sounds all fine and dandy, but the first thing you mentioned is impossible. I got nowhere to get clean and if you tried to scrub my clothes, they might fall apart.”

“Is there a second-hand store around?” she asked.

“Takes money, even at a second-hand store.”

Susan sighed. The man was right. She had money. She could help, but there was no way she was just going to hand him money right now. He would take it and drink, not get clothes to help make his situation better. 

“Excuse me,” a deep voice said from behind her and Susan almost cried out for Aslan, but when she turned around, there was no great lion. Just a man. He looked like he was a Father from the local church. He walked up to them. “I couldn’t help but overhear what you were talking about. Sir, if you would like, there is a tub at my church. You could use it to bathe, if you desired.”

“I been baptized when I was a babe,” the man said.

The Father smiled. “I’m glad to hear it, but I do not refer to being baptized. It is a true tub in a washroom. If you would like, you are welcome to come and get cleaned.”

“Thanks, Father, but I’ve nothing to put on, but me own clothes I’m wearing now,” the man said.

“I can also help with that,” the Father smiled. “In my church, I have clothes, for people who need help. We collect alms for the poor. What good are they if we don’t use them?”

“I don’t like charity,” the man frowned.

“Sometimes,” Susan said, “you have to accept a little charity in order to move forward.”

The Father nodded and after a few moments of thinking, the man stood. “Alright, I’ll accept.”

Susan reached into her pockets and pulled out the rest of the change that she had. It wasn’t much. She handed it to the Father. “For his haircut, after he’s washed and in clean clothes. I think a good cut and you’ll feel like a new man,” she looked to him. “Take what honest work you can and I’m sure things will get better. I wish I had some food to offer you, but I don’t.”

The Father, with his deep voice smiled. “You’ve been very generous little lady. I would think, with your trunk and these coins, you are without right now too.”

“A bit,” she said, “but I’ve got a friend coming later.”

“Help will come for you, my child,” the Father said. “Your kindness will not be forgotten.”

With a shake of the hand, Susan said good bye to the poor war veteran. She watched as he and the man of God walked together. Susan sighed. She hadn’t given much, but every little bit was less she had to start her new life as well.

The minutes went slowly by and Susan was sure she dozed off a few times. She opened her trunk once and got out a book to read. Finally, in the early afternoon, she couldn’t stand sitting there any longer. She packed her book up and stood. Grabbing the trunk handle, she started to walk through the park again. Taking in deep breaths, helped clear her head and wake her up. She stopped to watch a musician performing with a guitar. He was quite good.

As she finished the loop, she saw a familiar face jogging towards her. She smiled to see Gordon Coppinger coming her way.

“Susan!” he smiled. “I got your message. Have you been waiting here all this time?”

“I walked around the park, sat at the fountain for a while, and took another walk,” she said.

“What happened with your aunt and uncle?” he asked. “Why isn’t that trunk on wheels at their house?”

“They kicked me out,” she sighed. “I was quite rude, but I was standing up for myself. I was very angry.”

He leaned in towards her and looked at her face. “Is that a bruise in the shape of a hand?”

She pulled her hair around and down by her face. “Yes,” she said, “but he wouldn’t have gotten a second slap at me.”

“Susan,” he sighed sadly. “What happened?”

“I don’t even know how to start.” She led him back to the bench she had occupied earlier. “For just one day, a lot happened. But, the bottom line is, they sold my parents home and all of our belongings, including mine, and kept the money.”

“You need an attorney,” he said. 

“Well, my father’s attorney is back in Finchley. I want to talk to him. I was able to convince my aunt and uncle to give me one hundred pounds. From here, I’m not sure what to do. Eventually, I want to go back to New York. I have friends there. I could get a job again. I know I can make it there. But, before returning, should I go to Finchley and try to see the attorney? It would take money and I’m limited now. Or just go to Southampton and try to get a ticket on an ocean liner? I could just go back and put all this behind me.”

Gordon listened carefully. “I think you should go see your attorney.”

“Do you happen to know what the rates are for an ocean liner ticket?”

“No. Have you eaten?”

She shook her head. “A single piece of toast this morning was all my aunt allowed.”

“Let’s go eat.” He stood and took her trunk from her. They walked together and he rolled it behind them. She was glad to be free of the cumbersome thing for a few minutes. They walked for a long way and she realized he was taking her to the university campus. “We’ll lock your trunk up in my lab and then go for an early dinner.”

“Will it be safe there?” she asked. “Everything I have is in there.”

He nodded. “It will be safe.”

He led them into a building. It was made from huge, ancient looking stones, but inside, once they were past the foyer, the building took on a more modern look. The doors they passed went into large classrooms, with chalkboards, chairs with desks, and a pulpit. Other rooms they passed had long tables with glass tubes. There was a skeleton hanging in a classroom and another classroom had, what looked like a dead body, on a table for examination.

Susan hurried quickly past. “Was that real?” she asked.

Gordon looked over his shoulder. “The body?” he asked. “No, you can’t leave real ones lying out like that. It’s a dummy, but it has all the parts of whatever system they are studying. Real bodies are studied elsewhere.”

She shuddered and followed him down one more hall. Gordon took out a key and unlocked the door. Inside, there was a small study room. There was a desk and chair, a skeleton, and a table with papers and some glass tubes sitting on it. 

“It’s my own little lab,” he said proudly. “I’ve been doing more research lately than lab work, like I told you on the plane.”

She nodded in remembrance. “It’s a nice space. Who’s your friend?” she asked, going to the skeleton.

“Billy Bones,” he smiled. “Like in Treasure Island.”

She laughed and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you Captain Bones.”

Gordon chuckled and put the trunk under his desk. “No one will be in here today and I’ve got the key.”

She made sure her trunk was locked up tightly, then she took her handbag with her and they left. Gordon locked the door and pocketed the key. “Now, what sounds good to you?”

“Anything,” she said. “I’ve hardly eaten since arriving in England.”

“I know a nice place,” he said. “We can talk and make plans.”

“Thanks,” she said. She had only met Gordon, what, three days ago now? But already, she trusted him completely. She had to. There was no one else.

He walked down to another building on the campus. Inside was a cafeteria. They picked up trays and walked the lines, getting their food. Gordon paid for them both and they found a table, far away from most of the gathered students.

“Now,” he said as they tucked into their meal. “What are your thoughts?”

“Well,” she said, swallowing some creamy mashed potatoes. “I want to go back to Finchley and see father’s attorney.”

“We can check the train schedule later,” he said. “Where will you stay when you get there? What are you going to do with that trunk?”

She sighed. “The family who bought the house, the Pattersons, they might allow me to leave my trunk there. They might even offer me a place to stay, which I would take, and pay for.”

“You shouldn’t have to pay to stay in your own home,” he said.

“It’s not mine any longer,” she sighed. “But attorney’s take money. He will want payment for any services.”

“You can still go to him and talk. He might just be able to get you the information you need to know with little or no pay.”

“I suppose if it’s something I need to pursue, I could find a job and a place to live.”

Gordon nodded. “I’m sure you could. You know, my father’s not too far from Finchley and he’s quite influential. I could talk to him, ask if he can help.”

“Let’s not bother him yet,” she said, “but it’s good to know.”

“So, you really want to go back to New York?”

She shrugged. “I’ve got nothing to keep me here.”

He frowned a little but nodded. “After we eat, let’s check the trains. Do you want to leave tonight?”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “I don’t want to wander London in the dark and surprise the Patterson’s again so late. Of course, I could look for a hotel room or a hostel of some sort, but I’d rather not do that tonight.” She sighed. “At the same time, I’ve got nowhere to stay tonight.”

“If you were a guy, I’d have you stay at my place.”

She chuckled uncomfortably.

“Wait,” he smiled. “I’ve got a friend. She said her roommate’s gone to see her family this week. She’s got an extra bed.”

“That would be nice,” Susan said. “Then I can go to London tomorrow morning and have the whole day to figure out what to do next.”

He nodded and they ate. Susan was happily full by the time they left. They walked together in the late afternoon light back to the building where his lab was located. 

“Hopefully, Lois will still be there. She usually stays until about this time,” Gordon said. They walked back in and through the maze of halls.

When they found Lois, she was just packing up for the day. “Hello Gordon,” she said. She had pretty blond hair and a slight accent that Susan wasn’t familiar with. 

“Hi Lois, I was wondering if I can ask a favor of you.”

She smiled, but then saw Susan and her smile disappeared. “What is it?” she asked, her accent growing slightly thicker. Susan thought it was almost Germanic, but she wasn’t sure. Surely not. Germans weren’t very popular in England.

“This is my friend, Susan. She’s in a bit of a bind and needs a place to stay for the night before returning to London tomorrow.”

Lois smiled again. “Sure, I can help. Anna’s gone for the rest of the week.”

Gordon grinned. “I’ll go grab your trunk,” he said to Susan and jogged away again.

Susan looked back at Lois and gave her an awkward smile. “Thanks. My life’s been a little unpredictable recently. It will be nice to be able to relax tonight.”

“Think nothing of it,” Lois shrugged. “Are you going to school here? I’ve not seen you around this building before.”

“No,” Susan shook her head. “I,” she didn’t even know what to say. How do you quickly describe everything that’s happened when so much has happened? “I’ve been at my aunt and uncle’s house, but my uncle got violent, so I left.”

It was more or less true.

“Oh dear,” she said and then noticed the bruise on Susan’s cheek. She nodded sadly. “I’ve had such markings on myself.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“I’m here now,” she said, shrugging, but looking down to the floor. “It’s good here. No more beatings.”

Susan’s trunk wheels could be heard along the floor now.

“What’s that?” Lois asked, looking down the hall.

“My trunk,” Susan chuckled and sure enough, Gordon made the turn into the hall.

Lois looked at the trunk as Gordon stopped in front of them. “Are those scooter or roller stake wheels?” she asked.

“Roller skate, of course,” Susan smiled. “And thank goodness for them.”

Gordon walked between the two girls, pulling the trunk along. Lois led them to her dormitory. Gordon had to stop at the front door.

“I can’t go beyond this,” he said. “I remembered I have a train times table in my desk, so I grabbed it. It’s a few months old, but it might give you an idea of when the trains are running.”

“Thank you,” she said, taking it and pocketing the schedule. “Will I see you tomorrow before I leave?”

He frowned. “I don’t think so. I’ve got to teach a class tomorrow at eight.”

She wanted to hug him, but that would not be appropriate, especially not in front of Lois, who, Susan could tell, liked Gordon. She didn’t blame Lois either. Gordon was very handsome, and very kind. “Thank you for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without your help.”

“Do you still have my card with my address and phone number?”

She nodded. 

“I expect to hear from you, then. I can’t reach you because you don’t have a place to live, so I expect you to write me and keep me updated.”

“Thank you,” she said again. She couldn’t stop herself and hugged him.

He was surprised, but chuckled and hugged her back. Lois opened the door. Warmth and light spilled out. Susan took her trunk and went in. “Bye Gordon. Thanks for everything.”

“Take care, Susan.”

She and Lois walked in and Lois took the lead. They went up a flight of stairs, carrying the trunk together. In Lois’ room, there were two beds, two wardrobes, and a desk and chair.

“That’s your bed for the night,” Lois pointed to a neatly made bed with a green blanket on top. “Anna went to see her parents.”

Susan’s throat tightened. “Thanks,” she said, lifting the trunk and putting it on the bed. She opened it and looked through it. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Gordon, she just didn’t trust that no one had found her trunk, but as she went through it, nothing had been disturbed. Just everything had shifted from its nicely packed place to the bottom of the trunk, from the way it was carried and rolled all day long.

“Do you have a washroom I can use?” Susan asked.

Lois nodded. She had taken off her shoes and stockings and pulled her hair into an easy bun, off and away from her face. “Just down the end of the hall. Most girls are going to supper soon,” she said, “so it should be open.”

“Does the door lock when you leave?”

Lois shook her head and pulled out a key. “Don’t lose this. I’m going for food.”

Susan took the key with thanks. Lois left and Susan gathered her things. She locked the door and went to the washroom. It was empty and Susan started to fill the tub. The hot water felt incredible on her weary body. She washed her hair and scrubbed herself down. She thought about the man she met today and wondered how he was doing. Had he gotten cleaned, haircut and new clothes? She hoped he would take the chance to turn his life around.

She also thought about the kind Father. He had sounded so much like Aslan. She thought he had returned for a moment and then she wondered if that was Aslan in this world. Was that him? Just that man?

Susan heard footsteps in the hall. Her time was up. Others would need the washroom soon. She climbed out, dried off and dressed. She wrapped her hair in a towel and gathered her things. With Lois’ key, she let herself back into her room. She set the key on the desk and went about putting her things back into her trunk. 

She saw the photo of Eustace, Edmund, and Lucy. She pulled it out, sat on the bed looking at it and cried quietly. Lois came in later. Susan was still sitting with the towel on her head and photo in her hand.

“Are you alright?”

Susan sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “Yes, I’m fine.” She held up the picture. “The two with dark hair are my brother and sister. The other boy is my cousin. They all died recently in a train crash.”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, sitting down on the other bed and taking the picture from Susan. “Yes, I can see the family resemblance between the three of you.” She looked a moment longer and passed the picture back.

“Sometimes, it’s just still hard to understand that they are gone.” She took the towel off her head and hung it over the iron bedframe. Then, she sat back down with her hair brush. She started to work on the tangles and knots in her hair.

“What about the rest of your family?” Lois asked.

Susan shook her head. “They are all dead and I miss them.”

“So how do you know Gordon?”

“We met on the plane coming here from New York. I was living there for a few months, just for fun. I had a place to live and a job. I even had a boyfriend.”

Lois’ eyes lit up. “So, Gordon isn’t your boyfriend?”

“No, we just met, although he’s been very kind and has helped me a lot. I don’t know what I would have done without him these last few days. It would have been a lot harder.”

“Yes, he’s very kind.” Lois said.

“Does Gordon have a girlfriend?” Susan asked cautiously. “I can’t imagine that someone as handsome and good as him would stay single for long.”

She shook her head. “He goes out on dates, but does not really have a girlfriend. I think his family must be very picky about who he dates. They don’t want him tangled up with just anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Because of who he is,” she said and not seeing any flicker of understanding in Susan’s eyes, went on. “He’s the Coppington heir. His father is an Earl.”

“Really?” Susan asked in surprise. “He never mentioned that.”

“I’m not surprised. He’s not arrogant at all. The title will pass to him when his father dies. It’s not that he’s hiding or ashamed of his title, but that right now, it’s not his, so he doesn’t like it when people treat him differently.”

“I suppose that’s why he never mentioned it to me. He only said that his father has influence.” Susan took the towel off her head and started to brush through her wet hair.

Lois chuckled. “Yes, he does have influence.” 

“You should ask Gordon to go to get a soda one day,” Susan said, with a sly smile.

“What? I could never ask a boy out like that.” Lois’ face had turned pink and her eyes were wide with shock.

“So, you do want to date him,” she said. It wasn’t a question.

Lois stuttered a bit. “Yes, I do, but he would never want to go out with me.”

“Why not?” Susan asked, brushing the knots out.

Lois played with her skirt hem. She tugged at a string, which came free. “I’m foreign. I’m not good enough for his family.”

“I don’t see why not. Gordon told me you were his friend.”

“Yes, his friend,” she said, sounding slightly bitter.

“Where are you from?” Susan asked.

“Norway,” Lois said. “My family moved here when I was ten. We lived here for five years, then we went back to Norway. I wanted to return very badly. I was not happy with my father and I missed my life here. As soon as I could, I came back so I could go to university. I’m happy to be away from my parents.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Susan said. “But I’m glad you’re here,” she said quickly. “You are learning medicine?”

“Medical chemistry,” she answered.

“I’ve never heard of that,” Susan admitted.

“Most would find the subject very dull, but I am excited by it. I’m happy to study here.”

Susan started to dry her hair again with the towel. It needed to be dryer before she put the rag curlers in it. “So, what about Gordon?”

Lois blushed again. “He is very handsome. I would like to go out with him, but he has never asked.”

“Perhaps he’s nervous to ask you?”

Lois shook her head. “He is not nervous to ask other girls out and he was not nervous about asking for my help tonight.”

“It’s not the same to ask for a friendly favor. Oh, I have an idea. When you see him next, tell him he owes you a soda for helping him by giving me a place to stay.”

“I could never do that,” Lois blushed. She started to remove pins from her own hair. 

“Sure, you can. Or, maybe I can leave him a note. Yes, that’s it,” Susan said, excitedly. She put her towel down and leaned forward. “I will write him a note and leave it for you to give him. I will thank him for his help and tell him how lovely it was to stay with you. Then I will tell him how he owes you a soda to pay back the favor. He’ll have to ask you out.”

Lois laughed nervously, but didn’t refuse.

Susan was given a sheet of paper and a pen. She wrote Gordon a letter, sincerely meaning each word of thanks, before putting in the part about him needing to take Lois out. She sealed the note and gave it to Lois. 

“Give him this tomorrow, if you see him. Will you?”

Lois nodded. “I will.”

Susan grinned and sat back down on the bed. Her hair was just right for curling now. She started to roll her hair, by sections, into the rag curlers, tying them off. Lois was wonderful company and they talked about movies, school, growing up in England, and Susan listened as Lois talked about the university. It was like being back in Mrs. William’s boarding house in Manhattan. She missed her housemates. Well, if she played her cards right, she would see them again soon.


	12. A Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan is able to make her way back to Finchley. She goes to her old home to see the Patterson's again. Mattie and Mary are very happy to have Susan back. Mrs. Patterson has a huge favor to ask.

It was late morning by the time Susan got off the train in Finchley. She had left Cambridge, with some help from Lois, and now, she was wheeling her trunk out into the familiar streets of her childhood neighborhood.

She was going to see if she could leave her trunk with Mrs. Patterson and then she would find her father’s attorney’s office and see if she could get in to see him. After that, she had no plan. But she wasn’t going to worry too much about that until she had completed her first set goals.

When she reached her old home, she knocked on the door and waited. She could hear a crying baby Georgie. A few moments later, the door opened. Mrs. Patterson looked like she was very upset.

“Susan!” she cried out in surprised and hugged the younger woman.

Susan was surprised, but hugged her back. Before she could say anything, Mrs. Patterson had ushered her in and was tucking the trunk away in the corner for Susan. “Come in, please. Forgive the mess. I’m not normally such a messy housekeeper, but this last day has been such a trial.”

Baby Georgie was sitting on the floor, crying. His blanket and toys were all about him, but he ignored them all. Susan went and picked him up. The baby still whimpered, but stopped the crying. 

“I’ve been so frazzled, I haven’t been able to give him as much attention,” Mrs. Patterson said, pouring water from the hot kettle into some tea cups.

Susan wasn’t sure if she should ask the woman what was wrong. It didn’t look like Mrs. Patterson was going to need much encouragement. She set the tea things down and flopped into a chair at the table. “Oh, Susan, what calamity has fallen. Two days ago, just after you left, I got a message by messenger boy, telling me my dear Matthew is in the hospital. He’s in the army, dear, and was sent to Scotland to do some training with some new cadets. Real ammunition was accidentally put into the guns. He was shot.”

Susan gasped. “What? How could that happen?”

Mrs. Patterson broke down into tears, which set little Georgie off again. Susan found one of Geogie’s toys and tried to calm him. She saw a slice of toast still on a breakfast plate, probably left over from Mattie or Mary’s breakfast. She gave it to Georgie, who shoved it into his mouth and started to gnaw at it.

“Mrs. Patterson, I’m so sorry to hear about him. Is he dead?”

“No, thank heavens,” she said, sitting up and wiping her nose on her apron. She look disgusted at her apron, removed it and blew her nose into it again, like a proper handkerchief. “But I need to get up there. I just can’t take the children. The journey is too long, and I would have nowhere for them to stay.”

“Perhaps I can help?” Susan found herself offering.

Mrs. Patterson looked up, startled. “You would do that?”

“Of course. I can stay here with the children. Where are Mattie and Mary?”

“At school. Oh! This would be so wonderful. I know I can trust you. I hardly know anyone else, just some ladies I’ve met at church, but they have families of their own.”

“You hardly know me,” Susan said, surprised that she had offered and even more surprised that Mrs. Patterson trusted her so completely after knowing her for less than a day. 

“I know, but,” she took in a deep breath and looked into Susan’s eyes. For a moment, Susan thought she could see someone else’ eyes, but it was gone a heartbeat later. “There’s just something about you that I know I can trust. Mattie and Mary will be thrilled to have you here. They’ve talked of little else since you left.”

Susan chuckled. “We had lots of fun cleaning out the shelter together.”

“Susan, I can’t pay you, but you would have a place to stay and food to eat. Would you be willing to stay here with the children for a week or two?”

Susan had never spent much time around children other than her own siblings. But if she wanted time to meet with the lawyer, this did provide her with a good opportunity. She nodded. “Alright. Yes, I’ll do it.”

“You are a life saver,” Mrs. Patterson smiled. “Thank you so much. If I work hard, I can leave tomorrow morning and be in Scotland by evening. I haven’t seen Sam in four weeks. I miss him so much.”

“You did this move on your own?” Susan asked.

“Practically. Matthew signed all the papers, got a couple of lads to help with the furniture and then was gone two days later,” she sighed. “We’ll have to tell Mattie and Mary tonight. I expect they will be excited by the idea.”

“For the first night or two, and then after that, they will want their mother back.”

“I know,” Mrs. Patterson sighed. “And poor Georgie won’t understand at all, but I can’t take him with me.”

“We’ll get through it,” Susan said, sounding more assured than she felt. In fact, of all the things she had ever done, this scared her the most. She had never cared for children so young before. Even when they went to the Professor’s house, during the war, Lucy had been about Mattie’s age, but she was the youngest. Peter had been there to help and Edmund, in his own way, was self-sufficient. 

But to truly be the sole caregiver for three very small people was entirely different. Well, she thought, if I want to have children of my own, this will be very good practice.

“Alright, well, first thing first, Georgie is very hungry, as you guessed.” Mrs. Patterson pulled the soggy toast out of Georgie’s mouth. “Breakfast for him is oatmeal with cream, so that its easier for him to swallow. He’s quite good with mashed things, and he still has a bottle of milk once in a while.”

Mrs. Patterson showed Susan how to fix Georgie’s food and the things that Mattie and Mary liked. But the children would eat anything served them at dinner. She would have to pack a lunch for them each day and walk them to the primary school down the street. Susan knew the school well. She had gone to the same school when she was a girl.

She showed Susan around the house at the various things that she needed to know. Laundry, cleaning supplies, the children’s toys and belongings. Susan could sleep in Mrs. Patterson’s bedroom. Susan learned how to put Georgie down for a nap, which she did while Mrs. Patterson quickly packed and got ready to leave the next morning.

When it was time, Susan put Georgie in his pram and walked to the primary school to pick up Mattie and Mary. They were very excited to see her.

“Susan!” Mattie yelled. “What are you doing here?”

“Helping your mum out,” Susan smiled. They started walking back. “How was your day?”

The rest of the walk home was Mattie chatting about all the things he and his friends did. Lots of running, some pranks, and somewhere, in between it all, there was schoolwork. He had an essay to write that evening. They got home before she could ask Mary about her day. She would ask later.

Mattie saw the trunk when they got in the door. “You still got the wheels on it?” he asked with a grin.

“I do,” Susan said, pointing at them. “I had to walk all over Cambridge with that thing. I never would have made it without the wheels.”

Mrs. Patterson was waiting in the kitchen for her children. Susan went to change Georgie and left the mother to tell her children that she was going away for a little while. Georgie squirmed terribly as Susan tried to change him. It wasn’t the greatest job, but at least she didn’t prick him with the pins. She pulled the rubber pants on and zipped him back into his clothes. 

She made it back down to the kitchen and found Mary in tears. Mattie was somewhere between distressed about his mother leaving, and excited about having Susan live with them. Susan smiled at them.

“It’s going to be alright. I’ll tell you something. When I was younger, my brothers and sisters and I were sent away to live in the country for a good long time. My mum couldn’t come, and my dad was far away. It was scary at first and my little sister missed our home and our mum. But after a few days, we started to get used to it, and then, it was fun. It’s going to be hard for a day or two, but we’ll be alright, and we’ll try to have lots of fun. I’ve got the most wonderful bedtime stories to tell.”

Mattie grinned at the idea of fantastic bedtime stories and Mary nodded bravely. They had tea and listened as Mary told about her day. 

For the rest of the day and evening, Susan watched the mother and her children. She watched how she cared for her home and her children at the same time. She thought of her own mother, who had been much like this, she supposed, when Susan and Peter were so young, but, when the war had come, her mother had been forced to take a job to provide for the family. That had been such a difficult change for them. Peter was put in charge, which Edmund did not like and was not very good about respecting.

Even Susan, who normally got along so well with Peter, had fought and argued with him a great deal those first few months after their mother started working. But then, it had mostly settled down. As much as it could during a war.

She missed her mother. Her heart ached so fiercely that night for her mother. She would never see her again or hear her. She would not be there when Susan would marry or teach her how to properly hold her own baby. She would not be there for Susan ever again and the pain in Susan’s chest that night was great.

She managed to go to sleep that night, but it was late. She woke early the next morning as Mrs. Patterson came downstairs with Georgie on her hips. The stove was lit and breakfast started. Susan did all she could to help. She watched the morning routine of when to wake the children, feed them, dress them, and prepare them for school. Mrs. Patterson decided to leave after Susan left with the children to walk them to school.

The children stood together and Mrs. Patterson tearfully bade them goodbye and encouraged them all to be brave.

Yes. Brave. Susan needed to be brave as well.


	13. Playing house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan takes care of the children and learns that running a household is tough work.

Susan fell into bed, exhausted at the end of each day. She had been there one week, but it felt like a year. She had written and mailed off another letter to Ben with her change of plans, and hoped he had not tried to write her at her aunt and uncle’s house. She missed Ben. And Artie, and Mrs. Williams, and Tess, Beverly, Karen, and Peggy. She missed her co-workers, Artie’s sandwiches, and going to the cinema with her friends. Being here, in her childhood home, was so hard. It was hard to enter the largest bedroom and not find her mother’s things in there. It was hard to tuck Mary into bed each night and not call her Lucy.

If she were not exhausted at the end of each day, she might have cried herself to sleep. Thankfully, she was always too tired to cry. 

It had been one week ago that Mrs. Patterson had left, and they had not heard from her. Not a letter or phone call and Susan wondered how long she would stay here. They were running low of much of the food that had been left and Mrs. Patterson had left very little money to buy groceries with and it had been used by this point to buy the daily fresh foods that they used.

Now, they were down to the very minimum. Susan couldn’t bear to send the children to school with nothing but hot, plain oats for breakfast, and nothing but a few dried biscuits in their lunches, only to have oats again for dinner. She used some of her own money and went to the store. 

Thanks to the war, she had learned how to make so with little. She got what they needed to get through a few more days, plus a peppermint stick that she broke into four pieces. Mattie and Mary got one small piece that night and she saved the other two pieces for later.

On day ten, she got a message from Mr. Harris. She packed the pram and Georgie, and walked to the attorney’s office.

“Still playing nanny?” he asked.

Susan nodded. “I expected her back by now, but I’ve not heard from her at all.”

Mr. Harris sighed, and Susan wondered how long they should wait for news. She would ask Mattie about other relatives tonight, in case she needed to contact them. What if something had happened, like what had happened to her parents? What if the Patterson’s had died on the train ride, like her mum and dad? How would she know? What would she do? Send them to an orphanage? She shuddered at the thought.

“Well, I have some news for you about your parent’s home. The bank who sold it were shown the will and accepted that the Scrubbs’s had the right since there was proof of your parents death and Peter’s. They were the only ones listed in the will, so they only needed to see proof of their death. I’m sorry to say, but your Uncle and Aunt, but mostly Uncle, since his name is on everything, is looking at a huge lawsuit.”

Susan’s stomach clenched. She wanted things amended and she wanted what was hers, but she didn’t really want to send Harold to prison, or Alberta to the workhouses. And she didn’t want them to be hung, which was a possibility as well. 

“I can see the conflict in your eyes,” Mr. Harris smiled kindly. He reminded Susan of her father in many ways and she appreciated that and took comfort in it.

“I just want things fixed and I want them to feel the sting of law about what they did, but not the harsher sentence that would most likely await them,” Susan said. 

“I know. I called them yesterday and spoke with them. I told them what I knew, how they had sold the home and broken our legal contract.”

“I’m sure that made their blood run cold,” Susan said.

“I could feel the chill through the phoneline,” he nodded. “It was not good. At first, Mr. Scrubb tried yelling at me, but when I started listed all the charges I could throw at him, including his behavior towards you and now myself, he shut up. There wasn’t much to say after that moments. I told them our terms and left them to think it over. I will hear a response tonight or I will call their local constable and have them both arrested.”

Susan sat completely dumb-struck as she listened. She wished she could have heard that conversation between Uncle Harold and Mr. Harris. “What terms?” she finally managed to speak.

“They pay back everything they got from the house sale, and the estate sale that went on before the house was sold, minus one hundred pounds.”

“What if they can’t?” she asked. 

“Then they go to debtor’s prison. I’m willing to work with them, though. A deal with small payments each week until it is paid off was offered.”

“Do you think they will take it?” she asked.

“They would be foolish not to. It’s payback the money or go to prison,” Harris said. He watched Susan as she thought about the proposal. “I would hold the money until the end of the month. I would take a small percentage and then mail the rest to you in New York, or wherever you settle.”

She nodded. “Yes, alright.”

He nodded and stood. “Good, will you return tomorrow? About this same time?”

Again, she nodded. “Yes, I will.”

“Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow. Try and learn what you can about this family, though,” he said, pointing at Georgie. Susan agreed and left.

When the phone rang that night, Susan was sure it must be Mrs. Patterson, but to her surprise, it was Gordon.

“May I speak with Miss Pevnsie, please?”

“This is she,” she replied.

“Susan? It’s Gordon.”

“Gordon? Hi. How are you?”

“I’m fine, but how are you? I wasn’t sure if you would still be at this number.”

Susan explained the situation with the children.

“And you’ve heard nothing from their parents?”

“No,” she sighed. “Nothing. I asked the oldest boy about relatives, and it seems there is a grandmother in Manchester. If I don’t hear from the Patterson’s by the end of this week, I’m going to contact the grandmother, or try to contact her.”

“What’s her name?” Gordon asked. “Do you know?”

Susan found the piece of mail the Mattie had found with the grandmother’s name on it. “Anabel Shaw, Green Run, Manchester.”

“Perfect,” he said. “I’ll call father and see if he can help.”

“No need to bother him,” Susan said quickly, thinking how trivial this would be for an Earl. “I’m sure he’s busy.”

“Leave that to me. I’m sure he’ll be happy to help,” Gordon said with assurance. 

They talked for a while longer, and Susan told him about her meetings with the attorney and how she would be seeing him again the following day. They finished talking and hung up. The next day was a Friday and Susan got the children off to school. She walked to the attorney’s office, pushing Georgie in his pram.

“Your uncle has agreed to pay you two thousand pounds,” Mr. Harris announced without much preamble.

“Two thousand?” Susan gasped. She had never hoped to have so much at once.

“I’m sure he owes more, and if you’d like, I can look into it more deeply.”

But Susan shook her head. “No, I’ll accept this. How does your fee work?”

“Well, he’s going to pay it over the course of two years. I will take one tenth. Every four weeks, I will send you a bank note for the money you receive.”

“That’s very kind of you to do.”

“You will need to set up some sort of bank account,” he said. 

Susan nodded. “I worked for a bank, so I don’t think I will have trouble with that.”

“Do you have an address for New York?”

Susan nodded and wrote down Mrs. Williams address. She hoped that she would be able to live there for a while, but even if she couldn’t, she was sure Mrs. Williams would take in her mail for her until she could get another address. 

With the exchange of more contact information and more specifics to how the transaction was going to work, Susan finally bid Mr. Harris farewell. She returned to the house and set about cleaning it before the children came home for the day.

Saturday was laundry and grocery shopping. The day was also quite drizzly and as it was mid-October now, also quite cold. Still, they bundled up for some fun in the shelter. They brought out torches and an oil lantern. Closing the doors to keep out the rain, they told stories and Susan let the children have the rest of their peppermint sticks. Every night, Susan told them a bedtime story about four siblings that went away to a magical land and the many magnificent adventures they had. That day, in the shelter, they used their imaginations and pretended that they were in Narnia. It was a cramped space, so they pretended to be trapped in a cave by a troll. They explored their cave, came up with creative weapons, and then, throwing open the shelter door, they jumped out into the bright light of a drizzly day and fought their foe. Everyone got damp in the fun. They laughed and laughed, but Susan quickly ushered them in for a hot bath before anyone could catch cold. 

There were some sniffling noses that evening, and Susan made sure they all had hot tea and were wrapped warmly. She read to them from a book, and they finished the night with a biscuit, brushed teeth, and then off to bed. 

On Sunday, they walked, dressed in their warm coats, to the church down the street. They listened to the sermon and Susan prayed hard, to anyone who might be listening, to bring these children’s mother home soon.

That night, there was another phone call. 

“My name is Mrs. Shaw, may I speak with Miss Pevensie?”

“Speaking,” Susan said. Shaw? Perhaps this was the grandmother in Manchester.

“Miss Pevensie, you are staying in the Patterson home in Finchley with my grandchildren, as I understand it, correct?”

“Yes madam,” she answered.

“Hmmp. How long have you been there?”

“Nearly two weeks, madam.”

“And have you heard from my daughter at all?” she asked.

“No, madam, I have not. And the children miss her terribly.”

“I think you had better bring the children to me,” Mrs. Shaw said.

“Bring them to you, but what if Mrs. Patterson returns?” Susan asked.

“Leave a note,” she said, as if Susan would be taking the children down the street to the park. “Do you know what hospital my son-in-law is?”

“I don’t,” Susan admitted. “She only told me he was in Scotland.”

“Just bring the children to me. I’ll watch over them.”

Susan took in a deep breath. “Madam, I don’t know who you are, other than you saying you are their grandmother. Secondly, I don’t know where you live, and thirdly, it would require money for the train tickets.”

The woman chuckled on the other end. “I promise you, I am their grandmother and I can tell you all about them, when they were born, their full names, not just Mattie and Georgie. I would meet you at the station and pay you back for the tickets.”

“Can’t you just come out here?” Susan asked. “I hate to take them away from their home and I’m not sure I can take them out of school.”

“I can’t go out there. My husband’s ill and I’m caring for him. I’ll call the school. I’m sure it will be alright.”

Susan nodded. “Alright, I guess, but I worry about taking them away.”

“I’ll call you back,” Mrs. Shaw said and disconnected without another word.

Susan hung up the phone and wish, out loud, that Mrs. Patterson would call her. But there were no more phone calls that night. Susan fell asleep wondering what in the world she was going to do.

The next morning, she got the children to school on time, and without any other errands to run, she went back to the house for cleaning, laundry, and wrote another letter to Ben. She hadn’t heard back from him at all, but she didn’t expect to. If any of her letters had gotten to him, he might have sent the first one to Cambridge.

Susan was cleaning at home when three things happened at the same time. The door knocked, the phone rang, and Georgie opened the flour in the kitchen while Susan was sweeping the living room. She ran to the phone.

“Hello, could you hold please? I’ll be right back.” She set the phone down on the table, and could hear a voice on the other side of the line shouting, “Hello? Hello! Where are you?”

Susan ran to the front door and opened it. A messenger boy stood there. 

“Got a telegram for ya, miss,” he said. “Two pence, please.”

Susan went to her coin purse and pulled out the change. She gave him the money and he gave her a letter. It looked pretty battered, like it had taken quite the journey to get to her. She took the letter and ran back to the phone. She did not yet know about Georgie.

“Hello?” she panted. “Hi, sorry, this is Susan Pevensie.”

“Susan, are you alright?” Gordon’s voice said with concern.

“Yes. It’s just the phone rang, and a messenger boy knocked on the door at the same time,” She sat wearily in the chair next to the phone. “It’s good to hear your voice,” she said.

“Good to hear you too. Have you heard anything from your charges’ mother, though?”

“No,” she said, “but I spoke with the grandmother yesterday.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, but who was at your door?”

“Telegram,” she said, looking at it. “It’s addressed to me. Who in the world would be sending me a telegram?”

“Better open it,” Gordon said. 

Susan nodded, even though he couldn’t see her, and she opened the letter.

Susan. At hospital, husband not well. Contact Anabel Shaw. Take children to her.” It was signed Mrs. Patterson and the date on it was from the fourth day after she left. How had ten days passed since the letter was sent?

“Susan?” Gordon asked. She read the letter to him. 

“How did it take so long?” Susan asked. She looked at the address. “No wonder, she didn’t remember her own address. It’s addressed the The Pevensie House in Finchley.”

Gordon chuckled. “It’s amazing it found its way to you at all. But I wanted to find out from you if you had spoken with Mrs. Shaw.”

“I did. She called me yesterday. She told me to take the children to her in Manchester, but I didn’t think I should. I worried that what if Mrs. Patterson came home the next day to find her children are missing.”

“Yes, I see why you would be concerned,” he said, “but now you’ve got the telegram from Mrs. Peterson. You can take the children to Manchester and be free to do whatever you need to do.”

“I know. I’ll go talk to the school when I pick up the children.” She looked at the letter again and then Georgie crawled in, covered in flour. “Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?” Gordon asked, his voice full of worry.

“Georgie, the baby, is covered in,” she swiped a little off his face, sniffed it and tasted it, “flour.” She looked toward the kitchen and could see a puff of flour in the air. 

“Is it bad?” Gordon asked in a tentative voice.

“Looks like it. I had better get things cleaned up if we are going to set off for Manchester tomorrow.”

“So, you decided?”

“I guess so. It’s what Mrs. Patterson wanted us to do, and the grandmother wants us to do. Problem is, once we get to Manchester, I don’t know where to go. I don’t have a way to contact Mrs. Shaw again.”

“I’m going to call you back tonight,” he said.

“Isn’t this expensive for you?” she asked. Long distance calls were not cheap.

“Don’t worry about it. This is important,” he said. “Take care of what you can, and I’ll talk to you again later.”

“Thank you, Gordon. You’re the only one who has been willing to help me since I set foot in England.”

“You’re welcome,” he said.

They hung up and Susan went to the kitchen. Flour was everywhere. The majority of it was just on the floor, in a huge pile, where Georgie had been sitting. Clumps had been thrown and they looked like the path of a shooting star across the floor. Flour dust was on every nearby surface. This was going to take a long time to clean. She started with Georgie. She stripped him of his clothes and bathed him in the kitchen sink. Once he was cleaned and dressed, she put him in his high chair, gave him some toys, and a biscuit, then she grabbed the broom and started to sweep.

As she cleaned, Susan thought about the very late letter from Mrs. Patterson. All the money on food for the children, and all the time she could have saved herself from taking care of them all, if she had gotten the letter right after it had been sent, made Susan feel a little angry. But, she couldn’t say she hadn’t enjoyed her time as well. It had been fun to play mother and run a house for a little while. She had learned some important lessons, though, and one of them was she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready for marriage and motherhood yet.

Mrs. Shaw had promised to get in touch with Susan again, and she hoped that she would tonight. If she was planning on taking the children there, she needed to get them packed for the journey.

The hall clock chimed when it was time to pick up the children from school. Susan had almost finished cleaning the kitchen, but there still seemed to be a layer of flour dust on everything, even though she had wiped everything down. She packed up Georgie in his pram, put Mrs. Patterson’s letter in her pocket and walked to the children’s school. She went into the building and was hit by a wave of nostalgia. The sights and smells of the old school were so familiar to Susan. By the looks of things, very little had changed in the decade since she had gone to school here.

She went to the office.

“I wanted to inform you that the Patterson children will be leaving for a few weeks,” Susan told the secretary, unsure what she was supposed to say. She was only the go between from Mrs. Patterson.

“Why?”

Susan pushed the letter to the secretary. “Mr. Patterson was wounded during training in Scotland. Mrs. Patterson went to be with him and I’ve been taking care of the children. I received this letter today, along with a phone call from the children’s grandmother, Mrs. Shaw, informing me that I am to take the children to Manchester to be placed in their grandmother’s care while Mrs. Patterson is attending to her husband.”

“This is very unusual,” the secretary said.

Susan didn’t think it could be that unusual. What about during the war when all the children had been sent out of the city to keep them safe. The secretary didn’t look much older than Susan. Surely, she had been taking from her home to go elsewhere during the war.

The secretary disappeared for several minutes. Then, a large, elderly man stepped out of an office behind the desk. Susan recognized the man instantly. He had been the principal when she had attended school, and while she had never gotten into trouble in school, nor sent to the principal’s office, seeing the man again made her feel like a school girl in trouble.

“What’s this?” he asked, waving the telegram. “It was mailed ten days ago, why are you now attempting to obey the letter?”

“Mr. Thompkins-Smythe, the letter only arrived to me today. I’m afraid Mrs. Patterson wrote the address very badly and it took that long to find its way to the correct place.”

“You look familiar, did you go to school here?” he asked.

“I did, sir. My name is Susan Pevensie.”

“Pevensie? Didn’t all of you die recently?” he barked, obviously without any consideration for Susan’s feelings.

“Um, yes sir, except for me. I wasn’t here when it happened.”

He looked sad for a moment. “It was a shame to read in the papers. I remember young Mr. Peter Pevensie. Fine academic, he was.”

Susan nodded. “Yes sir.”

“Now, Miss Pevensie, explain to me what is going on and why you are in charge of the Patterson children.”

Susan explained everything, as best as she could, while leaving out several major details that had only to do with her and not the children. He listened and the bell rang to let the children out of school.

“I must find Mattie and Mary, so they don’t wonder where I am and try to return home on their own.”

“Miss Field,” Mr. Thompkins-Smythe called out. “Go and find the Patterson children and bring them to the office.”

“Yes sir,” she said, and hopped up from her chair.

The large man sat back in his chair. “I will release the children to you, but you tell Mrs. Patterson that I expect her to visit me personally when she brings the children back to school.”

“I’ll tell her,” she promised. 

“I don’t like the way this was handled. Why does the grandmother not come here?” he asked.

“Because she is looking after her sick husband and cannot travel.”

The sounds of footsteps and Mattie’s voice came through the office door. Georgie cried out to hear his brother. “Sir,” Susan said, “I must get the children home to pack, but I will do as you have asked.”

He stood and Susan stood took. “Go along, then. And I am sorry to hear about your family. What are you going to do?”

“I was working in America when they died. I will probably return. Being here, where I grew up, it’s all too painful. I have no one left here, but in New York, I have made friends and had an offer of marriage. I think I will return to that.”

“Best of luck to you, then.” He shook Susan’s hand in his. She turned the pram around and went out the office door. Mattie and Mary were waiting. Georgie squealed again when he saw his siblings.

“Susan, were you in trouble?” Mattie asked, seeing Susan coming out of the principal’s office, with the principal.

“No,” she smiled at him. “I am not in trouble, but I did need to speak with him.”

“Am I in trouble?” Mattie asked with worry.

“No. But Georgie is in a bit of trouble. Wait until I tell you what he did today,” she smiled. They said goodbye to Mr. Thompkins-Smythe and Miss Fields and walked home. Susan told them about Georgie in the flour and the children laughed to hear the story. 

At home, Susan showed what cleaning still needed to do, and then she sat down with the children at the table. They all had tea and biscuits in front of them.

“I’m taking you to your grandmother in Manchester,” Susan announced.

They grew excited, but Mary’s excitement didn’t last long. “What about Mama?”

“She sent me a letter telling me that that is what I needed to do. It seems she must stay in Scotland longer than she expected.”

“Why did she go?” Mary asked.

“To visit your father, who got hurt,” Susan explained, again, in the gentlest way possible. They had had this conversation several times over the weeks they had been together.

“Why can’t you stay with us?” Mattie asked.

“Because your grandmother can take better care of you than I,” she said. “And it is the wish of your mother for you to go. So, tonight, you must straighten your rooms, and pack a suitcase. We are leaving tomorrow.”

The children finished their tea and went to pack and clean. Susan had a lot to do. She put Georgie in Mattie’s room to keep each other company, and then she went back to the kitchen. She finished cleaning it, then she swept the floors of the downstairs, and worked on laundry. For supper, they ate the rest of the bread, and other items that would soon perish if not eaten. It wasn’t a proper meal, but the children enjoyed the novelty of eating such things as sandwiches for supper.

The phone rang just as they finished dinner.

“Hello,” she answered, “The Patterson house.”

“It’s Mrs. Shaw, the children’s grandmother,” the strong woman’s voice said from the receiver.

“Mrs. Shaw, I’m so glad you called, I got a letter from your daughter today.”

“It finally showed up, did it?” Mrs. Shaw said. “I managed to find where my daughter was staying and spoke with her. The phone charges for the last two days are going to be ridiculous.”

“I’m packing the children now,” Susan said. “I’ve not yet had the chance to check a times table to see when the first train to Manchester is tomorrow.”

“I have,” Mrs. Shaw said. “There is one that leaves at 7:23. I want you and the children to be on it. I will pick you up at the station in Manchester. The children will recognize me, but I’ll be wearing a hat with a red flower on it.”

Susan nodded. “Alright, we’ll be there,” she said.

“Good, safe travels, Miss Pevensie.” She hung up without any further words. 

Susan called to the children to bathe and bring her their dirty clothes. She started packing at her trunk when the phone rang again. She rushed downstairs.

“Hello,” she panted, “Patterson home.”

“Susan, it’s Gordon. Are you alright?” he asked.

She laughed. “Yes, just had to run down two flights of stairs to get to the phone.”

“What news?” he asked.

“I’m taking the children tomorrow to Manchester. The train leaves at 7:23, so we’ll have to be there quite early to buy the tickets.” Her heart sunk. She was going to have to buy the tickets, with her own money. That was more of her only savings flying out the window. She wouldn’t make it back to America at this rate. She also realized, she would have to hire a cab to take her to the station. More and more money.

“Is the grandmother meeting you there?” Gordon asked.

“Yes. We spoke and made all the arrangements.”

“What will you do,” he asked, “once you get there?”

“I don’t know,” Susan said. She hadn’t given much thought to her own destiny once arriving in Manchester. All she had been focused on was the children and getting them where they needed to go. “I suppose I’ll see what my finances are like and try to get to Southampton from there.”

“I might not be able to call you again once you set off.”

“Oh, yes, I suppose not. Thank you, Gordon, for all your help.”

“Please write to me,” he said. 

“I will,” she promised.

“Good luck, Susan.”

“Thank you, Gordon. And good luck to you as well.”

“Take care. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” Susan said, and hung up. She liked Gordon. He had been the kindest, most generous person she had met. She kept meaning to ask if he ever took Lois out on a date, but the expensive long-distance call was not the place for that. She would write him once she arrived in Manchester. She would write Ben too.


	14. A proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan takes the children to their grandparents in Manchester.

Susan woke after only a few hours of sleep. She had been up until the wee hours of the morning, doing laundry, packing her trunk, and cleaning. She fixed hot oats for the children and let them use the rest of the cream. They walked around in a half-daze, but they were ready to go when the cab arrived for them at six thirty.

Susan shuffled the children out and the cabbie packed their things onto the back of the cab. Susan locked the house and got into the cab. They made the trip to the station in good time and they were there with plenty of time to spare. She paid the cabbie and then they went to the ticket booth. She purchased four tickets to Manchester, and they went to wait on the platform. It was a cold morning, the first one to show that winter wasn’t far away.

She wearily sat on the bench, holding Georgie in her lap. Mattie was in charge of watching the trunk and suitcase. The children shivered slightly in the cold air and moved closer to Susan. She tried to hold them all close and the four of the sat and waited. Slowly, the platform filled with people as the time got closer. A train came through that was not the train to Manchester and they watched as people came off and got onto the train. At seven twenty-two, the Manchester train arrived, and the children moved to platform edge.

A porter helped Susan get all their things on. She tipped him with the shilling she had left over in change from the ticket purchase. They settled down in one of the small compartments and Susan breathed a sigh of relief. They had made it. They were one their way.

Georgie soon went back to sleep, and not long after that, Mary curled against Susan’s knee and fell asleep. Mattie stayed away for a long time, watching out the window as the countryside flew by. 

“Have you been to your grandmother’s house before?” Susan asked him. 

He nodded. “Yes, we lived there for a little while. Georgie was born there.”

Susan was glad to know this. She worried about dropping the children off at with a grandmother she wasn’t sure how well they knew her in a place they didn’t know, but it seemed it was quite the opposite. She dozed off while train bumped along the tracks. After they had all had a short nap, Susan pulled out the food she had prepared for them and the children happily ate. They were awake and chatty the rest of the way, after eating. Susan smiled. It was hard to believe that these were her last hours with the children. After this, they would be in their grandmother’s care, and Susan would be off on her own again.

She realized with a heavy heart how much she would miss the children. They had become so dear to her.

The train quickly crossed the countryside and they soon arrived in Manchester. Susan gathered their things together. “Come along, children,” she said. “We’re here.”

The train came to a stop and Mary hopped up on the seat and looked out. “I see Grandmum!”

Susan sighed in relief as Mary waved to the woman outside. They made their way out of the carriage and down the steps. 

“Grandmum!” Mattie cried out and ran to the woman. 

She knelt down and hugged Mattie, then Mary. She stood up and faced Susan. “Thank you, young lady.”

“You’re welcome Mrs. Shaw, they are good children,” Susan said, handing Georgie over to his grandmother.

“Let’s go have something to eat, I’m sure you all are hungry,” Mrs. Shaw said. 

The children nodded eagerly. Susan wasn’t sure if she was invited to go, but she picked up the children’s things and her own trunk and followed them. Mrs. Shaw called for a taxi and turned to look at Susan. 

“I’ll just help you get their things into the taxi,” Susan said. 

“You’re coming too, aren’t you Susan?” Mattie asked.

“You don’t need me anymore. You have your grandmum to look after you.”

Mary started to cry. Mrs. Shaw sighed. “Chin up now, Mary, stop your crying.”

“I don’t want Susan to go.”

“She’s not going to, yet,” Mrs. Shaw said with a kind smile and Susan saw where Mrs. Patterson got her smiled from. “She’s coming to eat with us, and we’ll talk about what to do next.”

Susan looked at her in surprise.

“You didn’t think I was going to just take the kids and leave you without a word, did you?”

“I, um, well, I didn’t know,” Susan stuttered. 

“There are things we must discuss, but I refuse to talk business in the train station,” Mrs. Shaw said.

The taxi stopped and the driver started loading the trunk and the children’s belongings. They went to a tearoom and Mrs. Shaw instructed the taxi driver to take the rest of their belongings to her home. Susan was slightly alarmed to see her trunk being taking away, but Mrs. Shaw wouldn’t allow her to unload it.

“Don’t worry, my dear. It will be quite safe. Perkins will take care of it,” Mrs. Shaw said, as the driver pulled away.

“Perkins?”

“Our butler,” Mrs. Shaw said airily and walked into the tearoom. She was immediately seated. Teas, scones, cakes, and glasses of milk were ordered. Susan hadn’t been anywhere like this in years. Her mother had taken her to a tea room the day before Susan had gone away to school for the first time. Georgie fussed a bit in his grandmother’s lap, so Susan took him and set him in her lap. 

The children fidgeted in their seats. Susan started to pull out books for them, but Mrs. Shaw stopped her. “They children need to learn how to behave when they are out. No books, just sitting quietly.”

Mattie nodded and for several moments, he and Mary were perfectly still. Mrs. Shaw looked to Susan. She was quite dignified and very Brittish. Susan hadn’t realized what that had truly meant, until she went to America. She had grown accustomed to their relaxed ways in the few months she had been there. What a difference between the two countries. Susan felt comfortable in both, but had never been so keenly aware of the difference until now.

“Now, tell me who you are and how you came to know my daughter and grandchildren.”

Susan adjusted Georgie in her lap and started to tell the story. Mattie, in his excitement about the parts he knew, would interrupt Susan. Mrs. Shaw would tell him not to do that, but he couldn’t help himself. Especially when they talked about playing in the shelter. 

Susan expected Mrs. Shaw to be quite horrified by their playful adventures, but Mrs. Shaw only smiled fondly. “It sounds like you had quite the excitement.”

By the time the tea and scones arrived, Susan had finished a very brief account of her story. She had not included anything that didn’t involve the children.

“How is Mrs. Patterson?” Susan asked, as the tea was poured for herself and Mrs. Shaw, while the children had glasses of milk.

“I’ve not heard from her recently, but it seems that her husband is doing better. They are sure of his recovery now and hope that he will be well enough to travel in a few weeks,” Mrs. Shaw reported.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Susan said. “I’m sure Mrs. Patterson has been beside herself with worry.”

“She was, especially when she realized you had not gotten her letter that she had posted. She said she had left you with very little money or supplies to get along with for more than a week.”

Susan nodded. “Yes, I’ve been obliged to use my own money to buy groceries.”

Mrs. Shaw held up her hand. “We’ll discuss the money at home in private.”

“Mrs. Shaw, I need to know what you intend to do, because my trunk went to your home, but I,” she stopped. She had no idea what she was going to do next. 

“I have a proposition for you,” the woman said, leaning forward to wipe Mary’s face clean of some jam. She straightened and looked at Susan. “My own husband is ill right now and doing poorly. It will not be easy for me to take care of him, our home, and the children. But you have been doing a very excellent job with the children. I can tell from your adventures.”

Susan nodded. “They are good children.”

“Yes, but they are still children, especially that one,” she pointed at Georgie. “I don’t have what it takes to look after such a young one all of the time. So, I wish to propose a short-term employment opportunity for you. Stay at my home and care for the children, just like you have been.”

“We could have stayed in London for that,” Susan said.

“But I didn’t know you out there, did I?” she said. It was true. She had no idea who was caring for her grandchildren. “At least now, I’ll be able to help more, especially financially.”

“I will think about it,” Susan said.

“Do, do,” Mrs. Shaw said. “Hasn’t the weather been dreadful lately?”

With the topic of conversation turned to the weather, Susan was unable to bring up any more questions, or even really think about what this would mean. 

On the taxi ride to Mrs. Shaw’s home, Susan watched the city fly by. She had never been to Manchester before. She didn’t know what she was going to do next with her life. She didn’t have enough money to get back to America now. Not after purchasing the train tickets. If she stayed on to help with the children, she might be able to earn some of it back. Once she had enough, she would go.

They pulled up to a large country home. It looked like it had been well cared for for several centuries, although it was showing its age in a few places. Mrs. Shaw seemed to understand. “It’s been in my husband’s family for nearly one hundred-fifty years. Generation after generation of Shaw’s have lived in this home. Sadly, both of our sons were killed in the war.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” Susan said.

Mrs. Shaw’s door opened, and she stepped out. She said nothing about Susan’s condolences, but she had said nothing to Susan when Susan had explained her parent’s death. She knew it was the upper-class way not to show much emotion. She followed Mrs. Shaw out of the car, and they walked into the house.  
Susan’s trunk sat alone near the entrance.

“What do we do with this, mum?” an older man in a suit asked.

“Leave it for the moment, Perkins,” Mrs. Shaw said. “Take the children to the nursery, if you would, then have tea sent to the music room. Come along Susan.” She turned and started down a hall. Susan quickly handed Georgie to Mattie and followed her. She assumed that the children went with Perkins to the nursery.

Mrs. Shaw went to a cushioned chair and sat down. She put her feet up on a small foot-stool and directed Susan to sit on the sofa next to her.

“Now, we will discuss in more detail my proposal,” Mrs. Shaw began. “I am not comfortable with having you and the children alone in Finchley. My daughter has asked that the children be brought here to stay with me, and I agree with her. The children should be here until my daughter and her husband are able to return. However, as I said to you, I am not in the position to chase after three children and I would rather avoid going through the trouble of hiring a governess.”

It made sense to Susan. The children knew her and were comfortable with her. That would be important, especially to Georgie, to be with a familiar person while in an unfamiliar place.

Mrs. Shaw went on. “Now, how much was my daughter paying you to stay with the children?”

“Um, nothing, Mum,” she answered.

“What? Nothing?”

“No Mum. I have nowhere to live right now, so in exchange for a place to live and some food to eat, I stayed at the house and took care of the children,” Susan explained.

Mrs. Shaw leaned forward, gazing into her. “What do you mean, some food?”

“Oh, well, I mean, I can eat what I like, but she only left enough money behind for me to purchase food for about a week. We were there for two.”

“So, you paid for food out of your own money?”

Susan nodded. “Yes.”

“May I ask about your money? You said that your parents recently passed,” Mrs. Shaw said.

Susan nodded again. “They did. I was in New York at the time. I had enough saved to come back to England and get around a little, but I was in for a surprise when I learned that my home, along with all my belongings had been sold by some relatives.”

Mrs. Shaw asked her more and more questions and Susan answered them, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell the woman all the sordid bits of her recent dealings with family members. She also didn’t talk about the conversations with the attorney. It didn’t matter if there might be money coming in from her uncle, she didn’t have it now, and there was a chance she would never see any of the money, so she did not count it among her resources.

Mrs. Shaw seemed to know that Susan wasn’t telling the entire story, but she let it go.

“Well, I’m quite appalled by my daughter’s behavior of engaging a nanny, but not paying for her. She was brought up better than that, although I must admit, I’m not too surprised. She married well below her station. It’s not that I mind, her husband is a good man, but instead of a man with a professional job or even an officer, she married a man who is lower in the ranks. They make barely enough to survive. Of course, we are always ready to help, but my daughter,” she chuckled. “Well, she’s a strong-willed young woman, and doesn’t like to ask for help unless under extreme duress, like now.”

“It’s alright,” Susan said, slightly uncomfortable. “The original arrangement was perfect for both of us, and would have been fine, if I had gotten her letter when she intended for me to receive it.”

“Nevertheless,” Mrs. Shaw waved her hand. “How about the train tickets? You purchased them, I assume?”  
Susan nodded again.

“Have you kept track of your expenses?”

“Well, yes, I have,” Susan said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. 

“Excellent, I would like to see this record. You will be repaid for your expenses.”

Susan bowed her head slightly. “That’s most generous.”

“You have done a good deed. You will be rewarded,” she said. “Now, how about staying on and helping with the children? You will be paid in addition to what you are owed from your two weeks in Finchley.”

“I would like to accept,” Susan said. Any additional money she could make would help her make her trip back to America. She missed Ben and her housemates. She missed the hustle and bustle of New York. Not that Finchley, Cambridge or London were quiet villages, but it wasn’t the same as Manhattan.

“Excellent,” Mrs. Shaw nodded. “The children will do better here while under your care.”

The tea was finally brought in by a harried looking butler. “The children are settled in the nursery, Mum, and their belongings put there as well.”

“Thank you, Perkins,” Mrs. Shaw nodded. “Please have the governess bedroom prepared and Miss Pevinsie’s trunk moved there.”

He nodded and bowed his head. “I’ll see to it.”

“I can carry my own trunk,” Susan said. “It’s quite heavy.”

“One of the lads will carry it for me, miss,” Perkins’ said, and left.

Susan looked at Mrs. Shaw in distress, but Mrs. Shaw smiled kindly. “It’s been hard to keep up with this old house. We just don’t have the income we once had. The war was very cruel to our family.”

“It was for many. I was very sad to hear about your sons.”

Mrs. Shaw nodded. “Thank you. It was a huge loss and I believe it is what started my poor husband to become ill. We weren’t able to keep most of our help,” she sighed. “And the house is suffering for it. Most of the staff left us because it became impossible for us to pay them what they were used too. Old Perkins has stayed with us the longest. He accepted the smaller salary and has remained active and loyal. His pay isn’t what it used to be, but he has refused all attempts at a raise. Still, we do all we can to take care of him.”

“Sounds like he’s quite devoted to you,” Susan said.

“He’s a gem,” Mrs. Shaw said kindly.

They drank their tea without any other conversation that was related to money. Soon, Susan was shown up to her room. It was about the size of her parent’s old bedroom, but this was more like a suit. There was a sitting room, and a small circular table where she could work, or have a small meal. A nice bed was surrounded by four thick walls of curtain, which sectioned it off from the rest of the room.

Susan put her things down and went to see the children in the nursery. She felt like she had stepped back in time. The nursery was like something right out of a storybook. She was surprised to see three beds and a crib in there. It seemed that the children would actually live in the nursery, like in Peter Pan. Mattie and Mary waved to her when she came in and asked her to sit with them. Georgie crawled to her and she held him tightly in her lap.

The children showed her the toys there, the large doll house, their bed, and the shelf that was packed with books. There were many stories to read now at bedtime.


	15. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan writes to Ben to explain her new situation.

Dear Ben,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and that your studies at the university are going well. I arrived in Manchester yesterday with the children. Their grandmother, Mrs. Shaw, offered me a position to stay with them and be the children’s governess until Mrs. Patterson returns. Mr. Shaw suffers from poor health, so Mrs. Shaw isn’t able to give the time needed to the children. 

I always fancied myself a working woman, but I never expected myself to be in domestic service, but being governess to the Patterson children isn’t a bad thing. I have a nice room, right next to the nursery. It’s like a scene out of Peter Pan. I half expect the children to fly out the nursery window tonight to go to Neverland.

I will be staying here until Mrs. Patterson returns, but there’s not been word from her since we arrived, so we don’t know how long it is going to be. The Shaw’s house is a beautiful old manor house. It is centuries old and probably full of tunnels and secret passages. Sadly, it is falling into some disrepair. It is expensive to run such an estate these days. But it is beautiful and reminds me of the manor I stayed in when during the war when my brothers, Lucy, and I were sent to live in the country with old Professor Kirke.

My plan now is to stay here until Mrs. Patterson returns, then I will make my way to Southampton, and from there, I will board an ocean liner to America. I just wish I knew how long it was going to be until Mrs. Patterson returns.

As always, I miss you. Tell your father I said hello. Take care and best of luck on your studies.

Yours truly,  
Susan

Dear Ben,

Hello. I hope you are well and your studies are moving along. I believe it is nearing Thanksgiving for you Americans. I have heard of the holiday and had hoped to experience one this year. I read a magazine article about the Macy’s parade, and Mrs. Williams told me she used to go see it each year. It sounds spectacular. Have you ever seen it? I hope maybe next Thanksgiving I will be able to go to the parade. I hope your holiday is very pleasant and that you get to see or talk with your family.

I have been here for one week now. We heard from Mrs. Patterson yesterday. Her husband’s health took a turn for the worst a few days ago. She is expecting to be there two more weeks. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

My situation here in Manchester hasn’t been bad. I’m treated more like a member of the family, rather than staff. The girl who cleans the rooms on the floor where the children and I live is very dear and can’t be much older than my sister Lucy. It makes me sad. Not that she is treated badly by the Shaw’s and she tells me the rest of the staff is kind, but I couldn’t imagine someone so young having a life to face of domestic service. I wish I could do something for her.

I have not heard from you and I am hoping it is because I have been moving from place to place since arriving. I hope that I still am welcomed to write you. If Mrs. Patterson does arrive in two weeks, then I will leave soon after to catch a boat back to America. And, if your offer still stands, I would like to accept it. 

Being in England, it is familiar, and it feels like home, but it is not where I want to be anymore. I’m ready for a new home and a new life. There is nothing left for me here but memories. I miss New York. I miss the hustle and the excitement. I miss my housemates and Mrs. Williams. I miss your father, his deli, and his sandwiches. But most of all, I miss you, Ben. I know that had I been in New York all these weeks, I wouldn’t have seen you because you’re at school. But somehow, not seeing you while I’m in New York doesn’t seem as long as not seeing you while I’m in England. 

I will write you again after Mrs. Patterson returns and I have plans to return to New York. With any luck, we’ll be able to see each other at Christmas. All my best to you.

Yours truly,  
Susan


	16. Others need you more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more Susan wants to go to America, the more she finds keeping her where she is. Perhaps others need her more right now.

Susan went to see Mr. Shaw. She had just put Georgie down for a nap and was going down stairs to check on lunch from the cook, when Mrs. Shaw called Susan over. 

“Will you go in and see if his medicine is on the table? I can’t seem to find it. I’ve been looking, but I’m hoping a set of fresh, young eyes can perhaps spot it. The bottle is green.”

So Susan went to Mr. Shaw’s suite and knocked on the door. He called for her to enter. Instead of his bed, he was sitting at a cushioned, high-backed chair with a blanket over his lap and a shawl around his shoulders.

She nodded. “Good morning, Mr. Shaw. You’re looking well.”

“Thank you, Miss Pevensie,” he answered. “What brings you here today?”

“Mrs. Shaw. She can’t find your green bottle of medicine,” Susan answered.

He laughed and pointed to a tray on the bedside table. “It’s right there. She brought it in earlier and gave me my dose. I remember, because it has a terrible after taste and no matter how much tea I drink, I can taste it until lunch time.” He smacked at his lips like there was something very unpleasant in his mouth. “She has started to forget things more often.”

Susan looked at the bottle and then Mr. Shaw. “Well, she has a lot on her mind.”

“I’m glad you’e brought the children here,” he said. “It reminds me of when our three children were young. We had two boys and a girl, just like Lorna.”

“Lorna?” Susan asked.

“My daughter, Mrs. Lorna Patterson.”

Susan chuckled. “Mrs. Shaw told me that your sons were killed in the war. I’m very sorry.”

His face darkened. “Yes. And with them, our grandchildren were gone too.”

“They were killed?” Susan gasped in horror.

“No. Their mothers, my son’s widows, returned to their parent’s homes. We’ve not seen the grandchildren since.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Susan said, feeling very sad for the man.

He nodded. “I understand they want to be close to their families, but to never let us have contact with them again? It has been hard.”

“Have you asked to see them?” Susan asked.

“Of course, many times, but we never get word back,” he said with a sigh.

“Where do they live?” Susan asked.

“One of our former daughters-in-law lives in Wales. The other is in Oxford. Her father was a professor at the university for a long time.”

“How many grandchildren?”

“Seven in total. Lorna has the three, the others had two each.”

“I see,” Susan said. “Well, I had better get that medicine bottle to Mrs. Shaw before she gets too upset.” She went to the bedside table and took the green bottle. 

Mr. Shaw nodded. “Thanks for the visit. Bring the children in later and I’ll tell them a story.”

Susan promised she would and returned the bottle to Mrs. Shaw. That afternoon, she took the children to see their grandfather and he delighted them with stories.

Two weeks passed before they heard from Mrs. Patterson. They had a quick telegram telling them she and Mr. Patterson would arrive in Manchester the next day by four twenty-three in the afternoon. Susan was very busy that day, making sure all the children’s things were put neatly away and that they had fresh, nice clothes available for the next day. She cleaned the children and with the children and the housemaid’s help, the got the nursery spic and span. Susan also came to the realization that her time with the children were coming to an end.

She wasn’t going to leave right away, however. She would stay on a day or two and make sure the children were not too rambunctious for their harried parents. Besides, Mr. Patterson might not appreciate the loud noises of children in his convalescence. 

She fell into bed exhausted that night, as she did most nights. She found herself sitting on a hill. She was looking out at an island in the middle of a wide sea. The land was familiar. She knew it, although she couldn’t say how. Her heart ached for what she saw, but there was no way down the hill, no way across the sea, and no way to the island.

“One day, that island will be much closer,” Aslan’s deep voice said to her.

She turned her head and found him sitting beside her. “I long to go there.”

“When the time is right, you will,” he said. “Each time you see that island, it be a little closer to you, until it is close enough for you to cross from here to there without getting your feet wet.”

Susan looked at her bare feet. She tucked them back under the flowing gown she was wearing. “Islands can’t move like that.”

“You’re right,” he said without any other explanation. “You are doing many good things and making the lives of many happy.”

“The children haven’t seen their mother in nearly two months. Of course, they are going to be happy.”

“But it’s not just the children,” he said. “Others have been changed because of you.”

Susan turned back to look at the island. The waters that swirled around it were in constant change from blue to green. Susan gasped when it reached a shade of blue that was very familiar to her, but she couldn’t remember why. 

“That color is beautiful.”

Aslan said nothing as they watched, but Susan felt just having him by her side was comforting.

“I hope to be making a journey across another ocean soon,” she said. 

“That time will come,” he agreed. “But do not fight your way to get there. It will happen when it is time to happen.”

“That’s not very encouraging. I want to get there soon, so that I can be with Ben for the holidays.”

“There will be many holidays to celebrate,” he nodded.

Susan smiled, thinking about a lifetime of Christmases with Ben. Then, she realized what Aslan had said to her. “Many holidays to celebrate, but not this one?” she asked.

Aslan said nothing to her. 

“Aslan? Why am I not going to be in New York for Christmas?”

“There are others who need you more.”

“What? No, I want to be with Ben.”

He stood and breathed into her face. “Patience little one. The time will come.”

Susan felt heartened slightly and also heart-broken at the same time. “What did I do wrong?”

“The choice that is to come is yours,” he said, “but if you are patient, you will be rewarded with joy you could not imagine.”

“Aslan, please, what am I to do?”

The sound of a large wave crashing upon the shore startled Susan and she turned her head, but instead of the island in the turquoise sea, there was only the darkness of her room. The morning light was just starting to shine through the curtains. Susan sighed. She couldn’t remember much of the dream, but she felt a heaviness in her heart. It was a good thing she forgot to write Ben yesterday and tell him of her plans, because deep in her heart, she had a feeling they were about to change again.


	17. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan's young charges are reunited with their parents and just as Susan thinks that she might be free to leave for America, news arrives that will probably keep her from leaving.

Susan arrived at the platform with the children and Mrs. Shaw at four o’clock. The children were practically bouncing with excitement.

“Stop all that,” Mrs. Shaw snapped at the children, who were dressed in their very finest. Even little Georgie was dressed. He squirmed to get down, but Susan held him tightly. He had turned one during the time at the Shaw’s and he was quite good at running, although he still fell down a lot. The last thing Susan wanted was for Georgie to go running off, fall, and get hurt or dirtied. Georgie started to cry in his frustration to get out of Susan’s arms.

“Children, come, let’s sit on the bench and I will tell you a story while we wait.” She moved them to a bench and they sat down. From deep in a pocket, Susan pulled out a toy of Georgie’s. He took it and chewed on it.

“How much longer?” Mattie asked as they sat down.

“Less than twenty minutes,” Susan answered.

Mattie groaned. “That’s forever long.”

Susan smiled at him. “Not forever long, but a long time, when you are waiting for a train. So, would you like a story or a game?”

“A game!” Mattie and Mary cried out. “Let’s play I See.”

“I want to be first!” Mary called out.

“You’re always first, besides, I thought of it first,” Mattie yelled back.

“None of that yelling,” Susan said gently. “I’ll start. I see when I look about, something that has long, thin, black hands.”

The children started to look around. “There is a porter over there wearing black gloves!” Mattie cried out. “That was easy, my turn.”

“That’s not what I was talking about, Mattie,” Susan chuckled. “Look around. Long, thin, black hands.”

“Is it that train over there?” Mary asked.

“Does the train have hands?” Susan asked, and Mary shook her head.

“Oh!” Mattie cried out. “That lady, she is wearing black gloves.”

“She is, but those are not the hands I’m talking about. What I see are hands, but not hands.” She took one of Mattie’s hands a squeezed it.

The children looked around, trying to see hands that weren’t hands. Susan decided to help with more clues. “These hands are high above the ground and they spin round and round.”

It was nearly time for the train before Mattie started to laugh loudly. “It’s the clock!” he pointed at the tall four faced clock that stood on the platform. “The clock has hands, it’s high above the ground and they spin round and round!”

Susan cheered. “Very good Mattie, very good. That was tricky.”

“My turn,” he cried out, but there was a loud voice from the platform. “North train arriving! North train arriving!”

“Look at the hands,” Mrs. Shaw said with a grin. “They are showing four twenty-three.”

“Mum and Dad!” Mattie shouted and jumped up. 

Mary did the same thing with a squeal. 

The train slowly pulled into the station. Great squeaks of breaks and a burst of steam let them know that the train had come to a stop. They all moved together. It was time to greet the Patterson’s.

“Mummy!” Mattie yelled. “I see Mummy!” he started to run and Mary followed.

“Children!” Mrs. Shaw cried out, but Mattie and Mary had already found their way into their mother’s arms. She knelt on the ground, hugging them tightly. Next to her stood a tall, thin man, who looked just like an older version of Mattie. Mr. Shaw was smiling at the children, but unmoving to be with them just yet and allowing Mrs. Shaw all the hugs and kisses she wanted to bestow on her children first. 

Mattie finally looked over. “Dad?”

The tall man smiled at him. His face was white with illness and one arm was in a sling, but he reached out his good hand to Mattie. “Hello son. You’ve grown so much.” With some effort, he knelt down and hugged Mattie. Mary came to him, very slowly and shyly, but grinned and allowed herself to be pulled into a hug.

When Mrs. Shaw looked to Georgie, the little one year old buried his face in Susan’s neck. “Geogrie,” Susan said quietly and with a forced chuckle. “It’s your mum. You remember mum?”

Georgie’s grip on Susan increased and Susan noticed the hurt on Mrs. Patterson’s face. 

“Come now, don’t worry,” Mrs. Shaw said, coming to them. “He’ll get over his shyness soon enough. Let’s collect your things from the luggage porter and we’ll go home. Everyone will be more comfortable there.”

No one could argue with Mrs. Shaw on that point. They piled into two taxies and rode back to the manor house. Once home, Georgie fussed when Susan placed him in Mrs. Shaw’s arms, but then Susan walked out of the room and left the Patterson’s and Shaw’s the chance to catch up. She stayed close by, in case she was needed. She often thought about writing Ben, but she told herself to wait until she knew her plans for certain. Something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on kept her from making long term plans. For now, her plan was to help the children settle back in with their parents. 

That night, she was invited to sit with the adults after the children had gone to sleep. At first, Mrs. Shaw didn’t like the idea of having the staff sitting in on their family conversations, but Mrs. Patterson insisted. 

“Susan is my friend, not staff.”

“But we are paying her,” Mrs. Shaw pointed out.

“She is my friend,” Mrs. Patterson insisted, and so Susan sat with the family and enjoyed a nightcap.

“What are you going to do now,” Mr. Shaw asked Mr. Patterson.

The younger man sighed. “I’m not sure anymore, but I cannot return to any military service.”

“What do you want to do,” Susan asked.

“Well,” he chuckled. “I like to be active. No baker or desk job for me, but I am not interested in working in the department store again, like I did as a youth.”

“Do you know anything about baking?” Susan asked.

He laughed. “As a matter of fact, I do. My father owned a bakery. I worked there quite a lot as a youth and before I switched to the department store, but I didn’t enjoy it.”

“When I worked in New York, for a bank, I made the daily sandwich run.”

“Sandwich run, what’s that?”

Susan smiled. “All the bank partners and clerks would order sandwiches each day. I was the one who went to Artie’s Deli each day to get the sandwiches. Artie’s Deli was the greatest sandwich shop for miles around. He baked his own bread but had all the meats and cheeses delivered each day. He opened at breakfast and had pastries and then at lunch, he did sandwiches, and something that Americans call chips, but they aren’t like our chips. They are thin and crispy. People love them with the sandwiches. He also had a soda fountain. He did great business and there were always people in the deli, sitting at the bar or at one of the tables. He knew every one of his regulars by name.”

“Sounds like a great place,” Mr. Patterson said. “That’s my kind of shop.”

Mrs. Patterson nodded. “It does. You would do very well.”

“It sounds like a pub,” Mrs. Shaw said. “Very common.”

“It’s not a pub,” Susan said. “No alcohol or regular pub food. Sandwiches.”

“That might be fine in America, but I don’t think people would like that here in England,” Mrs. Shaw said.

Mr. and Mrs. Patterson sighed, but Mr. Shaw’s eyes were wide with excitement. “I’ll be it would be popular in London.”

Susan nodded. “I think so. Businesses are rebuilding from the war. There are young families moving in. They are modern and ready for a new decade free of the horrors of the war. I’m sure they would embrace a deli.”

When Susan bid them all goodnight, Mr. and Mrs. Patterson were in deep conversation about the possibilities of the deli. Mrs. Shaw looked horrified and Mr. Shaw’s eyes were sparkling. Susan had a feeling that this was the start of something great.

Susan was up at her usual time in the morning and got the children ready for the day. She was brushing Mary’s hair when Mrs. Patterson walked in.

“Oh, you’ve already got them ready,” she said in surprise.

Susan blushed. “Yes, Mrs. Shaw is very insistent that everyone be dressed and clean before breakfast. But I haven’t finished Mary’s hair, would you like to?”

Mrs. Patterson came over and thanked Susan as she took the brush. “Susan, I can’t thank you enough for all you did to help me and my family. Matthew’s recovery never should have taken so long. I didn’t think that I would be gone for two months.”

It took Susan a moment to realize that Matthew must be Mr. Patterson. “It all worked out. The important thing is that Mr. Patterson is well again. The children are so dear. I’ve enjoyed being with them. But how do you do it? Running a household with three children was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Mrs. Patterson laughed. “It’s motherhood. But you jumped in feet first into three children. It’s not like that when it’s your own children. You have time to prepare before your first one is born, and then you get used to motherhood with one baby. You build on from there.”

Susan sighed in relief. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“Don’t worry. It’s wonderful and I’m sure you will be a wonderful mother. I mean, Georgie loves you. He’s completely forgotten me.”

“Georgie loves you. I’m sure he’s just confused by all the changes, but another day with you and it will be as if you never left.”

She took half the time to braid Mary’s hair as Susan did, and soon, they were ready to go to breakfast. 

Mrs. Shaw had an announcement. “I received a telegram first thing this morning,” she said. “Our son’s widow in Oxford caught pneumonia and has passed away.”

There were many audible gasps around the dining table.

“Her parents don’t wish to care for the grandchildren. He is a professor at the university and she is heavily involved in university life and the social circles. They tolerated the children, it seemed, while their daughter was alive, but now that she has passed, they don’t wish to continue caring for the children. They have no one but us. So, either we send for them, or they go to an orphanage.”

“We must send for them, immediately,” Mrs. Patterson said. “My dear nephew and niece cannot go to an orphanage. What would David say?”

Susan assumed that David was the Shaw’s late son.

“My thoughts exactly,” Mrs. Shaw said, “But then the problem is, what do we do with them?”

“We don’t worry about that until we must,” Mrs. Patterson said.

Susan felt a sinking feeling. She would end up caring for the children. The Shaw’s were not in the right health to take on two more children, and the Patterson family were only just reunited. They had a long way to go to get back on their feet. Perhaps the Shaw’s would look into a real governess for the children.

“How old are they?” she asked, nervously.

“They are very young,” Mrs. Patterson answered, “only two and three years old.”

Susan sighed and nodded. Younger than Mary, older than Georgie. 

“Very well,” Mrs. Shaw said, having made her decision, “I will send for the children. They will come here and live with us.” She took a quick glance at Susan and then looked back to her plate. Susan’s spirit sank. It was a good thing she hadn’t written to Ben yet. Her plans were about to change yet again.


	18. A joyful day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two orphaned children arrive at Shaw Manor. Susan takes them into her charge and finds two beautiful, dear children who are also confused and scared by the changes in their lives. Susan dreams of Aslan again. When a letter from Ben finally makes it to Susan, she is overjoyed.

Two days later, when Susan had originally planned on leaving for Southampton, Susan found herself preparing the nursery for two new children, instead of buying a train ticket out of Manchester.

Sandra Shaw, three, and Davy Shaw, two, arrived by train and a harried looking housemaid.

“They’re good kids, miss,” she said, handing over their bags. “But their kids, you know? I can’t do me job when them around.”

Susan, who had been sent with Mrs. Patterson, took the bags while Mrs. Patterson took the children. The poor babies, who didn’t understand what was going on were both crying and clinging to each other. In the taxi, Susan took one of the children into her arms, but it only cried harder at being apart from its sibling. By the time they reached the house, Mrs. Shaw looked like she was about to cry too.

“Let me take them right to the nursery,” Susan said. “No other family just yet, please?”

Mrs. Shaw nodded. “That might be a good idea, although it will be hard to keep Lorna away.”

“Just give us one hour. I’m sure they need sleep.”

It was hard when they arrived. Sure enough, Mrs. Patterson just wanted to take them in her arms, but Mrs. Shaw requested that they go with Susan to the nursery for a nap and that no one was to disturb them. Susan was grateful for Mrs. Shaw’s orders. Perkins followed them to the nursery with their belongings, dropped them off in the door and left. Susan closed the door and went to the children.

“It’s alright,” she soothed. She softly sang and sat them on the bed. She removed their shoes, coats, and top layer of clothes. Then, she tucked them both into bed, side by side, but they climbed out and into her lap. She sat on the bed, and pulled them both to her. They clung to each other and she held them both. She continued to sing and hum. They finally fell asleep.

She kissed both their heads and very carefully laid them down. She pulled the blanket up around them and stepped back.

Under their red, tear-streaked faces, Susan could see what lovely children they were. They had Shaw-family looks about them. What would become of them? She moved quietly about the room, collecting their shoes and clothes, hanging them up and putting them in the wardrobe. She closed her eyes and reached into the wardrobe. Her hand quickly found the back of the furniture piece and she sighed.

She closed the door, and went to sit in the rocking chair next to the beds. She would be here for the children when they woke or if they needed anything. She dozed off and remembered her dream. 

There will be many holidays to celebrate,” he nodded.

“Many holidays to celebrate, but not this one?” she asked. “Aslan? Why am I not going to be in New York for Christmas?”

“There are others who need you more. The choice that is to come is yours,” he said, “but if you are patient, you will be rewarded with joy you could not imagine.”

The sound of the door opening woke Susan. She sat up and looked to the door. Mrs. Patterson was coming in. 

“Mother told me to wait an hour,” she whispered.

Susan nodded. She looked to the children. “They are sleeping. I’ll bring them down once they have woken up.”

Mrs. Patterson looked sad, but nodded and left.

Susan sat back in the chair and thought about the dream. She would not be in New York for the holidays. Aslan had said that there were others who needed her more. She looked to little Sandra and Davy. Could he have been talking about these two children? What could she do?

There will be many holidays to celebrate, he had said. Celebrate, with Ben? She could only hope that he meant Ben. She might not celebrate Christmas with Ben this year, but if she did whatever it was Aslan wanted her to do, then perhaps she would spend all future holidays with Ben. The idea was encouraging and discouraging at the same time. Her first holidays without her family, and she would be stuck in a cold English manor house with two orphaned children.

She sighed and rested a bit more. It wasn’t long before the children stirred. Sandra woke first, looking lost and confused, then she saw Susan.

“Hello,” Susan said quietly. “Are you thirsty?”

She nodded and Susan stood. She returned with two glasses of watch, which was good because Davy had woken up too. They drank their water, then gently, Susan coaxed them out of bed to go use the toilet. They were in a better mood and wanted to play with some of the toys. Susan let them, sitting close by, talking quietly with them while they played. 

There was a knock at the door and Mrs. Patterson came in again. She smiled. “Oh, look at them. They look so much like my brother.”

Susan smiled. “I was noticing they shared some of the same features as you and your father.”

Mrs. Patterson gave a quiet laugh. “How are they?”

“They napped for a long while, had a drink, and saw the toys. I’m sure it must be nearing time for lunch,” Susan answered.

“Yes, Mother would like them to join the family at lunch in a quarter of an hour.”

“I’ll have them ready,” Susan nodded.

“Do you need any help?” she asked hopefully, but Susan shook her head.

“No. I’ll get them ready, but after lunch, it might be good to bring them back to the nursery with your children. Let them play together.”

Mrs. Patterson grinned. “A wonderful idea. You’re turning into a natural mother.”

“I’m just a nanny,” Susan said, shaking her head.

“There’s no just about it,” Mrs. Patterson said. “Nannies are very important people. My brothers and I were practically raised by one. Nanny Rosemary Bailey, a true gem. She spent more time with us than anyone else. She read to us and taught us to read. She sang, although she wasn’t a very good singer, but she was enthusiastic and so it was fun. She took care of us. I have better memories of being with her than I do my own mother.”

Susan listened with a bit of sorrow for Mrs. Patterson. Susan’s own mother had been so wonderful. She only hoped that one day, she could be as great a mother to her own children as her mother had been for her.

“I had better start getting them ready if we are to be at the table one time,” Susan said. Mrs. Patterson nodded and left. “Sandra, Davy, are you hungry?” They both nodded eagerly. “Then let’s get dressed. We’ll come back and play after lunch.”

Davy didn’t want to let go of the little wooden train that he was holding. Susan didn’t worry about it. She dressed them and brushed their hair. “Let’s leave the train,” she said. “As soon as lunch is over, we’ll come back to play.” Davy started to cry, so Susan decided to let him hold the train. She carried Davy and held Sandra by the hand as they went down the long flight of stairs to the ground floor. They went to the dining room and waited with the Patterson’s.

“He’s got the train engine,” Mattie pointed out.

“He didn’t want to leave it behind,” Susan said.

“But I can’t bring toys to the table.”

“You are also not two years old,” Mrs. Patterson said. “You are a big boy who is not scared of being in a new place. Why don’t you tell Davy hello. He’s your cousin.”

“Hi Davy,” Mattie grinned. “Hi Sandra.”

Sandra waved, but Davy grinned and hid his face in Susan’s neck. The Shaw’s came in soon after and they all sat down to lunch. Susan had her hands full with the toddlers. They needed so much more attention that Mattie and Mary. Even little Georgie wasn’t so demanding. Mrs. Patterson noticed Susan’s frustration. 

“It’s their age,” she said. “Two and three-year old’s are a lot of work.”

“How are they settling in?” Mrs. Shaw asked, noticing the train on the table.

“They slept for a long while, and then got up to play.”

“I don’t like toys at my table,” Mrs. Shaw said.

“It won’t happen again,” Susan promised. “But he wouldn’t come to the table without it.

“You must be firm,” Mrs. Shaw said. “If you let him get away with it now, he will expect it every time.”

“Yes mum,” Susan said, with an internal sigh. “There will not be any more toys at the table.”

Mrs. Shaw nodded.

Lunch passed and Susan took all the children upstairs back to the nursery. The five children sat down to play and Susan was relieved at how quickly Davy and Sandra made friends. The cousins played and laughed. Mary and Sandra got out the dolls and had a small nursery of their own in the corner as they mothered their baby dolls.

Mrs. Patterson came in later and sat with Susan on the bed. Susan had been through the children’s clothes and was sewing a button back on one of Sandra’s dresses that had come very loose. 

“They seem to be getting along very well,” she said.

Susan nodded. “Yes. Mattie is so much older than the boys, but had certainly been entertaining them.”

“He’s a good boy.” She held out an envelope to Susan. “The mail arrived. There’s a letter for you.”

Susan looked up in surprise. She took the letter as quickly as she could without snatching it in eagerness. She hoped it was from Ben, but most likely, it was the attorney. She turned it over and saw an American post marking. She looked up to Mrs. Patterson. “Would you mind…” she didn’t get to finish.

Mrs. Patterson was laughing happily. “Go on and enjoy your letter. I know how special those can be.”

Susan hugged her, which surprised Mrs. Patterson, and then she ran to her room next door. She closed the door and flung the windows open wider, getting in as much sunlight as she could. She plopped onto her bed, carefully tearing the envelope open. She pulled out the two pages and grinned to see Ben’s name there.

Dear Susan,

I hope you are doing well. I’m concerned that none of my letters have gotten to you, but I keep writing, hoping that one of them will catch you.  
How are you, my darling? I miss you so much. My studies are going well. School is hard, but so exciting. I’ve learned so much and I am looking forward to my next term. This term will be ending in a few weeks.

The boys in my house are all excited about going home for the holidays, but I’m afraid I don’t get to share in their excitement. I know you were talking about how if you were back in New York, we could see each other, but I’m afraid I’m obliged to stay at the university over the Christmas break. I have a job that just won’t give me the time away. I believe my father is going to journey out to see me for a day or two, which I am really looking forward too, but he can’t stay long. My brother knows how to run the deli, but it’s not the same as when dad’s there.

I am sad not to spend the holiday break with my family, but at the same time, it’s going to be nice here at my university house. Only the house supervisor is going to be here. I’m expecting lots of peace. I’m going to go to the cinema. I haven’t been to see a movie since you and I went to our last one.

Susan, I don’t know quite why I am adding this into my letter, but something in my mind keeps niggling at me, telling me it’s important to write. I had a dream, a night or so ago, and it was very odd. But peaceful too. I dreamt of you. You returned to New York with two children. Then, the dream changed a bit, and we were in a tiny house. It was you, me, and two children. I don’t know them. I knew we were married, but they were not ours. But we were happy and laughing.

That was it. That was the dream. It’s so strange, but it seemed so very important that I tell you. I’m sure you will think me quite crazy or that perhaps I am over-tired for studying for my exams. Maybe I am. 

My offer to you is open. If you return, and wish to marry me, I would love to have you for my wife. But that’s not my formal proposal. Alright? I promise to do a true proposal as soon as I see you.

I love you, my darling, and I hope that you will soon return to me. I will have a spring break in March and then I will be done with my next term in May. Perhaps by then, you will be back in America and we can see each other.

Forever yours,  
Ben

Susan was laughing and crying. More crying than anything else, though. Her darling Ben. He had been writing her. She wished she knew where all the rest of his letters were, but it didn’t matter anymore. He still loved her. He wanted to marry her. She read the letter again. He would not be home at Christmas-time, which meant, it was alright for her to remain in England a while longer. 

She read the letter a third time, focusing now on his dream. It seemed that Aslan had been in Ben’s dreams as well. The children; those two sweet orphans in the next room were meant for her and Ben. She wondered if she could adopt them. Would she have to be married? Would Ben truly be accepting of them? How would this work?

She had no idea, but Aslan had told her that there were others who needed her more. 

“The choice that is to come is yours,” he had said, “but if you are patient, you will be rewarded with joy you could not imagine.”

Susan knew what she had to do. Somehow, she had to convince the Shaw’s that she would take the children. She needed to write to Ben, but she would do that tonight. She read the letter once more, kissed his signature at the bottom and tucked the precious papers into her desk. She wiped her face down and took several deep breaths, then she stood up and went back to the nursery. Mrs. Patterson had all the children around her and she was reading a story. She looked up at Susan as she walked in.

“Is everything alright?”

Susan nodded. “Yes, it is.” She smiled happily and sat down to listen as Mrs. Patterson finished her book.

When the children were playing once again, Mrs. Patterson came and sat close to Susan, “So, what is this letter that has caused you to cry and smile?”

Susan flushed and felt tears well up again, but she was grinning. She leaned close and for a moment, it felt like she had a friend or a sister again. “My letter was from my beau, back in New York.”

Mrs. Patterson giggled like a little love-struck girl. “No wonder you are so keen to return to America. What is his name?”

“Ben Carter. He’s a student at a university, and it’s been the first letter I’ve gotten from him since I came back to England, although I’ve written him weekly.”

“From what you have told me, you’ve not stayed at anyone one place too long, except for my home, but even after two weeks, you were gone. Perhaps he has written many times, but by the time the letters arrived, you were gone.”

Susan nodded. “Yes. I wasn’t sure if he had bothered to write me at all, but my letter said that he has written many letters. They just never found me until now.”

“Too bad,” Mrs. Patterson tisked. “But you have had a letter now and he has reassured you of his affection?” Her eyes were twinkling.

“Yes. He has even said he wants to marry be, but he will not do a formal proposal until we meet again.”

“How sweet and romantic.”

Susan blushed. “And now I know that I have his support for something incredibly insane I’m about to ask your mother.”

“My mother? Whatever could you ask of her that is so ridiculous?”

“Do you think they will let me eat with the family again and stay after dinner for talk?”

“Oh yes, Mother and Father love to have coffee after dinner and gossip or talk about everything going on around them. I’m sure they would let you speak. In fact, I’ll make sure you have the opportunity.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Patterson. You’ve been so kind.”

“Please, after all this time, I would have you call me Lorna. I am not your employer or even much your senior.”

“Thank you, Lorna,” Susan smiled.

Lorna reached over and hugged Susan. “I’ve never had a sister and I know you are missing yours, so please, think of me as a sister, if I may call you that as well?”  
Susan hugged her again. “Thank you. It’s so nice to have a friend again. A sister.” She took a deep breath and prepared herself. Tonight, after dinner, she would ask the Shaw’s if she could adopt their two young grandchildren.


	19. Susan's crazy idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan has an idea about what should be done with the little children and it's a crazy idea.

After dinner, instead of Susan taking the children back to the nursery and getting them ready for bed, the young housemaid, __, was instructed to take the children, and see they have washed hands, faces, and necks before changing into their night clothes. This left Susan free to sit with the members of the household in after-dinner coffee. Mr. Shaw had his usual cognac. 

“So, Susan,” Mrs. Shaw said in her most authoritative voice, “my daughter has said you have something you wish to ask of me.”

Susan swallowed hard and with shaking hands, put her coffee cup down on the little table beside her. “Yes mum,” she said. She cleared her throat and held her hands together in her lap to keep them from shaking. “In my time with you, I have seen your love for your children and grandchildren. You’ve opened your home to eight extra people over these last few weeks. But I also know that all these children are a struggle and a burden on your health. Sandra and Davy are orphans now and there has been some discussion about what to do with them.”

Mrs. Shaw nodded. “Mr. Shaw and I were just speaking of that before dinner,” she said. “There is no easy solution.”

“We can take them,” Lorna said to her mother, but her husband sat up straight in his chair, looking slightly alarmed.

“Darling, we are going to struggle for a while ourselves while I get my feet back on the ground,” he said with some desperation in his voice.

Susan nodded in agreement.

“But you cannot put them in an orphanage,” Lorna said, tears falling down her cheeks.

There was some general speaking of everyone over everyone else, but Susan stood. “Please, if I may.”

They quieted down and looked at her. Mr. Shaw nodded. “Go on, child, what do you wish to say?”

Susan nodded at him in thanks, then took another breath. “I would like to know if I might have your permission to pursue my adopting Sandra and Davy.”

There was stunned silence, then there were four voices speaking at the same time from the Shaw’s and the Patterson’s.

“You want to do what?”

“No, impossible!”

“Are you crazy?”

“What a marvelous idea!”

The last voice was Lorna, who was grinning at Susan.

“Silence,” Mrs. Shaw called out. The speaking stopped at once and everyone looked at Mrs. Shaw. Susan stood there, feeling very nervous. “Did I understand you correctly?”

Susan nodded. “Yes madam. I know that you and your husband are not in a position to care for the children and the Patterson’s are not either.”

“I would keep them here and hire a governess, if you didn’t wish to remain in that position,” Mrs. Shaw said.

Susan exhaled. She hadn’t really thought of that as being a possibility. Of course, the grandparents would want to keep the children. All they needed was a full-term governess. Susan didn’t quite know what to say now.

“I am not going to remain for the long-term,” Susan said. “I am going back to America in the spring.”

Mr. Shaw sat forward. “Why do you even want to do this? They are not related to you at all.”

“I know it will sound crazy, but I had a dream and I was at my wedding and beside me stood Sandra and Davy. I dreamt of my home with them and my husband. And I know that dreams are dreams, but it seems that my beau had the same dream. He didn’t know about the children at all, but he told me in a letter that he had a dream where I brought two children into the marriage. There was no way he could have known what was going on here.”

There was a gasp. “Devine intervention?” Mr. Shaw asked.

Susan nodded. “I believe so. The final decision will be yours, of course, but I would like to look into the process of adopting them.”

“I don’t know if that will even be possible,” Mr. Patterson quietly said. Susan looked to him. He sighed. “First of all, they may not even consider your application because you are not married.”

“I am nearly engaged,” she said, but he shrugged.

“Children cost money,” Mr. Shaw said.

“I know, but my parents left me some money in their will. I will have some to start with and my husband will be able to get work, just like all families begin.”

“You will take them to America?” Mrs. Shaw said. “You will have them forget England and their family heritage?”

“No. Well, yes. I will take them to America, but I will make sure they learn of their parents and the proud family they belong to.”

“I think it’s an idea worth looking into,” Lorna said, taking Susan by the hand. “A governess is good, but she is not a mother. You and dad are good grandparents, but you are not the same as a mother. Susan can be that mother. I believe she will love them like her own. Look what she has done for our family so far. What governess would do what Susan has done?”

Mr. Shaw nodded. “That’s true enough. We cannot provide them with a normal childhood.”

“I can,” Susan said quickly, “and I would. I would not let harm come to them and I would love them dearly.”

“And what happens when you have your own children?” Mrs. Shaw asked.

“Then Sandra and Davy become older siblings,” Susan answered. “My own children would not displace them.” 

“I don’t like it,” Mrs. Shaw said.

“I think it is an idea worth pursuing,” Mr. Shaw said. “This is not absolute permission but look into what it would take to adopt. See if it is even possible.”

Susan smiled. “Thank you.” She left the family to talk and she went to relieve the poor housemaid from her nanny duties. Georgie and Davy were not yet changed into their night things, so Susan filled up the bathtub with hot water and put Georgie and Davy into the tub. The boys splashed about, laughing and playing. Susan took a small pitcher, filled it and held it high over their heads. Then she tipped the pitcher and poured the water between the boys. They reached for it, laughing at it splashed them. Over and over she did this until they were tired of the game.

She filled the pitcher again and this time, held it gently over Davy, pouring it onto his head, being careful that it did not spill into his eyes. She washed his hair and body and then poured the pitcher again. Next, she did the same thing to Georgie. 

As she washed them, she thought about what it was going to mean for her to adopt to children. They wouldn’t remember England or their parents at all, most likely. For them, Susan would be their only mother and Ben their only father. She tickled Davy’s belly and let them splash about for a few more moments, before it was time to get them out and dressed. 

“You’ll be a wonderful mother,” Lorna said from the doorway. She walked in and took Georgie, wrapping him tightly in a fluffy towel. 

Susan shrugged. “I hope so. And I hope I will have the opportunity.”

“I think mum will give in,” Lorna said. “She’s smart enough to see reason.” 

“Reason isn’t the problem,” Susan said. “It’s dealing with the heart. Is she going to listen to her heart or her head?”


	20. Harold Scrubb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan needs to visit with her attorney. But she runs into her estranged uncle instead.

Susan wasn’t sure where to go to ask about adoption. The children weren’t in an orphanage, so she didn’t think that she needed to go through the normal process. Perhaps all it would take would be a court order. 

“Mrs. Shaw,” she went to her the next day. “May I take the day off tomorrow to go into town?”

“This is about the adoption?” she asked.

Susan nodded. “That is one of the reasons,” she said. “I do have other business.”

Mrs. Shaw nodded. “What about the children?”

“Mrs. Patterson has said she will watch all the children tomorrow.”

“Very well,” she agreed.

Susan thanked her and prepared for her trip the following morning. She was becoming quite fond of Sandra and Davy and they were getting used to her. In fact, that morning, they had been coming back from breakfast and Davy had tripped and fallen. He cried and reached up to Susan to hold him. It had been such a sweet moment for her, and she felt, for the first time since coming up with the idea, that she could really do this, and that Sandra and Davy would be able to accept her.

That night, she prepared Sandra and Davy, telling them she was going to town tomorrow, but that she would be back before bed. She promised to return to them and kissed them both good night. She wondered if they even understood.

The following morning, she was up very early to catch the first train into London. She dozed along the way, which made the trip seem that much faster. She got off in Finchley and walked to Mr. Harris’ office. 

The secretary greeted her. “I’m afraid he’s with another client at the moment. Would you care to wait?”

Susan nodded and sat down. She pulled her book out of her coat pocket and opened it to read. The Shaw’s manor had a great library and Susan had requested to borrow a book for the journey. With their permission, she had found the works of Lewis Carroll and so had brought that with her. She was enjoying her story a great deal when she heard a familiar booming voice.

Her Uncle Harold came through the door, shoving his hat on his head. He saw Susan and stopped. “You!” he cried. “You are the reason for all this mess!”

Mr. Harris quickly came out of his office. “Mr. Scrubb, if you don’t leave this establishment at this moment, I will call the constable on you.”

“You have ruined me, girl! You and your entire family!” Harold yelled at her and lunged forward. He was in her face. “You steal my son from me, and then you take my money!”

He was out of her face a moment later as Mr. Harris pulled Harold with a hard yank at his shoulder. Harold spun around and was met with a fist. He stumbled back several paces and then took a swing at Mr. Harris, who ducked nimbly. Susan scooted back at the wall. She saw the secretary duck under her desk. Mr. Harris punched Harold straight to his nose. Susan jumped up and ran out the door.

“Help, help! Constable! Help!” She cried out.

A moment later, a bobby came running around a corner. “What’s wrong miss?” he asked.

“A fight in Mr. Harris’ office!” she pointed. The constable ran inside, whistle blowing. Susan looked in to see the constable jumping on Harold, knocking him to the ground. She didn’t see much else, as a crowd of people gathered and another bobby in blue came running towards them, blowing his whistle shrilly. 

There was a lot of yelling and more noise of a scuffle, but soon, the two constables came out with Harold handcuffed between them. Harold was bleeding from his nose and upper lip. He screamed at Susan when he saw her again, but was quickly rapped on the head by one of the bobbies. Harold was silent and Susan ran into the attorney’s office. Mr. Harris was looking around at the damage.

“Hello Miss Pevensie,” he said, more brightly than Susan would have imagined after such a fight. “Are you alright?”

Susan nodded, shaking slightly. “I’m well, but are you?”

“Nothing serious,” he said, looking at his knuckled and then rubbing at his shoulder. “By Jove that was fun.”

“Fun?” Susan asked horrified.

He laughed. “Back at university, I was on the boxing team. I haven’t had me a good fight in years. I’m glad to see I’ve not lost all my skill.”

Susan couldn’t help but laugh too. 

One constable came back in. “We’ll need to question you both, so I’ll be back after we get this ruffian to the station.”

“We’ll be here,” Mr. Harris agreed. He looked to Susan. “Did you know he was coming?”

“Uncle Harold?” she asked. “No, not at all.”

“Neither did I. He just turned up, like you did.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Harris,” she said, “but I have something urgent I would speak to you about and I don’t have access to a phone at this time.”

“I half expected you to be in New York by now. I have the first of the money your uncle was paying back to you I was going to send it to you, but I hadn’t heard from you, so I wasn’t sure if I could send it to the address you gave me in New York.”

“My life has been turned upside down and while I still plan on going back to America, it has been pushed back until the spring,” Susan sighed.

“Come in and sit down,” he said. “We’ll talk until the constable returns.” They sat together. “Now, tell me what has turned your world upside down.”

Susan explained to him about the Shaw’s and the orphaned grandchildren. She explained the letter from her fiancé and finally how she wanted to adopt the children as her own.

Mr. Harris listened to this in all seriousness. “Do you know what you are getting yourself into?”

Susan shook her head. “Yes, and no.”

“This is a huge undertaking. You’re not even married.”

“Is that a requirement?” she asked.

“In most cases, yes,” he answered. “However, since you are adopting from the family, the terms are ones that they set. As long as a contract is drawn up and signed in front of witnesses, the filed at the courts, you can adopt. If the family would let you have them right now, then that is their choice. If they require you to be married, that is their choice as well.”

Susan sighed. “I understand.”

“If you plan to take those children to America, you’ll have to have passports made for them. You might need to get their names changed before you can get the passports.”

“I’ll look into that,” Susan said.

The constable came back in. “Excuse me, but we need to ask you both a few questions,” he said. “Mr. Harris, if you don’t mind, may I speak with the lady first?”  
Mr. Harris got up. “I’ll be in the front.” He walked out and the constable took his place at the great wooden desk. “Now Miss, your name please?”

“Susan Pevensie.”

“Your address?”

Susan hesitated and the constable looked at her in her hesitation. “I’m between addresses right now, but I’m currently staying in Shaw Manor in Manchester.”  
He wrote it all down. “Can you explain to me what happened?”

“I was sitting in the waiting are. I heard the voice and I knew immediately who it was, my Uncle Harold Scrubb.”

“You’re uncle?”

“Estranged uncle. It’s a long story and if you need to know it, I’ll tell you, but when Harold came out of Mr. Harris’ office, he saw me, came over and started to yell and threaten me. Mr. Harris came out, told him to leave, and Harold refused.” She told him the rest of the story as she knew it and sat back.

“Why does he threaten you? How does he believe you have ruined his life?”

Susan sighed and gave a brief account of what had happened between Harold and herself. 

“How much does he owe you?” the constable asked.

“Legally? Two-thousand pounds,” Susan said. “Honorably, several thousand more.”

He nodded and finished writing everything down. Susan was told she could leave, but as she was walking out, Mr. Harris passed her, coming in for his turn to be questioned.

“Susan,” he said. “Leave your address with my secretary. I’ll see that your money and a sample contract that you might want to use for the children will be sent to you in two days’ time.”

Susan nodded and thanked him. He returned to his office after shaking her hand. Susan went to the secretary and left her with the Shaw’s address. The day was getting late and she needed to be home before bedtime, as she had promised. On her way to the train station, she stopped at a little corner store and bought some peppermint sticks for the children. A train ticket later, Susan was back on her way to her sweet children. She thought of them and what all it was going to take to get them to America. She also thought about what her Aunt Alberta was going to do now, if her husband was in jail. Would she be alright? Would Harold be able to pay his debts?

Alberta had not been the most genteel of persons, but when they were children, she had been a kind aunt. She had always treated Susan well. Susan wondered if Alberta and her mother had been more alike when they were children. Had their choice of husbands turned them to be the kind of people they did? Susan’s father was a kind soul, much like Peter. Harold had never been kind, so had that changed Alberta?

It turned Susan’s thoughts to Ben. She was so grateful to him. He was a kind person. He was loving, funny, and hard working. He came from a good family and Susan could tell he would be a perfect father for their children, adopted and not. She smiled, and sighed. She loved Ben.

When the train stopped, it was dark in Manchester. Susan got a taxi, that took her home right away. When she got in, she heard children crying. 

“Miss Susan,” Perkins greeted her. “I am glad you made it back safely.”

“Thank you,” she said, rushing to the stairs. She ran up them, two at a time to the nursery. She went in and found Sandra and Davy, crying together in their bed. Lorna looked worn out.

“Susan, thank goodness you’re finally home. They have cried nearly all day,” Lorna said.

Susan ran to the children. They reached up to her and she pulled them both into her arms. Sandra’s crying turned to whimpers, but Davy’s only grew louder, but Susan felt that his tears were of relief than anything else.

Lorna sighed and then laughed. “They missed you.”

Susan held them close and sat on the bed, cuddling them both. “I missed them too. They were on my mind most of the day. Did they really cry all day?”

“Not so much in the beginning. They were upset when they woke and you were gone, but breakfast and playing with their cousins helped a great deal. They fussed at naptime but fell asleep. But since dinner, they have cried. Mum and Dad are right worn out, I can tell you.”

“Maybe I won’t have too much trouble convincing them to let me adopt,” Susan half smiled. “There, there,” she whispered to Davy. “I’m back and I won’t leave you again.” Sandra was calm now and Susan got her to lie down so she could more easily rock little Davy in her arms.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help you,” Lorna smiled. “I hate to see my brother’s children taken outside of the family, but if it is to happen, I’m so glad it’s you.”

“I’m not taking them out of the family,” Susan said. “It means that I’m joining yours.”

“It’s true! It truly makes you my sister,” Lorna grinned. “Maybe I can convince Mum and Dad to adopt you too.”

Susan chuckled. She was an orphan as well. She hadn’t thought of it like that, but she was. She pulled Davy closer and with tears in her eyes, she looked to Lorna. “I wouldn’t mind that at all. You have a wonderful family.”


	21. An Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An adoption might be possible, if the Shaws and Susan can come to an agreement.

Susan went to see the Shaw’s the following morning. Sandra and Davy clung to her and she was happy to have them with her. When she walked into Mr. Shaw’s study with the children, Mrs. Shaw frowned. “We don’t usually allow the children in here.”

“They fussed anytime I tried to leave the room without them.”

“Yes, they were very upset yesterday when they couldn’t find you,” Mr. Shaw smiled. “Davy, lad, will you come sit with me?”

Susan put Davy on the ground and the little boy toddled over to his grandfather. Mr. Shaw lifted the child onto his lap and grinned as Davy started playing with the shiny buttons on his waistcoat.

Susan sat down, smiling at Davy, as she lifted Sandra into her lap. “I wanted to talk to you about my adopting the children. I spoke with my attorney yesterday, and he told me that because I’m not trying to adopt out of an orphanage, that the usual adoption agreements don’t apply. They said the contract would be between you and I.”

“We set the terms of the adoption?”

“Yes, we have a contract between us, signed by a legal witness, and filed with the courts. It is as simple as that,” she said, trying to sound light and easy about the serious contract she was proposing to enter into.

“You should be married,” Mrs. Shaw said.

Susan sighed. “I will be. As soon as I return to America, we can be married.”

“There’s no guarantee that you will keep that promise. Or what if he sees you and two children and he changes his mind. No, I will not let my grandchildren be adopted by an unwed woman.”

Susan sighed and nodded. “If I were to be married first, would you let me adopt them?”

“You are going to take them so far away,” Mrs. Shaw said sadly.

“When I lived in Finchley, there was a lady, at our church, who adopted a baby from an orphanage. She said it was a closed adoption. She never learned anything about the baby’s birth family and she was told that the birth mother would never know anything about her baby. The records of birth and adoption were closed. But for us, we would not have to do that. I will be able to tell the children about their grandparents and their aunt and uncle in Finchley. I would tell them about their British heritage. We could take photos and I would be able to show them where they are from, and pictures of you and their cousins.”

“I just don’t know.”

“I grew up in the same house that Lorna now lives in with her children. I grew up there with my two brothers and my sweet sister. We had wonderful adventures together and it was a dear home to grow up in. Doesn’t it seem strange that we were brought together like this? I became an orphan, came home to deal with my loss, met your family and became so involved?”

“You’re an orphan?” Mr. Shaw asked.

Susan nodded. “Very newly. I only found out about it three months ago, but it took place about five months ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear girl,” he said.

“Thank you, but these series of events, that brought our two families together is so complicated that there is no way it could be coincidental. Don’t you believe in God? Don’t you believe in a higher divinity that guides us to be in the right place at the right time?”

The Shaw’s were silent, except for Davy, who slid off Mr. Shaw’s lap and ran back to Susan’s lap. Susan held both children, hoping the Shaw’s would see how much she loved them.

Mrs. Shaw quickly wiped at a tear that had suddenly fallen from her eye. She nodded. “I believe you are right. This is more than a coincidence. This was meant to be.” She looked to her husband and they both nodded. “We will allow the adoption, if you can prove yourself to us in the requirements we set.”

Susan felt her heart beat quickly as warmth spread through her. “Thank you,” she grinned and pulled the children more closely against her. She stood up. “Oh, thank you.”

“Lion,” little Davy said, pointing to a spot on the wall. 

Susan turned to look and saw a mirror. In the reflection was her, holding Davy and Sandra in each arm, and behind them, was the great Lion. Susan smiled at the reflection.

“Lion!” Sandra grinned and turned to look behind her. Susan followed her gaze, but was not surprised to see there was nothing there. Back in the reflection, the lion nodded.

“What lion?” Mrs. Shaw cried out. “Where?” She looked around the room, but nothing in the mirror drew her attention and when Susan looked again, it was gone.

“It’s just our reflection in the mirror,” Susan quickly explained. “The light played a trick on us shining through the window on our reflection.”

“Lion gone,” Davy sighed. 

“See?” Susan said to the Shaw’s. “It was just a trick of the sun.”

Mrs. Shaw looked at the mirror with suspicion but didn’t say anything. Susan took the children and they went back to the nursery. The children got down to play and Susan sat in the rocking chair and watched them play. She would have to write to Ben tonight. She wasn’t sure what the Shaw’s were going to require, but it seemed that one thing they were going to insist on was that she be married. She sighed and wondered how they were going to work that out.

Lorna came in before dinner as Susan was getting the children dressed. “Hey, Mum and Dad told me they agreed to the adoption, with certain agreements.”

Susan nodded. “They are going to require me to be married. That’s not going to be easy when my fiancé is in another country, going to school. I don’t know how we’ll do it.”

“You’ll find a way.

“I’m going to write him tonight. I just wish it didn’t take so long,” Susan sighed. “I know he’ll agree to this, but I just don’t know if it is possible. I wish I could adopt the children, get their passports, go to America and get married there.”

Lorna nodded. “That would be easier. Well, wait and see what your fiancé says. He might be more than willing to come out to England.”

“I’m sure he would,” Susan said, “but is it possible? He’s in school. He’s has to get the money to get out here. I doubt he even has a passport.”

Lorna gave her a hug. “I have a gut feeling that it’s all going to work out.”

Susan thought back to earlier in the day when she and the children had seen Aslan in the mirror. He approved. Surely, if he approved, it was possible.

It was Susan’s new routine to read Ben’s letter every night before she went to bed. She wished that the rest of his letters had found their way to her, but she was thankful that the most important one had. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had left England or the Shaw’s employment as soon as Lorna Patterson had arrived back from Scotland with Mr. Patterson. If she had left that day, she never would have known about Sandra and Davy. She would have been on her way to America and probably happy settled back in Mrs. William’s boarding house. She would have been to see Artie by now and had one of his delicious sandwiches. Her letters to Ben would have gotten there in a timely manner and she would be regularly writing and communicating with him. 

How different life had turned. But now, as she thought of Sandra and Davy, she wasn’t sure she wanted to imagine not being with them. They had dug their way deep into her heart. She wrote her letter to Ben, explaining the conditions that were being set before her. She kissed the letter and set it aside to be mailed the following day.


	22. Lots of letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some long awaited letters arrive for Susan and she must say goodbye to the Patterson family.

“Excuse me, Miss Pevensie?” the housemaid, Edith, poked her head into the nursery, where Susan was reading to the children. “The post just arrived.” She came in carrying a small stack of letters, bundled with a string. “These are for you, Miss.”

Susan took them and gasped. There had to be ten letters there. “Thank you,” she grinned. 

Edith nodded and left. Susan set the book aside. “It’s time to play,” she said to the children. She was trying to spend as much time as she could with Mattie, Mary, and Georgie, because they would be leaving to return to Finchley tomorrow. Susan was going to miss the entire family, but especially the children. She had been with them for three months now. 

The children ran off to play, with Mattie leading them into a game of pirates searching for treasure. Susan moved to a corner of the room and untied the string. She looked at the letters. Eight were from Ben and there were two from Mrs. Williams. Susan’s heart near burst with joy. She looked at the post-mark date and selected the oldest. It was from Mrs. Williams.

Dear Susan,

We miss you here. It’s just not the same without you. Beverly’s boyfriend finally asked her to marry him. You can imagine she is over the moon happy. Now all we hear about is wedding this and wedding that. All the girls are enjoying helping her, but I think we’ll all be quite sick of it by the time the wedding arrives. They are planning to marry in June.  
Karen made it through the auditions for a Broadway musical. She’s ecstatic as well, but it’s only a bit part. She’s just one of the chorus with nothing to say, but smile and dance about. Still, we are all planning on going to see the show once it opens.

Tess is Tess, as you know. She works and dishes out generous amounts of good southern wisdom to us. She’s doing well at her job, but she is ready to move on to bigger and better things. I’m not sure what she means by that, so wish us all good luck. Peggy is doing well at school. She’s very quiet and spends most of her time on campus, but when she is home, she is usually studying in her room.

I am doing the same. Nothing changes for me. I do hope your business in England is going smoothly and that you’ll find the closure you need. Take care.

Sincerely,  
Mrs. Williams

Susan grinned. She loved hearing about her housemates, but this letter was dated about a week after Susan left. So much time had passed. She wished she was there to hear Beverly talk about her wedding and go to Karen’s opening on Broadway, but she was here. She hadn’t written to Mrs. Williams since she stayed in Finchley with the children that first week. So much had happened since then. 

The next letter was Ben’s. Susan read his letter and folded it back into the envelope. She wouldn’t read them all at once. She wanted to savor them and enjoy the letters. Susan wondered if they all finally arrived, after her decision to adopt because if she had gotten them any sooner, she would have left sooner and then she never would have known Sandra and Davy. Was it all Aslan’s doing? 

That night, she read two more letters, including the second letter from Mrs. Williams. She read Ben’s last letter that she had gotten first, and then she wrote to Mrs. Williams. She explained what had been going on and the situation that was facing her now. 

She slept very well that night. If she dreamed, she didn’t remember it the next morning. All she knew was she had a stack of letters that proved Ben loved her.

The day was cool, but bright and sunny. The Patterson’s were leaving, and Susan knew she would miss them greatly.

She pulled Mattie into a hug. “I’m going to miss you,” she said. “You have been so much help to me.”

“I’ll miss you too, Miss Susan. Will you come again to see us?” he asked.

“I’m planning on it. I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon enough,” she promised. If there was some miracle that brought Ben to her, so they could marry in England, she would make sure the Patterson family was there for her wedding.

“I hope so,” he sniffed. 

“Don’t worry, we will. And I’ll write to you.”

“Really?” he looked up with wide eyes. “You mean, I’ll get letters in the post?”

Susan grinned. “Of course. Real letters, but that means you have to write me back.”

He nodded excitedly. “I will.”

Susan hugged him again. She went to Mary and then hugged little Georgie, who didn’t seem quite so young anymore. He had grown quite a lot in the time Susan had known him. He had gotten teeth, crawled, and was walking now.

Saying goodbye to Lorna was hard and both women wept. “We’ll see each other again,” Susan smiled through her tears. 

“Of course, we will, you had better tell me when you are getting married.”

Susan laughed. “I will. I promise. I can’t be married without my sister by my side.”

With one last round of hugs and handshakes from everyone, the Patterson’s climbed into their car and Perkins drove them to the station. Susan picked up Davy and set him on her hip. She smiled at him, even though he was crying. 

“Ma sad?” he asked.

Susan was surprised at what he had said. Had he really called her ‘ma’? Perhaps it was just his toddler way of speaking. She nodded. “A little sad, but happy to be with you.” She kissed his cheek. “Sandra, come along, let’s go back in.”

The little girl came running to her and hugged Susan’s leg. Susan patted her back and then took her hand. She was very aware of the Shaw’s watching her. She hoped Mrs. Shaw had heard Davy say ‘ma’. They went back to the nursery. 

While the children played, Susan pulled out the last two unread letters from Ben. She loved to hear about his school, and his life on the campus. But, most of all, she loved to read the parts of the letter where he talked about how much he missed her and loved her. She smiled and cried a little more. 

The children started to argue, which escalated very quickly and moments later, Davy was crying. Susan sighed and put her letters aside. She broke up the argument, and played together with the children until it was time for lunch. After lunch, she bundled them up and took them outside to the gardens. They ran about, up and down the paths of the gardens, until Sandra tripped and cried. 

Susan rushed to her and scooped her up. There was a small scrape on her hand. Susan kissed it. “It’s alright, dear one. We’ll go in and wash it.”

“Mama,” Sandra cried. “I want mama.”

“I know baby, I know,” Susan said, sitting on the cold, hard, gravel of the garden path. She cradled Sandra in her arms. “I know you do.”

Sandra cried unlike anything Susan had seen her do and Susan realized that the child had probably never grieved for her mother’s death, because she didn’t understand it. Her life had been shuffled about so much, and then she had ended up living her with strangers. Even though the Shaw’s and Patterson’s were family, Sandra didn’t know that. She didn’t see them enough to be familiar with them or comfortable with them. Then Susan, a complete stranger, had stepped in and taken over the mother roll. She couldn’t imagine what that must feel like for the two young children.

Sandra’s crying brought Davy over, who wanted to be in Susan’s lap too. When he heard his sister crying for mama, his little lip popped out, his face turned red, and then he cried too. Memories and longing for his mother bubbled over and a moment later, he was sobbing. Susan held them both and joined them in their cry. She missed her mother too, and would have done anything at that moment to see her again.

They cried until they were all shivering with cold. Davy had fallen asleep.

“Come little one,” she said to Sandra. “Let’s go back into the nursery.” Sandra got out of Susan’s lap and Susan carefully stood with Davy in her arms. They were a sad looking little company as they marched back into the house and up the stairs to the nursery. Susan laid Davy down, took off his coat and shoes and tucked him into the blankets. Then she turned to help Sandra out of her own coat, over dress, and shoes. “Into bed next to Davy,” she said. They were both cold, but the room was nice and warm. She tucked them in, then removed her own coat, kicked off her shoes, and got on Davy’s other side. They all sandwiched in the bed together. Susan shed a few more tears, kissed the back of Davy’s head, and fell asleep.


	23. Little Lost Charge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan takes Sandra and Davy Christmas shopping, but after a scare, Susan wonders if she is really ready for motherhood.

There was nothing for Susan to do, but wait, and she hated waiting. The Shaw’s had given her the terms of adoption, which included marriage. The letter and money she had been expecting from her attorney arrived and she put it safely away among her things. Christmas was only a few days away now. She took the children with her into town to buy a few things for Christmas. With the money she had gotten from the attorney, she was able to take a few extra pounds with her into town.

The children were bundled against the cold, but Susan still moved quickly with them. Perkins had driven them into downtown Manchester and would pick them up in two hours. The shops had garlands and wreaths of evergreens with big, red bows tied around them. There were jingling bells, and people walking about wishing each other a happy Christmas. They stopped to watch some street carolers. Susan gave the children a penny each to toss into their donation hat.

They bought a few pence worth of candies and nuts. Susan bought each child a small chocolate, which they would get to eat on Christmas day. Small gifts for the Shaw’s, for Edith, the housemaid on their floor, and the children. 

“Ma,” Davy pointed at pretty display in a window. They walked over and watched the train set going round and round the Christmas tree. Sandra moved closer to the window. Susan picked up Davy and held him higher, so he could see. Susan smiled as he laughed each time the train came around the tree. She watched his glee as he watched the train. Finally, Susan decided it was time to head back to where Perkins would be meeting them. She stepped back and put Davy down. With their purchases in one hand, and Davy’s hand in her other, she turned to call for Sandra. 

The little girl was not at the window. Susan’s heart stopped.

“Sandra?” she called out. “Sandra!”

She spun in a circle. She didn’t see Sandra anywhere. She moved quickly around the people at the window. “Excuse me,” she said, pushing past, but Sandra was not there. She turned to the people at the window. “Did you see a little girl here? Blue hat and coat?”

The people shook their heads. 

Susan turned to others. “Did you see her? Little girl? She’s three, blue coat?”

Others shook their heads and people backed away as Susan cried out for her again. She was reminded of when they thought they had lost Lucy, that first day after they had arrived in Narnia. She had been washed downstream a frigid river and for several moments she and Peter had despaired at the loss of their sister. But Lucy had found them.  
Susan turned, willing Sandra to turn up, like Lucy had, but the little girl was no where to be seen. Susan stood in shock, not knowing what to do. Davy started to cry.

“Dra?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Susan whispered. She put down her parcels and picked him up. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Miss?” a woman walked up to her. “Are you alright?”

“I’ve lost my charge. A little girl. She was right here, looking at the window and then, she was gone.” Tears sprang to Susan’s eyes. “I don’t know where she is. I don’t know what to do.”

“Let’s call the constable,” she said, patting Susan’s arm.

Susan nodded. “Yes, alright.” She spun about again. “Sandra!”

The shop door opened and a man walked out. “Excuse me,” he said, “is this yours?” Sandra was following him. Susan ran to her. She put Davy down and dropped to her knees. She pulled Sandra into her arms and held her. Then she opened an arm and pulled Davy in too. 

“She came into the shop to watch the train from the other side,” he said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize she was there. I just happened to look up and saw you looking around with distress. It was then I heard a little laugh front the window and I went to look, and there she was.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you so much,” Susan cried.

“It’s alright, miss,” he smiled. “She just wanted to see the train.”

Susan looked at Sandra, “Oh sweetheart, don’t leave me like that again. I was so worried.”

“I saw the train,” she smiled.

“Yes, darling, you saw the trains. Now, it’s time to go.” Susan sighed, got up and took Davy by the hand. “Sandra, hold onto Davy and don’t let go.” She made sure that Sandra had Davy’s hand and then she went to pick up her parcels from where she had dropped them. She sniffed, tears threatening to burst. She walked quickly to the spot to meet Perkins. He rolled up a few minutes later and the three shoppers got into the car. Susan sniffed again.

“You alright Miss Susan?” Perkins asked as he pulled away and started to head home.

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just a runny nose from the cold air. The children’s noses are running a bit, too.”

“The cold air’s good for them,” he said.

Susan nodded, not wanting to argue. Mrs. Shaw had not wanted them to go shopping because she was sure the cold air would get them all sick. Susan hoped she had made the right decision. They arrived home soon after and Susan ushered the children back to the nursery. While they played, she put the gifts away in her room. Then she asked Edith to watch the children from a few minutes while she went to get them their snack. Edith nodded and looked grateful to sit down for a few minutes.

Susan went to the kitchen and fixed the children a tea. She carried back up the stairs and set it out for the children. They came over and happily ate. Susan watched them, they chatted about, in their own way, to each other. For them, the scare of earlier was over.

But for Susan, the terror of the moment when she realized little Sandra was gone, would not leave her alone. She had almost lost one of them. What would she have done? The thought of loosing them was horrible. It hurt in a way that nothing else had hurt her before, even the death of her family. How was that possible? Her entire family died, but losing Sandra and Davy was more terrifying. Perhaps it because she had already experienced the death of the family and had gotten through it. 

She wasn’t sure she could survive it again if something happened to the children. Was this motherhood?


	24. Christmas miracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas with the children is more fun than Susan ever imagined, but her favorite gift is in Ben's letter.

Christmas morning brought more joy than Susan could remember having in many years. “It’s the children,” Mrs. Shaw said as she watched the morning’s processions. “Having young children about on Christmas morning is so delightful.” “I agree,” Susan said with a laugh as Sandra and Davy both sucked on their peppermint sticks that Susan had given them. “Ma!” Davy ran to her, sticky hands and all. Susan had been prepared and brought a damp cloth with her. She grabbed Davy’s little fingers before he could touch too much and wiped them clean. He handed her his sticky peppermint stick and Susan dropped it onto a dish before wiping his and her hands again. “They call you Ma?” Mrs. Shaw asked. “Davy does. Sandra doesn’t call me anything. I don’t think she knows what to say. She won’t call me Susan and Pevensie is a mouthful for a little one. When she wants my attention, she’ll come up to me or have Davy call out to me.” Davy ran off, picked up a book off the floor, and ran back to Susan. “Ma!” The book had been one of Davy’s Christmas gifts. Susan set him in her lap and started to read. Soon, Sandra joined them, leaning on Susan’s side. The feelings she had at moments like these were indescribable. Was this motherhood? She put the children down for a nap in the early afternoon. Christmas dinner was yet to come, and the children needed rest before the formal dinner. Once they were asleep, Susan pulled out one last Christmas present for herself. The letter from Ben had arrived just the day before and he had written on the back of the envelop that it was intended for Christmas Day, or after Christmas, if the day had passed. Susan carefully, but eagerly tore into the letter. She unfolded the letter and her heart leapt to see the letter begin with such words of affection. My dearest love, Merry Christmas! I hope this letter made it in time for you get it by Christmas. I will pretend it has. I hope you are having a wonderful day with the Shaw’s and the children. How are they? I wanted to get them a present, but didn’t know what to send, so I’ve included two coloring pages from a children’s Christmas coloring book. I hope they can enjoy coloring the pictures. I want you to save those pictures for me, so I can see them when I come out to see you in March. Yes! I am coming to England! I’m making all the arrangements to come out for two weeks in March.” Susan nearly shouted for joy. Instead, she covered her mouth and cried. She felt her heart would burst from joy. Through her tears, she continued reading, “We are going to get married. Of course, I have to propose to you, but I’ll do that when I get there. I hate to ask this of you, but you’ll have to get everything ready for us to be married. I don’t care if it’s in a church or before a Justice of the Peace, I just want to get married within the first week of my stay. For our wedding night, see if there is someone who can watch the children for one night. We’ll join them again the next day and live together as a little family until I leave. We’ll sign whatever adoption forms and make ourselves officially a family of four. I don’t know if you’ll be able to have the children ready to leave by that point, but if you can, I would love for you to leave with me. If not, then I hope soon after, you’ll be able to make the journey. I hate to think of you doing it alone with them, but we will do what we have too, because at the end, we’ll be together, forever. As soon as I know my travel information, I’ll send it to you, so you can see if it is possible for all of us to be together on the journey back to America. Just think, my darling, three months. In three months, we can be a family. I hope you are as excited for this as I am. I don’t even know how I’ll get through this next term when I am so distracted by thoughts of you and our children. There are no words to describe my love for you. I already love the children, even though I haven’t met them yet. I was telling this to my father yesterday, and he said that is fatherhood, to love your child before you know them. But I feel I do know them a little. I can’t wait to meet Sandra and Davy. I will say goodbye for now, but know that I love you and I can’t wait to see you in March. Give the children a kiss from me. I love you, Susan. Yours forever, Ben Susan cried and cried over the letter as she read it again and again. This was the greatest Christmas present she could ever have hoped to get. Ben was coming. He was coming and they were going to get married. They would adopt the children, and if Susan could make all the arrangements, they would leave together to start their new life. How would she bear the weeks ahead? There was much to do. She looked at the two coloring pages that Ben had sent. They were beautifully drawn Christmas pictures with plenty of space for coloring. The children loved to color and would certainly enjoy these pretty pictures. Susan left the children to their nap and she quickly went downstairs. She found Mrs. Shaw sewing and Mr. Shaw reading a new book. Christmas music played quietly on the turntable. They looked up when she walked in. “The children are napping?” Mr. Shaw asked. “Yes,” Susan smiled and sat across from them. “Are you alright dear? You look like you’ve been crying,” Mrs. Shaw said. “Only tears of joy,” Susan answered. “May I talk to you about the adoption?” “Today, of all days?” Mrs. Shaw asked with a sigh. “Really, Susan?” “I had a letter from Ben. He is coming in March to marry me. We would like to have everything in place for us to be married and the children adopted during his two weeks stay here in England.” “He is coming here?” Mrs. Shaw asked in surprise. “Truly?” “Yes! I didn’t think it would be possible until the summer, if at all, because it would mean him leaving school, but he said he is working on making all the arrangements.” “I didn’t think he would come out at all,” she said. “Of course,” Susan said. “It is your terms of the adoption. Oh,” Susan said quietly, as Mrs. Shaw’s plan dawned on her. “Did you set that as a condition, hoping that it would never happen?” “Or at least delay,” Mrs. Shaw said. “While my husband and I cannot care for the children ourselves, they are welcome to stay as long as they have you or another governess.” “I will not let them have another governess,” Susan frowned. “Either I adopt them, or I stay here with them until they are grown. But I love Ben and he is coming to marry me. Under the conditions of the contract you wrote, if I am married, I can adopt.” Mrs. Shaw sighed. “Yes, those are the conditions.” She looked to her husband. “We will honor them. After seeing you today, with them, we cannot deny them a loving mother. Davy already calls you by a mother’s name. Sandra is this close to doing the same. It would be cruel of us to take you away from them. They don’t deserve another loss.” Susan’s heart swelled. She took in a deep breath. “I have a picture of Ben. I would like to start showing it to them and talking about him to them. I would like to get them used to the idea of becoming a family, so that when he comes in March and we marry, the children aren’t shocked by the idea of having a new mom and dad.” The Shaw’s nodded. “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you have a picture of the children made and sent it to Ben?” “Thank you,” Susan grinned. “I was hoping you would grant me permission to do just that.” “We will help you make sure the children are ready to be adopted in March. Will you be leaving with Ben?” Mr. Shaw said. “If we can, we would like to,” Susan answered. “Then we will do all we can to help you.”


	25. Wedding planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan has a wedding to plan for and sweet children to prepare for adoption.

Miss Pevensie,  
I’m sorry to say that your Uncle, Harold Scrubb, is going before the judge next month. I want to warn you that you will probably be summoned to testify about what happened in my office. If this does happen, I will help to prepare you so you will know what to expect.

Because he owes so much in debt, it is very likely his home and property will be confiscated to pay his debts. As to his wife, I’m unsure what will happen. If she can come up with the money equal to his debts, the judge might be more lenient, and allow her to keep her home. I know that’s not what you wanted for them, but his own behavior has escalated things. I will do what I can. 

This month’s payment unexpectedly arrived at my office today. I’m guessing that your aunt is continuing to make effort to pay his debts. It might not help his case, but it might help your aunt.

I received a contract from the Shaw’s lawyers about the adoption. I’m guessing things are moving forward and I wish to congratulate you. I believe, as a God-fearing man, that His will is in this. I’ll do my part to see His will done.

I’ll be in touch,  
Mr. Harris”

Susan sat back and sighed. The bank note that came with the letter was very nice to have, but the rest of the letter, about testifying before a judge was quite unnerving. What would she do with the children, first of all? And what would the judge ask her? Perhaps she would just have to tell her story about what happened between her uncle and herself back in November. 

“Ma?” Davy pulled at her skirt.

“Davy, what are you doing out of bed?” Susan asked, scooping him up. She always saved her letter reading and writing for after the children went to bed. Even when there were no new letters, she re-read all of Ben’s letters. She had each practically memorized now, but she read them each night. She was sure it was one of the reasons she often dreamt of him at night.

“Pee,” he said, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

Susan got up took Davy by the hand. She led him to the bathroom across the hall and waited for him while he took care of business. Then she took him back to the nursery, but he wanted to be held. Susan picked him up and sat in the rocking chair. She cradled the little boy in her arms, still such a baby in many ways. She held him close and rocked him. Even after he was back asleep, she still held him and rocked him for a long time.

“Aslan,” she whispered in the dark. “Thank you for sending me Davy and Sandra. Is this what you meant by living and experiencing things I never would have known if I had died with the rest of my family? If I had died too, I never would have known what it was like to be loved by Ben. I’m going to be married in a few months. I never would have known that. I never would have known the pure love of a child. It’s incredible. Sandra and Davy have only been with me for a few months, but already, they call me ma and I can’t imagine loving my own child more. But that is something else I hope to know in a year or two.”

She thought about that for a long time. The idea of holding her own baby in her arms with Sandra, Davy and Ben gathered around them was the most perfect image in Susan’s mind.

“Excuse me, Miss,” Edith came in to the nursery. “There’s a telephone call for you.”

“For me?” Susan asked, nearly jumping up. She put Davy down on the bed and ran out of the room, knowing Edith would watch the children. She ran down to the hall, where the phone sat off the hook. She picked it up, “Hello?”

“Susan? It’s Gordon.”

“Gordon? Really? Oh, my goodness, how are you?”

“I’m good,” he laughed. “How are you? I’ve heard that you’re a nanny now.”

“You knew that already. I’ve been doing this for a few months now,” she said.

“Yes, but I heard you were officially hired by a prominent Manchester family,” he said.

“Your sources are correct,” she said. “It’s kind of scary.”

He laughed. “My father is well connected.”

“So you’ve told me, but I still don’t know who he is,” she said.

“Don’t worry about it. How are you? Is your family treating you well?” he asked.

“Yes, they’ve been very good to me. I’m more like one of the family, rather than staff.”

“I’m glad to hear that. So have you decided to stay in England permanently?”

“No,” she said. “If all goes well, I’ll be returning at the end of March. Of course, I’ve been saying that since I got here, and how many months has that been?”

“Quite a few, for someone who is so eager to return.”

“Did you ever ask Lois out?” Susan asked.

There was a coughing sound from Gordon. “How did you know?”

Susan grinned. “I have my sources as well.”

He laughed. “We are dating and going steady. If things continue, I’m thinking I will ask her to marry me this summer.”

“Gordon! That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”

He laughed again. “I’ve got to run, Susan, my time is just about over, but if you need anything at all, call me or write me. You know where to find me.”

“Thank you, Gordon. It was so good to hear from you again.”

“Good to talk to you too. Take care, alright?”

“Alright. Bye Gordon.”

“Bye Susan.”

“Who was that?” Mrs. Shaw came out into the hall.

Susan sighed. She supposed she would be getting a lecture now about using the telephone. “Gordon Coppinger, a friend of mine.”

“Coppinger? The Coppingers? Of Wembly?” she gasped.

“Yes, I believe he said he was from Wembly. Do you know them?” Susan asked.

“Know them? Well, no, of course not. Not personally, anyway,” Mrs. Shaw said. “But I have attended a charity function that Lady Coppinger attended. I never had the chance to talk to her.”

“Wait, Lady Coppinger?”

“Yes. Didn’t you know, dear? The Coppingers are a titled family.”

“I didn’t know,” Susan said in surprise. “I suppose it makes sense. He said to me a number of times that his father has influence.”

“I should say so,” Mrs. Shaw said, shaking her head at Susan. “So, this Gordon, he is your age?”

Susan nodded. “Well, I’d say he’s a few years older, but yes, we aren’t too far off in age.”

“You should re-think who you are going to marry, if you know young Mr. Coppinger.”

Susan shook her head, but smiled. “He’s very nice and if things were different, then I think I could have liked him a great deal and perhaps married him, but I have Ben. Besides, Gordon is going to ask a girl to marry him this summer. He is my friend, and I am lucky to have him as my friend.”

Mrs. Shaw nodded. “Keep him close,” she said. 

She left the hall and Susan walked slowly back to the nursery. __ was relieved to see Susan and hurried away to do her chores. Susan thanked her and sat down with the children as they played. 

The January check from the attorney of the money from her uncle included a letter. It seems that her uncle had been put on trial. He had been found guilty of assault and fraud, and it looked like he would be spending many, many years in jail. Susan was relieved. Her monthly checks would cease, because the next month would include the full payment of what Harold owed her. It seems his property had been seized and sold. Susan wondered what had happened to Aunt Alberta, but Mr. Harris had news on this point as well. She had moved in with a cousin and was seeking divorce from Harold. Susan wasn’t happy with Alberta, but she was glad to know that Alberta would finally be free of Harold and his influences.

January was gray, cold, and long. Susan thought the month would never end. She started working on her wedding plans. Through the letters from Ben, she had some ideas about what he wanted, but mostly, he left it to her to decide. So, she decided they would be married in Finchley, at the same church where her parents had married. 

She wrote Ben often and even heard back from Mrs. Williams. Beverly was getting married soon and Karen’s Broadway run was going well and they had all gone to see the show. They said Karen was the best dancer of all the cast.

Susan laughed with each letter and she missed them all. 

Ben’s letter, which arrived in mid-January, gave her some dates.

Dearest Susan,  
I miss you so much, but being able to plan my trip to England is helping a lot. My passport arrived and I purchased my ticket on the RMS Queen Mary. I will leave on March 15 and arrive in Southampton on March 18. I will purchase my return ticket once I get to England and know if you and the children will be able to return with me. If we can all go together, we’ll get a family room. If I must return alone, then I will get a single ticket and bunk with some other passengers.

Sadly, with the travel time, I will need to leave one week after arriving, on the 25th. During that week, I want to get married. I want to sign adoption papers, and do whatever needs to be done so that the children can travel to America. If there is time, I want you to show me where you grew up. Of course, I want at least our wedding night, alone and somewhere other than the Shaw’s residence.

I can’t wait to see you. My classwork is harder this term, but my professors are working with me so that I can take the time off to go to England. My father sends his love. He wants to come with me to England, but he couldn’t close the deli for two weeks and my brother’s not available right now. He left the deli to take a job in a newspaper office. Dad’s been strapped for help and is working extra hours. I hope he can find help soon. 

Take care my love and know that no matter what happens in March, you and I will see each other again. I love you.  
Yours forever,  
Ben

Susan and the children rode the train into Finchley one day in late January. They went to see the Patterson’s and Susan was excited to see the progress that Mr. Patterson had made towards opening a deli. She was flattered that he had taken her idea. He gave them a tour of the small store and even fixed them a delicious lunch. Susan hummed with happiness. It was just like being back in New York.

“How did I do?” he asked.

“Perfect,” she grinned.

“I did some reading and I wrote letters to a couple of deli shops in New York. They gave me some tips on what to do and I think they’ve been brilliant,” he grinned. “I’ll be ready to open soon.”

“When my Ben comes out here, we’ll have to have lunch here one day. I’m sure he will love it,” Susan grinned.

“Isn’t he the one who’s father runs a deli?” Mr. Patterson asked.

“Yes,” Susan nodded and wiped at her mouth with a napkin. 

“I’d be nervous about having him here. He knows what a real deli is like. What if he doesn’t like it?”

“He’s going to love it, I promise. You just need to come up with your own signature sandwich, like Artie and his turkey cranberry sandwich,” Susan said before taking another bit of food.

“I’m working on that, but I haven’t gotten it down yet,” he admitted.

“You’ve got time,” she said.

She left Sandra and Davy with the Patterson’s and went down the street to the church where her family was buried. It had also been where her parents had been married. She walked in and felt the stuffy peace of the church. Once the door closed behind her, it was nearly silent. She walked as softly as she could further into the church, down the aisle, and stopped at the alter. She stared at it a few moments and then turned to look at where she had just walked. In six weeks, she would be walking down that aisle again and stop, right where she was standing now, take Ben by the hand, and marry him. Six weeks wasn’t long at all, and yet, it felt like an eternity.

“Can I help you?” a kind voice cut through the silence. Susan turned in surprise and saw the kindly old Father who had greeted her the last time she was here. “Ah, Miss Pevensie. You’ve returned?”

She nodded. “Yes sir. I was wondering what it would take to get married here?”

He grinned. “You are to be married?”

“In March,” she said. “Maybe the eighteenth or nineteenth?”

“Come back to my rectory and I will look at my appointment book. I’m sure we can accommodate. Here, the big months for weddings is May and June, when the weather is nicer.”  
“I’m afraid I’m rather limited by time,” she explained as she followed him back to his office.

“It’s good. It means that there shouldn’t be anything conflicting on those dates.” They entered his office and he sat behind the very large desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a book. He set it on his desk, opened it and started flipping through pages. “Ah, here we are. Both dates are available,” he smiled. 

“I think on the nineteenth,” she said. “He’s coming in from America, so he will probably be very tired.”

“I imagine so,” the old Father said. “Now, how many people do you expect to attend the wedding?”

Susan thought about it. The Shaw’s, the Patterson’s, that was seven people. Gordon, if she invited him and he could make it away from school for a day. Sandra and Davy, of course. She was up to ten people. “Ten,” she said. “Maybe a few more, but not many.”

The old man looked surprised for several moments, but he returned to being very professional. “Small, intimate weddings are always lovely.”

She nodded, amused. “What will I need to bring that day?”

“Your marriage license, your fiancé, two witnesses, and yourself, of course,” he answered.

Susan hadn’t thought about a marriage license. She would have to find out what that would entail. She was sure that Ben would have to be here and sign it. Maybe they could do that before the wedding.

“What time would you like to be married?” he asked.

Susan pursed her lips. She had no idea. “In the afternoon, I think.”

“How about three?” he asked. “It’s really an ideal hour.”

She shrugged and nodded. “That’s fine with me.” She had no idea why three was so ideal in his eyes, but it didn’t matter. It would give them time to get to the registrar’s office and fill out the certificate. At least, she hoped it would be.

Back at the Patterson’s house, Lorna was very excited to hear about Susan’s wedding plans.

“What will you wear?” Lorna grinned.

Susan hadn’t even thought of that. “I don’t know. There’s no time to go find a dress and I wouldn’t want to spend any money on anything like that. I could just get myself a pretty new, party dress. Something I can wear to church or for special events.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Lorna frowned. “Come on, I’ve got an idea.”

Susan followed Lorna up to her bedroom. She opened a wardrobe and reached into the back of it. She pulled out a large clothing bag. “This is my wedding dress. Let’s see if it fits.”

“I couldn’t,” Susan said. 

“Why?” Lorna asked. “I’m not going to wear it again. I’m saving it for Mary, if she wants it someday. Come on, Susan, at least try it on. We’re not too different in size. I bet it will fit.”

“It’s a beautiful dress,” Susan said longingly as Lorna pulled it out of the bag. 

“It’s a bit old fashioned. I did get married ten years ago.”

“It’s still beautiful, though.” Susan admired the lace work on the dress.

“Then try it on.”

With a grin, Susan took off her dress and slipped the wedding gown over her slip. It fit like a glove and Susan stood before the mirror in the bedroom.  
Lorna sighed happily. “Susan, you look beautiful. It fits you better than it fit me.”

“It’s like it was made for me,” Susan said, looking at how the gown hugged her in just the right ways. The lace at the collar was a bit yellowed.

Lorna looked at it. “Hmm, I’m sure I can do something about this. Yes, let me work on it. I’ll update it a bit and get rid of some of the extra lace.”

“Don’t do anything too drastic,” Susan said. “This was your dress.”

Lorna laughed. “Yes, and I want to fix it up a bit. Don’t worry, I won’t ruin it.” She looked at Susan a moment longer and clapped. “Oh! I can’t wait! Ben’s eyes are going to fall out of their head when he sees you.”

“I hope not,” Susan laughed.

Lorna joined in and fluffed at the train in the back. “I haven’t been to a wedding in ages.”

“I don’t know if I’ve been to a wedding,” Susan admitted. “My friend, Beverly, back in New York is getting married soon.”

“Who all are you inviting? I hope I am?”

“Of course!” Susan laughed. “Especially if I’m borrowing your wedding dress.”

“Good. So who else?”

“Well, your parents, you and your family, of course Sandra and Davy,” she said.

“Anyone else? What about your friends?”

“The only friend I have left is Gordon, but he’s at Cambridge. He won’t want to come all the way out here to go to a wedding.”

“You never know. You might as well invite him. Anyone else?”

Susan shook her head. “The only other person I know is my attorney, but he was a friend of my father for many years, so I might.”

“Well, I’m sure we can find a way to have a dinner here after the wedding. Are you and Ben going to go away?”

“Just for a night. I need to find a place.”

“Only one night?”

“Well, I really don’t think Sandra and Davy would be happy if it was longer. In fact, I was wondering if they can stay with you for the night and the next day. I think they would be happier here with you than with your parents.”

Lorna laughed. “That’s for sure. And of course, they are welcome.” 

Sandra and Mary came in and saw Susan in the dress. 

“Oh, that’s pretty!” Mary exclaimed.

“Mama pretty,” Sandra said.

Susan thought her heart would burst with joy. It was the first time Sandra had called her anything close to a motherly name. 

Lorna was grinning. “You’re going to be a great mother. You already are!” she laughed.

“Isn’t it a little unconventional to have children in your life before getting married, and they aren’t even my children yet.” Susan said.

Lorna gave her a kind smile. “Very unconventional. But this war has made and lot of unconventional situations more normal. Besides, you’re going to get married before you adopt, so it’s all in the right order.”

Susan nodded and after the four girls admired Susan in the dress for a few minutes more before Susan took it off and Lorna hung it back up. It was ready for her. She had a church, a date, and a dress. All she needed now, was the groom.

Susan gathered the children and went to the train station. She purchased the tickets back to Manchester and they waited on the platform.

“Did you have fun playing with Mattie, Mary, and Georgie?” she asked.

They nodded. “Mattie showed us a cave,” Sandra said.

“Mattie showed you a cave?” Susan asked. She had a good idea what the cave was, and she wasn’t thrilled that Mattie had taken them outside to see the bomb shelter. It was January and very cold.

“I don’t think that Grandma would like us to dig up her garden,” Susan answered.

“In the nursery?” Sandra asked.

“How do you make a cave in the nursery?” Susan asked.

“Pillows!” Davy cried out with an enthusiastic cheer.

“Oh, with pillows,” Susan chuckled. “Yes, of course we can make a cave. Is that what you did with Mattie?”

They nodded and started to tell her, but the train pulled up. They boarded the train and Susan found them an empty car. They settled in and Susan opened her travel bag. Mr. Patterson had given them several sandwiches for the trip home. Susan pulled these out and unfolded the wax paper. She took out half of a ham and swiss sandwich and tore it in half. Then she gave a half to each child, who eagerly took the food and started to eat. Susan bit into her own sandwich just as the train pulled away.

She was just finishing her last bite when the car door slid open.

“Tickets please,” he said.

Susan fished the tickets out of her pocket, chewing quickly. She swallowed and looked up to the conductor, who was waiting for her tickets. The man was young, wearing an official uniform, but not a conductor’s uniform. He had an eye patch over one eye, but she recognized the face.

“I know you,” she said with a smile.

“I don’t know about that,” he said. “I see a lot of people each day.”

“No, I remember you. At a park in Cambridge. We talked.”

His face lit up as he looked at her. “It’s you! The girl with the trunk on wheels.”

Susan laughed. “Yes, that’s right. It’s good to see you. How are you?”

“I’m great,” he grinned. “Remember that church chap who said I could get cleaned up at his church?”

Susan nodded.

“Well, I went with him, and I got bathed for the first time in who knows how long, and the chap had some cast-off clothes that some one had left at the church donation. They fit and so I was able to get two sets of clothes that weren’t full of holes. Then, he gave me a haircut and let me shave and I looked normal. I was a new man. I got me a job, working for the trains now.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Susan grinned. “I remember you wanted to be an engineer.”

“Yep,” he agreed. “Except I have to work on the trains for many years. So it will be a long time before I’m an engineer.”

“Well, you’re on your way. Are you a conductor already or his assistant?” Susan asked.

He stamped her tickets and handed them back. “Not really, maybe an assistant. I’m just helping to take the tickets. He trusts me to do the job, see?”

“That’s really wonderful. I’m so happy for you. You know, I don’t even know your name?” she said.

He pointed to a shiny gold pin on his jacket. It said ‘Green’. “The names’ Green, Bert Green.”

“It’s nice to formally meet you, Mr. Green. I’m Susan Pevensie, and these are my charges, Sandra and Davy.” She turned to the children, who were staring at the stranger. “Say hello to Mr. Green.”

They waved and quietly said hello.

“Hey kids,” Bert said with a grin. “Going on a trip?”

They nodded.

“Do you like trains?”

“I like trains!” Davy announced. “Train fast.”

“Smart lad,” Bert grinned. “I like trains too. They go very fast.”

“Red trains,” Davy cried out.

Susan laughed. “Back at his home, he has a wooden train and the engine is painted red.”

“Red trains are the best and go the fastest,” Bert said.

“I like trains,” Sandra piped up, not wanting to be left out.

“You too?” Bert smiled. His one blue eye was sparking with joy. Susan wondered if a lot of the children were afraid to talk to him because of the patch over his eye. But he was very good with the children and had them both happily talking about trains.

After a few minutes, he stood up straight. “Well, I had better get back on with me work. I just got to say thanks to you, miss.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Susan said. “It was the church reverend.”

“He helped a lot and I started going back to church when I am in Cambridge on Sundays. I like to go to his sermons. He always talks about starting over. Thanks to you, I got to start over.”

“I’m so happy for you,” she said.

“Thanks, miss, have a safe journey.” He smiled and closed the car door behind him. He waved to the kids once more and was gone.

Susan smiled. She had thought of him recently and wondered what had become of him. He could have found himself some money and spent it all on alcohol, or he might have cleaned up, but not been able to find a job and gone back to the streets, but instead, he had cleaned up and found a job doing something he enjoyed. It made her smile. She thought about the train of events that had led her to that moment. Returning to England, going to see her aunt and uncle, being kicked out of their home, and walking to the park to wait for Gordon to pick her up.

What if she had been a day late? What if she had stayed at her aunt and uncles? So many things could have gone differently, but they went the way they did, and Bert Green was a new man. He was overcoming the obstacles the war had left him in and was fighting his way out.

The children finished their food and were looking out the window to the dark world outside. There was little to see beyond lights in people’s homes along the track. When they grew tired of watching out the window, they cuddled on either side of Susan. She held them close and told them a fantastic story about two kings, two queens, and a dwarf who went out on a boat one day and had several fun adventures while looking for a place to picnic.


	26. A last meeting of goodbye before everything begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aslan comes to Susan for the final time. It is time for her to take the leap into her future.

Susan stood on a soft, grassy ground. Her feet were bare and she was wearing a light, gauzy gown of salmon pink. She looked around and saw she was standing very close to the edge of a cliff. 

It didn’t frighten her. In fact, she moved closer and sat down, cross-legged on the grass, right next to the edge. She looked out at the land below. It was like looking at a map from far above the earth. It was completely familiar. She knew those mountain ranges. She knew the forest. She knew the sea that sparkled below.

She sat and looked at the land below her for a long time. Or a short time. Time didn’t seem to exist.

She felt, rather than see or hear the large beast that came and sat next to her. His huge body was warm and comforting and she leaned in slightly. 

“I don’t think there is a place more beautiful than Narnia,” she said.

“Look well on it and remember it,” Aslan said. “You will not see it again until your time to enter has come.”

“I hope that is not too soon,” she said.

He looked at her. “You no longer want to join your family there?”

“Oh, yes, of course I do, but not yet,” she looked up to him. “I want to live my life for many more years.”

“I’m glad to hear you say so,” he said.

Susan looked back to the land below. “Aslan, I want to apologize. I was wrong to be angry at you. I was wrong to desire to throw away the life you gave me.”

“Your heart hurt.”

“I didn’t think it could ever be healed. Well, I’m not sure that it really ever be healed. I still miss Peter, Edmund, Lucy, and my parents. I will always miss them, and it hurts that I will never get to see them again in this life. But Ben, Sandra, and Davy have made a new place in my heart and it has grown and filled so much of those empty spaces.”

“You were always meant to have this.”

“Thank you,” she looked to him. “They are the most wonderful gift. Will there be more children?”

He nodded and she leaned over and hugged the great lion. He chuckled and put a paw on her back to hold her for several moments.

“Life will not always be easy,” he said as she sat back on the ground. “But remember. I am here, in your heart too. And when you have fulfilled the life I have ready for you, you will return to a Narnia more beautiful than you ever imagined, and your family will be there, waiting for you.”

“Knowing that will help me get through those tough times.”

He nodded. “Today, you stand on an edge, between two worlds. Tomorrow, you will leap off one edge an onto another.”

Susan laughed. “Will I land when I take my leap?”

“You will,” he smiled, “and you will find joy on the other side.”

“I hope you will be on the other side,” she looked at him again.

“Yes, but we will not meet like this again.”

Susan looked back over the beautiful land below her. She thought quietly for several minutes. “You know, I don’t think I mind that. I’m ready.”

“I’m know you are and I’m glad you know that too.” Aslan stood and Susan stood too. Queen Susan, the Gentle, come with me and trust me.” 

She nodded and they walked away from the ledge. She held onto his fur and felt comfort and warmth. They stopped and Aslan turned around to face the cliff’s edge. 

“Are you ready?” he asked.

She faced him and for a moment, she felt very afraid at what he was asking her to do. He opened his mouth and breathed on her. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and then nodded. She opened her eyes again. “I’m ready.”

“I will be with you the entire time,” Aslan said.

She nodded. “Thank you, Aslan.”

“It’s time, dear one,” he said. 

Susan gripped his fur in her right hand, and they started to run at the same moment. The cliff’s edge came closer and closer, and for half a heartbeat, Susan thought she could not do this, but then, they reached the edge and jumped. Susan let out a cry as they became airborne and she expected to fall, but she did not. They were still jumping and going higher and higher. Then, the reached the zenith of their jump and started to sail down. The other side of the cliff came into view. Susan laughed out loud at the feeling of their fall as they got closer to the ground. She gripped Aslan’s mane harder, bracing herself for the impact.

And then, her feet hit the ground, and she was alone. She straightened up and looked around, but Aslan was no where to be seen. She looked back to the cliff’s edge. There was nothing but fog now. No Narnia, no cliff, just a gray nothing. She turned around to face the way she had landed and before her, she saw a path. From up ahead, she heard a lion’s roar. Smiling, she started down the path, ready for where ever it led.


	27. Ben Carter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan realizes that she only has one week left in England. Ben's boat arrives and he gets to meet the children at last.

Susan woke up and sat up in bed. Today was the day. They were travelling to Southampton to meet the ocean liner. She wondered if they were about the same miles apart from Southampton as each other. 

She was excited and scared. What if he wasn’t on the boat? What if he changed his mind? What if he saw her or met the children and decided he didn’t want to be part of their family anymore. She shook her head. No. Ben wasn’t like that. And besides, Aslan had said to trust him, and she did. It was going to be alright.

She dressed and then got the children dressed. It was still dark out and would be for another hour, at least. They children stumbled, half asleep to the dinning room. The hot porridge with cinnamon and raisins perked them up a bit. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw had had all their luggage packed and stored in the car. Perkins was taking it to the station to be checked. Susan had packed all of hers and the children’s belongings. They didn’t plan on coming back. They were staying with the Patterson’s tonight and tomorrow night would be in a hotel for her wedding night, which made her blush. They would spend another night in Finchley before doing to London for a few days. Then they would return to Southampton and catch the ocean liner that would be leaving one week from today.

Only one week left in England. 

They were at the station a half hour later. On the train, the children cuddled up to Susan and almost immediately fell back asleep. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw sat directly opposite from her. Perkins came in and assured them that their trunks and luggage was on the train, then he sat on the same bench as Susan, Sandra, and Davy. He was coming along to assist Mr. Shaw and make sure he didn’t wear himself out too much on the journey.

The train pulled out and started its long journey. The journey would take nearly five hours, so for now, they could settle back and relax. Well, relax as much as they could until the children woke, but Susan was ready with some toys and books to help keep them entertained. She dozed as the train moved through the early morning country side. It stopped periodically to pick up more passengers and drop others off.

The children slept for an hour before they were awake and hungry again. Susan gave them sandwiches she had prepared. They weren’t nearly as good as Artie’s or Mr. Patterson’s, but the children weren’t picky. They ate and watched the world pass out of the window.

When they got bored, Susan read to them. A cart came through later with more food. They purchased some meat pasties and had a nice hearty lunch. 

“Are we there yet?” Sandra asked, after eating.

“I’m afraid we’re only half way there,” Susan answered. She opened her bag and pulled out Sandra’s dolly and Davy’s red toy train engine. They played for a while and kept their grandparents quite entertained, but Susan could tell that Mr. Shaw was getting very weary of the talking and noise. Davy needed to use the loo and so he, Sandra, and Susan went down to the end of the car where there was a bathroom. She helped them to use the toilet and then while no one was in the hall of the car, she let them run back and forth a few times, hoping they would run off some of their energy, but an elderly man stuck his head out of his car door and told them to be quiet. Davy started to cry, so Susan collected them and they went back to their car.

“Are they alright?” Mrs. Shaw asked as Susan came in. Mr. Shaw looked a little distressed.

“They’re fine, just tired,” Susan assured him. She hoped Davy would soon calm. She sat back down and held Davy in her lap. “Shush now, Davy. Grandpa is in need of some quiet. If you can stop crying, I’ll tell you a story.”

“Narnia?” he asked, looking at her with his tear-filled eyes.

“Of course,” she smiled. “But you have to stop crying to listen.”

Mrs. Shaw pulled Sandra into her lap. “What is Narnia?” she asked.

“It’s a beautiful world where all of my stories take place. It is ruled by a kind lion. What’s his name, Davy?”

“Aslan,” he said.

Susan smiled. “That’s right.”

“A lion? How silly,” Mrs. Shaw said.

“Oh, not at all,” Susan said kindly. “Lions are the most majestic of animals. It is a perfect king for such a kingdom.”

“Are there other animals?” Mrs. Shaw asked.

“Yes, lots,” Sandra answered. “Beavers, and horses, and bears, and foxes.”

“I see. Well, let’s hear one of these stories,” she said, looking at Susan. 

Susan was suddenly nervous, but she nodded and cleared her throat. “Yes, well, once upon a time, in the land of Narnia, there were two sisters and two brothers who decided to go visit their friends in the western-wilds."

Davy fell asleep early in the story, but Sandra had stayed awake for the entire thing, her eyes wide with the adventure. Susan smiled at her. “Try and take a nap now. It will make the time go faster.”

Sandra closed her eyes, but the immediately popped open. “I’m not tired.”

“Try again. You must keep your eyes closed for one entire minute.”

Sandra sighed and closed her eyes. A few seconds passed and she opened them again. “How will I know when a minute has passed?”

“I will count in my head to sixty, then I will tell you when your minute is up,” Susan said.

Sandra closed her eyes again, and Susan started to count. She nearly dozed off herself, counting quietly while the train rumbled along. Finally, she opened her eyes again. “A minute has passed.” She spoke very quietly.

Sandra mumbled and was asleep. With a sigh of relief, Susan closed her eyes and tried to take her own advice. She managed to doze until the next stop. 

It was another hour when they came to stop at one of the big stations, just before the last leg of the journey. Here, Mr. Shaw and Perkins got off the train, along with all the luggage. They would take another train into Finchley and get settled in there. Mr. Shaw was too weary to journey to Southampton, only to turn around and return to Finchley, so it was decided that he, Perkins, and the luggage would meet them in Finchley.

They said their goodbyes and started the last hour of the journey. The children were wound up and Susan was worn out. She was so anxious about seeing Ben soon, and on top of that, she was trying to keep the children quiet and entertained. She wondered if the old man who had yelled at the children from earlier was still on the train. Susan decided to take a chance. She took the children into the corridor and let them run up and down, but they weren’t allowed to scream. Of course, it was impossible to keep Davy from squealing with delight at his limited freedom.

Unfortunately, the old man was still on the train. He leaned his head out. “What’s going on? I thought I told you to keep those kids quiet.”

Susan sighed. “I’m sorry, sir, but they’ve been cooped up for hours. They just need to run off some of their energy.”

“This is a train, not a playground.”

“I know. Please, only for a few more minutes. They are excited to be going to Southampton. We are going to see their, um, father there.”

“Are you their nanny?”

“Right now, yes, I’m their governess, but that will change soon,” she said.

“How so?” he asked.

Susan wasn’t quite sure how to explain this. She turned to look at Davy, who was zooming past her. “It’s a long story, but the short of it is, I am their governess, but they were recently orphaned. I’m meeting my fiancé in Southampton, and then we will marry and adopt the children as our own.”

The man was silent for a few moments. “The war?” he asked.

Susan nodded. “Yes. Their father was killed overseas and their mother from an illness less than a year later.”

“I see.” He watched as Sandra and Davy ran down the corridor again. Davy fell and for a moment, Susan thought he would cry, but he didn’t. He got up and kept running. “I’m returning to Southampton, it’s where I live, but I recently went to see my son and his wife. They,” he sniffed, “they lost their baby last week. Illness, you know.”

“I’m so sorry,” Susan said. “How very terrible.”

He nodded. “It were a sad, sad thing.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Susan said. 

“It’s not fair,” he said. “It’s not fair at all the way some children lose their parents and other parents lose their children.”

“Yes sir, I know all about that.”

“Do you? What could a young lady like you understand? You’re well off and getting married. What can you know of such heart-wrenching loss as that of a parent losing their child?”

“I don’t know that loss yet, but I know and understand lose. I lost both of my parents, my three siblings, and my home in one instant. A train accident killed my entire family and with them gone, I lost my home to greedy relatives.”

The man’s face went pale. “I’m sorry, miss. I have once again learned to never judge a book by its cover. You never know what hurt is going on inside.”

Susan nodded. “Well, it looks like they’re slowing down. I’ll take them back into our car and tell them a story.” She called to them. “Have a good day, sir.”

The last half hour might have been a lifetime long. Susan didn’t think they would ever arrive. She was so excited and nervous, and the children were so wound up, they couldn’t sit still for anything. Mrs. Shaw, who had tried so hard to keep them from crying and arguing and to sit still and behave, had even given up. 

“Let’s gather our things,” Susan finally said. “We’re going to be arriving soon.” Sure enough, the train started to slow down as they made sure they had all their books, toys, and shoes. Susan packed everything into her bag, retied Davy’s shoes, and straightened Sandra’s pinafore. 

“Hold hands with each other and stay very close to me,” Susan instructed. She put their travel bag over her shoulder and when the train was stopped, they all got off at the Southampton station.

Mrs. Shaw hailed a taxi for them. Susan was trying to hard to keep herself calm and composed, but it was hard to even think when she was so excited. 

“It smells funny here,” Sandra exclaimed as they climbed into the car.

“It’s the sea air,” Susan said with a smile, remembering what the air was like, wafting through her bedroom windows, back at Cair Paravel. They had looked right out towards the vast sea and the wind would bring in a delicious sea air into her bedroom.

“It smells funny,” she said.

“No little miss,” the cabbie said with a smile. “It’s just you’re used to the smells of a city life, or country life. Out here, we always smell the salty air. Many a men get the smell in their noses and never want to be anywhere but on the sea.”

“On the sea?” Sandra asked.

“On a boat,” Susan told her.

“I like boats!” Davy piped up.

The cabbie gave a good laugh. “Now that the lad’s had a taste of it, he might never want to leave.”

Susan nodded. “We’ll be going on a boat soon ourselves.”

“I like boats,” Davy announced again.

“Ya might not be able to get him off,” the cabbie grinned. He took them to the docks. 

There were several large ocean liners in the ports. Susan looked at the names and found the one she wanted. “There it is,” she pointed. “There’s the Queen Mary.”

They moved closer to it and Susan couldn’t remember ever having seen such a huge boat before. If it all went well, they would be climbing aboard that very ship on week from today. She thought about how that should scare her, but she had been on several ocean liners and knew what to expect. She also knew what was waiting for her on the other side.

“Look they are pulling the ramp up to the boat,” Susan exclaimed. She clutched Sandra and Davy in each hand and walked quickly to the boat. There was a place for people to wait, who were going to be greeting passengers. Susan craned her neck, trying to watch and look for any sign of Ben.

They went to the building where the passengers went through customs. Mrs. Shaw pointed at something.

“Look they are by last name. What is Ben’s last name?” Mrs. Shaw asked.

“Carter,” Susan said, realizing that tomorrow, she would no longer be Susan Pevensie, but Susan Carter. It was a very strange thought. Susan picked up Davy to carry him. “Sandra, hold on tight to my coat.” The little girl gripped Susan’s coat and held on tight as they made their way to the custom’s building. She watched and waited.

It felt like forever, but finally, Susan saw someone moving through the line. Her heart skipped as she watched. Yes, yes, it had to be. That was him. It was Ben. 

“Papa!” Davy suddenly yelled. 

Susan looked at him in surprise. Could he really recognize Ben from the photograph? 

“Susan!” Ben called out. Susan made sure that Sandra and Davy were holding their grandmother’s hands and then she turned and ran to Ben. He dropped his bag and she ran into his arms. He surrounded her and held her tight. They were laughing and saying each other’s names over and over.

“Ben, Ben, I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Oh Susan, I’ve missed you so much.”

He pulled back away just enough to kiss her, long, hard, and deep. Susan melted into it and kissed him back. Then they hugged again when they needed air. Finally, Susan stepped back and looked at him. He was more handsome than she remembered, but it was hard to see through all the tears. He wiped them with his thumbs and smiled at her.

“Mama! Mama!”

Susan chuckled. “Ready to meet the family?”

He pressed one more kiss to her lips and nodded. They turned to go back to the kids, but Davy pulled away from Mrs. Shaw and ran to them. Ben knelt down and welcomed the little boy into his arms.

“Hello Davy,” he said.

“Papa on a boat?”

Ben looked up to Susan, “Papa?”

“He just said that for the first time,” she said. “We’ve looked at your picture a lot.”

Ben was grinning and now had tears in his eyes. “I love it.”

“Papa, boat?”

“Yes, Davy, I went on a big, big boat. I’ll tell you all about it, but I want to say hi to Sandra now.” He picked up Davy and they walked over to where Mrs. Shaw and Sandra were waiting. Sandra smiled at Ben and then hid her face.

He knelt down before her. “Hi Sandra. What a pretty girl you are.”

She looked at him, gave him an embarrassed smile and turned away again. He reached out to her and took her hand while she was watching him out of the corner of her eye. “I’m Ben.”

She gripped his big hand with her much smaller one. Susan came to her. “It’s alright. We’ll learn about each other. She’s been very excited to meet you, though.”

“I’m so happy to meet you.” He pulled out a picture from his pocket. It was the picture Susan had sent him of herself and the children together. He showed it to Sandra. “I’ve had your picture to look at, see? You have such a pretty smile.”

He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, then he turned slightly, still kneeling on one knee and took Susan by the hand. “I think I promised you that the next time I saw you, I would offer you a proper proposal.”

Susan gave a tearful laugh. She couldn’t believe he was here, and that Davy was already calling him Papa. She knew that Sandra, despite her nervousness, loved him. She could see it in the little girls’ eyes that she already adored the man who would soon adopt her. But right now, his eyes were fixed on her with an intense gaze. She gripped his hand tightly. “Yes, you did promise me that.”

He reached into an inner coat pocket and pulled out a small box. He let go of her hand to open it and pulled out a ring. “Susan Pevensie, will you marry me?”

She nodded. “Yes, Ben. Oh, yes I will.”

He took her left hand and slid on a small ring with a flower of golden color and a small diamond in the center. “I read that Susan means lily flower. I wanted to find you a ring with a flower on it.”

“It’s beautiful,” she said, touched that he would seek out something so specific just for her. “Ben, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he stood up and kissed her. There was a round of applause and Susan looked at the surrounding strangers in surprise. She turned red, slightly embarrassed, but then, she wasn’t embarrassed at all. She was proud to be marrying this wonderful man. 

He kissed her once more and then turned to Mrs. Shaw. “Hello ma’am. I should have said hello right away, but I was so eager to meet the children and propose.”  
Mrs. Shaw laughed. “Had you put me before Susan or the children, I would have been most displeased. I’m Anabel Shaw.”

He took her hand and shook it. “Ben Carter, it’s a pleasure to meet you at last. Thank you for taking care of my Susan for me.”

She nodded. “It’s been my pleasure. Come along now. Let’s get to the station. I’m sure you’re hungry, but we are expected at my daughter’s house. She has promised to fix us a splendid dinner.”

“I can’t wait,” Ben said. He picked up his suit case and Davy. They started to walk, but Sandra reached up to take his hand. Susan took his bag from him. He thanked her and held Sandra’s hand in his as they walked. He looked around as they walked, taking in his first views of England.

“It’s nice here,” he smiled. “Very old. Lots of stone.”

Susan laughed. “Yes, it’s quite different from New York.”

“Do they really have buildings that are dozens of stories high?” Mrs. Shaw asked.

“Yes ma’am, they do,” he answered. “Why, the Empire State Building has one-hundred and two stories!”

“Incredible!” she said. “I had heard it was the tallest building in New York, but I had no idea it was over one-hundred stories.”

Ben grinned with New York pride. “It’s an amazing sight, I can tell you that.”

They reached the main street and got a taxi.

“This is a taxi?” he asked.

“Yes, they don’t have the bright yellow cars here,” Susan chuckled. They piled in and were soon deposited at the train station.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” he kept saying. “England’s so different from New York City. And I can’t understand everything the people are saying.”

Susan laughed. “It’s a good thing we’re going to spend most of our time in London. If we were to take you back north to Manchester or Liverpool, you wouldn’t understand anything.”

“The accent is different there?” he asked.

“Much stronger,” Mrs. Shaw said, “and if you went up to Scotland, you’d think they were speaking a different language completely.”

Ben nodded. “There’s a man who comes into Dad’s deli from Scotland. Dad’s the only one who can figure out what kind of sandwiches he likes. Of course, we’ve got a lot of Irish in New York. You hear them a lot. They speak different too, but I’ve learned how to understand them.”

“Train!” Davy cried out.

Ben and Susan looked to see the train coming into the station. Susan laughed. “You’ll find our Davy’s very interested in transportation. He loves trains, boats, and cars.”

“Then he’s going to have a great time on our boat ride back to America,” Ben laughed. They boarded the train and settled into a car. “Different from New York, but this makes me feel a bit more at home, too.”

Davy climbed into his lap, demanding to be held. Susan tried to pull him off to sit on the seat next to Ben, but Davy wouldn’t have it.

“It’s alright, Susan,” he said. “He can sit with me.”

Susan couldn’t stop smiling. Her mouth hurt from smiling so much, but she couldn’t stop. She watched as Ben told Davy and Sandra stories about riding the boat. He described the room he had slept in and the bunk bed that had been his. He talked about the food and the things he saw as he walked about the boat each day. Davy was enthralled and asked all sorts of questions. Usually, Ben didn’t understand everything Davy said. He would look to Susan for help, who did her best to interpret each question, but even she didn’t get all of Davy’s words. She had never heard him speak so much. Even Sandra grew brave enough to ask questions or tell Ben a little story.

The train ride flew by like only a few minutes had passed. What a difference having Ben there made. As they got off the train, Ben looked over to where Susan was carrying her bag and his.

“I’m sorry, I never meant for you to carry everything,” he said.

“What are you talking about? You’re the one with two children in his arms.”

He laughed. “And I’m sorry we’ve not had a chance to talk yet.”

“It’s alright,” she said. “It’s been important for the children to get to know you.”

“I do want time to talk to you later tonight. I want to know what the plans are.”

She nodded. “Yes, there’s much to discuss.”

They got off at Finchley. “The Patterson’s house isn’t far from here. We could get a taxi, but it’s really only a ten-minute walk,” she told him.

“I don’t mind walking,” he said.

“I do,” Mrs. Shaw said. “it’s been a long day and I’m eager to get to my daughter’s house. Give me the bags and I will go ahead in a taxi while you four walk. I’m sure the children need to work off some more energy.”

“Are you sure?” Susan asked. 

“I am. Take your time and show Ben around. I’ll go to the house and make sure Lorna is ready to greet her visitors.”

They saw Mrs. Shaw into a taxi and waved as it pulled away.

“Now,” Ben grinned. “Where do we go from here?”

Susan took him by the hand. “This way.” The four of them walked hand in hand together. Davy, Ben, Susan, and Sandra. They were a perfect family, even if they weren’t a family, yet. But one week from now, they would be.


	28. Wedding Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is greeted and welcomed by the family. It is the night before the wedding.

Ben was welcomed into the family with open arms, but the first bit of trouble popped up almost immediately.

“So,” Mr. Patterson said to Ben, “are you excited about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” Ben asked.

“Goodness man, your wedding day?” Mr. Patterson laughed.

Ben looked over to Susan. “I didn’t know. Are we getting married tomorrow?”

“You haven’t told him?” Lorna asked.

Mrs. Shaw looked shocked.

“We haven’t had a moment of peace to talk together since he arrived. I was going to,” but she was interrupted by Lorna and her husband.

“Go, go right now and talk together,” Lorna said, giving them a push.

“Where can they go?” Mr. Patterson asked. 

“Oh, dear, every room is being used.”

Susan took Ben by the hand. “We’ll go sit on the front steps.”

“Are you sure?” they asked.

“We’ll be fine, I promise.” She grabbed a throw blanket off the couch and tugged at Ben’s hand. They went out the front door and took in deep breaths of fresh air. The peace of the street was surprising after the noise of the party.

They sat on the steps together and Susan pulled the blanket around both of their shoulders, forcing them to sit flush together. She leaned into him.

“Alone at last,” she sighed.

He turned his head and kissed her temple. “So, are we really getting married tomorrow?”

She nodded. “Yes, I have the chapel reserved for us in the afternoon, but several things need to happen tomorrow morning in order for tomorrow afternoon to happen.”

“Like what?” he asked.

“Well, like us getting our marriage license signed from the local magistrate,” she said. “They open at nine. If we get there when they open, we should be able to get the license.”

“What time is the ceremony?”

“At three. After the wedding, we’ll come back to the Patterson’s for a dinner, and then we’ll take a train. I’ve got us a room reserved at a hotel in London.”

He grinned and kissed her. “I can’t wait. Where will the children stay?”

“Right here,” she said. “It might be rough for them, but it’s only one night. Lorna can handle it and the cousins all love playing together. And we’ll be back the next afternoon.”

“I’m so happy to be with you,” he said. “Do you still want this?” he asked. “Do you still want to be married?”

“Of course,” she said. “Do you still want it, though? I know its crazy right now, but once we are married, and we are on our way to America. It will settle down.”

Ben laughed. “Yes, I still want this. I love you and I love the children. They are amazing.”

“I’m so glad you like them. I can tell how much they already love you. You are going to be a wonderful father.”

“And you are a wonderful mother already.”

“I have set up an appointment with the judge on Monday. Us, the Shaws, and the children will be there and we’ll sign all the papers with the judge and then we’ll get their travel passes signed as well.”

“It sounds like you have everything prepared,” he smiled. 

“I hope so. It’s not been easy to find out what we need to do to get married and adopt the children and get the travel passports ready,” Susan sighed.

“You’ve done wonderfully. And I’ve not been idle on my end as well. I can’t switch rooms at my dorm, until next term. So, you and the children will have to stay in New York. My parents said you’re welcome to stay with them. I’ll come home as often as I can, but next term, we’ll find us a house.”

Susan nodded. “I’ll hate to be apart from you again, but I understand. Besides, staying with your parents will give the children and I time to adjust and will also give us time to look for a home.”

“It won’t be easy. Most guys at college aren’t married. I work a job when I’m not in classes, but it doesn’t pay much.”

Susan leaned against him and squeezed his arm. “It’s going to be alright. We’ll figure something out. If the children were older, I would try and get my old job back, but I can’t really go to work at a bank with them at home.”

“Maybe Dad will hire you. My brother and I used to help dad at the deli, but I didn’t want to work there anymore and just a few months ago, my brother decided he wanted to be a police officer, so he’s gone to police school. Dad’s been desperate for good help.”

“I’d work for him, if there was some way to keeping an eye on Sandra and Davy.”

“I’m sure dad would agree.”

They sat in silence for a long while, watching the cars go by and people walking down the street. “So, this is the home where you grew up?”

Susan nodded. “Yes, the very place.”

“I like it. I can’t believe I’m here in England, with you, getting married. My parents were sorry they couldn’t make it.”

“It’s alright. I miss them, but I understand. Thank you for coming here.”

“I wish I could have gotten here sooner,” Ben said. He kissed her again and they continued for several sweet moments, until the front door opened.

Mattie stood behind them. “Mum and Dad said to tell you dinner is ready.”

“Great, I’m starved,” Ben said, standing. They followed Mattie inside and joined the family at dinner. 

Lorna had gone all out and dinner was a feast. There was roast chicken and Shepherd’s pie.

“Mrs. Patterson, this looks amazing,” Ben said as he sat down.

She blushed. “Thank you, but you must call me Lorna.”

Grace over the food was said and the family dug in. Susan helped Sandra and Ben helped Davy to get their food cut into small pieces so they could eat.

“So, did you talk any while you were sitting out there?” Lorna teased.

“Lorna, dear, really,” Mrs. Shaw said, horrified at what her daughter was implying.

“We did some,” Ben said back, laughing.

“Yes, and now he knows he’s getting married tomorrow,” Susan said.

They laughed and conversation went on. Matthew Patterson talked about his deli, which Ben was thrilled with, and he promised to give Matthew his father’s address so that he could write he for questions, advice, and sandwich ideas. Matthew was thrilled.

When night came, the Shaw’s were going to a nearby hotel and insisted that Ben go with them. “The bride and the groom should not be sharing a house the night before their wedding. We will bring Ben back early in the morning so he can go with Susan to get their marriage license.”

Susan kissed Ben. “I wish there was another way, but there aren’t even any places to sleep if you were to stay here.”

“What about the shelter in the back?” he asked.

Susan laughed. “You could, but I think the hotel would be more comfortable.”

“I’d rather sleep in the shelter and be near you and the children,” he said. 

Mattie cheered. “Yay!”

“You could if you want, but it’s still quite cold out during the night,” Matthew said.

“We can provide you with some blankets and a pillow,” Lorna nodded.

“Thank you, I would like that,” Ben said. “I mean, thank you for being willing to put me up with a bed in a nice hotel, but if it’s all the same to you,” he said to the Shaw’s, “I’d rather stay close.”

“We understand,” Mr. Shaw said. The Shaw’s and Perkins all left and Matthew, Susan, and Mattie showed Ben the shelter. Once he was settled in, with a final kiss good night from Susan, they left him to sleep while the rest went back to the house. Susan got Sandra and Davy ready for bed and tucked them in.

“Sleep well,” she said. “Tomorrow, I’ll marry Papa and then we will adopt you and be one big happy family.”

“Where Papa?” Davy asked.

“Sleeping in a cave,” Susan smiled. “Sleep now, dear ones.”

“I want to go to the cave,” Sandra said.

“Cave? Papa?” Davy asked.

“No, dears, not tonight.”

Davy started to cry. “Papa, Papa.”

Susan sighed. “No, he’s gone to sleep. You need to sleep too.”

Davy cried and Susan sighed. “Alright, let’s go out and say goodnight to papa.”

She picked up Davy and Sandra followed along. They went out into the back yard and knocked on the shelter door.

A few moments later, the door opened and Ben stood there, grinning.

“Papa,” Davy cried out and lunged for Ben. Ben caught him and held him close. 

“They wouldn’t go to sleep until they could see you and say goodnight.”

“Papa in a cave?” Sandra asked.

“Hmm, I suppose it is a bit like a cave. Do you want to come into the cave and hear a story?”

The children squealed and Susan sighed in resignation, but truthfully, she was eager to spend more time with Ben. They all went in and sat on the bed. Susan wrapped them up in blankets and they sat close, Sandra in her lap and Davy in his. Ben, it turned out, was an excellent storyteller and told the children a story about a bear in a cave. She was as enthralled by the story as the children, but before he could finish, the children were both asleep.

“They won’t want me to tell them stories anymore. Not when you are so good.”

“I’m glad they liked it so much, but you’re much better, I’m sure,” he said. “Let’s take them in and put them back in bed.”

She nodded and they carefully carried the children back into the house and into their room. They laid them down and tucked them in. Susan walked Ben to the back door.

“Tomorrow,” he said, “we will be husband and wife.”

“I can hardly believe it. I’m so happy.”

They kissed for several minutes before Ben pulled away, gasping slightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, dear.”

“Good night, Ben.”

He opened the back door to return to his cave.


	29. Wedding morning jitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little conversation between girls because Susan's nervous about her wedding night.

Susan couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned all night long. There was one thing that was worrying her a great deal. She got up early and went down to the kitchen. Thankfully, Lorna was awake and starting breakfast. 

“You’re up early,” Lorna grinned. “Can’t sleep?”

“Not really,” Susan said. “Can I ask you something, um, embarrassing?”

“Let me guess,” Lorna said. She poured two cups of tea. “You worried about your wedding night tonight?”

Susan nodded. “I just don’t know quite what to expect. I mean, I know the basics of what goes where,” She trailed off in horror of what she had just said.

Lorna patted her hand. “Don’t worry. I felt the same way.”

“What do I do?” Susan asked.

“Look, Ben seems to be a really decent fellow. Talk to him. You’re going to learn together,” Lorna said.

Susan sipped at the tea. “That’s not real helpful.”

“Communication. That’s the key. Talk to each other, listen to what he has to say. The first few times together are awkward, clumsy, embarrassing, and a little scary, but I promise, it gets better. To bad you don’t get more than one night together before you’re back here with us and the children.”

Susan nodded. “What if he doesn’t like me.”

Lorna took her hand across the table. “Susan, you’re beautiful, inside and out. He adores you now and he’s going to love you more once you’re his wife. Tell me why you are returning from London tomorrow.”

“Well, because of Davy and Sandra. I worry that one night away is going to be really hard for them.”

“They’ll survive. Listen Susan, I want you and Ben to stay away for two nights.”

“What?” Susan asked, “But the children.”

“They’ll be fine. We’ll have lots of fun together. You and Ben need time together before you become parents in three days. Will you do that?”

Susan nodded. “That would be nice, thank you.”

“Wonderful. Go and have fun and don’t worry about things here.” They finished their tea and worked together to fix breakfast. Ben came in a while later, asking to use the washroom to dress and get ready for the day. 

Susan’s stomach did a funny flip at seeing him. She loved him so much. He snagged a quick kiss and went to the washroom. 

Lorna nudged Susan with her shoulder. “You’re going to be just fine tonight. I promise.”

Susan blushed and set the table.

“Are you and Ben going to have babies together?” Lorna asked.

“We’ve not talked much about it yet, but yes, we want to, eventually. As much as I want a baby, I don’t want one just yet. We’ve got to move to America, and I’m going to live with his family for a few months while Ben finishes his term at school. Then we’ll be moving into our own home and getting the kids settled into a new life in a new country with new parents. There’s so much to do.”

“I see your point. You and Ben are going to be such great parents.”

“Thanks, Lorna,” Susan hugged her. “I’m so excited.”

They finished setting the table and getting breakfast ready when Ben appeared in the kitchen. He washed freshly washed and grinning. 

Lorna chuckled. “Morning. How was the cave?”

“Cramped. The bed out there is a bit small,” he answered, “but otherwise great. It was so peaceful.” He walked over to Susan and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Susan blushed when she remembered she wasn’t dressed and Ben was seeing her in her robe.

“You know, usually a bride and groom don’t get to see each other before the wedding,” Lorna said.

“It’s unavoidable when we have to go get the marriage license signed this morning.”

“I suppose so,” Lorna said. “Breakfast will be ready soon, alright?”

They nodded and left the kitchen. Ben went to the shelter to collect all the blankets and Susan went to get dressed in the children’s room. They were still asleep, and she slipped into her clothes for the morning. She wore a nice dress, fixed her hair, and with a little mirror, put on her rouge and lipstick. The children woke as she finished her stockings. Susan washed their faces and helped them dress before they went down to breakfast. Everyone was awake and the children were already buzzing with the excitement of the day. 

The plan was for Lorna to watch the children and Matthew was going to work at his deli until after the lunch hour was over. Ben and Susan would go get their marriage license and then everyone would eat lunch, dress, and go to the wedding in the afternoon. A lot had to happen today, and Susan could only hope it would all go according to plan.

With the children playing after breakfast, Ben and Susan quietly slipped away. They walked hand-in-hand towards the clerk office.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” she said as they walked.

“I hope you don’t regret it,” Ben said with a little worry in his voice.

“Not at all,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “It’s just, I’ve wanted this for so long, it’s hard to believe it’s finally happening.”

He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. Susan blushed and gave his hand another squeeze. She stopped him in front of the church. “This is where we’re going to get married,” she told him.

He looked up to the huge stone building. “It’s perfect.”

“My parents were married here,” she told him.

He looked at her and smiled. “Let’s go get that license.”


	30. Wedding Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan and Ben get married.

Susan dressed in Lorna’s wedding dress and stood before the mirror. In one hour, she would no longer be Susan Pevensie of Finchley. She would be Mrs. Benjamin Carter of New York. Susan Carter. She liked how it sounded.

“Aslan,” she whispered. “I’m ready to take that leap.” She remembered the dream and smiled. It was time to jump. Ben would catch her, and they would have a good life together. 

There was a knock at the door and Lorna poked her head in. “Oh, Susan, you look beautiful. Are you ready to go?”

Susan nodded. She had already dressed Sandra and Davy in their nicest clothes. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw would meet them at the chapel. It was time to go. She went downstairs and was surprised that no one else was there. 

“Matthew and Ben left just a few minutes ago with all the children to go the church. Your escort will be here soon.”

“My escort?” Susan asked.

Lorna grinned. “My father would have loved to walk you down the aisle, but this trip’s been hard on him and he’s not much for walking today, so I invited another guest to be your escort.”

“What other guest? I don’t know anyone else.”

There was a knock at the door at that moment. Lorna went to answer it and a moment later, Gordon walked in.

“Hello Susan, my, you look beautiful.”

“Gordon!” Susan ran and hugged him. “What are you doing here?”

“Mrs. Patterson invited me,” he said, smiling at her. “When she told me her father wasn’t feeling well and that you needed an escort, I was only too happy to agree.”

“You have been the kindest of friends since I left America. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. It’s been my pleasure. I have much to thank you for as well. Without you, I might not have gotten the courage to ask Lois out.”

Susan laughed. “Is she here too?”

He nodded. “She is, and I can tell that she has the wedding twinkle in her eye. I’m thinking that if I propose to her soon, she’ll be more likely to say yes after seeing your wedding.”

“She would marry you no matter what,” Susan laughed. “Now, I think my husband is waiting for me.”

“Of course.” He offered her his arm. “Let’s go.”

They headed out, with Lorna trailing behind them, keeping Susan’s dress from dragging too much as they walked along. They arrived at the church a few minutes later. Lorna hugged Susan.

“I’m so happy for you. You’ve become like a sister to me these last few months and I am just so happy for you.”

“Thank you, Lorna,” Susan smiled. “Thank you for everything.”

“Oh, go on now,” Lorna wiped a tear at her cheek. “I’ll go tell them you’re ready.”

Susan nodded and looked to Gordon, who was grinning at her.

“You alright?” he asked.

“So happy,” she said. “Very excited. It’s not at all what I ever thought my wedding would be like, but I don’t care. We’re getting married and that’s all there is to it.”

He nodded and the music began. With a deep breath, Susan took Gordon’s outstretched elbow. They walked to the door to the chapel. Everyone stood up, but Susan only had eyes for her tall, handsome American at the end of the aisle. He was looking very handsome and smiling his widest grin.

In time with the music, Gordon escorted her slowly down the aisle. Sandra and Davy waved at her as she reached their pew. Davy fussed to get down from his grandmother’s lap, but she held onto him.

Susan stopped at the pew. “It’s alright. He can walk with me the rest of the way.”

Davy grabbed her hand. “Susan, you can’t take him,” Mrs. Shaw hissed at her, but Susan smiled.

“It’s alright.”

They walked the rest of the way, but before Susan could take Ben’s hand, she knelt down to Davy. “Alright, go sit with Mattie now.”

Davy ran to his cousin and they sat together on the front bench. Susan chuckled and stood up. Gordon pulled back her veil and kissed her cheek before stepping back. Susan turned to look at Ben, who was grinning at her.

“Dearly beloved,” the minister began, “we are gathered here today, in the sight of God, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony.”

As he went on with his part, Susan could only smile. She couldn’t take her eyes off Ben and she was very aware of Davy, sitting next to Mattie. She heard him whisper that he wanted to go to her, but Mattie told him he couldn’t go. He started to fuss again and Susan chuckled at Ben.

“If there is any who does not agree to this marriage would he please come forth,” the minister went on, and of course, that was the moment Davy had had enough of being kept from Susan and Ben. He let out a wail as only a two-year-old could.

There was a gasp from everyone, but Susan and Ben laughed. They turned to Davy and Ben held out his arms. “Come on Davy.”

Mattie let go of his cousin and Davy jumped off the bench and flew in Ben’s arms. Ben scooped him up and kissed his cheek. Susan looked to Sandra, who was looking ready to cry at not being allowed to be with them and Susan opened her arms to the little girl. Sandra crawled under the bench in front of her, much to Mrs. Shaw’s dismay, and ran to Susan, who picked her up. She and Ben looked at each other, smiling.

“This is highly unusual,” the minister said.

“In a few days, we’ll be adopting them as our own. We are already a family,” Susan said.

“We’re just making it all official now,” Ben nodded.

“I see. Well, this is a first,” he said. “Are you sure Miss Pevensie?”

Susan nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Very well. Ben, do you take this woman,” the minister began again. Susan and Ben held the children through the rest of the ceremony. It seemed appropriate to Susan that the four of them were there together. Ben was right. They were already a family. It only made sense that they all be together for each official ceremony that made them a family in law as well as in the heart.

When the minister pronounced them man and wife, they turned to each other, and still holding the children, leaned forward and kissed tenderly. The family applauded quietly, and Susan couldn’t stop smiling. She was married. She was Mrs. Carter.

A man with a camera on a tripod came up to the alter. “Let me get a picture,” he said. 

Susan wondered at the photographer. She hadn’t arranged for anything, but she happened to glance at Mr. and Mrs. Shaw, who were nodding and waving their hand. She realized they must have asked a photographer to come, so she turned back to the man, who was setting up his camera. She and Ben stood close together, with the children in their arms. The photograph was taken. 

“Put the children down. Let’s get a picture of just the two of you,” he said. Lorna and Matthew came and took the children. With a bit of posing instructions from the photographer, Susan and Ben stood together, hands grasping each other in front of them. Susan felt like her heart might burst. 

After the photographer took a few pictures, then he packed up his camera. Davy went back to Susan and held out his arms. She picked him up and kissed his cheek.

“Lion,” Davy said, pointing to some stained glass.

Susan looked and indeed saw a lion, illuminated by the sun in the stained-glass window. Aslan approved.

“That’s right,” Ben smiled. “You’re a smart boy.”

They turned and went back down the aisle together. Matthew Patterson turned to the small assembly and announced there would be refreshments at his deli. Susan wasn’t sure how things went after that. She and Ben put the children down and properly kissed each other. It was the sweetest moment Susan had ever known. 

“Will you come and meet my parents?” she asked.

He frowned at her. “Susan? How?”

“They are buried just over here.” She led Ben around to the graveyard, holding up her dress as best as she could to keep it off the ground. She took him to where her entire family’s names were etched into a large tombstone. “Ben, this is where my parent and my brothers and sister are buried. Mum, Dad, this is Ben Carter, my husband.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie, I love your daughter and I’m going to work hard all my life to take care of her. We’re adopting two children and we hope one day to have more children of our own. I’m going to take care and love them all. I promise,” he said, taking Susan’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

They were silent for several minutes, and Susan wept. “They would have loved you. I know they would have.”

He smiled. “I’m sure they were remarkable people. Just look at how you turned out. Beautiful, smart, and the most kind, caring person I have ever known. And adventurous.”

Susan laughed. “Yes. Now, it’s time for our adventure to begin. Let’s go.”

He nodded, kissed her and they took one last look at the Pevensie gravestone, before turning and leaving for the Matthew’s deli.

Matthew had fixed enough food to feed the entire party. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw, Gordon and Lois, the Patterson family, Sandra, Davy, Ben, and Susan, and two older people that Susan didn’t recognize. When the couple arrived, everyone was there, happily talking, and taking sandwiches from the county.

Gordon and Lois came up to greet the couple soon after they arrived at the deli. Susan hugged them both. “Thank you for coming. I had no idea that you would make the trip.”

“Of course, we came,” Gordon smiled. “You brought so much happiness to us and became a dear friend.”

Susan laughed. “Ben, this is Gordon Coppinger and Lois, oh, I don’t remember your last name.”

“Olsen,” she smiled. “Lois Olsen. It’s good to meet you.”

Ben took her hand in a hearty handshake. “It’s good to meet you too.”

The older couple that Susan had never seen before approached them. She had no idea who these people were, but the man seemed slightly familiar, although Susan couldn’t quite figure out why.

“Son, if you would,” the man said to Gordon. 

Susan’s eyes went wide. If this was Gordon’s father and mother, then they were…

“Of course,” Gordon smiled. “Susan, Ben, may I introduce my parents, Alfred Coppinger, Earl of Warwick and Lady Violet Coppinger. Mum, Dad, this is Ben Carter and my good friend Susan Pevensie Carter.”

The Earl reached out his hand to Ben and his wife to Susan. They both grasped them. “M’lord, M’lady,” Susan said as she greeted them. “It was very kind of you to come out here for my wedding.”

“Once Gordon told us that he had been invited, I asked if we might be invited as well. We had so much wanted to meet you,” Lady Coppinger said.

“Yes, he has told us much about you,” Lord Coppinger gave Susan a kind smile. “It’s been quite the story. I am sorry to hear of your family’s passing.”

“Thank you,” Susan said. “It’s not been easy to deal with, but Gordon has been a true friend since the moment I met him.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said. “Is there anything we can do for you, as a wedding gift?”

Susan blushed. “I don’t know.”

“Well, if there is, call me. Here is my card.” He gave Ben a card, bone colored and with a beautifully printed calligraphy font with the Earl’s name and information. 

“Thank you,” Susan smiled. 

“We are very happy for you,” Lady Coppinger said. “Now, those two children, Gordon said you are planning to adopt them?”

“Yes,” Susan said. “They are the children of one of Mr. and Mrs. Shaw’s sons. The son was killed in the war and their mother succumbed to pneumonia a number of months ago. The Shaw’s aren’t able to take care of them and while the Patterson’s were willing to take them in, they don’t have the means right now either. I said I would take them, and Ben agreed.”

“Amazing,” Lord Coppinger said. “And how are you related to the Shaw’s?”

Susan blushed again. “I’m not. It’s such a long story, that started back on the day Gordon and I arrived back in England from America. I grew up in a house just down the street from here. When I returned, I found it had been sold to the Patterson’s. That’s when I met Mrs. Patterson and the rest is history. By unusual circumstances that seem too incredible to be true, I ended up in the right place at the right time to take the children.”

“One day, I hope to hear the entire story,” Lord Coppinger smiled. “But for now, I will let you go because there are many people here who would love to visit with you, and I’m sure you both are in need of food.”

“Thank you,” Ben said, shaking their hands again. Susan adored his New York mannerisms. He had no idea what to do around an Earl, so he treated them as equals, which Lord Coppinger seemed to enjoy. He laughed and slapped Ben on the back as they shook again. 

Susan and Ben made it further into the deli when they were stopped again by Lorna. “You two need to come and sit down. I’ll bring you some food and then we are having champagne!”

They were ushered to a table in the center of the store and sat down. Davy ran up to Susan, demanding to be held. Susan picked him up and cradled him. She wished there had been a way to changed out of her dress before coming to the party. Davy snuggled into her arms. Everyone was sitting at various tables now, eating and chatting. Matthew and Lorna disappeared into the back storeroom and returned a little while later with champagne glasses, each filled with a light yellow, bubbling drink.

Susan and Ben were given their glasses first before the others were passed around to the adults in the room.

“To Ben and Susan,” Matthew said. “May they have a long, happy life together.”

“To Ben and Susan,” everyone repeated, and the drinks were raised and then drunk. Susan sipped at hers and nearly sneezed from the bubbles tickling her nose.

Over the course of the party, everyone wished the couple their congratulations. It was sweet and as Susan looked around at the people who had become her friends and family, she was amazed. Just eight months ago, she didn’t know anyone here. Not even Ben. But now…. She looked around at the assembly again and tears fell.

She stood up. “My dearest friends. I don’t know how to express the joy in my heart right now. When I think of everything that has happened, it seems impossible that it could have happened at all. The timing of everything was so exact and precise, there was no way I could have planned it. In fact, I tried to plan things, over and over, but my plans always fell apart. It was a higher plan that led me to this point and for that, I will be forever grateful. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Shaw, for giving me a place to live and employment and most of all, for allowing me to be Sandra and Davy’s nanny and soon, their mother. Thank you, Gordon, for all your help and sound advice. And thank you to Lorna, Matthew, Mattie, Mary, and Georgie. There is no way I can express my gratitude for you all. You gave me a place to sleep. You gave me a purpose to keep going when I missed my family so much it didn’t seem possible to bear it. Thank you for taking me in as part of your family. And Ben, thank you for loving me and wanting to marry me and accepting two children, willing to make them your own long before you met them. And thank you for this beautiful wedding.”  
The group cheered and they all gathered around Susan and Ben, hugging and shaking their hands.

“The couple is going to leave from here,” Lorna announced. 

Susan and Ben hugged and kissed the children goodbye. Davy fussed at being passed to Lorna when he wanted Susan. Susan’s eyes filled with tears.

“I can’t leave them.”

“Yes, you can, Sue. You need to just go and trust in me. They will be fine. I don’t want to see you back until Monday morning. Alright?” Lorna said. 

Susan nodded and hugged her. “Thank you.”

“Go and enjoy your honeymoon.”

Susan hugged and kissed the children again, said good bye to everyone there, and then held the children close again before Ben dragged her away.

“We’ll see them in two days and then they will be ours forever,” he promised.

Susan nodded and allowed herself to be led away. When she reached the doors, the turned around and looked at Lois. “Ready?” she asked, holding up her flowers.

Lois grinned and stepped forward. She was the only unmarried lady in the room and so the flowers were for her. Susan tossed them towards her friend and Lois caught them, with much cheering from the rest. Lois was grinning as she turned to Gordon, who came over and kissed her.

Susan and Ben left the deli and went out into the cool spring air of Finchley. She took in a deep breath. Ben took her by the hand and she led him to the Patterson’s home. They changed into regular clothes and packed a small suitcase with just enough for a couple of days.

“This was your room?” he asked as she gave him the tour of her child hood home.

“Yes,” she said. “I shared with Lucy. I slept here and Lucy was over there.”

“What happened here? To the neighborhood. It’s like the war happened right here.”

“It did,” she said. “Every night bomber planes would fly over London and drop bombs. Our street was fairly lucky. There was very little damage. Other streets, quite close by, some have very little left.”

He pulled her close and held her. “I had heard about that and you even told me about it, but to actually see it…” He shuddered in her arms.

“It’s over. The war is over. We both survived and now we are husband and wife.”

He looked at her and smiled. “And soon, we will be mom and dad.”

She blushed. “Yes, we will. We had better get going before my mother’s instincts make me run back to the deli for the children.”

He laughed. “Then let’s go, I don’t want any extra people with us on our wedding night.”

Susan blushed a little deeper red and nodded. They grabbed their suitcase and Ben made sure they had the money and they were off to the station to catch a train.


	31. Adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Susan are trying to adopt Sandra and Davy, but the judge doesn't think that's a good idea.

Mr. and Mrs. Carter arrived back in Finchley early Monday morning. Susan wasn’t ready for their short honeymoon to end, but she was eager to see the children and even more eager to get the adoption over with. They only had a few more days in England before Ben needed to leave. Susan wanted to be able to leave with Ben, so this had to happen today.

The fog was heavy as they walked hand in hand back from the station. Susan kissed Ben once more after they climbed the steps to the Patterson’s home. 

“Thank you for the most wonderful honeymoon,” Susan said.

“I love you,” Ben said. “And it was great to see London. No one else in my class at school has been to London before, nor have a London beauty for a wife.”

She blushed. “I love being your wife.”

They kissed a few moments longer and then with a final whispered “I love you,” and knocked on the door. Mattie opened it a few moments later and hugged Susan.

“Hi Susan!”

“Hey Mattie,” she said as they moved into the house. 

“Mama!” Davy’s voice screamed and he started to cry.

Susan quickly went to him and picked him up. He buried his head in her neck and she patted him as she sat down on the floor and held him tight.

Lorna came in. “Believe it or not, he’s hardly cried yesterday or today. He’s just so happy to see you now.”

Susan nodded and kissed him. “I’m here baby. I’m here now and we’re not going to be parted again.”

Sandra and Mary came down the stairs and Sandra ran to Susan too, but Davy wasn’t about to share. Ben sat beside Susan and pulled the little girl into his lap.

“They’ve already eaten. We just need to finish getting them dressed,” Lorna said.

Susan stood and took Sandra by the hand. “Let’s go get dressed,” she said, shifting Davy on her hip.

Ben kissed the little girl’s head and set her on her feet. Sandra giggled and went with Susan and Lorna. They dressed the children in their nicest clothes again and Susan fixed Sandra’s hair. 

“How was your time in London? Did you and Ben have a good time?” Lorna asked.

Susan blushed. “We did. We enjoyed the touring we did. He wanted to see some of the major landmarks, so we toured a bit.”

“And did things go alright?” she whispered.

Susan nodded. “You were right, it was pretty awkward, but I remembered what you said about communication and we talked to each other and it was alright.”

“Good, I’m glad. It will only get better.”

Susan smiled shyly and they finished getting the children ready. The Shaw’s arrived right on time in a taxi. Susan, Ben, Sandra and Davy climbed into the taxi with the Shaw’s and then they were off to the judge for their appointment.

Susan was so nervous. There was so much that could go wrong. What if the Shaw’s decided at the last moment they wouldn’t agree to the adoption? What if they judge didn’t agree to the adoption? What if they couldn’t get the children’s passports? 

Davy fell asleep in her arms as they rode along. The drive wasn’t long, and they were there with ten minutes to spare. They piled out and Ben took sleeping Davy from Susan’s arms. She took Sandra’s hand and they all walked into the courthouse together.

Mrs. Shaw walked up to the receptionists. “We have an appointment. I am Mrs. Anabel Shaw.”

The woman looked at her appointment book. “Yes, please have a seat. His honor will see you soon.”

They sat down and Susan put Sandra into her lap. She was so nervous. She looked over at Ben, who seemed to be as nervous as she. Mrs. Shaw sat perfectly straight in her chair and poor Mr. Shaw was looking rather pale in his chair. Susan knew he was not feeling well with all this travel. If everything went right this morning, the Shaw’s and Perkins would be on a train home before lunch.

The door opened and a man stepped through. “Shaw adoption?” he asked. 

They all stood. “Here.” They followed the man back to a small court room. A woman, with her hair in a tight bun and large glasses, sat at a typewriter, watching them as they filed in. A judge sat behind a raised desk. He looked down at them as they stood before them.

“This is a highly unusual case,” he said, looking over the paperwork that was given to him by his secretary. “Alright, case adoption of Sandra Louise Shaw and David John Shaw.” He looked over his glasses at the children in Ben and Susan’s arms. “These are the children?”

“Yes, your honor,” Mrs. Shaw said. “Sandra is three and David is two.”

He looked at Mrs. Shaw before going back to the papers. “Parents are both dead. Now, who wants to adopt them. Are you family?”

“Not really,” Susan said. “We are family of the heart.”

“Who are you, then?” he asked.

“We are Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Carter,” Ben answered.

The judge looked at Ben in surprise. “An American?” he asked.

“Yes sir. I’m from New York City.”

“Why are you trying to adopt two children from England?”

“My wife is from here,” Ben started, but the judge interrupted him. 

“Wait just a moment,” he looked down at the papers. “Met in New York,” he muttered. “Student in New York. Plans on living in New York. Married three days ago?”

“Yes sir, your Honor,” Ben said.

The judge looked to Susan. “What about you, young lady? Obviously, you are from London.”

“Yes, your honor, right here in Finchley.” 

“Why are you marrying an American?”

“I have already married him. And I married him because I love him,” Susan answered.

The judge asked for each person’s story, picking apart their stories and asking questions. He was most interested in Susan’s story and she tried to retell it as best as she could. Somehow, he had a way of making her feel like everything she said was the silly whims of a little girl.

Finally, he asked the Shaw’s, “Why these two? Why don’t you keep the children?”

“My husband and I cannot care for them,” Mrs. Shaw answered.

“But you hired Mrs. Carter as a nanny. I’m sure you can hire other nannies or a governess.”

“Well, yes, we could, but these children need a mother and father, not a nanny.”

“But they would be with their family and remain in England,” he pointed out. “Or give them to your living child.”

“Our daughter already has three children, and her husband is recently released from military service after a life-threatening injury. They cannot take on more right now.”

“Why do you want to give away your grandchildren to a couple who are going to take them to another country, and America, of all places,” the judge said.

Mrs. Shaw looked at Susan. “When Mrs. Carter first proposed the idea to me, after the children came to live with us, I was very against the idea. But, over the weeks and months that followed, I saw how good Susan was with the children. They grew to trust her and love her more than anyone else. By Christmas, I knew that they would be happiest in her care, but I wanted her to be married. My grandchildren deserve a father as well as a mother.” She nodded at Ben. “When Mr. Carter arrived from America last week, the children greeted him as if he was their own father. They have called him father from the start. They love him, and Mr. Carter has been nothing but wonderful with them. They go to him for love and comfort, as you can see.” She nodded at Davy, who was still sleeping in Ben’s arms.

The judge looked at them for a while and looked at the paper before them. He finally frowned and shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I cannot agree to this adoption.”

“What?” Susan, Ben, Mr. and Mrs. Shaw cried out as one.

“I do not see the need for two children to be adopted outside of the family and taken to another country when they have family right here in England. Furthermore, I don’t think that a couple, three days married can be ready for the responsibility of two young children.”

“But your honor,” Susan said. “I have been their nanny all these months. I have been responsible for them.”

“Then, you can continue to be as their governess, in the household of the Shaw’s.”

“Your honor, please,” Susan begged.

He smacked a gavel on his desk. “I’ve made my decision and the answer is no. I am rejecting this adoption. Dismissed.”

Susan’s mouth hung open in protest, but with the smack of the gavel again, her words died in her mouth. Instead, huge tears welled up. The children would not be hers. She would have to return to America with Ben, empty of her children. She had already thought of them as hers. The children called her ma and they called Ben dad. 

“I’m sorry,” Mr. Shaw said, seeing Susan’s tears.

They walked out and back to the receptionist’s area. Susan had to sit down. She pulled Sandra into her arms, held her and cried. Ben had travelled all this way just so they could adopt the children. And Susan had lost her entire family. And now, the children of her heart were being taken from her too.

Mrs. Shaw was dabbing at her eyes, crying quietly. Even Ben had tears falling. 

Davy woke up and saw he was being held by Ben. “Dad.”

Susan sobbed harder. It broke her heart. This just wasn’t right. 

Mr. Shaw sat next to them, breathing heavily, holding his hand over his heart when suddenly, he sat up straight. “Susan, do you have the Earl of Coppinger’s number?”

Susan looked up to Mr. Shaw. The light went on. “Yes! Yes, I do. He said to call if I needed anything. Perhaps he can vouch for us!” She put Sandra down and started to rummage through her bag. She found the bone colored embossed card. “Here is it.”

“May we use your phone?” Mr. Shaw stood up and went to the receptionist.

“Sir?” she said. 

“We have a very important call to make, may we use your phone?” he said.

She nodded. Susan picked up the phone. 

The operator was answered. “Number please?”

Susan read the number. “Lord Alfred Coppinger, Earl of Warwick,” she told the operator.

“Um, one moment please,” the operator said, putting the call through.

The phone rang once and was picked up. A man’s voice answered. “Lord Coppinger’s office.”

“Hello, is Lord Coppinger available?” Susan asked.

“He is in a meeting. May I have your name?” the voice asked.

“Susan Pevensie Carter. I need to speak with him right away. It’s very important,” Susan said.

“I’m sorry, but he is in a meeting. If you leave me with a number, he will call you back at his earliest convenience.”

“We can’t wait.” Susan said. “Please, tell Lord Coppinger who I am. If he asks you to take a message, then I will give it to you, but I am sure he will take my call. Please, go and ask.”

“This is very unusual. Tell me the name again?”

“Mrs. Susan Pevensie Carter.”

“One moment.” The phone made a thump sound as it was set down on the other end. 

Susan looked at the others. “He’s going to get Lord Coppinger.”

“Lord Coppinger?” the receptionist asked. 

Susan nodded and waited. It wasn’t even a minute later that the phone was picked up again.

“Mrs. Carter? Susan? What’s wrong?” the earl’s voice spoke.

Susan sighed in relief. “We are at the judge’s office, trying to adopt the children, but he rejected our adoption and dismissed us. He won’t let Ben and I have the children.”  
Lord Coppinger listened as Susan told him what the judge had said about them not being fit to care for the children. 

When she finished, he said, “Let me speak with the receptionist.”

Susan thanked him and passed the phone back to the receptionist. She listened and her eyes went very wide. “Yes, sir, right away.” She pulled a wire from her small switchboard. “Your honor?” she said. “There is a Lord Coppinger, Earl of Warwick on the phone for you.” She listened. “Yes sir. Right away, sir.” She pulled the wire out and place it in another slot, then she hung up. “You know Lord Coppinger?”

Susan nodded, wiping at the tears still falling down her face.

They sat back down in the chairs and waited. Every nerve in Susan’s body felt like it was charged. She twitched in her seat and nearly shouted in surprise when Sandra climbed into her lap. She and Ben held the children. She pulled out a few crackers from her bag and broke it in half. She gave each child a half, which they eagerly ate. Susan wiped their faces and was about to pull out another cracker when the door opened. 

The judge’s secretary stood there. “Follow me please,” he said.

They stood and followed the man back into the judge’s chamber. The judge was sitting there, looking at the papers on his desk, one hand wiping at his brow with a handkerchief.

He finally looked up at them. “After some deliberation, I have decided to grant your petition for adoption.” He started to scribble something on the papers.

Susan nearly shouted with joy. “Thank you,” she gasped. 

He just handed his secretary a form. “Mr. and Mrs. Shaw, if you would, please sign here, stating you are releasing these children from your custody.”

The Shaw’s stepped forward and signed the paper. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Carter, if you would, please sign here, stating that you are taking on full responsibility of the children with a promise to care for them and protect them.”

“Happily,” Susan said, taking the pen and signing her name. Ben took the pen from her and then signed his.

The secretary handed the form back to the judge, who signed it again at the bottom. It was done. Just like that, Susan and Ben had officially become parents.

“What about their passports?” Ben asked.

“I will by making those,” the secretary said. “Return tomorrow and you can pick them up, along with a copy of the adoption forms.”

“Thank you,” they said, and Susan turned back to the judge. “Thank you. I love these children as if they were born to me, but they are my own children now and I love them dearly.”

He waved a hand away at them and smacked his gavel. 

They left without another word and walked out, back to the street, a new family formed. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw stayed in the office to sign some extra documents since they would be returning to Manchester today.

Susan couldn’t stop smiling. She hugged and held both children. They were hers now. They were her children. 

A few minutes later, Mr. and Mrs. Shaw came out. Mr. Shaw’s pale face was smiling, and he looked stronger than he had earlier. “Well now, Sandra and Davy Carter,” he said. “You are the luckiest of children.”

“Sandra Carter and Davy Carter,” Ben grinned. “That has a nice ring to them.”

“They truly do.”

Mrs. Shaw came to them and hugged both her grandchildren. “We are going to return to station now. Take care and good luck. Write us with updates.”

“I will, I promise,” Susan said.

“And as soon as the pictures from the photographers are developed, I will send a few to you. You need to have a picture of your wedding day.”

Susan nodded. She wished she could have a picture of today, too, but she was thankful to have any picture of this week at all.

Two taxi’s pulled up and Perkins hopped out of one, helping Mr. Shaw into the back of one car. He shook Susan and Ben’s hands and congratulated them. 

Susan went to the car, leaned in and kissed Mr. Shaw’s cheek. “Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome my dear. I know my grandchildren are in the best of hands.”

She nodded and moved back to hug Mrs. Shaw. Both women were crying now.

“You took care of Mattie, Mary, and Georgie when they needed it and now, you’ve got Sandy and Davy. I know they will be happy. Keep in touch.”

Susan promised she would. Mrs. Shaw kissed the children and then got into the cab with her husband. Perkins got in with them and they were off. The Carters got into the second taxi and went back to the Patterson’s. In just three days’ time, Susan’s life had gone from being the only living person left in her family, to being a family of four. It was impossible and wonderful. She promised herself that she would write Lord Coppinger a letter of great thanks tonight. This joy would not have been possible if not for him.


	32. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family celebrates the adoption. Susan writes to Lord Coppinger to thank him for his help, then Susan tells Ben about Aslan and Narnia.

They celebrated that night at the Patterson’s home. Susan and Ben put the children to bed that night and then joined Lorna and Matthew in the sitting room.

“Do you have some paper so I can write a letter?” she asked.

“Of course,” Lorna said. “Who do you need to write to now? Ben is here.”

Susan smiled and kissed his cheek. “He certainly is, but I need to write Lord Coppinger. Without him, the children would not be ours.”

They nodded quietly and Susan took the paper and wrote a letter to Lord and Lady Coppinger. Then she wrote a second one to Gordon. She thanked them all with the most sincere language she could think of.

That night, she would thank Aslan in a prayer. She knew in her heart she would not see him again or speak with him, but she still had to thank him.

As she and Ben climbed into bed that night, they laid together, kissing and caressing each other. Susan smiled. “My darling, I need to tell you something.”

He kissed her and held her close. “What is it, my love?”

“I need to tell you about the most extraordinary thing that happened to me when I was younger. It will be hard to believe, but you must know about Narnia.”

“Is there a lion?” Ben asked.

“Yes,” Susan said in surprise.

“Then I think I know a bit about it. One night, in a dream, a lion came to me and talked to me for a long time. That was when I knew I was going to marry you and that we would adopt two children. I wrote you about the dream.”

“I remember,” Susan said. “The lion’s name is Aslan.”

He smiled. “Aslan,” he repeated. “Tell me about this Aslan and Narnia.”

“Well, my siblings, Peter, Edmund, Lucy and I went to live out in the country in a huge old home with old Professor Kirke,” she started. She told her story late into the night.

“We must thank this Aslan,” Ben said, when Susan had caught him up to her last dream.

She agreed. They held each other close and Susan spoke out loud. “Aslan, today, we became a family of four. We adopted Sandra and Davy. When the judge first told us we would not be allowed to adopt, I despaired. You had promised me that they would be ours, but for a while, I forgot your promise. Thankfully, Mr. Shaw had the presence of mind to think of the right solution.”

Ben spoke up. “Thank you for softening the heart of the judge because he agreed and the children are ours now.”

Susan smiled and squeezed Ben’s hand. “Thank you, Aslan, for giving us this and for giving us each other. I never thought I’d be happy after learning of my family’s death, but luckily, you had already led Ben and I to each other. Knowing Ben loved me was the only way I got through some days. So, thank you.”

Ben rolled over to face her and kissed her deeply. They made love before finally falling asleep in each other’s arms.

They slept in late the following morning. Later than Susan had planned, but they had stayed up late. Thankfully, Lorna let them have their lie in and the children were already fed by the time Susan and Ben came down. 

After eating and getting dressed, they took another taxi back to the judge’s office. The receptionist called the secretary as soon as the Carters walked in. He took them back to his office, where they signed the copies of the adoption as well as the passports for the children.

Everything was in place now. They had the children and all the documents. They would take an afternoon train to Southampton, buy four tickets, and stay at a hotel for the night. Then, they would be up at dawn to go to the docks and board the boat. By Sunday, they would be in America.

It didn’t seem possible, but as they walked out of the judge’s office, with all their paperwork in hand, the impossible was becoming real. They ate some pastries from a street vendor, then took a taxi back to Finchley and spent the rest of the morning packing.

It wasn’t easy to say goodbye to Lorna, Matthew, Mattie, Mary, and Georgie. They had become a family to Susan. It had been so odd to stay here, at first, in the shelter where her siblings, mum, and herself had hid from German bombs. So much had happened and every time Susan thought about it all, it made her head swim. It was so impossible, and yet, it had happened.

It was with a very sad heart that Susan finally said goodbye to the Patterson’s and her childhood home. But when she looked at Ben, Sandra, and Davy, she smiled, and her heart lightened. It was going to be alright.


	33. The long boat ride home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan says goodbye to England. It's hard to leave, but with Ben, Sandra, and Davy, she is looking forward to her future.

They boarded the ocean liner very early in the morning. The line was long and the children just wanted to sleep in their parent’s arms, but Ben and Susan were also juggling all their family’s luggage. They traveled very light and had manage to put everything in Susan’s wheeled trunk. They showed their passports and were finally allowed onboard. Ben managed to find the way to the family rooms and found the one they had been assigned.

“The room I shared on the way over was about the same size. That was for two. This is a family of four?” he asked, looking at the tiny room that would be theirs for the next four days.

There were two beds a small sink, a small table and two chairs. The small window looked out towards the sea. 

“Well, it’s not luxurious, but it will work. It’s only four days,” Susan said.

“Four long days,” Ben sighed.

Susan nodded. They laid the children down on one of the beds, then they laid down next to each other on the other one, exhausted and it was only half past seven in the morning. Unfortunately, the children were done with sleeping soon after arriving and they explored the tiny cabin while Ben and Susan tried to get a little more rest.

The children weren’t having that and asked for breakfast. Susan sat up with a groan and opened the trunk. She had packed a small box of food and took out a few crackers. She gave them to the children and they happily ate at the table. Ben lifted them so they could take turns looking out the windows. 

The ship set sail a few hours later and they walked along one of the passenger decks, watching England disappear into the horizon. Susan knew there was little chance of her returning to her home country and it made her sad, even though that had been her plan since she had arrived half a year ago.

The days were very long, and the nights weren’t much better. Susan and Sandra ended up on one bed while Ben and Davy were in the other. The meals were good on board and Susan always packed a pocketful of extra food for when the children got hungry in between meals. It was hard to keep the children entertained through those long daytime hours. The precious times when they would nap kept Susan and Ben sane. During those moments, they would hold each other, talk quietly, or sleep.

By the fourth day, everyone’s nerves were on edge. The children were irritable, and Susan and Ben had their first argument as a married couple, and it was over the silliest of things in the best way to pack the trunk. They went to breakfast that morning upset and angry with each other and themselves. 

Susan sighed in relief when the children went down for their morning nap a few hours later. She turned to look at Ben, who was reading a four-days-old newspaper he had found thrown away in the hall. 

“Ben?” she spoke quietly.

“Hmm?” he asked, not putting the paper down.

“Ben, love,” she said, going to him and putting her hand on his knee. He lowered the paper, a mix of hurt and sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “About everything.”

He sighed and put the paper on the table. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so short with you about the trunk. It’s just going to be opened again tonight and unpacked. It doesn’t matter how it gets packed.”

She nodded. “It was stupid, I know. But I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all this. Two weeks ago you were a bachelor and now, married and father of two, to a group of war-time orphaned refugees.”

“Hey,” he took her hands in his. “Two weeks ago, I was unmarried, but I already felt like a husband and father. I wanted this. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have made the journey. Marrying you has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done, along with adopting the children. I love them and I love you.”

“But all the trouble,” she started.

“It’s four days, confined to a small space with two needy children. Had it been just you and me on this trip, it would have been different,” he smiled and ran a hand along her thigh, making her blush. “But this afternoon, we’ll be in New York and tonight, we’ll be at my parent’s home and it will be fine.”

“When do you have to go back to school?” she asked.

Ben sighed. “I’ll have to leave tomorrow afternoon.”

“So soon?” she asked.

He nodded. “My professors were good enough to let me miss a week of school, but I’ve got to be there on Monday.”

“Thank you for taking all this time off for us.”

“I’d do it again for you,” He smiled. He stood and they moved to the bed, laying down together and curling into each other. “It’s going to be hard for a while, but my classes end in six weeks and after that, we’ll be together forever.”

His hands moved to rest on her hip and belly. She sighed happily, wishing for more and knowing it was impossible with the children in the next bed. He nibbled at her neck and she giggled and squirmed. “Enjoy,” his whispered in her ear, and then his hands went to work, caressing her and making her sigh with pleasure.

By the time the children woke for lunch, Ben and Susan felt happy, sated, and reconnected as a couple. They took the children to lunch with smiles and love and while they were eager to leave the ship when it came into port, they had the patience to deal with the lines that they were soon standing in.

“Look children,” Susan said, holding Davy in her arms while Ben had Sandra. “That’s America. It’s our new home.”

The Statue of Liberty stood tall and majestic and welcoming. Sandra started asking questions about it. Who was it, how tall was it, why did she hold a torch, what were those poking things coming out of her head? Ben answered her questions as they moved along the lines leaving the ship.

After showing all their paperwork, including passports, marriage certificate, and adoption papers, did the customs’ man finally allow them to leave. He had a hard time believing their story. When they finally walked out into the open air of New York, they breathed a sigh of relief.

Ben kissed Susan deeply. “Welcome home.”

“It’s good to be back,” she smiled.

They took a taxi to Artie’s Deli and Susan didn’t think there was a lovelier sight in all the world. The deli was closed for the night, but Artie was waiting for them, and he threw open the doors when Ben knocked.

“Susan!” he cried out and threw his arms around her in a hug. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“I’ve missed you, Artie,” she said. “And your sandwiches.”

He laughed long and loud. “I’m glad and I’ve got your favorite sitting over there waiting for you.”

Susan looked to the counter and saw a plate of her favorite turkey and cranberry sandwich piled high. Her mouth watered.

A woman walked into the room that Susan had never seen before, but had so many shared facial features as Ben, it was obvious that this was his mother.

“Mom,” he said, “this is Susan, my beautiful bride. Susan, this is my mom, Milly Carter.”

“It’s wonderful to finally meet you,” Milly said. “Ben’s talked about you so much.”

Susan hugged her. “It’s good to meet you too.”

“Welcome to the family,” Milly smiled. “And now, as I understand it, I’ve got grandchildren now too?”

Ben grinned. “Yep, This is Sandra and Davy Carter. Officially adopted on Monday.”

“Beautiful,” Milly said, kneeling down to meet them eye-to-eye.

“Kids,” Ben said. “This is Oma.”

“Oma?” Susan asked.

Ben nodded. “Mom’s family is Dutch. She was actually born there, but they moved to America when she was younger than Davy, so Mom’s truly a New Yorker.”

Susan laughed and looked to Artie. “What about you?”

“Oh, I was born here and so were my parents, but my grandparents, on both sides, came from Ireland. All four of them were born there,” Artie smiled

Sandra was nervously looking at Milly, so Susan patted her back. “It’s alright, sweetheart.”

Milly smiled and stood again. “Not to worry. We’ll all be friends soon. Now, how about we eat and then we’ll go up to your rooms.”

Susan was first in line for a sandwich, which had Artie laughing again. He opened a jar of pickles and put them on the plates with the sandwiches. Susan dug into her sandwich with a contented sigh. 

“These are the best,” she said, her mouth still full.

“I’m glad you like them,” he said. “Listen, I know you just got here and I’m sure you’ll need time to settle in, but, I was wondering if we can talk business.”

“Oh, Artie, really, she just got here,” Milly said, cutting a sandwich into smaller bites for Davy.

“Well, I want her to have time to think about it.”

“They’re going to be living here for several months, that’s plenty of time,” Milly said, tossing a rag at Artie’s shoulder. 

Susan chuckled. “It’s alright,” she said. “What business did you want to talk.”

“Well, with Ben off at college and Bill gone into another line of business, it’s just me and Milly at the deli and frankly, we could use another hand.”

“I’d be happy to help,” Susan smiled.

“That’s good of you. I’d pay you, of course,” he said. “It’s not much, but it would be something.”

“You don’t have to pay me. You’re letting me and the children live with you,” Susan said.

“We’re happy to have you here,” Milly said.

“She just wants to play with the children,” Artie smiled fondly at his wife. “We wanted more but after Ben, we just couldn’t afford it.”

Susan nodded. “I hope we can afford more, one day.”

“You’re starting out with what we ended with,” Milly said. “That’s why we want to do everything we can to help, like giving you a salary.”

“That’s very generous,” she said.

By the time dinner was over, Davy and Milly had become friends. She happily carried him upstairs to the apartment over the deli.

“Now, you’re getting to see my childhood home as well,” Ben smiled. “It’s not as nice as your house in London, but,” he looked around. “Well, it’s home,” he said.

“It’s a wonderful home,” Susan smiled. The apartment was small, clean, and felt happy. It was so unlike the Shaw’s enormous manor home with its ancient, cold halls, Tudor-styled architecture, and manicured gardens. That was a manor house, but this small apartment, with it lace curtains, well-worn, but clean sofa, and pictures of flowers in a vase and landscapes hanging on the wall, felt like a real home. 

“It’s wonderful,” she said again.

“Let me show you your room,” Milly said. “They boys shared it growing up. I’m afraid you’ll have to share with the children, but without Ben here, you’ll have plenty of room.”

The room was about the size of their boat cabin. There were two beds on either side of the room, and a bed-side table stood between them with a single lamp. A matching table stood at the edge of one bed and it had an old-fashioned wash basin. The other side of the room, at the foot of the other bed, was a wardrobe. 

Susan’s breath hitched. It was nothing like the grand wardrobe in Professor Kirke’s house. This one was quiet plain, except for the many scuff marks that Susan was sure had been put there by the two rambunctious boys who had grown up in this room, but it was a deep, rich wood, and smelled of furniture polish. Milly took excellent care of her home.

Artie wheeled Susan’s trunk into the bedroom. He pointed at the wheels. “Whose idea was this?” he asked.

Susan gave him a very shortened version of the story of when she first met Mattie Patterson and how he had taken an old pair of roller stakes and removed the wheels to attach to her trunk.

“It’s a brilliant idea,” Artie said. “Every trunk should have wheels.”

“If it hadn’t been for Mattie’s roller skate wheels, I’d still be dragging this thing halfway across Cambridge,” Susan said, suddenly feeling a pang of homesickness for England and the friends she had made there.

Artie laughed again. He and Milly left Susan, Ben and the children to settle into their new room. Susan unpacked the clothes and placed them in the wardrobe while Ben showed Sandra and Davy his old toys. They were so excited by them and happily played.

“I’m sorry it’s so tight,” he started.

Susan turned to him and tossed a pillow at him. “It’s perfect,” she said. “It’s just what we need for the next couple of months.”

“Mom will help you learn the quirks of the house and how to do the washing. Clothes just get hung out to dry on the line outside the kitchen window. She’ll show you how to use the line,” he said. 

“I’ll figure it out and I love that they are going to get to know their new grandparents so well.” She nodded her head at the children, who were building block towers and knocking them down.

“Perhaps my parents would like to watch the children for a little while this evening?” he asked, pulling her close. 

She leaned her head against his chest. “I would love that, but is it appropriate?”

He shrugged. “I don’t care. We haven’t been able to make love since our short honeymoon.”

“Well, we had some fun this morning on the boat,” she smiled.

He chuckled. “That was good, but I want more before I leave for school tomorrow.”

She looked up and kissed him. “I want that too.”


	34. A new life in New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has to return to school, leaving Susan and children with Ben's parents. Susan visits friends, learns to work in the deli, and gets her mother-in-law to tell her lots of stories about Ben as a child. It's not a bad life. She just misses Ben.

Susan was not the only person crying the next afternoon, as they saw Ben off on a train back to school. He wasn’t looking much better at leaving his bride and two small children so soon after becoming a family, but there was nothing he could do. Susan knew it and accepted it, although she would miss him, but Sandra and Davy did not understand, and they cried for the dada.

The second night in the apartment was a rough one. 

Monday morning, Susan dressed herself and the children and took them to where she had lived with Mrs. Williams and the other girls. The street looked the same, although the trees were still getting their spring foliage. Flowers in window boxes were just starting to peek up from the soil. Susan led the children up the steps. She knocked and waited, hoping that Mrs. Williams was in. 

The door opened a few moments later and Mrs. Williams stood there grinning. “Susan! Oh. my goodness, please, come in. My, my, who are the children?”

“This is my daughter, Sandra, and my son, Davy. Children, this is Mrs. Williams,” Susan said. They hid behind her skirt.

“Children?” Mrs. Williams asked. “You were only gone for about eight months. How in the world do you have children this old?”

Susan laughed. “Ben Carter and I married a week and a half ago and we adopted the children one week ago today.” She smiled fondly at Davy, who was asking now to be picked up. Susan leaned down and lifted him. “It’s a long, crazy story.”

“Come in and have some tea,” she said. “I want to hear all about it.”

There was a slam from upstairs and a flurry of footsteps on the stairs. “It’s that the post?” a voice with a southern twang called out. She saw Susan and the children and started to turn away, “Oh sorry, you’re not the mail man,” she started, but then stared at Susan. “Oh my Lord! Susan! Hey girls! It’s Susan! Who are the young’uns?”

Susan embraced Tess. “It’s good to see you again.”

More footsteps on the floor as the other girls came down. Peggy and Karen hugged her. “Susan! You’re back!” There was a flurry of welcoming and surprised exclamations. Susan could only grin.

“What are you doing here?” Susan asked. “I assumed you would be at work or school.”

Karen grinned. “I’m not working because I’m packing.”

“Packing? Why?”

“Because I leave in two days to go to California! I’m going to audition for a movie on Friday. While I was in the Broadway show, I met a guy who’s a talent scout for a movie producer in Hollywood. He said he comes each year to watch Broadway shows and search for new talent. He saw me and asked me to audition!”

“That’s great, Karen,” Susan smiled. “Good luck. Let us know when your movie’s coming out.”

She laughed. “I will. But what about you?”

“It’s a long story,” Susan said. 

“Well, we enjoyed your letter at Christmas, but come on and tell us the rest,” Peggy said. 

Mrs. Williams brought out tea, biscuits, and a few old toys. The children sat down and started to play.

“Well?” Mrs. Williams prompted after Susan gave a happy sigh at the taste of good Brittish tea again. She would miss that from her home country. Milly preferred coffee to tea, and what tea there was in the kitchen, was very poor quality.

Susan told her tale, about Gordon, her uncle and aunt, the Patterson’s, the Shaw’s, Ben, her wedding and finally the adoption.

“Incredible. What an amazing set of circumstances,” Mrs. Williams said. “The hand of God led you, I believe.”

Susan nodded. “Indeed, a higher hand had very specific ideas for me. I’m glad it’s all worked out.”

“Now what?” Karen asked.

“Well, I’ll be staying with Ben’s parents until Ben finishes this term. After that, we are going to look for a place to live close to his school, so he can continue to study.”

“What about work or money?” Tess asked.

Susan sighed. “We haven’t quite figured all of that out yet, but while I’m staying here, I’ll have a job at Artie’s deli. You all must come and have lunch there one day. His sandwiches are the best.”

They all nodded.

“Will you have any children of your own?” Mrs. Williams asked.

Susan nodded. “We hope to, one day, but right now, we just need time for the children and I to settle in our new country.”

“Oh, I hope you have your own children. We got a letter from Bev the other day. She’s expecting,” Peggy smiled.

Susan grinned in surprise. “Really? Already?”

They laughed. “You know how much she wanted that,” Mrs. Williams said.

Susan nodded. It had been Beverly’s dream to get married and have a family. “You’ll have to share her address with me so I can write her.”

“Happily,” Mrs. William’s said. “I know you’re living with Ben’s family, but if you need to do anything without the children and your in-laws are not available, then bring them to me. I would love to watch them so you can go shopping or have time alone.”

“Thank you,” Susan said. “You sound like home to them. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.”

The British transplant smiled and nodded.

Susan spent the entire morning with Mrs. Williams and the girls. Susan said good-bye to Peggy and Tess as they had to head out mid-morning, and then Susan got to meet the two newest housemates, who had taken Susan and Beverley’s rooms. Dottie and Helen were very nice, although Helen seemed very shy and Dottie was rather loud, making Davy nervous. When Susan noticed that Davy was about ready to fall asleep, she said goodbye and promised to visit again.

They made it back to the apartment before Davy fell completely asleep. She put the children on their bed and left, closing the door behind her. She found Milly at the small stove in the room that served as kitchen, dining room, and living area.

“Did you have a nice visit?” Milly asked.

“I did, thank you. It was good to catch up with all of them. Now, what do you need help with?”

“Nothing right now, sit down, and tell me about yourself,” Milly said. 

Susan sat down and watched as Milly stirred the contents of the pot. “Your home is very nice,” she said.

Milly chuckled. “It’s comfortable. Better than what I grew up in, although not much bigger. Our tenement growing up was filthy. My mother worked hard, but it was the building. Plaster was peeling, there was a hole in the ceiling, and the walls had discolored patches. I think it was the house that made my mother so sick. She had baby after baby, but none lived beyond six months. Mother was sick and weak and she couldn’t take care of the babies or make good milk to feed them. I guess because I was born elsewhere, when she was young and healthy, that I survived the sickness that was in our building. A few years ago, the building was condemned because it was so full of mold and sickness.”

“That’s terrible,” Susan said, unable to comprehend giving birth over and over, only to lose each child to illness.

“I never wanted to live in something so squalid again. When I met Artie, I told him that I would not stay if we couldn’t live somewhere clean. Thankfully, Artie’s parents had good sense. I believe they both grew up like I did, since they were the children of immigrants, like myself. When they started their deli, they picked a newer building that had been built with indoor plumbing, and they took the apartment right over the deli. Old Mrs. Carter kept the apartment in immaculate condition. I’m not quite as strict in my cleaning as she was, but I never have allowed things to get bad, which wasn’t easy with two busy boys.”

“I can only imagine.”

Milly turned down the heat on the stove. She looked at Susan and chuckled. “Oh, dear, listen to me just talking about myself when I want to know about you.”

“I’m glad you did. I want to know about you and Ben’s family. I love your home. It’s very different from what I’ve known, but this is a real home. You can tell that a loving family has lived here for a long time.”

“We have, and we hope to live here until we are called Home by God. I just worry about the deli and this home. If neither of our sons want the deli, I don’t know what will happen.”

Susan sighed and nodded. She hated the idea of the deli being sold or closed when the day came that Artie could no longer run it, but she knew Ben didn’t want to run the deli and Susan wanted a real home for her children, with a yard, more like what she had growing up. She kept this thought to herself, though. She didn’t want to insult Milly in any way.

Susan told Milly about her family and growing up in Finchley. They enjoyed talking and Susan helped with the meal preparation, until the children woke up. 

“They are very well behaved,” Milly said.

Susan nodded. “Most of the time, they are, but right now, they’re just still nervous and unsure about their surroundings. When they are more comfortable, you’ll see a more energetic pair.”

“I’m sure, although I’m not worried. Oh, the stories of Ben and Bill I could tell you. What a couple of troublemakers they were.”  
Susan laughed. “I can’t wait to hear your stories.”

The next morning, Susan went to the deli do start learning her work. She cleaned, helped to unpack food, learned how to use the cash register, and learned how to record the sales in the book. Artie fixed all the food, which was fine with Susan. She wasn’t much of a cook. She had never really had to. Growing up, her mom had cooked. Then she lived with Mrs. Williams, then the last few months, the Shaw’s cook had done all the cooking. Only the few weeks when she had been in charge of Mattie, Mary, and Georgie, had she really done any cooking.

She was very embarrassed, but decided she had to admit to her husband’s parents that she didn’t know how to cook, and rather than scold her or bemoan her husband’s poor choice in a wife, they eagerly told her they would be happy to teach her.

So, Susan learned to cook, including a few meals that were Ben’s favorites. Every Sunday, Ben called and talked to everyone. Susan wrote weekly letters to Lorna and Mrs. Shaw, and she heard back nearly as often. Mrs. Shaw was a faithful letter writer. 

Finally, the term came to a close and Ben was coming home. Susan left the children with her in-laws and walked to the station to meet him. She wanted a little time alone with him. She was excited and anxious as she waited for his train to arrive.

As she waited, she saw a woman nearby where she was standing, and she was struggling to keep three young children close to her. Susan went to her. 

“Can I give you a hand?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” the woman said, but as she did, the middle child started to toddle away. 

Susan caught the little boy by the shoulder. “Whoa there,” she smiled and turned him back towards his mother. “Stay close to mum.”

He stared at her for a few moments and then went back to his mother, who grabbed him with her free hand.

“I don’t need a foreigner’s help,” the woman said. “What are you, German?”

“Um, no, I’m from England,” Susan said. “We’re on the same side.”

“I don’t like foreigners. I don’t trust ‘em.”

“I assure you, I don’t mean any harm. I saw you have your hands full and thought I’d offer some help,” Susan said, hurt. No one had ever said these kinds of things to her before.

“Go back to your country,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” Susan said and backed up. She noticed the middle child had wandered off again and was halfway towards the drop off onto the train tracks. She ran to him and stopped him before he could get too close. “Go back to your mum,” she said, turning him around.

The mother stomped up and grabbed her son’s arm and pulled him roughly away, smacking him for having run away again.

This time, Susan wanted to go and pull the little boy away from his mother. She shouldn’t punish him for being a curious toddler. The infant in her arms let out a cry and she yelled at the older one to hold her brother’s hand. Susan wished she could help. The mother probably needed a break and the children looked like they were in need of a good meal. She tried to think of a way to help or slip the mother a few dollars, but she knew if she got too close, the mother would yell at her, refuse her help, and not accept anything Susan had to offer.

The train was pulling up and Susan glanced at the mother once more. She pulled two dollars out of her purse and folded them in her hand. She walked up to the woman and before the woman could notice she was there, Susan placed the money on the baby’s chest that was in her arms. 

“From one mum to another. Have dinner on me.” She turned and walked off, not looking back to see if the mother took the money or not.

The doors to the train opened and Susan started to scan for Ben. She saw him a few cars over, so she hurried to him.

It was so good to see his face and his smile. She hugged him tightly as soon as she reached him. “Ben, Ben.”

“I’ve missed you, my beautiful bride,” he kissed her for several moments before stepping back and taking her hand. “Where are the kids?”

“With your parents. I wanted to be alone with you for a few minutes.”

He smiled and kissed her again. “We’ll walk slowly home.”

They started out to the stairs to take them back up to the street. Susan noticed the mother was there with the children, greeting another woman and child. They looked more dirty and hungry than the first mother and children. They didn’t notice her as Susan and Ben walked closer.

“We’ll go get a proper meal, I’ve got a few dollars and then I’ll take you home,” she was saying.

“Sister, I don’t know how to thank you. After Leo died, we were just kicked out of our room. I didn’t know where to go.” The second woman said.

“I’ve got a mattress for the kitchen. It’s warm there.”

Susan didn’t hear anymore as they walked away. Her heart broke again for the two women and all the children. Who knew what kind of housing arrangements they had, but if what Susan had heard and observed had any indication, they were in one of those squalled tenement rooms that Milly had told her about. Her two dollars weren’t going to do much good, but she figured they would get at least one decent meal.

Ben didn’t notice the women or children as they climbed the steps. He grinned, holding her hand and they started their walk home. Susan was so happy to be with her husband again. “How did the end of your term go?”

“Great. My grades were good. I’ve had a proposal at school and I wanted to run it by you,” he said.

Susan looked up to him. The afternoon light was golden and the early summer day was still warm. “What kind of proposal?” she asked.

“Well, one of my professors is going to be doing some extra classes this summer and he asked if I would be an assistant.”

“That’s very flattering,” Susan said, her stomach clenched a little. “You’ll be going back this summer?”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said. “Hey, can we stop for a soda and talk?”

Susan nodded. There was a pharmacy at the corner, and they stopped there. Ben put his bag at his feet and ordered two sodas from the soda jerk. They settled at the bar and thanked the jerk when he placed the frothing sodas in front of them with paper straws poking out of the foam.

Susan sipped at the carbonated drink. She giggled when the bubbles tickled at her nose. She wiped her nose with the napkin and turned to Ben. “Now, tell me about this offer.”

“Well,” he said, “it’s like I said. I’d get paid and everything.”

“That’s good,” she said. “When do you have to go back?”

“Wait, who said I was accepting?” he smiled. “Let me finish.”

“Sorry,” she apologized and took a sip of her drink.

“I’ve still got years of school ahead of me and I don’t want you and the children living here while I’m at school. I’ve been looking around at homes close to the university and I think there are some small homes we could buy or maybe rent. The ones I’ve looked at are nice. Little cottages and they have yards. The kids could play outside and you could have flowers or a little victory garden.”

She smiled. “Really?”

“Yeah, they’re not bad. I think you would like it. They aren’t too far away from the school. If I got a bike, I could get there easily enough. I could work with the professor and go to school, then I could come home every night and we can really be a family.”

“Ben, that would be wonderful,” she smiled. “Oh, my goodness. Are we going to do it?”

“Do you want to?” he asked.

She nodded her head. “Yes, oh yes, I do. I just want to be close to you, but having a home, with a yard, and still see you every night? That’s perfection.”

He leaned forward and kissed her. “I’m so glad you said that.”

“How soon?” she asked, taking another sip.

“Well, that’s the thing. He wants me back in a week.”

“A week?”

“I know, it’s not much time for us to get out there, find a place to live and get moved it.”

“I suppose you could return, find us a home and then I’ll bring the children out after you have a place for us,” Susan said, hating the idea of just one week with her husband before they would be separated again.

“I thought about that, but it means one week together and then more time apart,” Ben said, taking her hand.

She sighed. “It won’t be like this forever. If you find us a home, we’ll move out there and then we’ll always be together.”

“I still don’t like leaving you again,” he said.

“I know, I don’t like it either, but if that’s what it takes, we’ll do it. I’ve got my money from my uncle, remember? And more will come over the year. And I’ve been saving everything I have made working for your father. We can use it for our home.”

He nodded. “Alright, then I’ll return in five days, and start looking for a place for us to live. As soon as I have it secured, I’ll call you and then you can come out to me.”

She smiled. “It’s a good plan. Now, are you ready to go home and see the children? They are so excited. Davy’s been running about like crazy since this morning. He knows there’s something coming, even if he doesn’t understand what.”

“Do you think we can have some time alone?” Ben asked with a smiled and a kiss.

“I’m sure we can work out something,” she grinned. They finished their sodas and left, walking quickly.

Artie greeted them at the deli and hugged his son. “Welcome back, son.”

“Thanks’ dad. It’s nice to be home. Now, where are my children?”

Artie laughed and pointed towards the stairs. “Eagerly waiting for you.”

Ben took the stairs two at a time and opened the door. Two little voices squealed and ran to him. 

“Dada! Dada!” 

Ben knelt down and took one child in each arm. He hugged and kissed them. “Look at you! You’ve both grown so much.”

Sandra had turned four now and Davy was just weeks away from his third birthday and they had grown. Susan had let out the hems and waistlines of all their clothing, but they were growing out of all those. Soon, the clothes they had brought with them from England would be too small. Luckily, Milly had been teaching Susan how to do some sewing, too.

Ben laughed as he sat down on the floor and held the children tight. They chattered to him in their child-like ways and Susan had to interpret some of their words and conversations for Ben to understand. Once they were satisfied that Ben wasn’t leaving them right away, they would get up and go to their room to bring out things to show him. He was exceptionally interested in everything they had to show him and it warmed Susan’s heart. 

Milly and Susan worked together to prepare dinner and when they all sat around the small kitchen table, then Ben gave them the news.

“I’ve only got one week before I need to return,” he said.

“One week?” his parents gasped.

“I’m afraid so, but it’s for a good reason. I’ve got a job helping a professor. I’ve been looking around and there are some places that I could rent or buy and bring Susan and the kids out.”

They looked at Susan now. “Is this true?” Milly asked.

Susan nodded. “We talked about it and we agree that this would be the best thing for us. It’s employment and school for Ben, and it allows the children and I to live with Ben, as a family.”

“I suppose that is best,” Artie said, “but we’ll miss you.”

“And I’ll miss both of you so much. I’ll miss working with you in the deli, and working with Milly here in the house. But we’d only be a train ride away. There’s no reason the children and I can’t come here to visit on a regular basis.”

“We are being selfish,” Artie said with a sad smile. “We just don’t want you and the children to leave. We love having you here.”

Susan smiled. She got up and went around to Artie. She hugged his head awkwardly and rested her cheek on the top of his head. “I’ve loved being here. Thank you for being the greatest in-laws a girl could ever have.”

He laughed and patted her arms. She stood up and went back to her chair.

“So you’ve looked at apartments then?” Milly asked.

Ben shook his head. “No, cottages. We could actually live in a little house, with a yard. It would be wonderful for the kids.”

“A real house?” Milly asked. “Don’t you worry about being all alone like that?”

“Well, there would be neighbors. They just don’t live on top of you, like you do here.”

“I can’t even imagine. I think all that space would make me nervous,” she said.

Susan smiled at her. For a woman who had lived her entire life in tiny apartments, the idea of space in a house might be intimidating. But for Susan, it wasn’t such a strange idea and she was eager to be a little freer and not share a single bedroom with her children.

That evening, Artie and Milly took the children on a walk to an ice cream parlor, giving Susan and Ben the apartment to themselves. They reconnected with each other, sharing themselves in the most personal, intimate ways. Susan was so content and happy. She never wanted to let Ben go.

“Do you remember our first date?” she asked.

Ben nodded. “The cafeteria for dinner and a soda afterwards.”

She kissed him. “You told me how you wanted to go to university to study and travel beyond the neighborhood.”

He laughed. “I never imagined I would get to travel all the way to England, and I know that neither of us expected to marry over there or adopt two orphans.”

“No,” she agreed. “I think things have turned out better than I ever could have planned or hoped for.”

“You’re right about that. And I’m going to work as fast as I can to get us a place to live and as soon as I do, I’ll call you.”

She curled up to him and threw one leg over his hip. He pulled her close and they whispered many more promises to each other while becoming one once again.


	35. The Years Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The years quickly pass. Susan and Ben add more children to their family. After many, many years, Aslan returns to visit Susan.

Susan saw the taxi pull up from her bedroom. She straightened the shawl around her shoulders and made sure her hair was in something of an orderly ponytail. She looked over to the bassinet next to her and the tiny little girl laying in it. 

She heard a knock at the front door and Ben welcoming his parents. Sandra and Davy were happily calling to Oma and Papa, as they had ended up calling Milly and Artie. A few moments later, there was a gentle knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in,” she quietly called back. The door opened and Ben’s face was there.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Does my hair look alright?” she asked quickly feeling at her head again.

“You look gorgeous,” he smiled. He moved into the room and was soon followed by Milly and Artie. Milly rushed to her side and kissed her cheek.

“You are looking very well,” she said. “Three days after I had Bill, I was still a mess.”

Susan chuckled. She couldn’t imagine Milly ever being a mess. “Thank you.”

Milly went to the other side of the bed and looked at the baby in the bassinet. “Susan, she’s beautiful.”

“The doctor said she’s very healthy,” Ben said proudly. “She was a good size. Not too big, but not too small or sickly at all.”

“You did wonderfully,” Milly said, looking to Susan. “May I hold her?”

Susan nodded. Elizabeth Lucy Carter arrived three days ago and came so fast after Susan’s first pain, that she had ended up giving birth at home, which suited had suited Susan just fine, but had made Ben a complete mess. If she had birthed at the hospital, she would still be there for another two or three days and Susan preferred to be at home with her children. Thankfully, one of the neighbors down the street had spent her life as a midwife and had assisted Susan.

A doctor came the following day to see Susan and Elizabeth and declared them both to be very healthy and strong. Since then, the midwife had come over daily, making sure Susan’s milk was coming in and that the baby was feeding properly, but there had been no problems and even though she was exhausted, Susan was very happy. Elizabeth was a dear baby and so far, had not done much more than eat and sleep. 

It was August, 1948 and they had been in their cottage just over a year. Susan hadn’t planned to have a baby quite so early after they had moved into their home near the university, but as she had learned, things didn’t always go according to plan. And those unplanned surprises usually turned out to be the best.

Benjamin Peter arrived eighteen months later and with four children, Ben and Susan decided it was time to decide what they really wanted for their future. Ben was doing very well at the university and was offered a job to be an assistant professor, teaching history as soon as he graduated. After much talk about what kind of career Ben was hoping for, they decided to take the teaching position at the university. With that decided, they started to look for another home with a third bedroom for all the children. 

By the time Sandra and Davy were five and four years old, the accents from their British roots had disappeared, taking on an accent like the local children. Susan missed their old way of speaking and knew that if Mrs. Shaw saw them, she would be horrified, but there was no help for it. Her little English born children were now as American as all the other children in their schools.

When Benny was just ten months old, one of Ben’s colleagues came to them with a newborn. His wife had died in childbirth and he had no family. He could not raise it on his own and asked if they would like to adopt the newborn boy. After much talking, Ben and Susan agreed, and so James Edmund joined the family, making them a family of seven.

Susan found her home as full as her heart and the need for a larger home became a higher priority. They found one, closer to the university, but further from the shopping. Susan learned to drive a car and would take the two older children to school each day and then go do her shopping with the three babies under three years old.  
Through it all, Susan continued to find ways to help her neighbors. She started a charity that gave food and clothing to a local orphanage, which led to a rise in adoptions. The orphanage owner was so thankful, because the government was starting to pull funding from orphanages.

When Jamie was three, Susan had one last child, a daughter, and they named her Deborah Susan. Little Debbie completed their family and Susan didn’t think her heart could hold anymore joy. Sandra was always a huge help to Susan, watching the younger ones while Susan would get household chores done. Davy was the perfect big brother to his little brothers. He taught them all sorts of mischief, which Susan scolded them all for, but he also helped them out of every scrape and trouble they found themselves in.

Just as Aslan had promised, Susan and Ben had a long life together. They saw all their children grow up, go to school, and become good citizens of the community. The three boys all went to the university for their advanced education and later, Elizabeth and Debbie did too, but Sandra had a mind like her mother’s and early on, got involved in charity work, helping Susan with all her projects. When Sandra married and moved away to start her own life, she started her own charity as well, following in Susan’s footsteps.

At Sandra’s encouragement, Susan wrote her adventures in Narnia in the form of a book, which was given to each child when they married. They were full of the stories Susan had told her children all their lives with the two kings and two queens in the beautiful world that was ultimately ruled by a great lion named Aslan. Her books became her children’s prized possessions.

There were twenty-one grandchildren later, and Susan lived to see two great-grandchildren. To her greatest sorrow since loosing her parents and siblings more than four decades ago, Ben passed away in his early eighties and Susan never quite recovered from that. While she was a strong, independent woman, even through her last years, her heart ached for her sweet-heart. Living without him was not the way Susan wanted to live.

She had not dreamt of Aslan or Narnia since the night before her wedding. Aslan had told her she would not see him again until her time to return to Narnia arrived.

“Susan,” Aslan walked before her as she stood in a field of green.

She bowed to him, but her body was still old, and she could not manage much of a bow anymore. “Aslan. I’m sorry, I can’t give you the greeting you deserve.”

“You already have. I told you to live a good, long, productive life, and I see that you have followed my instructions.” He lowered his head and bowed to her.

She shifted uncomfortably. “Aslan, is it time?”

“Not yet,” he said, “but soon.”

“I’m afraid,” she told him. 

He breathed on her. “There is nothing to fear, my dear.”

“I miss Ben. I want to be with Ben, but I want to see Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Mum and Dad again.”

“What makes you think you cannot see them all?” he asked.

“Because Peter, Edmund, and Lucy are in Narnia. Mum, Dad, and Ben will not be. Where ever I go, I will not be with them all.” Tears fell down her face. If she was going to have to choose, she wasn’t sure what she would do. 

“Susan, Narnia, as you knew it, does not exist any longer.”

“What?”

“Its time ended long ago in your lifetime.”

“But I saw it, just before I got married, you showed me Narnia as I sat high on a cliff,” She said.

He shook his great mane. “That was not Narnia, but something better. Narnia was like Earth. It had boundaries. You could not leave one and enter the other without magic.”  
She nodded. 

“But now, you will be able to walk from one to the other and back again. All lands are there and you may enter them all,” he said, licking her cheek.

“You mean?” she asked, her voice fading away. “I can see them all?”

He nodded his head once. “You will, so do not fear. There is no choice for you to make.”

Susan looked over her shoulder. The green grass disappeared in a gray cloud not twenty paces from where she stood. “What about my children?” she asked. “And my grandchildren? Will I see them again, one day?”

“Yes,” Aslan said. “When it is their time, they will arrive in my land and they will join you.”

“What joy, there must be in your world when someone dies in mine,” Susan smiled.

“Indeed, it is a happy reunion. So you need not be sad about leaving your world behind.”

Susan knew what to do. She turned around and slowly shuffled her way back towards the gray fog. She needed to go home before she could finally go Home. 

When Susan woke, her daughter Sandra was there. Tears were in her eyes. “Mum?”

“I’m here sweetheart,” Susan said. “For a little while longer.”

“Mom, please, you’ll be fine.”

Susan reached out and took Sandra’s hand. “Your father waits for me. I’m excited to see him again.”

“But what will we do without you?” Sandra asked. 

“Live, just like you do. You have wonderful children and two grandchildren to enjoy. And when your time comes, I will be there to greet you.”

“Promise?”

“Of course.”

“You’ve never let me down. You know, I have a few, very vague memories of living in England. I’m not sure if they are real memories at all, to be honest.”

Susan smiled. Her wrinkled face crinkling more. “You were very tiny when you lived there.”

“I remember some of the boat ride, I think, any my grandparents home? Maybe it was my parents home. I don’t know, but thank you for bringing me and Davy here and making us your children.”

“I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew you were my children,” Susan said.

Sandra brushed her hand through Susan’s white hair. “I love you, Mummy.”

“I love you too, sweet girl. Read the stories to your grandchildren. Pass on the tales. Make sure they know about Aslan,” Susan said. She was tired and she hadn’t even done anything.

“I will. Mom? Are Aslan and Narnia just stories?”

Susan smiled. “No and yes. They are stories, but they were real stories. I lived for twelve years in another world, as a queen. If you were to truly count the number of years I have lived, I would be over one hundred.” The thought sank into Susan’s mind and she laughed. “No wonder I feel so old.”

“You don’t look old,” Sandra smiled. “You look young and happy, just like you did when we were children.”

Susan ran her hands over her face. She couldn’t tell anymore if it was winkled with age or smooth with youth. There was movement at the window and Susan saw her sweet Ben standing on the other side of the window, waving at her.

“Ben,” she smiled. “He did come for me.”

Her view of Ben suddenly disappeared as Sandra leaned into her sight and kissed her forehead. “Goodbye, Mom. I love you.”

Susan looked at her daughter and smiled happily. “I love you too. Pass my love to the others. I will see you all soon.”

Somehow, she got up out of bed and moved on light feet to the window. It disappeared as she grew close and Ben was there, his arms out, waiting for her. She ran to him and threw herself at him. 

He kissed her and held her close. “Susan, Susan, it’s been so hard to wait for you. I’ve missed you so much, but you wouldn’t believe who all is here.”

Susan kissed him back. “Ben, I’ve missed you.”

“We’ll never have to part again.”

She nodded and turned to look at Sandra, who was leaning over Susan’s ancient body, crying. “Oh, my sweet dear.”

“You can’t look back,” Ben said firmly, but lovingly. “If you do, you’ll never move forward. I promise you, it will all be OK, now please, come and see who is here.”

Susan looked at her daughter for a moment longer, the she turned and walked hand-in-hand with Ben to the light.


	36. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end has arrived. Or is it truly the beginning?

“Susan! Susan!” several voices called out to her. Voices she knew like she knew her own name, but had not heard in more than sixty years. 

“Lucy!” Susan ran to her sister. Lucy still looked like a twelve-year-old child. She had never aged. “Oh my gosh, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, it was retched having to be away from you for so long. For the longest time, Aslan wouldn’t tell us anything about you, even though I asked and asked. Finally, he told me you were living a wonderful life and that I would get to see you when you were done with it."

Susan laughed and held her close. A moment later, who others embraced her. Peter and Edmund still looked like teenagers, although they were both taller than her. Edmund must have had a growth spurt just before he died. She didn’t remember him being so tall.

“Edmund, Peter,” she cried. The four of them held each other close. 

“You will tell us all about your life, won’t you?” Peter asked.

“It’s a long story, Peter,” she laughed. 

“It’s alright, we’ve got nothing but time here.”

“Later, later,” she couldn’t stop laughing. “There are too many people I wish to greet first.” She needed to find her mum and dad, Lorna, Mrs. Shaw, and of course Milly and Artie. She was shocked when she was approached by people she had never forgotten, and yet, completely forgotten. “Mr. Tumnus?” she asked carefully.

“My dear, Queen Susan, it’s such a pleasure to see you again. How well you are looking.”

For the first time, Susan looked down at her hands. They were young and smooth. She felt her face. It was also smooth. And when she tugged at her hair, she saw her dark brown again without a streak of white anywhere in it. 

“Ben?” she turned to him. “What do I look like?”

“You look like the day we married,” he kissed her.

She hugged him tightly and kept his hand in hers as she made her way through the line of people that had come to greet her. People she had known as a child, people she had known as an adult, and people she had known in Narnia. It was amazing to see them all. It must have taken her hours to make it down the line, but she realized that Peter was right. She had all the time she needed. She never grew hungry, thirsty, or fatigued, although people kept promising to see her at a feast and she wondered if there would really be food there, or if it was just a gathering.

As she reached the end of the line, there was one last person who waited for her. She let go of Ben’s hand and ran for Aslan. He laughed in his deep, rumbling voice and held her with one paw. She buried her face into his mane.

“You took my words to heart and accepted not your punishment, but your reward. Well done, Susan, the Gentle.”

Susan cried into his fur and held him tight. He held her as long as she needed him too, then, he let his paw drop back to the ground. 

“Aslan,” the laughed through her tears. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Be merry here. For now, you have your true reward. The people who came to greet you were in the thousands. You saw the one-eyed man whom you helped in Cambridge. You saw the mother, who was so hungry and so scared for her children, she accepted your two dollars, even though she was angry at foreigners because her husband had been badly injured during the war, and forced her to work when he could not. You saw child after child who benefited from your work for the orphanages. The lives you touched are beyond count because each person you helped grew to help others, who helped other, who helped others. You lived the life your siblings never could, because you obeyed me and trusted me. Your reward now will be yours to enjoy forever and always.”

“And my children?” she asked, through new tears.

“They will join you when their time comes. There is nothing to fear or worry about here.”

“Thank you, Aslan. For guiding me.”

“Thank you for obeying me.”

He stood up and roared and the thousands of people who had gathered to greet Susan cheered. Ben took her again and kissed her. “Well done, my sweet bride.”

She smiled and kissed him back. “Together forever?” she asked.

“Forever and always. Welcome home, Susan, the Gentle.”

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. Thank you for all the kudos and comments. 
> 
> Be safe and healthy and I wish all of you all the best.


End file.
